A/N: Short oneshot I wrote just for fun after a friend and me decided some words that should be included in this dialogue-only between Bill and Ron and that was "shovel, non-casual, oversqueamishness, firebomb" and that it should be something sexual in it. Enjoy ^^

A Dark Night at Hogwarts

"Ronald... I want to confess something. But I do not want you oversqueamishness make you react negatively."

"But is it something negative?"

"I don't know."

"All right. Go ahead then."

"I'm vampire."

"Yeah. I know."

"You do?"

"Yeah. I'm scared of spiders, but not vampires."

"Huh. Here. Take this."


"Take it."


"I need your help."

"Oh bloody hell! It's covered in blood! And... hair!"

"Take it up."

"No way!"

"Take it! I need you to help me. And if you don't... I'll let my lover kill your sister."

"Okay, okay! I'll do whatever you want!"

"So, take the shovel and help me bury someone. Let's go."


"Let me ask you something, sir?"

"Yes, Ronald?"

"Who is it we're burying?"

"...Sookie... She was my lover once, but that was before I discovered the pleasure brought on by big snakes."


"She tried to kill my current lover, with a firebomb."

"Was she on school grounds?"

"Apparently yes. I am the groundskeeper so I should be aware of facts like these..."




"What happened to Hagrid?"

"I let my lover eat him."

"Oh, okay."



"Yes, Ronald?

"I want to ask you something very non-casual..."

"Go ahead..."

"How is it like... making love to a basilisk?"