Disclaimer: Glee isn't mine…just playing with them.
Author Notes: At the end of June, I decided to set myself a challenge. And the challenge is simple, every day in the month of July, I will post a piece of fanfiction or a piece of fanart (which coincides with one of the pieces of writing) to my tumblr related to my Glee OTPs and World War II.
Loving the Enemy
Berlin, Germany, 1943
The pendant flickered in the candlelight, casting glittering diamond-like shadows across the darken wall. Even though, it was late, the risk was still there and Noelle knew she was stupid to bring it out from its hiding place, while her husband was at home…asleep or not. But she needed reassurance that the path she had taken was the right one that she was going to survive this monstrous regime and live to see freedom again. And it was in these moments of uncertainty which she would whisper a Yiddish prayer her mother had taught her as a child, looking for guidance from a God whom seemed to have forsaken her people in their darkness hour.
To so many that small little pendant represented many things; to her, it represented the heritage of her people, God's Chosen People; to men like the Chancellor of Germany, it was a sign against the Aryan race, and those that carried the star needed to be destroyed at all costs. Noelle shuddered at the thought, blinking back the tears in her eyes. Her heart bleed for those in the ghettos and the concentration camps, but she could not cry for them, would not cry for them; for she feared that once she started she would never be able to stop. After the war was over, she promised to properly mourn the destruction of her people, but in this moment she needed to keep it together. She needed to survive in a lie that had been started years ago, and now consumed her entire being.
As she tucked the star away back into its hiding place, her mind drifted back to her life before the war to the early days of Hitler's Germany. Before the start of the war, Noelle had been a young man by the name of Noah and he had lived in a small village to the North of Berlin. While his life had not always been happy, he was content and that was good enough for him. As a child, his father, a cruel man, had walked out on his pregnant wife and young son. And in a few short months, the birth of his sister would take his mother as well as the girl with it. It was only through a simple act of kindness of an elderly and childless woman that Noah would survive into adulthood.
And it was in the summer of his nineteenth year which Noah would meet the man who would turn his world upside down. Noah had always known that he was different, girls had never held his interest, and as a teenager, he dreamed of kissing a few of the village boys. But nothing had ever come of those fantasies. Now at nineteen, Noah was face to face with a man that bought to his mind fantasies that put the ones of his youth to shame. The other man was pale, lithe, had impeccably styled chestnut hair and Noah wanted him. He stood out from the other men of the village, who were burly and tan from having worked in the fields.
As the weeks passed, the stranger had settled into the village, and Noah slowly learned things about the other man, a university student from Berlin, who was staying for the summer with his elderly aunt. It would be almost a month before the pair would meet, and even that meeting was a complete accident. But how or why it happened did not matter, all that matter was the pair did meet and the pair fell in love with each other. As the summer progressed, the pair continued to meet, and Noah learned about this stranger from Berlin. His name was Kurt and in the fall he planned to return to university to continue his studies in music. Kurt dreamed of being a famous composer one day, and Noah hoped that he would achieve that dream, and told him so. The young Berliner had laughed, telling Noah that his aspiration was simply a flight of fancy and he would be lucky to graduate from university under Hitler's Germany.
Without being told, Noah had understood what Kurt was leaving unsaid, for Noah had seen the way that Kurt had looked at him…the desire was apparent in the lithe man's blue-green gaze. And it would be a gaze that Noah would never tire of seeing, it caused a delightful chill to run down his spine and he would harden at the thought of what would happen if they both gave into that desire. But alas neither of them would. And as the days grew short, Noah knew they time together was ending, a thought which brought pain to Noah's soul. It would be in Kurt's final days which the other man would make a promise to Noah, a vow of sorts. Kurt would promise to write to Noah, and maybe, just maybe they would figure something out to make this relationship happen.
