A/N This is just something that popped in my head after reading some Harry Potter fanfiction. Hope you like it!

Tall and majestic, the Boston Tipton welcomed weary travelers from near and far and fruitlessly tried to protect them from the horrors of the terrible twins that plagued its halls. Currently, was sitting at his desk checking in a young couple into the Honeymoon Suite, smiling graciously and promising them a complimentary bottle of sparkling champagne, he sent them off with Esteban, smile still held. As soon as the couple's backs were in view, the smile dropped quicker than bird poop as he peered around the lobby suspiciously. Desperate to try and locate the twin terrors that constantly ruined his life he hoped beyond hope that they weren't up to something.

The twins in question had come in very early in the morning for work and saw the two off to school, making sure Zack didn't plant something secretly behind a potted plant, or Cody didn't "accidentally" drop a hand-made stink bomb behind his desk before they left. After assuring the safety of his hotel, he warily resumed his managing duties. But after 4:00 when the twins returned, they went straight to their suite without even a single taunt. It was unheard of. Suspicious! Mr. Moseby clenched his hands with fear at the thought of them planning something in their room. But it was now seven and he hadn't seen hide or hair of the twins, he was worried. Very worried.

Carey Martin strode out of the lobby and smiled at the manager, "Hey Moseby, how are you?"

He shuddered, "The better question is, where are your boys?"

Concern flashed across her face, "What? They didn't come back from school?"

"No, no, they left to their suite and haven't come out!" Paranoia sprung in his eyes and he looked around wildly as if suspecting an ambush.

Carrie just shook her head and laughed, amused. "I told you they were good kids."

"They're planning something, I just know it." Moseby foretold somberly.

Shaking her head, Carrie walked into the elevator and pressed the 23rd button. Waiting as the elevator escalated toward her floor, she pondered what he said. Sighing she accepted the plain truth, he was probably right, her boys had to be planning something…the question was, what?

Arriving at her suite, she quietly opened the door and tip-toed to the boys' room. She was their mother, she was allowed to eaves-drop on her children. Especially if the children in question were Zack and Cody.

However what she heard was something no mother ever wanted to hear from her twin children.

A loud moan escaped from a pair of lips and a bumping sound erupted from the room. The moan quieted and she heard a light chuckle, "Ooohh, harder, harder Cody."

A light groan was heard from who she assumed was Cody, "I'm doing my best Zack, would you relax? You make it seem like I don't know what I'm doing." She heard the bed groan and creak under the weight of….one, (two?) kids.

Oh my god.

"Well considering this has become a daily thing I'd like to hope you know what you're doing." Daily thing? What was he talking about, could her babies really be-!

Zack's moan was so pleasure filled, the hairs on Carrie's neck stood on end and she gasped lightly. She heard the sound of what may have been a body shifting on the bed and a puckering sound.

"You're so hard Zack." The frustrated voice moaned a little. "This would be a lot easier if you took off your shirt." He urged.

She heard the sigh of complacency and the sound of muscles moving and knew that Zack was now shirtless. More moans continued before an eruption of snorts and laughs came out.

"Stop! You know I'm ticklish down there!" Zack's giggly voice surprised Carrie; she had never heard him speak like that.

"You're such a girl!" Cody's amused reply caused a large creak from the bed.

"Oh please, if anyone's a girl in this relationship it's you." Zack's retort came with a light slap.

A snort from the other party told Carey of his opinion on that matter. "Oh yeah?" Cody asked saucily.

Silence for a moment before a slight rustle. " Hmm, let's see, you have no hair on your chest, or your legs for that matter, your skin's smoother than a baby's butt and your mouths all squishy like a girl's." Carey could practically see the smug smile on his face.

"It is not!" Cody's defensive voice begged to differ.

"Yes it is, I should know. Now hurry up and finish." Some grumbling followed before moans started again.

Carey stiffened and could barely move. What the hell was going on in there? They couldn't really be doing….

"Mm, you've gotten better at this Cody." Pleasure filled his voice and the bed bounced.

"I've been practicing with Barbara." Cody replied passively.

"What! You mean you service other people!" fake astonishment and slight teasing laced Zack's laughing voice.

"Oh shut up, now where that is scented oil?"

" What oil?"

"You know the rubbing oil."

"Oohhh, yeah that might be a good , I dunno, I think it's behind the bed."

"The bed?" Carrie heard the groan of the bed being pushed aside and a few crashes and maybe a crack"...Oh yeah, you're right. Kay got it… Could you move your arm? You're blocking my way in." Carrie heard the annoyance in his tone.

"Huh? Oh sorry, you need help?" Wow, Zack was offering to help? WHAT was going on in there? She had to know.

"No I don't need help; I think I can stick it in easily without your assistance thank you very much." Horror exploded in her heart. WHAT was being sticked in WHERE?

"My, my, aren't we touchy today?" Zack teased.

"You want touchy? I'll give you touchy!" It wasn't real anger but it definitely held the tone of a severe consequence in the near future.

