Aaaand here's part 2 :D I'm kinda glad I split it up actually, since nearly 12000 words is a bit much to read in one go ^^

After this, I'm getting back into my Sherlock fics, but no doubt I'll put some more Supernatural Dean/Castiel fics up here in the future, maybe even a proper multi-chaptered story. I've got some ideas, but they're momentarily on hold :)

Warnings? Ok, man on man sex ensues. Oh, and a tiny bit of blood/gore type stuff, but only a smidgen. And a whole heap of angst. Seriously, even I didn't know this would turn out as angsty as it did :S

Disclaimer? I own nothing at all. :(

Thank you to everyone who reviewed and faved or alerted the previous chapter! :D

Read on and review please?

Enjoy!


"If you'd known what, you sanctimonious asshole? You don't have shit from me, Castiel, not now, not ever." I snarl in his face, my anger soaring to new levels despite the fact that my lips are still tingling and my heart is racing from nothing more than the tiniest brush of his lips against mine. One year ago, Hell, even a couple of months ago, that kiss would've been one of the happiest moments of my entire life, but now it just feels as though he's taken that knife out of my back and stabbed it straight through my heart instead. It's like he's betrayed me all over again.

I can't even remember the last time I called him Castiel, either. I don't think I ever have, but he doesn't deserve to be called Cas anymore. He doesn't even deserve a fucking name anymore.

He inclines his head to one side, the smile that stretches his mouth slowly smoothing away into a thin-lipped expression of total seriousness.

"When will you stop lying to yourself, Dean?" Cas asks, his brow creasing into a frown. His right hand slips from the wall down onto my shoulder, thumbing against the sensitive skin in the juncture between my neck and collarbone. I twitch and shudder unintentionally at the feeling and the new God's smile swiftly returns in the form of a full vicious wide white grin, his smugness so heavy in the air that I can practically taste it.

"You want this. You want me. You always have and you always will."

And just like that, I snap. Just with those few self-satisfied words that leave his pretty mouth and jab through my chest like actual knives, so much hatred and shame and pure consuming rage surfacing in a hot bloody rush at exactly how impossibly deep the truth cuts. It hurts too damned much, and I can't take it anymore.

I launch myself forwards with every single remaining scrap of strength I have left in my body, momentarily catching Castiel off guard and forcing him to stagger back a few steps as I propel us away from the wall. No doubt he would've immediately regained his balance and slammed me straight back there again, but before he could even consider it, my hand seizes hold of his trench coat lapels whilst the other grips the back of his neck, dragging him bodily closer to me and capturing his lips in a brutal bruising kiss.

Actually, no. It could never be described as a 'kiss'. It's more like a fight, a painful clash of mouths and will as Cas responds with equal violence, both his hands finding my face and clenching it in a vice-like grip to keep me from pulling away even though I obviously have no intention of removing myself from him. I'm pouring everything into this, my heart and soul, all my fury, fear, humiliation, sorrow and love, and I know he can feel it.

I don't even realise one of his hands has left my jaw until it grabs a fistful of my light brown hair and pulls hard, yanking my head back from his at an uncomfortable angle so he can meet my gaze with eyes that are little more than a sliver of blue iris around dilated inky black pupils.

"Swear your love to me, Dean Winchester." He commands, his voice gruff and resonating as we both pant harshly against each other, our chests rising and falling rapidly and our breath mingling together between us. "I want to hear you say it."

"Screw you, Cas." I growl back without a second thought. Those ice cold eyes narrow into catlike slits and he's back on me in an instant, his bruised mouth hard and ruthless against mine as he presses the fingers of his other hand so forcefully into my jaw that I hiss with pain and he greedily smothers the sound with his tongue before it can even attempt to leave my throat. I claw at his beige trench coat like a man possessed, a loud ripping sound going completely unnoticed by us both as we practically fuck each other's mouths with our tongues, neither one of us willing to give the other so much as an inch to take advantage of.

