title: an empty room
summary: she kisses him because she feels alive.
author's note: I wanted to leave the ending open, so if you noticed, there are some questions and hints of things left unsaid. i've been dyyyyying to write sirius&marlene ever since last year. I even have all the poorly written promises that I would write them. ugh. I was such a tool. anyways, here we go. hopefully this doesn't suck ass.
blonde hair and blue eyes – she was never enough.
sirius looks at her, holds her eyes in his.
"marlene," he whispers.
he kisses her, burning and drowning her, until he pulls away to leave her in an empty room.
amelia tells her one night about the promise.
"there are no strings attached. i'm in love with james and – he's just looking for a good fuck."
marlene nods – she knows the deal, or at least she pretends she does.
"one day," amelia says, "you're going to find that guy for you, mar. james is the one for me."
marlene knows she can fight her own battles.
all she ever wants is sirius black.
he kisses like the world is ending – she'd give up her morals for him any day.
marlene shagged fabian prewett in fifth year and it was insanely awkward and he didn't touch her properly. he asked for advice on how to woo amelia right after. she punches him in the face and laughs when she breaks his nose and her knuckles bleed.
"what did prewett do to you?" sirius laughs later.
she looks at him with her murky blue eyes, hoping that maybe he'll figure it all out. he doesn't, so she simply says, "he fucked me."
sirius stares at her, his mouth open and she can see his lungs, barely taking in the air around them.
she kisses him because she feels alive, and he presses himself into her. she can feel his heart beating against her chest as if he had taken it out to show her.
"i'll show you what it is, marl, i'll make love to you."
he touches her all over, his breath ragged and his eyes blissfully right. but he whispers amelia's name. she cries. he leaves when she's sleeping. there is no trace that he had been there.
they don't talk about it.
they don't talk until she's walking in the halls and he grabs her, his breath on the back of her neck.
"hi," he says.
she's still in love with him.
(maybe you didn't get the fact that sirius black will always be marlene mckinnon's weakness.)
she opens the door to her dorm, still laughing at james potter's latest attempt to woo lily.
at the tangle of limbs in front of her, she goes silent and turns around. the door brings the two people in bed to attention
"fuck! sorry about that, marley," amelia giggles.
"sorry," marlene whispers under her breath.
she's trying so hard not to cry, but she needs her broom. she needs to escape. she runs to her bed and grabs her nimbus off her bed and tears out the window as fast as she can. she greets the familiar sting of wind whipping at her face, but as her tears fly backwards, she wonders if it's possible to be this sad. tears fall down her cheeks like rain.
she doesn't know how she'll forget the image of them together. she wants to scrub her eyes until she forgets, but they are behind her eyelids. sirius will never love her and she wishes more than anything that he could.
in first year, all amelia could speak about was james potter. his brown hair and his glasses and how cute he was. marlene was interested in coming home with good grades and that's all she cared about.
except, marlene did admit once or twice that sirius black was cute, if she just had to choose anyone.
amelia used to try to figure out things about james potter all the time, and it became a race of sorts for amelia. marlene noticed that amelia was always flirting with james and flirting with all the boys around james. amelia was an excellent, but boys drove her to the brink of insanity.
marlene stayed friends with amelia because it was convenient. they were both ravenclaws and marlene didn't really know what to do, while amelia liked to take charge.
it worked out.
marlene does something for herself for a change. she takes his hand and looks at him.
"throughout it all, i like you."
he kisses her, his hands sliding down her sides till they make their way around her waist. he pulls her in closer and she pulls herself higher by putting her hands on his shoulders. he nibbles at her lips, and she's opening her mouth and it's dizzying and everything she hoped for.
"i know," he says.
she grins and he presses his lips to hers again.
she can't help but think his taste has changed. it's so bittersweet but she loves the way he's holding her, like every moment together counts.
she's having him over for the fourth of july. her mother is making her beautiful pies, and marlene is grinning like a lovesick fool. she smooths down her dress when she hears the doorbell ring and answers it.
she doesn't even get to beg for mercy.
he looks down at her, his eyes twinkling with hope, "i love you, marlene."
she laughs happily, "i love you too."
his kiss makes her day. she's so warm in the summer heat and his kiss is scalding, but she doesn't mind.
"come meet my family tomorrow," she whispers.
"gladly," he grins, "i want to be with you for a long time, marlene."
"that's all i want," she says, "that's all i've wanted for a long time."