Sumo glanced nervously around him as he made his way down the hall to the bathroom towing a bag of toiletries behind him. He froze. Normal was lying in an unconscious heap directly in front of him. Cautiously he stepped up onto Normal's torso. He waited for some reaction. Nothing. Sumo took another step. He could hear rhythmic noises coming from Alec's room. Sumo smiled. Alec had got his girl, which meant that his advice was good. Now if he could only get to the bathroom before someone saw him everything would be perfect. He took another step and hopped down off of Normal. The bag clunked down behind him. Sumo froze sniffing the air alertly. He quickly stuffed the bag up Normal's shirt and tried to look casual.

Max and Alec emerged from the door behind him completely oblivious to anyone but themselves. Alec glanced down at Normal's incapacitated form and took a pulse. He grinned at the knowledge that Normal wasn't dead just.resting.

"Gees Max did you have to hit him so hard?" He asked jokingly.

"Under the circumstances yes." Came Max's reply. "No one touches this body but me."

She said running a hand down his sternum.

"I can deal with that," he said kissing her quickly as he made his way over Normal and out into the kitchen with Max following close behind.

Sumo made a mad dash for the bathroom. Once inside he barred the door quickly and climbed up onto the toilet before making a none too graceful leap into the sink. He put the plug in and began filling it with water. He looked around to make sure that he had everything he needed before he plugged his nose and ducked under the water. He came up spluttering and reached for the shampoo. He had never done this before but desperate times called for desperate measures.

A thorough soap, shampoo and condition later Sumo climbed out of the sink, dripping wet. It was then that he realised that he hadn't brought a towel. He looked futilely around for something to dry himself with and found even less than Alec had. Then he noticed Max's hair dryer sitting on the shelf. Awkwardly, he maneuvered it so that it was facing him and turned it on. Hot air blasted Sumo who soon resembled a ball of fluff, but a dry one. Next Sumo combed, gelled, plucked, trimmed and manipulated his hair and whiskers into submission. He grinned at his reflection in the mirror. He looked hot except that his teeth were a bit too yellow. Sumo grabbed a toothbrush and began brushing his teeth with whitening toothpaste, not an easy task to do with a full sized human toothbrush. Sumo put down the toothbrush and dug through his bag of toiletries. He came up with a roll off mint floss.

The flossing was a disaster for Sumo. Every time he wedged the floss between his sharp teeth the wax string would snap and fray. After several attempts he threw the floss away in frustration and decided it was absurd for a squirrel to floss anyway. Perfectly cleaned and manicured he emerged from the bathroom ready for step 2 on Alec's list of ways to win a woman.

Alec hoisted the box containing Logan's admittance papers on to his lap as he sat on his bike.

"I'll take these to the hospital before work" he said to Max as he began to peddle with amazing ease while balancing the box on his thighs.

"You don't have time. You'll be late for work again." Came Max's reply. She wanted him to go take the forms in but still she had a desire to contradict whatever he said sometimes just because he said it. Old habits died hard she guessed.

"Max is Normal still lying unconscious in the hall?" Alec asked

"Yes."

"Then I think I have time." He said with a grin. He kissed her quickly and began to peddle rapidly towards the hospital. Max just smiled after him.



Halfway to the hospital Alec was lost deep in thought. He was imaging his future children and trying to name them. He had decided that he was going to name his first daughter Heather.or maybe Samantha and was about to move on to boys names when the front bicycle tire caught in a rut. Alec did an impressive flip over the handlebars and landed perfectly on his feet. The box wasn't so fortunate and landed sprawlingly on its side. The carefully packaged forms spilled onto the street. Alec hastily shoved them back in the box but not before the wind picked up several and carried them away. Alec swore vehemently as the liberated forms landed in the water and disintegrated into nothingness. Maybe they wouldn't notice he reason as he got back on his bike and rode slowly on to the hospital.

Normal awoke feeling groggy and disoriented. He was lying in the hall but he couldn't remember how he had got there. He rubbed his pounding head and things started coming back to him. The image of Alec dripping wet and dressed only in a leaf replayed over and over in his head and he grinned. He liked the idea of a wet Alec. Despite the throbbing in his brain Normal began to plot anew. Within moments he had formed an elaborate plan involving white t-shirts, sprinklers and Alec. He rose from his semi- recumbant position against the wall and immediately set to making his plan a reality.

Bertha looked annoyed as she saw the stack of damp forms slam down on the desk in front of her. Her expression changed when she saw who had put them there. She stared dreamily up at Alec who flashed a grin at her.

"So, everything is fine here?" He said preparing to leave.

" I just have to make sure all the paperwork is in order first." She said a little flirtatiously.

"That's fine." Alec said still standing patiently beside the desk.

Bertha flicked quickly through the paperwork deliberately licking her thumb seductively after each page. As time dragged on Alec began to feel a little impatient and glanced at his watch several times a minute. Would the woman hurry up already? After half an hour Alec had had enough.

"Bertha, I really have to get to work now." He said.

She stopped dead and stared at him.

"You can't leave. What if something comes up?" She protested.

"Call me on my cell phone." He said scribbling the number down on a scrap of paper.

Bertha leaned forward exageratingly showing off her cleavage as she took the number from him.

Alec didn't know how to react. In the past he would have taken her up on her obvious advances and forgotten about her the next day. That wasn't an option now that he had Max and he had found the advances of women to be rather uncomfortable things recently. It's a pain in the ass being so damn hot, he thought as he turned to leave.

The employees of Jam Pony froze in shock as Normal entered an hour and a half late. Rumours quickly circulated about his whereabouts. The most popular theory was that he had taken a vacation back to his home planet, but the fact that he might have a love interest was close behind. Normal was oblivious to these speculations as he pulled out the Jam Pony blue prints and began to make calculations.

Sumo strolled purposefully into the kitchen wearing the sexiest grin he could muster. Sally was sitting on the counter devouring a tub of ice cream and didn't even glance when he jumped up beside her.

"Hey," Sumo said non-commitally. He'd been practising that particular 'hey' all day to make sure that it came across with the right effect.

Sally obliviously grunted in reply and continued to dig through the ice cream.

Damn she was hot! Sumo thought to himself. Then all of his well-rehearsed words flew out of his head. The silence seemed never ending as he tried to decide what to do. His heart began to beat rapidly and he felt like he had to say something before she thought him completely inembriated.

"So.uh.uh.what flavour is that." He asked and immediately mentally cursed himself. That question was so stupid. It was obvious that she was eating triple chocolate cherry fudge cheesecake. Anyone could see that! She must think I'm a complete moron.

"Triple chocolate cherry fudge cheesecake." She said grinning. "My favourite." Then she looked at him and Sumo felt his knees go weak.

"Sumo are you ok?" She asked concerned. "You don't look to well."

"Sumo fine." He replied shortly, trying to control his rapid heartbeat. This was a dumb idea he decided. Sally was way too pretty and smart. How could he ever have thought that she could possibly like someone like him? He began to slink away when Sally reached out and caught his arm.

"Do you want to help me finish off my ice-cream?" She asked timidly.

After much careful deliberation Normal brought out the sidewalk chalk and made careful X's on strategically located locations on the floor of Jam Pony. His employee's looked on with thinly veiled curiosity. It appeared that Normal had gone off his rocker entirely. Normal just smiled to himself. His plan was complete. Now all he had to do was wait.

Before Alec even left the hospital his cell phone rang. Bertha had found a missing page. Alec swore ripely to himself and headed back up the stairs to the psych ward.



A/n This is the last chapter of Beeper Wars I am posting at ff.net. In the future all my updates will be found at NWP.