A/N: Brock Baker's dub of Friday = LOL
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
"It's not over tonight! Just give me one more chance to make it right! I may not make it through the night! I won't go home without you! Whoa-oah-oah-oah!"
"All my life, I've been good but now, oh, oh, oh, ohhhhhh, I'm thinking 'what the hell'!"
"Just drop me off at that intersection. Please."
"I kissed a girl—"
"Don't even dare. I still can't get E.T out of my head."
"Ha! I know!"
"Ooh, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Screw the intersection; I'll just haul myself out."
"FRIDAY! FRIDAY! Gotta get down on FRIDAY!"
Shikamaru took advantage of the silence after the last song, and advised Naruto to leave the Ferrari in the parking basement of a nearby mall—"Too much car thefts in that area"—and took a cab to their destination.
The boys were dropped off at a street poorly lit by a single lamppost. In the dark they strained to see the strip club. After an endless exchange of complaints (i.e. "What the hell, Naruto—you got us lost, you moron", "Die, mosquitoes", "OH MY GOD. We haven't taken dinner yet"), they stumbled upon a seemingly abandoned building.
"Ugh, it feels so shady," Shikamaru grumbled as they trudged the narrow alley to get to the entrance in the back.
"Oh, please," Naruto scoffed, carefully avoiding the puddle in his way that would surely ruin his Nike Airs. "Think of it as your monthly sex scandal. This time with much more experienced strangers you don't have gym with,"
Finally they reached the end of the passage, and found themselves in front of a door. At the top was a sign in flashing, neon lights that read First Impressions in cursive writing. And frowning down on them was a big, beefy bouncer.
Naruto winked at them. "Let the pro take the lead."
He strutted over to the bouncer, and threw his head back in some sort of gangsta greeting. "'Sup, dawg? Me and my boys wanna go sightseeing."
The bouncer did not return the same friendly greeting. "ID."
Chouji eagerly dug into his jeans pocket for his wallet. He was finally going to use Shikamaru's gift to him last Christmas. Awesomeness.
"Here you go, my good man."
The hot pink sign above them casted an eerie glow on the bouncer's ominous face. He got Chouji's fake ID, and scanned over it quickly, like he knew what he was already dealing with here. His eyes turned menacing, and Shikamaru thought of turning back before this happy camper eats them alive.
The bouncer's scowl deepened as he gave Chouji back his ID.
Shikamaru closed his eyes. SHITBALLS.
"Get in," the bouncer grumbled.
Shikamaru blinked as he was led in by the ridiculously huge bouncer. Once he heard the door close softly behind them, Shikamaru found himself in a room darker than the night sky outside. It smelled faintly of cigarette smoke, and mainly of alcohol. Multicolored lights blinked rapidly from the ceiling (he asked himself whether it was Naruto or Kiba who had epilepsy among his friends), and provided him second-long glimpses of the silhouettes of females strutting on a stage in the middle of the room. Three long metal poles were attached to the stage.
Then to his horror Shikamaru realized he was alone. Chouji and Naruto, the two he (had previously) placed his complete trust on, were gone.
As he struggled to keep his composure in check, he felt soft, round objects pressing into his back. Remembering where he was, he jumped back, and turned to see a black-haired girl—whose black, lacy thong and heavy make-up were the only things doing any covering—sticking her chest so closely to his body.
"Hi, sugar, wanna dance?" she purred, and placed a fragile, dainty hand on his cheek.
His chest pounded uncomfortably, and he yelped, startled, when she nipped his ear. Shikamaru took the girl's wrists, and said, "Look, uh…"
"Kitty," she supplied.
"Kitty," he repeated. "Look, Kitty, I, um, appreciate this, but I'm better off being alone."
He walked off to sit down at a booth. On the one at his right were a stripper, and a man not much older than him sucking face. On his left was a man who gave him a toothless grin and began to masturbate.
Ohh-kay, Shikamaru thought, and looked away.
Kitty's glittery, red lips jutted forward into a pout. She sighed, and promptly sat in his lap. Shikamaru was too stunned to react. He started to wish he was the one with epilepsy. It was probably easier pretending to thrash around on the floor, than pretending to know what he was doing in a strip club.
Call him a hypocrite, but there's just something wrong about getting it on with some defenseless, airheaded girl, even though in this case the girl was a stripper.
"Why can't I get a break?" Kitty complained in her soft, sweet tone. "Jira-chan tells me I'm pretty, but I'd been getting blown off since last week!"
Feeling sorry for her, Shikamaru handed her a fifty, which she reluctantly accepted. "Here. Uh, you don't have to dance or anything."
He quickly scanned the area for his friends. Despite the confusing lights which illuminated nothing for more than a second, he saw a flash of Naruto's bright orange jacket. A skinny girl was busy giving Naruto a lap dance. Shikamaru caught his friend's hands roaming her waist, and his eyebrows furrowed in disapproval. Then he reminded himself it was what they were supposed to do at a place like this.
