This was part of my birthday present to Aleighy. It's a future-take that belongs to the Marrow/Calavera trilogy that I may never finish.
Happy Birthday, My Aleighy! This is the story that brought us together, and I couldn't think of anything better than giving you a small tidbit of what you given me back to you. I love you so, Sweetest Girl, and I hope you enjoy a little Marrow-Jacob from Bella's point of view. Xoxo, PK
Collared Bone, Gilded Heart
Edward had to change me.
Outwardly, my decision was one of everlasting love and vanity. I only wanted to love Edward forever if I could remain ageless and young with him for eternity. It hurt a little, to know that people thought I could be that shallow. Even Edward believed me.
However, darker secrets had always pulsed through me. I had wolves and forests and chanting devotion sitting just under my skin. They were stronger than me, but my heart wasn't in it anymore.
A permanent and irreversible change was the only thing that would allow me to leave Jacob Black behind. When I woke up his name was in every pop of every joint, in how my arms bent to hold him, even when he wasn't there. There was no escape from the way he made my body feel. It was me, without the interference of thought or feeling. He fed my most basic needs for comfort. My heart sang a different song, louder and sweeter than the contentment he brought me though.
Kissing Jacob had been like sipping a too-hot cup of coffee. Your body craves the dark liquid, but it stings the tender skin of your lips. With each swallow you feel more fortified, so you don't mind the burn anymore. Edward had seen it all, and snuck into Jacob's head while we clung to each other, but he couldn't know how I felt. My mental barrier was rarely a nuisance when it came to Jake.
I never realized how deeply Jacob had seeped in my soul until Edward threw open the door of my heart. Edward had the key, but the architecture belonged to my wolf. His stamp on me was the nature to Edward's nurture. It made me whimper when I thought of him.
He'd pleaded with me to stay when I raced off with Alice to Italy, and if she hadn't been in the car with me, cooling my mind and revitalizing my heart, I would've stayed. I would've killed Edward for him.
I didn't love him enough to stay away from Edward. I treasured him enough, though, to reverse the effect he'd had on me, to give him back his own heart.
When Leah put Jacob in danger during the war with Victoria's newborns all I could think about was our kiss. Jacob's body was in pieces beneath his skin and I could only dream of his lips. That selfish revelation was when my desire to become immortal became less about remaining Edward's young bride for eternity, and much more about releasing Jacob from the hold we'd had on each other since we were children.
I hated Carlisle for causing him more pain. Yes, he was only trying to help, and yes, he was the only one who could. I still knew very well that if worse came to worse he'd side with Edward regardless. My body hurt, deeply. I ached, missing and longing for the savage love that that wavered as Jacob went in and out of consciousness. I found myself falling back on Jake's tendency to delegate a rhyme to remember significant events. I rubbed my arms in vain, trying to lessen the bruised feeling encompassing my body and whispered my hate for Carlisle out loud to myself.
"I do not like the, Dr. Fell,
The reason why I cannot tell.
But this I know and know full well,
I do not like thee Dr. Fell."
I told Jacob I loved him when he was coherent because it was true. I loved that boy so much that it hurt. I whispered my hands over his bandages, my own bones crying for their counterparts to heal quickly. I was an addict. I was using him. It had to stop.
That was my vow. I couldn't let Jake destroy himself for me any longer. Exchanging vows with Edward meant a quicker resolution to the internal struggle between my heart and what felt like my genetic predisposition.
When he found out my plan to poison my body for Edward he ran from me. I thought, foolishly, that just the idea of me being one of the pack's despised Cold Ones would keep us apart and would break the spell properly. It was as if a heavy necklace that had forever pressed against my sternum was lifted, cushioned by wedding related bliss.
He was there though, before the celebration of man and wife had even begun. Edward, in his strange, misconstrued mind, thought inviting him would make things easier for me. He wanted me to have someone from my past to send me forward into our future together. He was wrong.
I shook, my body screaming to run to Jacob, as my heart kept tempo with Edward's melody. I'd chosen my own fate, to free Jacob from something he'd never freely chosen himself.
My very marrow pleaded with me to abandon everything. Yes, my heart would still beat for Edward, but every single bone in my being would stop it's internal torture. I could live again, deep inside myself.
But my heart wasn't mine. I couldn't take it back form Edward.
Everything from ankles, elbows, and hips, to the cartilage of my ears would always submit to the canine bite of Jacob's essence. We had to throw off our collars. He was not mine to drag around behind me, and my heart wasn't his to dominate.
I heard his howl as he ran again, the sound grinding against my ear drums, turning my insides to dust.
I held on tight the the tree that had grounded us outside the Cullen's home, snagging the delicate lace atop my clavicle. Edward could hear our entire conversation, but I just needed Jacob to hear me, one last time.
"Ashes, ashes, we all fall down." I sang into the wind. "I love you Jacob Black, to the bone."