Castiel releases my face and mouth long enough to seize hold of my jacket and all but tears it from my body, nearly dislocating my arms from their sockets with the sheer force of it. I don't care though, because at the same time I'm yanking the trench coat roughly down from his shoulders, letting it drop into a careless pile behind him, followed swiftly by his black suit jacket. It's a ferocious mess of demanding hands and tearing fabric, and the unbelievable heat of his body is almost impossible to bear at such close proximity, but that doesn't stop me gripping him to me hard enough to have broken a couple of his ribs if he were human. I press the entire length of my body against him, our lips collide again, and together we burn.

Twisting his thin blue tie tight around one fist, I drag him along with me as he backs us towards the nearest double bed. He catches my bottom lip between his teeth and tugs hard, making me groan throatily at the sharp burst of pain and in retaliation I grab hold of his thin hips, grinding my lower half mercilessly against his. We both groan at that, but it's far from pained. As the backs of my legs hit the edge of the bed, Cas's fingers scrabble at the hem of my t-shirt and I bat his hands away, leaning back from him slightly to drag the material up and over my head before tossing it away to the side, baring my torso to the new God of all mankind.

Castiel's penetrating eyes roam over me appraisingly but I don't give him chance to admire the view, instead flattening my chest against his once again and deftly unfastening the knot of his tie, sliding it free from his shirt collar so it can join the other clothes already on the floor. His hands clamp down hard on my back, fingertips digging deep into my flesh as he lurches forwards and easily finds my throat, immediately sucking a patch of skin harshly into his open mouth.

"God, Cas…" The moan leaves my traitorous lips before I can bite it back and I feel his triumphant smile against the vivid lovebite he's left on my neck. My hands start to unbutton his crisp white shirt, revealing more and more stunning pale skin, but he quickly grows impatient and shoves me back just as I get to the last button, sending me sprawling gracelessly across the mattress in front of him.

This is nowhere near how I imagined it would be. But then again, this isn't Castiel, not really, and I'm not exactly in a stable state of mind myself right now either. I want to hurt him for everything he's making me feel for him, I want to claw and bite at his soft skin until he bleeds and I want him to do the same to me, just to give me something to focus on other than how wrong and messed up we both are.

"Dean…" Castiel all but freaking purrs my name, staring down at me from where he stands at the foot of the bed. When I fell back, my arm reflexively swung out and snagged on his shirt, so now the material is practically hanging off him at one side, half his chest completely revealed for the whole world to see. He blinks steadily, his mouth quirking up into a crooked expectant smile as he moves between my spread legs that are hanging over the end of the bed. I prop myself up onto my elbows and glare challengingly straight back at him.

The silent stare-off passes ridiculously fast and I sit up just as swiftly, reaching out to wrap my fingers around his beautiful protruding hipbones and hold him closer to me as I dip my head and lick a slow teasing stripe along his naked abdomen.

Cas growls, the sound echoing low in his throat, and I feel rather than see his body arch towards me as I trace my tongue, lips and teeth over the faint white scars of that Enochian sigil he'd once carved into his own chest. He shrugs the rest of his shirt from his shoulders and then reaches down to me, twining one hand into my hair whilst the other curls possessively around the back of my neck, both gripping the slightest bit tighter when I nip at his left hipbone particularly viciously. My eyes flicker up to meet his as I suck lovebite after brutal lovebite into his hot flesh, watching his head tilt backwards, eyelids fluttering and breathing heavily through parted kiss-swollen lips.

I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be doing this. I should be fully-clothed and furious, demanding Castiel zap my ass straight back to Sam and Bobby, or even throwing a few punches at the ex-angel (which would've done next to nothing to him, but would've made me feel a Hell of a lot better). For fuck sake, I should be trying to kill the self-proclaimed God with my bare hands, but instead I'm using them to deftly unfasten his belt and unzip his trousers as I mouth my way down his toned stomach, leaving a trail of dark purple marks in my wake.