Kitty readjusted herself on his lap.
Shikamaru groaned to himself. "Happy freaking birthday, Shikamaru."
Suddenly her big, brown eyes, lined with tons of mascara and massively raped by the blue eye shadow, settled on his. "It's your birthday today?"
"Yeah. Uh, this was supposed to be a celebration. Friends dragged me here," Shikamaru said. He soon regretted saying so much. Why, oh, why did he have to tell her all of that?
"This is so cool!" Then, to a coworker, she hollered, "Where's the Pig—I mean, where's Sunny? Tell her to come over here!"
Kitty left his company, throwing a hasty birthday greeting over her shoulder, and melted into the crowd. Shikamaru glanced at his watch, anxiety washing over him. It was 10:30; he could have been on Chapter III already of his research if only he stayed at home. He didn't have any more time to complain to himself, since another girl, this time blonde and blue-eyed, joined him in the booth.
At first he thought he was Naruto. Don't ask him how he figured Naruto had grown breasts and had a fairer complexion, he just did. He squinted at her, fighting the darkness and the blasted flashing lights, and realized she had softer, paler features.
"Are you the birthday boy?" she asked, tilting her head.
He gulped. So…it wasn't over. "Yeah."
"Kitty suggested we celebrate our birthdays together. Mine's tomorrow…well, technically, in an hour and a half," Sunny explained quickly.
She avoided eye contact with him; when she spoke, her gaze darted from him to all around the strip club. Then she fiddled with the hem of her skirt, oblivious to Shikamaru's close examination of her features. He realized that she was the only one who wore a bra—if you could somehow imagine that thin string of sequins as support.
Then she abruptly looked up, and once she saw Shikamaru ogling her chest, spat, "I'm not gonna take it off, you creep."
1 message received
From: Nara Shikamaru
Don't be surprised when you see the Twinkies in the toilet tomorrow morning. All eight boxes of them.
"Um, we better help Shikamaru," Chouji said wearily, slipping his cellphone back in his pocket.
An inebriated Naruto, flanked by two strippers, drawled, "No, no, Shikamaru's a big boy. He could take care of himself. Ohh, God, I want me some sex NOW."
Feeling a little tipsy himself, Chouji considered this, and laughed as Naruto tried to woo the girls, who appeared bored and unimpressed.
"Listen, I wasn't staring at your breasts. It just struck me that you were the only one wearing a…you know, that," Shikamaru said in his defense, referring to her bra.
Sunny narrowed her eyes, and said, "That's because the other girls can't stand up to themselves, since the boss is a smooth-talking ass. I will not be swayed by his candy-coated lies."
"So you deem yourself more intelligent and level-headed than the rest?" Shikamaru challenged.
"Then do you mind if I ask what the hell are you doing trying to protect your dignity at a place like this?"
Sunny flushed a deep red, and scowled. Who the hell does this wise-ass think he is? "Well, what the hell are you doing trying to tell a hooker how to live her life?"
Leaning back, Shikamaru once again studied her, this time giving more attention to her face. God, she's really pretty. If she wasn't banging guys every night, and if she'd just zip those glittery, red lips, he'd totally take her home with him.
Sunny almost melted under his intense gaze, but kept her eyes glued onto his. His were the kind that would draw a girl in; they held some sort of loneliness, and yet a trace of mischief. They made her think of chocolates and bears, and—oddly enough—provided her with some kind of comfort. Then, embarrassed by these thoughts, she broke their eye contact, and instead, watched a co-worker stick her tongue down a blond guy's throat.
"I wonder…if you weren't working in a place like this, would you allow me to buy you a drink?"
She pouted, and looked up at him from beneath her long lashes. "Oh, you're such a cutie-pie…" Reverting back to her normal facial expression, she said bluntly, "No."
"And come to think of it," Sunny added, narrowing her eyes. "How old are you, exactly?"
She could see the glittering beads of sweat forming on his forehead.
"Nineteen." His voice broke a little at the end.
Sunny gave a sharp laugh. "I smile and flirt with men I'd rather spit on. You can't lie to another liar."
"Oh, do not compare me to—"
They both were distracted by a conga line that formed before them. Each participant had their tops off, and Sunny heard Shikamaru mumbling incoherently when the blonde guy she had observed earlier and a chubby one came into view.
The stripper flipped her long hair back, her lips curling into a smirk. "You're sixteen, aren'tcha?"
"Boy, you are one tough cookie." Sunny heaved a sigh, and changed gears. "Hey, I won't bust you or anything. You've got that deer-in-the-headlights look, and well, frankly it's kinda comforting knowing that there's at least one guy in this room who's not thinking of me as a sex object."
A brief moment of civility between them was interrupted by an eerie sound faintly resonating from outside. The next sound made Shikamaru's heart jump up to his throat.
