"Pudge... Hey Pudge... Dude, open your eyes!"
My eyes burst open. I feel like I am in heaven because what I see just can't be reality. "Alaska!"
She flashed me her famous Mona Lisa smirk. "Good to see ya, Pudge."
I use my arm to hold me up and I rub my eye. "Is this a dream?"
"Nooooo," she says as if she was Casper the ghost. "Maybeeee. Okay yes, it is."
I couldn't resist, I had to ask. "Why did this happen?"
She smirks once again and gives me a big shrug. "It just did, Miles."
She never called me Miles before, only Pudge. "I mean, like, was it an accident? Or..."
"I think that's what I'm not going to tell you, Pudge." Back to Pudge. "It doesnn't matter how or why it happened, really. I'm free from the labyrinth!"
I thought about that. She shouldn't have had to die to get away from the suffering. "You deserved better friends, Alaska."
This time, she gave me a full, beautiful smile. "It couldn't get better than you guys." She stretched out her hand to touch mine.
And then I woke up.
My eyes open to a not so sunny 8am. The sound of rain and thunder was constant The phrase 'when it rains, it pours' never felt so real to me. That dream was just too real for me to fall back asleep that Saturday morning. Every vein in my body still felt her presence shivering inside me.
It was the morning of January 8th. Two days before the second anniversary of Alaska Young's mysterious death. I then realized I couldn't go another day without knowing something, anything, about that night. But I knew there was nothing. So the best I could have was a memory.
I got the strength to stand up and walk over to the vacant room which once held the possessions of the most interesting girl that ever walked the Earth. The door was unlocked. Perfect. Even though its been two years, the room could never get rid of the smell of Alaska. Wet grass, vanilla, and of course, smoke.
I looked straight forward at the empty bookshelf. That shelf was full of a life plan. To read every single book on it. And now it was swiped clean. Except for a paper shoved in a corner of that shelf.
I got closer to the wall just to look at the position of the paper. It looked as if it was ripped out of a notebook and smashed away as if it should never be read. But that wasn't going to happen. I couldn't resist not knowing its secrets.
I take it and smooth it out. It looked like a journal entry written in the beautiful handwriting of Alaska Young. It was dated exactly two years ago today.
January 8, 2003
Something's going to happen very soon, I have that feeling again. Is it going to be something good? Something bad? Who knows. All I know is that I'll probably be drunk, and Jake won't be here. Oh Jake, that feeling you give me. It's still there, no doubt, but it doesn't want me to jump off a cliff for you anymore. I hope that I don't fall out of love with you. But then comes the Colonal and of course, Pudge. The Colonal is who I would be if I was a guy, it would be amazing. He knows me so well, that boy. And then comes Pudge. Oh Pude, what am I going to do with you? I think you are causing most of my emotional distress. Let me get my thoughts in order here: I do not love you Pudge, but I can't say that I haven't thought about it. You're amazing. You never understood me and I think I love that. I have to admit though, when I set you and Lara up, I never knew that I would feel so, I don't know, jealous. It's a gross feeling, I hate it! And when you two came to me and asked how to... You know... All I could do was fight back those awful, dirty feeling, laugh, and show you hot using my toothpaste tube. It's an awful memory. Hey Pudge, if anything ever happened to Jake... I could possibly fall in love with you. You could forget about Lara.
You and I, Pudge, we could escape the labyrinth and find the Great Perhaps.
The paper fell out of my hands as I fall to the floor, and really start to cry. I wish she could have told me these things in person, and I'm glad that she didn't. I didn't want to hear it, and I did. I did want to know how to stop the labyrinth from eating her whole, and I didn't.
"It's really beautiful over there." I now know what Edison meant for sure. The beauty is not just heaven, but the people there waiting for you. Alaska is there and I'm done looking for her. She is found, and I'm going to see her.
"We could escape the labyrinth and find the Great Perhaps."
The beautiful last words of Alaska Young.