His half-lidded blue eyes burn nearly as hot as his skin as he watches me, soft groans and sighs leaving his lips whilst his fingers slide through my hair, sending shivers straight down the length of my spine. I glance up at him one more time before leaning lower and pressing my mouth to the part of him I've just uncovered, nuzzling forcefully against the hard bulge barely contained beneath a layer of plain white material.

Castiel's strangled moan of shock echoes around the room as his whole form jerks in pleasure, and I raise my eyebrow and smirk against him, my cockiness literally paper-thin. One of my most effective defence mechanisms, that. Beneath this feigned overconfident exterior, I'm a pure freaking mess, far more fucked up than I ever was down in Hell under Alistair's thumb. Cas already has me beaten in every sense of the word, but I'll be damned if I go down and submit to him without a fight.

He composes himself inhumanly fast, pushing me away from him with a growl. I barely have time to register that he's shoving his trousers and underwear down his legs and stepping uncaringly out of them before his palms collide with my chest and he slams me flat down onto the mattress, pinning me in place with the entire length of his naked body. Everywhere his skin touches mine sears unbelievably hot, like pressing bare flesh against white-hot metal, and if I somehow manage to survive this encounter without third degree burns, it'll be a Goddamn miracle.

Cas's head dips down to mine, and I meet him more than halfway as he catches my lips in yet another passionate ferocious kiss, our tongues sliding against one another, battling for control. Heated fingertips skim over my pectorals and abdomen, and I automatically spread my legs wider to accommodate his lithe form as he practically attacks the waistband of my jeans. Seconds later, one hand slips inside and grips me tight, and I arch up off the bed against him, tearing my mouth from his with a loud groan of his name that I only just manage to smother by biting down hard enough on my clenched fist to draw blood.

Suddenly, the fingers of Cas's unoccupied hand wrap around my wrist, gently tugging my hand away from my mouth.

"Don't." He tells me through lips that are slick and swollen. His voice is rougher than before, if that's even possible. "Let me hear you, Dean. I need to hear you."

With a snarl of renewed anger, I wrench my arm from his grasp, fighting against the inhumanly warm weight of his body pressing me into the covers even as I buck and writhe against him thanks to his other hand still relentlessly busy in the front of my pants. Castiel's cold demeanour shifts ever so slightly as he tilts his head, staring down at me with almost confused curiosity, like I'm some kind of puzzle that no matter how hard he examines me or whichever angle he tries to work me at, he can't quite figure out every tiny detail. Flinging my now-free arm behind my head, I seize hold of the bed's wooden headboard in a white-knuckle grip as my spine violently arches off the mattress on a particularly forceful stroke. My head tips back into the pillow, unintentionally baring the length of my throat to him when I moan brokenly, already so damn close to the edge. Castiel wastes no time in clamping his mouth down on my exposed neck again, sucking yet another dark claiming mark into my sweat-slicked skin.

We're both new to this; me to having any kind of sexual contact with another man, and him to having any kind of sexual contact at all. But even so, it's surprising just how natural it feels to be like this with him. The hard planes and angles of his slender body against mine, every sinewy muscle shifting beneath silken skin, the scrape of his stubble against the soft flesh of my throat and collarbone… I can't describe how fucking euphoric this feels. His pure male musky scent mixed with sweat and arousal fills my head and is somehow far more arousing to me than any woman's sickly sweet perfume. Even his clumsy unskilled technique is getting me off faster than even the most experienced lays I've had over the years. But maybe that's because it's Castiel. In fact, yeah, that's a definite. It's just Cas, and all I can do is lay back and spread my legs for him like the worthless whore I am. God… I'm a fucking joke.

Cas breaks away from my throat and bites his way down my chest, repaying the favour for the trail I left down his torso earlier. My trousers and underwear are gone in an instant, (either torn away from me or zapped away, I'm so caught up in this that I don't even know which), and we're finally pressed entirely together without any barriers. He's impossibly hot and hard against my thigh, moaning lowly into my abdomen as he ruts against me, but he's still kissing and sucking his way down my stomach so the friction is nowhere near high enough to relieve some of the aching pressure between my legs.