"Oh, shit, it's the cops!"
Shikamaru turned to Sunny, but her face was as white as a sheet, and she stared back at him with the same horrified look. They stayed frozen to their spots, when the door flew open and a uniformed man barged in with his gun drawn.
"Nobody move!" he ordered.
Gasps rose from the crowd when the gravity of the situation dawned on them. More policemen flooded in, each one of them armed. Their guns gleamed silver under the blinking lights.
"What the hell is going on?" Shikamaru hissed, trying to keep the traces of panic in his voice to a minimum.
"I—I'm not sure," Sunny whispered back. "But word has it that First Impressions had a whole bunch of drugs smuggled into the basement."
His angered tone reached a policeman, who then approached them, and held them at gunpoint. "Shut the fuck up, son, and I won't blow your head off."
Fortunately he went away to terrorize another isolated couple in a corner booth.
Sunny attempted an explanation. "It was just a rumor…I think. Kitty told me about it before, but I didn't take it seriously. Oh, God, I'm working for a criminal."
Whether it was his survival instinct kicking into action or the sight of her pretty, innocent, childlike features marred by naked fright, he grabbed her wrist, and dragged the both of them under the table. The moment they were out of the policemen's view, Shikamaru knew that what he was about to do was something he'll regret the rest of his life. They crawled closer to the door, unnoticed by the officers who began to move towards Jiraiya's office
"Naruto, Chouji," Shikamaru called to his friends, whose hands were shaking at their sides.
Chouji's eyes darted to the direction of the voice that called his name, and widened. He opened his mouth to speak, when Shikamaru gave him a 'zip it' warning. He gestured for Chouji to take Naruto, and follow him.
"Holy shit, dude, what the hell is going on?" Naruto asked frantically once he dropped to the floor. "I almost pissed my goddamned pants—"
Naruto stopped in his tirade when he noticed the perfect, glorious ass in front of him.
"What's with the chick?" he asked slowly.
"Just shut up," Shikamaru answered.
A handful of officers milled around, engrossed in not-so-discreetly checking the scantily-clothed girls out. His heart pounding, his knees shaking, Shikamaru got on his feet, and moved towards the exit. The entire time he spent making his exit, his stomach was caving in, and the pulsing beat of the techno music blasting from the speakers hanging from the ceiling beat down on him—like it was a concrete object on his shoulders that grew heavier and heavier. Finally they all managed to slip away, and it was everything they could all do to avoid exclaiming in relief, and making a run for it, which would make a lot of noise.
As they marched towards the main road, Sunny, who had better control of keeping her emotions in check, faced Shikamaru, and said one simple word. "Why?"
Chouji and Naruto's ears perked up in curiosity. Although having an unexpected, totally hot—if they might add— companion was a bonus to their otherwise outrageous night, Shikamaru was after all the only man in the entire freaking galaxy to object going to a strip club.
"I'll feel like shit if I just left you there," Shikamaru replied. There was a smirk in his next sentence. "Don't think too much of it, doll. You didn't exactly grow on me that entire time we were together."
"And by together, you mean…" Chouji's voice trailed off, every cell in his body filled with hope.
A snort. "Engaging in a bitchfest."
They continued walking in silence. Sunny occasionally stumbled, her three-inch stilettos clearly not designed for rocky, uneven surfaces.
"So, could we, like, keep her?" Naruto asked out of the blue, not at all realizing the impropriety of what he said.
Sunny threw him a dirty look. "Like I'd waste a single second with you losers."
"Ah, the sincerity and gratitude of a woman is ever so appreciated."
Shikamaru stole a glance at her, and frowned at her lack of better clothing. He motioned for Naruto to offer her his jacket.
"Thank you," he heard her murmur.
Moody little weirdo, he thought.
The foursome, as soon as they were out of the alley, searched high and low for a cab to take them home. Unable to find a ride at such a late hour, they hiked back to where they left Sasuke's car.
"This reminds me of when Elizabeth Bennet went all the way to the Netherfield," Shikamaru mused.
"Who the hell is Elizabeth?" Chouji grumbled, already fatigued after having walked half a mile.
Naruto tried to make a joke. "She hot?"
Sunny rolled her eyes at the ignorance of the two boys, but was secretly pleased with Shikamaru's interest in literature. When they finally reached the Ferrari, they jumped in, and raced off, eager to leave behind the remnants of the extremely long, and dragging night.
Shikamaru glanced at the rearview mirror as he, being the only one sober and carrying a license, drove.
"Where will I stay?" Sunny asked, her eyebrows knit together in worry.
"With us," Chouji replied, looking up from his Android. "We can't really leave you out on the streets."
"That is unspeakable, and I—"
Shikamaru hit the brakes, and spun around in his seat. "Either you shut up, or I drop you off."
This silenced Sunny, and she sulkily watched the trees lining the roads blur as the car zoomed past.
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A/N: R&R, thanks :)