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The end of the book, Divergent:
"I am no longer Tris, the selfless, or Tris, the brave. I suppose that now, I must become more than either."
Roth, Veronica (2011). Divergent (Divergent Trilogy) (p. 487). Harper Collins, Inc.
*~*A/N: For some of my readers who have found this story due to being on my author alerts,this is a story based upon the book, DIVERGENT. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it!*~*
Free Falling into Darkness
He loves me. The words barely register in my mind, but I hear it echoing inside my head even among the strong scent of copper from the blood on and around me. It was the day's tragedies that brought us here. My arm aches now that I am still, and my wound feels ten times worse than when I had adrenaline pulsing through me.
Marcus and Peter have moved to the back of the train car, while Tobias, Caleb, and I are in front. Caleb sits next to Tobias and I, but he has widened the three-feet margin and sits alone. It almost seems funny how we are broken up into individual factions. Even in the closeness of the train car, we all try to stay as far from each other as possible. We are all in the same sad, confusing situation.
The hunger in Marcus's eyes from the glimpse of hard drive scares me. He can't be trusted. I want him dead and to suffer a cruel fate, to feel the fear Tobias has experienced. I'll leave that to Tobias to do—he deserves that right. I'm exhausted but I cannot and will not give in to the darkness and find the comfort in sleeping. It probably would result in nightmares anyway. How could I find comfort in sleep when I have lost my parents—twice? I'd lost them once of my own choosing to the ceremony and once not of my own choosing in their violent deaths. I shut my eyes temporarily to try and ease the headache that has come on suddenly, but I only see red. I see the slumping of shot bodies and hear the loud bang of the gunshots. I feel the sting of the bullet piercing my shoulder. I feel the cold metal of the gun's barrel pressed against my forehead and Tobias' vacant and cold stare. A shiver creeps up my spine and I almost feel the bullet still lodged inside my skin, even after it had been removed.
I really should be dead along with everyone else who lost their lives to the zombie-like massacre. I see my fears played out in real life on what seems like a movie reel burned inside my eyelids. My heart is heavy with death and loss, my family has been taken in a matter of minutes, and the community I had been counting on is completely broken and corrupt. I feel lost and I don't feel like I will have time to mourn. Maybe I had already mourned them by leaving Abnegation.
Tobias is here, however, to help me from feeling too far gone. He rubs my hand and I know that I still have him. And, I still have Caleb. Caleb looks older somehow even if it hasn't been very long since we'd seen each other. I see a change in him. Is he the brother I have known all my life? Was it just a mask for this person, with a crease in his forehead, so impossibly smart, hidden by the faction we had to betray? He was successful and mother was right; he was just a little too late for a warning. It's hard to do in such a confined space, but I appreciate the extra space and sudden interest he has taken to his fingernails and walls of the train. I can tell he is trying to give Tobias and me some privacy.
I glance behind me to see how Peter is doing. With the heavy labored breathing from him, I can tell he is in pain. He continues to clutch his arm and I see the blood soaking through the piece of fabric that was once my father's shirt. He winces from the pain and I turn back around so I don't have to see or smell it.
Did I do the right thing? Will Peter ever really be on our side? Even though the screech of the train and jagged movements of the train break up the silence, we are mostly stunned into a quiet silence. I think we are in a state of shock. The sounds of the train almost seem like a melody of screeching metal and wood drumming. What a haunting song.
What am I going to do? What will we do? How will this be sorted? What will the other factions do?
I sit shoulder-to-shoulder with Tobias and the way his broad shoulders casually touch mine make me feel a wave of different emotions. I'm not alone, I can continue on, and I'm now loved by someone who is not my immediate family. I spy his facial expression even though he is not looking directly at me. He has a serious look on his face and I watch him for a bit almost seeing a silent conversation in his head. The air feels especially cold right now and the wind seems to have picked up significantly. I hear the faint rumble of thunder in the distance and I abruptly straighten up and shift to lean over and kiss Tobias on the cheek. His serious expression turns into a grin as I look into his beautiful moon reflecting blue sapphire eyes.
"What was that for?" Tobias asks softly. We are careful to keep our voices low.
"I think I love you, too," I say. "You make me feel safe."
He winks at me. "You think you do huh?" He pauses. "You discredit your braveness, Tris. But, as long as you have a reason, I can accept that." I smile and follow it with a yawn. He moves to lightly touch my collarbone over the tattoo of one of my ravens. It's only then that I realize how much more my tattoos mean to me. Two of the three symbols for my family have flown away out of this world and onto the next. Life is hard and short.
I lean just a little bit closer and he drops his hand from my tattoo to reach around my waist and clutches me closer. My head droops over Tobias' chest and I hear the sound of his heart. It beats at a regular even pace. He is fearless and brave, and I wonder if I am the only one who can see his beautiful soul shining through. I feel weak after everything that has been done and I wonder if showing this weakness will prove that I could have only faked being Dauntless for so long. I feel another one of his walls partially coming down. It is gentleness behind his fearlessness. I also see a strong leader and I hope to get there myself one day, but what use would it be without a normal faction? Am I factionless or can the Dauntless rebuild and bounce back?
When our backs are against the wall, death envelops us, and there is more confusion than answers, I know that Tobias has my back. Our normal is gone, spirits broken, and we are bruised and literally hurt. I count the beating rhythm of his heart. I didn't think it was possible, but he actually pulls his arms tighter around me, like he's trying not to lose me. It's true. He makes me feel secure and safe. I hope it makes him feel safe too. For now, the short-term plan is to get to the Amity headquarters and get help. If ever there were a time to let someone help, it is now.
"It's gonna to be okay," he whispers aloud. I can't tell whether he means that for himself, me, or both of us.
A/N #2- Thanks for reading!
Thank you to piperann for editing and The Sweetest Blasphemy for pre-reading and giving me the extra push to publish.
Posting this story is really scary for me. I've only ever written for another fandom, but I'd love to hear your thoughts/comments/opinions. Shall I continue? If I hit a certain number of reviews, I'll continue it, so don't forget to set your story alerts. Also, I plan to stray a little bit OOC, that means I will take certain liberties that may be considered out of character, for example: hearing Tobias curse. Also, I am going to code the story as rated T for now, so I can be listed, but if I continue, I will move it to the M category.