A large shuffling sound was heard and she heard loud footsteps, oh no, what if he comes out?

"No, no! Come on Cody! I was really looking forward to this!" Zack's pleading brought a halt to the footsteps.

"No, you've ticked me off. You'll just have to wait for next time." She heard the break in his voice.

"Awww, Cody, come on. Pleaaaase." More begging on Zack's part, wow, she had never heard him actually beg like that before.


More footsteps and then a plopping noise and a crash. "Ow! Why'd you jump on me?" Cody's annoyed voice cried out.

"Come on Cody, do it for me. Besides, I know you like doing it too." Logic always did get to Cody.


"Fine. But only five more minutes."


"Hey, do you think it'll fit?"

"I think so, I mean it is big enough, we measured and everything." Their conversation took a passive tone and it would seem as if they were talking about the weather, but Carrie was beginning to fear that it wasn't the weather they were talking about.

"Still, it wouldn't be the first time you're measuring went wrong."

"Oh shut up, the Bob incident was an accident okay, a total fluke." Defensive much?

"Uh huh…" Wariness crept in his voice.

"Now shut up and let me finish." Cody's demanding voice put an end to the conversation.

"Oh yeah, that feels good." Zack sighed.

Suddenly everything clicked. Oh my god. Her baby boys were in that room doing it! Oh my god! Oh my god! Panic surged throughout her body and rage like none other swept her up. She was gonna barge in there and set them straight. This was disgusting! Unnatural! Disgusting! Clenching her teeth, she threw open the door and seeing nothing but red started yelling. "Okay that's it! Boys you are in so much trouble! Incest is a disgusting-!" she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. Oh my god.

Zack was lying on the bed, shirtless with Cody sitting on the side rubbing massaging oil all over his back and gently, but firmly, kneading his fingers through Zack's tense muscles. The bed was turned away from the door and she saw the electrical socket filled with two plugs leading to their new TV and video game console. Wires were strewn about and two shocked faces stared back at her.

"Oh my god." Carrie swooned a little bit before collapsing on Zack's bed.

"Mom?" a quiet timid voice asked hesitantly.

"What are you doing here?"

"What are you guys doing? I thought...I heard…you two…" she stuttered and tried to say what she was thinking but couldn't get the words out.

Zack and Cody stared blankly at her before realization spread on Cody's face. Confusion still adorned his twin's and Zack was even more confused when he saw the disgusted expression on Cody's face. Using their twin telepathy, Cody stared into Zack's magnificent blue eyes and sent the message. Zack's face then morphed into a similar expression. He sat straight up and bored holes in his mom's eyes. So shocked and grossed out he could barely speak. "You-you…you though that me and Cody were…eww! That's just gross!"

"Sick" Cody chipped in.

"Wrong." Zack added.

"Disgusting." Both twins shivered in mutual abhorrence.

"But you were talking about oil and things fitting and Barbara and-"

Cody shook his head and helped Zack sit up, not noticing that their thighs, sides and arms were pressed up together. " Mom, ever since Zack started playing all those extracurricular sports, he's been really tense and sore, so Barbara taught me some relaxation methods to help Zack-"

" And we just bought that new flat-screen and Cody was trying to fit it somewhere where you wouldn't notice it and plug all the wires in-"

"And one time, Bob was buying a new bookcase and I accidentally gave him the wrong measurements so he had to return the bookcase and it took a month before it all worked out-"

"And basically all you heard was some normal talk about massages and messed up measurements." They finished.

"Oh my god." Her mind was blank and still in severe shock…obviously.

"Mom, I think you better go and get yourself to the spa or something, you look really bad." Zack advised in a typical Zack manner.

"Yeah, why don't you go and treat yourself." Cody said, concerned.

In a daze, Carrie exited the suite not really knowing where she was going. When the twins heard the door slam they turned to each other sharing a mutual look of relief and elation.

"Good God that was a close one." Cody muttered.

"I know, she almost found out." Zack smiled freely and lay back down putting his arms behind his head.

"We need to hide this more carefully don't you think?" Cody's concerned face made Zack smile brighter.

Getting up they both sat down on the floor and fingered the remote their mom hadn't noticed. They leaned into each other and turning around faced the real reason for all their measurement talk. The new TV was actually a screen that streamed images from hacked security cameras. After some time and skill, Cody hacked into the security at the Tipton and was now streaming an image of the lobby with a very dirty, an irate Maddie and several guests running out the hotel or in the elevator to escape the unrelenting sprinkler system the twins had turned on twenty minutes ago.

Zack grinned happily, "There's nothing better than getting a five star massage and watching an awesome prank at the same time."

"We really did it this time Zacky didn't we?" Cody sighed unguiltly.

"Yes, my dear Cody, yes we did."

A/N Okay, so open ending there, you can interpret that in whatever way you like, whether it's strong brotherly love and a desire to spend time together, or something a little more...illegal. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it, I know it wasn't very good, but I'm better at hurt/comfort fics. Till next time!