"For fuck sake, Cas!" I hiss at him through gritted teeth, bucking violently up against him to dislodge his mouth from my torso. Half-lidded blue eyes meet mine as his pink tongue darts out from between his full lips and slides sinfully over my nearest hipbone. I squirm and swear at him again, but then he leans away and sucks two of his slim fingers into his mouth before pulling them back out again with a wet pop and returning his lips to my skin as those damp fingers travel purposefully back down my body.

Without warning, those fingers stab inside me and I cry out and arch up off the bed so far that my spine cracks loudly in protest. Castiel laughs softly into the taut flesh of my lower stomach as he stretches and fucks me open with one hand, and I wonder if this is something else he learned from that damned porno pizza man. Either that or all those Purgatory souls are helping the virgin ex-angel out with an on-the-job gay sex lesson. Either way, he's a freaking attentive student, I'll give him that.

Still probing his fingers deep into my ass, Cas slides himself along my body so our groins finally meet with delicious friction. We both moan at the contact (admittedly, me louder than him, but then again I am the one being simultaneously finger-fucked) and I bury my face in his collarbone as my arms wrap around his slender frame, clinging to his shoulders as I struggle to choose between rolling my hips up against his dick or down onto his hand.

The bastard makes the decision for me and removes his fingers entirely, and God help me, I could've murdered him for that. The words 'fucking tease' spring to mind and I think I actually snarl them out loud because Cas's lips quirk upwards into a small self-satisfied smirk and he shakes his head fondly, staring down at me. I lay there with my chin tilted defiantly and my eyes blazing, watching him as he brings his hand to his mouth, licks his palm and then drops it between his legs, slicking the hard length of himself with spit. I lick my lips, raising my gaze from his groin to his face.

This is actually happening. I mean, this is really happening: I'm going to be screwed by this backstabbing son of a bitch with a God complex who used to be my closest friend. This man, this angel I fell in love with a long time ago who has torn apart every shred of trust I had in him and then still expects me to fall to my knees and worship him. It's actually not even clear who's the most messed up out of the two of us right now. If I had to choose, I'd say me. For obvious reasons.

Cas's mouth is by my ear, his breath panting harshly against my skin as his hot hands spread my thighs further apart, lining himself up between them.

"I love you." He murmurs softly, damning us both. "I love you, Dean Winchester."

And then Castiel thrusts completely inside me without waiting for a response, whatever I'd intended to say leaving my mouth instead as a strangled groan of pain as I throw my head back so forcefully that every tendon in my neck strains taut almost to snapping point, every muscle in my body viciously contracting. It hurts like an absolute bitch, because no way was a bit of spit going to get me moist enough for a smooth ride, but it's too late now and at the moment neither of us really care. He's frozen above me, his lithe body entirely rigid except for the harsh rising and falling of his chest as he gasps out every breath, his head bowed and eyes screwed shut, sweat-slicked strands of dark hair sticking to his forehead. He looks completely lost in the feeling of being inside me, like he's shuddering on the brink of orgasm and trying desperately to claw himself back from the edge.

My nails are digging so hard into his shoulderblades that I've actually drawn blood; I can feel the dampness oozing around my fingertips. It's almost painfully ironic that I've made him bleed from the places where his huge black angel wings used to sprout from his back, and now they're completely gone, much like the Castiel I used to have full faith in. I can't even feel his grace anymore. I know that sounds weird, but Cas used to have a kind of… I don't know, an aura about him, I suppose. The other angels we've been around had a similar kind of thing. Like Lucifer's felt dark and malevolent (no surprises there), Anna's was soft and yet somehow steely at the same time, and Cas's… Well, Cas's was warm and bright, like the sun shining on your skin on a hot summer's day. I can't feel that now. All I feel is the intense unnatural burning heat of his flesh and a suffocating hollowness of something I can't even explain. Even his blood is boiling hot under my fingernails.

