This fic was written for a request on the Phoenix Wright Kink Meme on Livejournal. The prompt was: Phoenix trying his damned best to cyber with Edgeworth while Edgeworth's secretary is required to be coming in and out of his office. Edgeworth can't help but be reluctantly and embarrasedly into it because that is what he does. I'm not sure why I thought this was already up here, but better late than never, right? Herein you'll find an original character that was meant to be just in the background, but somehow fandom picked her up and ran with her. Well anyway, enjoy the story!

defending_u: [ So what are you wearing right now? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ ...What? Wright, what is your problem? ]

defending_u: [ Oh come on, Edgeworth. Just go along with it for once in your life. Would it kill you to have a little fun? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ What sort of fun are we talking about, anyway? I hardly see how my wardrobe has anything to do with "fun". ]

"Here's your tea, Mr. Edgeworth." A short, cute brunette set a steaming teacup on the edge of the prosecutor's desk, and gave him a smile. "Was there anything else you needed?"

Edgeworth looked up, shaking his head and pulling the tea toward him, ignoring for the moment the flashing instant message window with the bizarre conversation starter thrown at him by one Phoenix Wright. "No that's fine, Hannah."

The secretary nodded and left the office, shutting the door softly behind her. Edgeworth turned back to his laptop and pulled up the window once more.

defending_u: [ ...You're kidding, right? Although I don't know why this surprises me. You probably don't use the internet to do anything but research cases in other states and look at the weather report. ]

defending_u: [ Edgeworth, you there? ]

defending_u: [ Edgeworth? Come on, don't be a spoilsport. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ I'm sorry, my secretary was in here. Now, you were saying...? ]

defending_u: [ You're at work? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ Of course I am. It's two in the afternoon. ]

defending_u: [ ...Oh yeah. Heh. Anyway, where were we? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ I believe you were asking me what my attire is. Though I still can't imagine why. ]

defending_u: [ Just go with it, okay? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ Fine. I'm wearing my magenta suit, white jabot, black vest and black shoes. Much the same as I do every day when I'm at work. ]

defending_u: [ I've always thought that pink suit was sexy on you. :D ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ It's not pink, it's magenta. And thank you. ]

defending_u: [ Don't you want to know what I'm wearing? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ If I know you as well as I think I do, you're wearing the trousers from your suit, with your white shirt rolled up to your elbows and your tie hanging askew. ]

defending_u: [ ...How did you do that? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ I've seen it far too often. You need to develop a better sense of style. ]

defending_u: [ Whatever. So, what would you do if I walked up to you and pulled off your neck ruffle? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ It's a jabot. And I would ask you what the hell you think you're doing. ]

defending_u: [ Hey, what happened to going with it? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ But that's honestly what I would do, Wright. ]

defending_u: [ Pretend we're alone, and you don't have a case the next day. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ What are you talking... oh. I see. ]

defending_u: [ Finally get it, huh? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ In a manner of speaking. ]

defending_u: [ So what would you do? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ This is completely ridiculous. I can't believe that you're trying to get me to participate in something so base and ...perverted. ]

defending_u: [ What would you do, Edgeworth? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ ... ]

defending_u: [ Hm? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ I would... ]

defending_u: [ Yeeeessss? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ Pull your tie off. There, happy? ]

defending_u: [ Very! After you did that, I would start to unbutton your vest, and kiss your chin. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ You're lucky I don't strangle you with that tie someti... ]

defending_u: [ Still with me? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ I can't believe you're doing this. ]

defending_u: [ It's a lot of fun, especially since we can't be together in the flesh. May as well have fantasies, right? So what would you do? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ I would-

Edgeworth shut his laptop quickly as Hannah re-entered the room holding a stack of mail. He straightened the case file, trying to seem completely at ease and normal, though he most certainly didn't feel normal. The fault of Wright once again, of course. It was becoming the story of his life.

"The mail just came, Mr. Edgeworth, and there are some things that you might want to take a look at. I also took a message from the chief of police who has a case he wants prosecuted next week." She set the mail on the spot she had set the tea - tea that the prosecutor still hadn't touched - and next to it she set a square of paper bearing a message and a callback number.

"Thank you Hannah. I appreciate it." He was proud of himself for not letting his voice sound as weak as his knees felt at almost having been caught doing... that.

"Is there anything else, sir? You kind of look a little pale. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, thank you." Picking up his tea, he took a sip and tried to ignore his embarrassment. She hadn't seen anything, had she?

"O-okay then. Call me if you need anything."

"Of course." Edgeworth nodded to her as she left, again closing the door behind her. With a shake of his head, and not quite knowing why he was doing it, Edgeworth went back to his laptop, opening it and putting his fingers on the keys.

