I Remember Everything

Part One: In My Time of Dying

Dean woke up in pain. Not as much pain as he should have been in but enough pain to make this entrance into consciousness suck.

The pain was centralized in his throat and lungs. Some kind of foreign object had been crammed down mouth and throat; he could feel the tape keeping the obtrusion to his face. His confused brain was having a hard time figuring out what this intrusion was and…

What the HELL was a tube doing in his nose?

Dean felt like he was suffocating and choking at the same time.

It was almost like he broke through water, like he had been holding his breath for a long time and was finally allowed to break free from the surface and fill his lungs with precious, vital oxygen.

Immediately he began to gag, the tubes had to be gone, God, it felt like they were killing him.

Dean brought his hands up to his chest where his lungs were burning; every artificial puff of oxygen from the ventilator searing his throat and lungs.

Dean just wanted the damn tubes out.

In the background he could hear a familiar voice; the voice of his brother yelling for help.

"Help, I need help!" God please no! Was Sam hurt, why did he need help? Dean fought against the tubes, he fought against his own body, and he fought the wires keeping his body on the bed with very little mobility.

Sam needed his help, Sam needed help and Dean couldn't do a damn thing about it! He felt helpless, he felt strangled, and then he suddenly felt hands on him; one on his shoulder and one on his face. Trying to keep him grounded, trying to get him to focus. They were failing in their mission.

These hands felt familiar, they felt safe, they were the hands he'd felt checking for fevers or wounds when he was a kid and even now that he was an adult. His job had always been to protect Sammy, ever since he was four years old and his father told him to take his brother and run; his mother burning on the ceiling-the image burned in his mind forever.

His job had always been to protect and take care of Sammy but Sam always did the same. Whenever Dean's body had enough of the abuse he put it through on a daily basis; his father was always working but Sam was always there to protect and take care of him. He fought it tooth and nail, though, he was the big brother and it was his job. He didn't want to be Sam's burden. He only wanted Sam to be a kid longer then he'd been one. He wanted Sam to have a normal childhood, he didn't want Sam to have to worry about him all the time.

Deep down, Dean truly appreciated those small moments when he could let his walls, his guard down. It seemed like it was the only time in their strange, messed up lives that they could forget about the demons and monsters under the bed and just be brothers.

"Dean, look at me! You're safe now, you're in the hospital! Dean, I need you to open your eyes!"

Dean heard his baby brother's voice. The hand on his face had been moved to his head, very gentle pressure keeping it from moving too much and dislodging one of the machines, a move that would without a doubt cause more damage than either of them wanted to deal with at right now.

Dean couldn't refuse anything that voice asked. Whether it was when they were kids and Sam would ask to stay up later, promising Dad would never have to know, or if he was pleading for Dean to stay with him, to stay alive.

Dean's eyelids fluttered as he tried to find his brother among the darkness. When he finally got his eyes open, even the dimmed hospital lights seared straight through his brain. He clenched his eyes closed as he continued to fight against the machines that had been keeping him alive since the accident.

"That's it, come on, Dean, open your eyes!"

Dean wanted to so badly. He never wanted to let Sam down, ever, so he tried again. This time he was able to keep them open. Not so much open, more like tiny slivers only a fraction of their true diameter.

Dean found himself looking straight into Sam's matching green eyes and man did they look relieved to see him awake.

"It's ok, Dean." Sammy told him, "Everything's going to be ok now. The reapers not gonna get ya, now."

Reaper? What the hell happened, anyway? Dean couldn't remember a damn thing.

OoOoOoO

The doctors removed the tubes and checked his injuries which somehow miraculously healed.

The doctors where baffled, Sam was baffled too but way more relieved to hear his brother was no longer on the brink of death.

Dean was just confused. Sam told him that apparently when he was in a coma he'd been walking around as a spirit, there had been a reaper after him and Dean had told Sam himself through a Ouija board.

Dean honestly didn't remember a thing.

All that was left was a pit in his stomach, telling him something was wrong. Subconsciously Sam and Dean both knew it wasn't natural that Dean was awake from his coma completely healed.

It wasn't even an hour later when the doctors where calling time of death on their father.

OoOoOoO

When Dean would dream, he would dream of his brother or father. Sometimes other people from his past would make special guest appearances. The monsters they'd hunted would sometimes drop by too. Dean hated to dream most of the time because it was usually only past memories, and with the life he'd lived he usually just wanted to forget.

Sometimes his dreams were good. Sometimes he would remember the brotherly moments shared between him and Sam, the few father/son moments he had with his Dad, or he would remember his mother the way she'd been before the yellow eyed son of a bitch took her from them.

Tonight, however, Dean was having a completely different kind of dream. A dream of memories he'd forgotten or never even known of to begin with.

Tonight, he was dreaming about a reaper named Tessa, he saw himself wandering the halls without being seen, his body being jolted again and again while all he or Sam could do was stand there and watch. He saw the Ouija board and Sam looking so comforted when Dean was able to reply back. He saw a truck smash into the Impala, he saw a helicopter landing in a field, he saw himself talking to that reaper who'd tried to take him and in that moment he realized how close he'd come to actually going with her. Most importantly, he saw the black smoke filter into the room through a vent in the wall and taking over the reaper. He saw Tessa turn around, her eyes now yellow. It's your lucky day kid and next thing he knew he was being hurdled back into his body and then his father was dead.

Dean woke with a start, siting straight up in some random motel room bed, gasping and covered in sweat.

He'd been thinking it for a while but now there was no doubt in his mind what had really happened to his father.

As he sat in the bed he felt a sudden chill, his breath visible in the air. A familiar voice touched his ear and the voice was so quiet he almost didn't hear it.

"Now, you know everything."

OoOoOoO

To Be Continued.

A/N: That was it for part one of this three part story. One of the things I noticed about Supernatural is that there are some things that happen to Dean that he doesn't remember, at first at least. Like I said this story is going to have three parts, each with Dean remembering what happened to him in different episodes: In My Time of Dying, Mystery Spot, and then his time in hell. Hope you enjoy this story; let me know what you think! Thank you!

~Tango

Repudiationes: Nonsuamsupernaturalem

(That was Latin for, Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural! Teehee! Minus the Teehee part of course…) ;)