Staying still beneath him when he's balls-deep in my ass is beyond torture. I'm too full, too hot, too desperate. I don't care if he's trying to gather himself; he needs to move, right now.

"Move!" I demand, bucking my hips up and swearing gutturally when my movement forces him that oh so tiny bit deeper. Dilated blue eyes snap wide open, completely freaking wild, and he seizes hold of my hips in a bruising grip as he obeys, pulling out and snapping straight back in with so much force that I think I can feel his dick in my throat, for fuck sake, but oh God, yes, do that again!

He finds a rhythm surprisingly quickly and I meet him thrust for brutal thrust, writhing and arching against his body like the seasoned whore I am, my hands sliding down his spine to clamp down on his ass in an effort to force him harder, deeper, faster into me. We're both moaning as he fucks me into the motel mattress with no restraint whatsoever, crashing into me with everything he has and then some. Our mouths collide just as violently as our bodies, swallowing each other's groans of mounting pleasure in a war of tongues and teeth that leaves us gasping even harder for air against the opposing mouth.

Yanking my hips up higher, Castiel slams himself in at an even sharper angle and hits something inside me that sets every single nerve ending alight all at once, zapping directly up my spine like lightning and filling my head with fireworks. I nearly choke on my own tongue (Hell, it might've even been his tongue) and my body jerks out of rhythm for a split-second, my thighs clenching like a vice around his narrow hips and my fingernails stabbing crescent-shaped dents into the soft flesh of his ass. Prostate jackpot.

Cas smirks against my mouth. Needless to say, every vicious thrust after that is aimed straight at that spot, and every single one is a direct hit.

I've lost all sense of time and reason, every thought running through my mind a jumbled pleasure-hazed mess. All I can see, taste, smell and feel is Castiel, and anything other than him is completely disregarded. Lisa and Ben. Bobby and Sam. None of them matter right now, because it's just me and Cas together, unravelling in each other's grip as we race for that all important finish line. We're so close, so damn close

"Cas, I – " I pant desperately, but before those crucial words can leave my lips, Castiel's palm clamps down on my left bicep, right over the original handprint burn he'd left in my flesh. The touch sears hotter than Hellfire, but it's the final agonising push I need and I'm forced straight over the edge into complete rapturous ecstasy, shouting my climax to the Heavens. I hope all the angels up there can hear me, because I want each and every one of them to know exactly what their brother-turned- overlord has done to me.

Cas groans my name like a broken man, his spine arching at an almost impossible angle as he shudders his own release inside me, his hand still wrapped around my arm as though it's the only thing anchoring him to reality. He stays like that for the longest moment and then drops, his trembling arms refusing to hold him up any longer and he collapses on top of me, breathing heavily against my throat as he softens inside me. One of my arms is draped across his shoulders, my other splayed out on the sullied sheets with my fingers dangling over the edge of the bed. Our legs are tangled together and his hair tickles my face as we inhale and exhale hard, and I can feel his heartbeat pounding so fast in almost perfect time with mine.

The only sounds in the room are our ragged breathing and the rain still thrashing against the motel window, but other than that, the silence between us is truly deafening. There's nothing to say, really. What we've done, we can't take it back, and we both know it changes nothing. He's still the new God, and I'm still the mess that is Dean Winchester, and not even sex or love confessions could erase everything that's happened over the last few months, no matter how much we want it to.

Castiel raises his head and looks at me, his eyes solemn and oh so blue. I blink steadily back at him, taking in every inch of his face and committing it entirely to memory. This might be our only time together like this, and I'd rather remember him as a friend, brother and lover instead of just another big bad monster that I have to kill for the benefit of humanity. I wonder if he's staring at me now for exactly the same reason.

Unexpectedly, Castiel averts his eyes first and glances over at his hand on my arm with an unreadable expression, and I follow his gaze. My bicep feels strangely numb and a weird stickiness seems to be spreading down my arm, and I see why when Cas removes his hand and it comes away dark red and dripping, his inhumanly white-hot grip having scorched clean through my flesh and into the muscle beneath. Blood is oozing in slick trails towards the crease of my elbow and staining my skin crimson, but I do little more than stare at the mess impassively for a few seconds and then look away again. I don't give two shits about it.

