Anders didn't want her to have this life. Hawke deserved more than what he could provide for her. He tried to convince her to stay away from him. He begged her not to tease him. He told her that she couldn't love him. He told her it would end in disaster. No mage he had known has dared to fall in love. Two mages in love could only lead to ruin.
But she stayed with him. Despite all that he had done…all that he had done to her, Hawke stayed by his side and loved him. Even when faced with the decision whether or not to execute him, Hawke had just looked at him with the same trusting look in her eyes she had when she met him. She extended her hand and said, "Come...Let's fix this mess, love."
She could have had a normal life. She could have hid her magic and lived as a noble the rest of her life. She could have had everything she could ever want. She didn't have to be stuck with a renegade mage. She could have had a normal life with a normal man and raise a normal family. He tried to explain that he could not do this for her. He couldn't give her a normal life.
"But I don't want a normal life, I want you," Hawke would tell him whenever he brought this up.
And with a shake of the head, Anders would smile at her before he kissed her.
Things seemed so simple back then.
Back then, all Anders had to worry about concerning Hawke was during battle. She was safe in her manor and had the city under her thumb. She was safe from any templars. The only danger Hawke had faced was on the battlefield. And Anders was always there to stand between certain death and Hawke.
He would die for her.
And now, as they ran from city to city, he worried about her constantly. She did not have her status anymore. She did not have the protection she had before. Therew as nothing to stop the templars from coming after her. It was as if the ten years in Kirkwall did not happen. She was powerless. All she had was him and all he had was her.
Out of all her companions, Fenris was the last to leave her side. The night that he left, Anders remembered overhearing him talking to Hawke.
"Come with me. Leave him," he had insisted, "If they catch you with him, you will be killed. You will hanged, beheaded. Do you not understand that?" Anger showed through his voice. Anger and frustration that his view was not being heard.
"And do you not understand that I love him?" Hawke had asked with just as much passion.
"But does he love you?" Fenris asked, "If he loved you, he would never had dared advanced on you. If he loved you, he would never have put you in harm's way like this. If he loved you, he would have made you leave him."
"You know nothing," Hawke had spat before a silence took over the camp.
Fenris sighed as he turned from her, "I only stayed to protect you. But I cannot do it anymore. Not when you refuse to protect yourself."
"I don't need protection. I am not a child," Hawke had stated, "You know what I am capable of. I can take any templar that would want to take me."
"It is not the templars that I am worried about," Fenris said.
Those were the last words the former lovers spoke before he left and never returned.
The two mages went on their way. There were plans of perhaps going to Tevinter, but they put that idea to rest. It was too risky. It was a last option. They ran up and down the coast before finally disappearing into the middle of Thedas. Months had passed with no peep from the templars around. And for a moment, Anders was finally able to let his guard down. He found a small home with Hawke and was able to sleep there for more than just a night or two. It was there that Anders asked Hawke to marry him. He would never forget her reaction.
"You mean we aren't?" Hawke had asked with a charming smile on her face.
"Wha-what do you mean?" Anders had asked, knee still on ground and ring still in hand.
"Two people…pledging to spend the rest of their lives with each other…for better or worse…richer or poor…to death do they part…Is that not us?" she had asked him, "Are we not married?"
Later that night, he watched Hawke sleep, he wondered how could she greet each day with a smile on her face and a spring in her step. Her life has been filled with tragedy, yet she awoke each morning and drew back the curtains to stare at the sky. Sometimes he would catch her almost in tears, but she would easily replace her sobs with laughter. He did not think it was healthy, but she refused to listen to him. She wanted to bottle her emotions. She wanted to be happy.
He had thought she would resent him. But she didn't. If anything, she wanted him more. She was more determined to help with his cause. She started to write manifestos of her own and began to get more and more passionate about the mage issue. And speaking of passion, Hawke was getting more wanting in the bedroom. She said that the feeling of their magic mingling together was getting stronger with each time.
It was a little piece of heaven for the time being.
And he would be wise to enjoy it while he could.