pro_se_cu_tor: [ I would... push you away and go home, because this is ridiculous. ]

defending_u: [ No you wouldn't. And what took you so long? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ My secretary again. Don't tell me what I would and wouldn't do, Wright. ]

defending_u: [ But last week I did the same thing and you didn't go home. If I remember correctly, you actually pulled me closer and almost ripped my shirt off. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ WRIGHT. I'm at -work-. ]

defending_u: [ So? Are you in the middle of an important case? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ Yes. I AM. ]

defending_u: [ Objection! If you were, you wouldn't have even signed on to the instant messenger. Relax, Edgeworth. If you're so uptight about it, go lock your door, or tell your secretary to go take a break or something. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ Why are you so insistent that we do this, Wright? ]

defending_u: [ Because I haven't seen you in almost a week and I'm horny. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ Well. That was certainly blunt and to the point. ]

defending_u: [ I've learned that there's no use beating around the bush with you. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ Good, it cuts out unnecessary small talk and saves time. ]

defending_u: [ Now are we going to cyber or am I going to have to come down there and do something a lot more embarrassing? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ "Cyber"? Could you be any more pedestrian? ]

defending_u: [ Yes or no question, Edgeworth. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ ... ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ I would pull you closer and undo the first three buttons on that excuse you call a shirt. ]

defending_u: [ Could you leave the commentary on my wardrobe out of this? It's killing my erection. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ What? You have a... never mind. ]

defending_u: [ What else did you think the point of this exercise was, Edgeworth? :D ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ I don't know why I put up with you. ]

defending_u: [ Because despite it all, you love me. ]

defending_u: [ When you undo my buttons, I would push your jacket off of your shoulders and onto the floor. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ If you did that in reality I would have to have words with you, you realize. ]

defending_u: [ That's the beauty of a fantasy. Now come on. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ Before moving on to the rest of your buttons, I would pull your shirt out of your trousers. ]

defending_u: [ And then I would open up your vest and drop it with your jacket. Why do you wear so much clothing? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ Because it makes me look professional. You might try it sometime. ]

defending_u: [ I'll pass. What next? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ I would slowly open the next few buttons and push the shirt aside in order to kiss the base of your neck, down to your collarbone. ]

defending_u: [ I love it when you do that to me. I would close my eyes, and touch your chest, counting the buttons from your throat to your belly button. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ You know, a more sensual word choice would have been "navel". ]

defending_u: [ I'll remember that in the future. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ As you do that, I would finish opening your shirt and push it halfway off your shoulders. And just look at them. You have very nice shoulders. ]

defending_u: [ Was that a compliment? I'm shocked! ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ Don't let it go to your head. ]

defending_u: [ Well I know you'd kill me if I ever ripped one of those shirts of yours, even in a fantasy, so I would open all the buttons carefully, but as quickly as I could, and shove the shirt off of your body. I just want to see you. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ I... would touch your chest, and lean forward for a kiss so that you stop staring at me. ]

defending_u: [ You're nice to look at, Edgeworth. Don't be embarrassed. ...Would the kiss be with tongue? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ Isn't that how we always kiss in this situation, you idiot? ]

defending_u: [ Had to make sure. I would kiss you back, and push our chests together so that we could feel each other's warmth. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ That... sounds rather nice, actually. I would wrap an arm around your waist, and pull your shirt off, so that I could run my fingers around your back. ]

defending_u: [ Mmm, I love it when you do that, too. I would moan (like I am now) and put a hand on your butt. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ ...Butt? You need to take a remedial course in dirty talk, Wright. ]

defending_u: [ Would you have preferred me to call it an ass? Because I can do that. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ Moving on. If your hand is on my rear, then that means we're close enough to rub against each other. ]

defending_u: [ I like where you're going with this. ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ But that isn't enough. I would reach between us and open your trousers. ]

defending_u: [ Just open them? Or would you push them down? ]

pro_se_cu_tor: [ At first I would leave them where they were. So that I could open my own, and bring your hand to touch me where they gape open. ]

defending_u: [ I would do more than touch, Edgeworth. I would slip my hand inside, and wrap around your cock... ]

Edgeworth was surprised to find that he had been typing with one hand for the last ten minutes, as the other was otherwise occupied. Blinking, he looked around to see what had thrown him out of the fantasy, and laid eyes on his secretary once more. She was looking at him with an almost worried expression, and Edgeworth's heart stopped for a moment before he realized that she couldn't see anything from his mid-torso down because of his desk.

"Mr. Edgeworth, are you all right? You look like you might have a fever."

"I-I'm fine, Hannah. It's just too hot in here. If you would adjust the thermostat...?" Doing his best not to move his hand and biting the inside of his lip to keep himself grounded, the prosecutor gave her an even smile.

Hannah, quick to do her duty, went over and turned the temperature down to a level that was cooler than Edgeworth usually liked, but it wasn't something that he couldn't fix later on. When this strangely provocative nightmare was over.

"Thank you. Was there something that you needed to tell me?"

"Ah, yes. I was just going to remind you that the meeting with the rest of the prosecutor's office was going to begin soon." Motioning behind her, in the general direction of the board room, she went back over to the door. "I know how you hate to be late."

"I had completely forgotten about that. I'll be ready in five minutes."

Once the door shut and he was sure that his worried secretary was out of earshot, Edgeworth leaned back and finished the work that he had started, stroking himself to completion. With a soft groan, he came, and lay limp in his chair as he recovered, before reaching for some tissues to clean himself up with.

Tidying things up, he thought back on the experience. Getting that excited over a sexual encounter that was entirely in text and not even complete was something that he never pictured himself doing. And yet he had. Wright had certainly done something to him, and he wasn't sure if it was good or bad. Sometimes, he thought, it was a little of both.

"Bugger, Wright!" Remembering that he had left his rival hanging in the instant message, he turned his eyes to the screen and read what had been left.

defending_u: [ Idle ]

At least I'm not the only one, he thought wryly as he typed a message.

pro_se_cu_tor: [ I have a meeting that I need to attend, and I'm not sure how long it's going to run. But I'll pick something up for dinner tonight, and stop by your place. Today was... interesting. ]

With a half smile, Edgeworth closed his laptop and grabbed his briefcase.