Without a word, Cas pulls away, slipping easily out of me and moving off the bed completely, leaving me spread eagled on the mattress looking every bit as used and abused as a cheap prostitute and understanding for the first time in my life exactly how it feels to be someone's lay. I chuckle dryly to myself as his heat vanishes and is replaced with nothing but cold air, and I roll over onto my side with my back to him and relax into the pillow, absently tracing my fingers around one of the many vivid lovebites marking my chest. He's obviously getting dressed behind me and it makes me smile humourlessly.

"Where the Hell do you think you're going?" I comment wryly without turning to face him, listening to the brief silence that interrupts the rustling of clothing against skin. I know he's looking at me; I can feel his gaze piercing into my bare back. "Never would've guessed you'd be a love 'em and leave 'em kind of guy, Cas."

Then again, I never would've guessed he'd be a backstabbing God-sized dickhead either, but hey, I've been wrong before.

The mattress dips suddenly and his hand slides under my chin, gently turning my head until I find myself staring through narrowed eyes up at the fully clothed ex-angel who's leaning over me on the bed, his face hovering a handful of inches above mine with an expression torn somewhere between remorse and sincerity. He looks so much like the old Cas right now, and I think that's what makes me reach up and stroke my palm against his cheek, tracing my fingers along the length of his stubbly jawline. He nuzzles into my hand, pressing a soft kiss against the pad of my thumb as it brushes over his lips.

"I don't want to leave you, but I have to." Castiel murmurs with obvious regret, "Sam and Bobby are on their way, and I think it's best if I'm not around when they get here. And besides, I have work to do. We will see each other again soon, Dean. I promise."

I'm curious as to how Sam and Bobby even know where we are, but it doesn't matter. Maybe Cas told them somehow, I don't know and I really couldn't care less, so instead of questioning him, I tilt my head upwards and press our mouths together for the final time tonight. This kiss is so completely different from before, no force or lust behind it, just the gentle movement of lips against lips that somehow manages to convey everything we're feeling. It's a slow and chaste goodbye kiss, and I never want it to end.

Eventually though, it does, and we separate unwillingly.

"I'm going to hunt you down for this, Cas. I'll do whatever it takes to stop you." I tell him, my voice barely louder than a whisper as it ghosts over his skin. It isn't a threat. We both know that's just how it is, and if we thought this would go down any other way, then we were deluding ourselves. I'm a hunter, and he needs to be stopped. End of.

Castiel nods slightly, his blue eyes downcast.

"You shouldn't." He replies equally as softly. Again, it isn't a warning. Just a simple statement of fact that he's already figured out my answer to.

"But I will anyway."

"I know."

Cas makes to get up off the bed and I chase him with another lingering kiss that he accepts with the exact same amount of pleading desperation that I'm pouring into it. We're stalling for time now, neither of us wanting to leave or be left, and I honestly couldn't give a crap if the door flew open right now and Sam and Bobby came in to the rescue all guns blazing. They could catch us like this, take in the entire scene and the bloodied, bruised, sweaty state of me, and that wouldn't faze me at all. I'd still wrap myself around Castiel and hold him tight to me, anyone else and their opinions be damned.

"Dean, I have to go." Cas says, and this time I let him stand and move away, my eyes following him as he walks over to the wall he'd previously pinned me against and stoops to pick up the abandoned archangel blade from the worn carpet, sliding it away out of sight into the folds of his beige trench coat. He turns to face me once more, his arms dropping to his sides as his ice-cold untouchable demeanour slips back into place, his intense blue eyes literally freezing as his gaze goes from regretful to unfeeling in a matter of seconds. He's well and truly back in God-mode, and his gaze on me now makes me feel even more worthless and used than before. It cuts deep, and I have to turn away again, rolling back onto my side to get away from those familiar and yet unbelievably foreign eyes of his.

