There are moments, in every relationship and don't tell me different, that you question certain things about the other. Especially if they haven't, well, told you literally anything about them.
With us, it's a little difficult to put it in perspective. Yes, I know he's 10 years my senior. Yes, I know he was labeled as a slut for god knows how long. And I have come to terms with both those facts.
Still, what goes through my mind sometimes is HOW that all happened? Like, how did he get the title of being a slut? I mean, I know how people get that title, duh, I'm sure everyone knows how. But I mean, I never really pictured Sono as a slut, even though he said it was true. He just seems so angelic, so sweet, so...well, for lack of a better term, perfect. In my eyes, he's perfect. He always seemed so happy and so care free and don't get me wrong, I absolutely love that. I love that he doesn't seem to feel any sort of major sorrow. Only because he tells me there's nothing wrong with his life now. And it's that NOW that has me questioning it.
There's so much I want to know about him. Like, where he lived as a child. Where he went to school. Who his friends were? What his parents were like. Did he have any siblings? Was he a good student? Where did he go to college? Who was his first lover?
I know I 'm being a little obsessive, but I mean, come on. Doesn't everyone deserve to know a little of everything about the person they want to spend the rest of their life with?
I want to know everything about my lover, my idol, one of the many reasons I started working with manga. I want him to be open and honest with me. We've been together for at least a few months and the thought's been eating me alive.
I don't want to be totally upfront about it because I don't know what Sono would say if I just up and asked about it. Would he understand my curiosity? Would he be furious for wanting to know? Would he be hurt?
This was killing me. I had to know, but I didn't want to risk losing Sono over it. But I became a man obsessed with wanting to know about my lovers background. I guess it was out of impulse that I was so damn curious.
Well, I suppose it lead one thing to another when I finally caved and went behind Sono's back, looking for answers. I went to his publishing company and asked if they had any sort of records on him. They asked how I knew him; Of course I had to lie and say I was a very close friend and was merely curious about him, which, if you think about it, was kinda the truth. When they pulled them up, I found 2 parts of my questions:
He was born and raised in Fukushima, Japan and went to two art schools: One in Tokyo and one in America. Pretty damn good for one as young as he is.
This lead me to take my curiosity to a deeper level and do some research. I typed in 'Hanasaki' in a search engine for Fukushima and the sites that came up were oh so interesting.
Apparently, Sono is the youngest son of prestigious CEO of a large law firm. His fathers name was Hanasaki Kenji and his mothers name was Hanasaki (nee' Asano) Naomi, who was a housewife up until Sono was about 14, then she started working as a waitress.
The only sibling Sono has is an older brother named Oto, who works as a lawyer in Tokyo.
This was really starting to get to me. Why hadn't Sono told me about this? His family was apparently one of the wealthiest families that side of Japan. And if that didn't convince me to look deeper, it was a news clipping that caught my eye. The date told me it was when Sono was around 17 and a senior. The headline read
"Gun shooting in alley way."
I didn't bother reading too much into it. I read as far as Sono calling the police. Yeah, I know I was stupid for not reading why, but I was too nervous to, afraid at what I might find.
Online research could only take me so far. Sono's father might've have blocked a lot of stuff off.
I couldn't hold it back anymore. I had to confront Sono about this. This lead further than wanting to know about his background and wanting to know more about him.
So of course, when I brought up an idea of one of my manga characters having a full life flashback as one of my drafts, Sono was all for helping me. When I told him I wanted to base my character off of him, he laughed and said it was silly.
Oh, did I mention after that he found the news clipping in my bag and was horrified at first to see it. Like...a light flickered in his mind and memories flooded back like a tidal wave.
Yeah at first it didn't go very well. At first he demanded to know where I found the clipping and I simply stated that I just wanted to do some background check on him.
Oh, great choice of words, Seiji. Now he thinks I don't trust him. The whole night was difficult to try and explain. Not so sure how I did it, but I did and he calmed down enough to explain that he didn't tell me anything about his past because it was something he didn't feel comfortable talking about with people. And that even though he was comfortable around me, he didn't think that his past was of any interest to me, so he never brought it up.
Well, duh it was of interest to me, that's why I went to all this trouble of satisfying my obsessive need for answers. When I asked if he wanted to discuss it with me, I was surprised to see him quickly shake his head. The words that followed were also surprising.
"I've never told anyone about my life and how it lead to me being the whore that I was. No one's ever wanted to know and I always was afraid to talk about it...I was scared their opinions of me might change."
I saw him visibly shake on the couch. Was his life really that bad that it made him shiver just thinking about it?
I put my arm around him, saying it was alright if he didn't want to tell me. After this, I don't think I'd be curious any more.
Which is why he surprised me yet again by stating that he would tell me, and made me swear my opinion wouldn't change. Why the hell would it? I swore it wouldn't and he asked where I wanted to start.
I hadn't thought about that. All I really wanted to know was what lead him to where he was now. But given the state he was in right now, my guess was it went as far back as his childhood. I said,
"Well, um, how about as far back as your first traumatic event?"
He looked up at me, a little confused. I blushed, not wanting to explain myself further. I wanted to know everything. I was a man obsessed with wanting to know.
Sono smiled and rubbed my shoulder.
"I can't say I blame you for being curious. I just didn't realize I was that fascinating for you to do research on me."
"Call me weird, but I was only curious at first, until it lead to this news clipping and I suddenly became obsessed. I'm sorry if this is going to hurt you."
"It won't. In fact, I think it's what I need. Those ghosts have been locked away for so many years...maybe talking about them finally with make them leave me alone. I'll tell you...I'll tell you everything..."
And there begins the story I've wanted to know for so long...