Noah had laughed at the idea, even for a university educated man, Kurt was an idealist; Noah knew from the bits of news that came from Berlin, Hitler was attacking anyone he considered to be non-Aryan, and abnormal. And unfortunately for Noah he could label himself as a member of three of those selected groups. The first group was the largest of all the groups, Noah was a Jew; he had been born to Jewish parents, even though he never really felt a connection to his heritage since his mother's death. Homosexuals were the second group, and although he was not public about his sexuality, he knew that eventually someone would find out and turn him in. And the final group, while a small minority, was the one that seemed to anger Hitler the most; the 1 in 40,000 men who could carry children, carriers as they were called. Not only did it snub its nose at the normal, but it flaunted the perversion of homosexual males by allowing them to produce children.
But Kurt had kept his promise, and within months of leaving, Noah was receiving his first letter from the other man. And as the letters continued to arrive, a plan was hatched, one that could get them both killed if discovered. Kurt wrote of how he wanted to marry Noah and the only way for that to happen was if Noah was a woman. In the years between their last meeting and their first, Noah slowly became a woman, at least on the outside. He moved away from his village, changed his name from Noah Puckerman to Noelle Meier, drew his hair out, dressed like a woman and procured papers under his new identity. While Noah had been truthful to Kurt about everything, including his ability to carry children, he had omitted the truth about his Jewish heritage. And he had a perfectly good reason for that; for in the months following Kurt's graduation from university, Kurt would write that he had joined the SS, commissioned as an officer, in order to prove a greater cover for their lie. The words written in that letter had made Noah ill, almost physically so; but he had come this far and he loved his man, no matter how misguided his attempts at protecting them were.
It would be a clean spring day, almost four years to the day the pair had meet, which Noelle Meier would step off a train in Berlin and be swept into the loving embrace of her SS officer fiancé. Kurt placed a light kiss on her cheek before releasing her; Noelle smiled at the man's enthusiasm, never allowing her face to betray how the sight of his uniform turned her stomach. Although, she had never been persecuted by the SS, she had lived in a town with a Jewish ghetto and had experienced the pain of having to watch members of her people be degraded by Hitler's men. And now, she found herself in a train station at the heart of Hitler's Germany, embracing the man she loved, who wore the uniform of the man who haunted her dreams.
As Kurt took her hand in his left, and her case in his right, Noelle tried to forget about what she knew and what she had seen in the years since she had last felt the touch of this wonderful, kindhearted man. Their situation was dire, and Noelle knew they were playing a dangerous game and she had come too far to turn about now. Squeezing the hand that held her own, she began to talk, asking Kurt questions, using the low raspy voice she had adopted in her feminine form. Noelle knew that she wasn't the prettiest of girls, but Hitler wanted woman to be well-built, so secretly being a man was a small blessing. Their last stop before home was to registry office to sign their marriage license. As she thought about the marriage license, Noelle smiled a little bit, letting her mind wonder to how just the idea of being married to this man made her feel.
In the few short years that followed, Kurt rose in the ranks of the SS and Noelle followed the teachings of Hitler and how a good wife should be. Although, she never had children, she followed everything else to the letter. The ability to have children wasn't the issue; it was the face that she was a carrier and neither she nor Kurt wanted to run the risk that something went wrong in a home birth and their secret was discovered. So they would tell lies, Noelle would have 'miscarriages', then disappear to her mother's home for a few months to 'recover' from the emotional stress of losing a child and failing, so they could try again when she returned. The situation was not ideal, but it worked, and Noelle never let herself forget that it could be worse.
Shaking her head to clear the thoughts of the past, Noelle blew out the candle, making her way back toward the bedroom, where her husband…her Kurt slept. As she paused in the doorway, allowing her eyes to drift across the slumbering man, she thought about her dreams for the future; ones that included children and a small house in the country. Maybe, just maybe when this horrible war was over, and the Allies were victorious; Noah will be able to live out that dream with Kurt at his side. But in the meantime, Noelle will hold her tongue and lie through her teeth, if it means just one more day with Kurt.
Accompanying Art: http:/ pics. livejournal. com/ lil_grl_lost/ pic/ 0000df38/