My thighs are sticky with sweat and come, both mine and his, the latter of which is leaking sluggishly from my ass now there's nothing blocking it's exit anymore. Charming, I know, but I just bend my knees slightly higher up to my body in hope of hiding the sight from Cas. The newer deeper handprint on my arm stings as I run my fingers over it experimentally and I wince, my fingertips being quickly submerged in red liquid. That'll take a while to heal fully, and when it does, it'll leave the mother of all scars. As if the ex-angel couldn't stake any more of a claim on me. He's sucked his marks into my throat and chest, pinned me down and fucked me, and now he's resorted to reopening old wounds to remind me exactly who I belong to. If he were a dog, he would've cocked his leg and pissed on me already to mark me as his territory. Freaking Property of Castiel, alright.

"I love you." I whisper hoarsely, the words little more than a rumble in my throat. I don't want him to hear it, but at the same time I have to say it now, or I'll never say it at all. And I want him to know before he leaves me here. "I wish I didn't, but I do. I fucking love you, you son of a bitch."

There's utter silence in the room, save only for the rain, and I wonder if Cas has already zapped himself away the second I turned my back. It wouldn't surprise me if he had. After all, why should he stick around any longer than he has to? Everything he wanted from me, I gave. If he'd wanted to hear those words, then tough shit to him for disappearing before I could say them, because I won't ever repeat them.

The gentlest touch of a hot hand against my back makes me flinch, and I automatically brace for pain despite how soft the contact is. Surprisingly, pain doesn't come, and instead tender fingers trail soothingly down the length of my spine, leaving a rush of goosebumps in their wake.

Almost as soon as the touch is there, it's gone. The room temperature drops abruptly, and a quick glance over my shoulder confirms that Castiel has vanished without a trace. My left hand clenches tight in the bed covers and I watch blankly as thin lines of blood slide steadily down to my wrist and drip between my fingers.

I… I don't know what to do now.

This is how Bobby and my brother will find me. The first thing they'll see is my naked body sprawled on the bed, sweat drying on my skin and my torso littered with brutal bruise-like marks, the handprint on my arm no doubt looking far more gory than it feels. They'll smell sex in the air, see my bruised kiss-swollen lips and the dark purple imprints of where someone has gripped onto my hips and held on impossibly tight. They'll be shocked, disgusted and furious, and I won't tell them anything; let them make their own conclusions. I know they wouldn't understand if I told them the truth anyway. How could they? It doesn't even make sense to me, for fuck sake.

They'll instinctively assume the worst, just like I would through their eyes, and it'll add even more fuel to their fire, especially Sam's. He'll want to hunt Castiel down and tear him limb from limb, and if I were a coward, I'd let him. But I don't think I will.

If there's some way we can save Castiel, then I won't rest until he's our angel again. But if we can't save him and someone has to kill him, it'll be me. Because I know Cas would want me to be the one to do it. I'd owe him at least that small mercy. I owe him a lot more than that, but I think tonight's pretty much cancelled out most of that debt.

I wonder if I'll be able to forgive him. I wonder if I can actually bring myself to kill him if that's what it all comes down to. I wonder if I'm even fucking strong enough to get up off this bed and get washed and dressed before Sam and Bobby get here, and carry on like nothing happened. I'm not gonna lie here; I'm seriously doubting all three of those. That last one most of all.

Dean Winchester, God's bitch. Everyone knows it, so you might as well accept it, Dean-o.

It's far too cold in here now. I shiver and turn my head slightly on the pillow, blinking steadily as I watch the rain batter ruthlessly against the windowpane. It doesn't look like it's ever going to stop.

Much like Castiel.

But then again, it's only a matter of time.


To be fair, I had no idea how to end this, hence the probably ambiguous final sentence there haha XD

Can't wait for season 7, just hope they find someway to bring back the Cas we all know and love! They better not kill him off, I'll be so angry ¬¬

Anyways, what d'you think? Did you like it?

Please review and let me know! Thanks! ^^