Inspired by, but by no means copied from, Nightmare Before Halloween's "Attack of the Plot Bunnies." Nightmare, if you are reading this and find it disgustingly similar, by all means tell me and I would be happy to erase it. And the spoof story below isn't copied or based off some unfortunate soul on the site; I'm not that mean. Enjoy.
The night was a stormy one, with pulses of thunder shaking the Great Hall. Inside, the students picked at their food and mumbled to each other. A clock ticked tensely, and the fire crackled nervously at the hearth. The school was waiting for something, though they didn't know it at the time.
Suddenly, with a huge crack of purple lightning, the huge oak double doors creaked open. In the entryway stood a wet, trembling girl. Her hair was tangled and her clothes tattered, but these things did nothing to contain her extordinary beauty. Blonde waves fell like beams of sunlight around her slender shoulders. Her blue eyes sparkled like the sea, dazzling and jewel-like despite the frightened look trapped inside them. A face sculpted to perfection gazed upon the silent crowd of gaping students and teachers. Everyone was mesmerized.
"Excuse me," she coughed gently. "My name is Aria. I grew up with my mother, Megan Thompson, and never met my father. When my mother died years ago, she told me that if anything happened to come here, to Hogwarts. The orphanage burned down just a few months ago, and I made my way here."
A murmur of sadness arose in the room. The crowd was in distress at the girl's tragic story; so moved, in fact, that no one noticed the shocked expression frozen on Snape's face.
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Well," he announced. "I suppose we should offer Miss Aria some of our hospitalities."
"I'll help!" yelled a cry from the Slytherin table. None other than Draco Malfoy stood up valiantly. He offered the girl his hand and tenderly led her to an empty seat, where he presented her with some warm food. Something in his frosty gray eyes suggested that this girl had made an impression upon his calloused soul, that in the brief minute he had laid his eyes upon her, a strong sensation had erupted in his hea-
The young fanfiction reader stared blankly at her computer screen, petrified. Confused by what she saw, her mind urged her to read the page again, certain that nothing could be as horrifying as what lay in front of her. She knew all too well what would happen in this wretched piece of 'literature'- So-called 'Aria' would capture and soften the heart of the unfortunate Draco, they would form a fluffy and sugar-coated relationship, and somewhere in the sickening mix, Snape would reveal that he was the chick's father. The girl was frightened, disgusted, and quite frankly scarred by what she had read. The world of fanfiction had just been corrupted. Something had to be done.
The girl raised her index finger off the mouse, preparing to click the orange button that mocked her greatly. "Review this Chapter" it tempted, driving her almost to the point of giving in. But her finger relaxed, and she sat back in her chair. Somehow, it didn't feel right to give a dishonest review praising the story, even to the smallest degree. And flaming was simply mean. She shook her head sadly. This was a case of a dangerous Mary-Sue and extreme OOC-ness, one of the worst she'd ever seen. And it needed to be put to justice.
A terrible uprising had happened in the vast network of fanfiction, and the girl felt an immense need to stop it. From somewhere in the house, her mother squawked to come finish her chores. "In a minute! I have to save the world of fandom first! Sorry!" She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. It was no question of what needed to be done. What she didn't know was if she could do it. Or if she would come out alive.
The Mary-Sue is quite a difficult and crafty creature, my friend.
So, whaddaya think? I'd appreciate a review, but if not then suit yourself. Thanks for reading.