Chapter 1

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Kyouya never held much stock in the word "friends". To him it was just a word that meant having someone to use for one's personal gain. Still even with that mentality he never hurt anyone with it. Not the way he was hurt by it. How he was feeling anymore made him sick to his stomach. The lack of a full night's sleep wasn't helping much either. Closing his cell phone in frustration he threw it on his bed before collapsing on top of it. Grabbing his pillow he tightly shut his eyes, one day everything would be different he was sure of it. It had to, for even thinking that this was his fate was too much to bare. How did things end up this way any way? How did he end up this way? He always kept distance from others, that was what he did since he was little but then how come he let that idiot in? How did that dumbass get so close that he considered him a "friend", "best friends" even? In doing so he created this sense of security, this sense that they would always be there, they could talk about anything. He hadn't been wrong either; they talked all the time and about virtually anything.

The feeling he got when he knew they were always there, that they understood was unexplainable. He was happy, as crazy as that sounded he was happy with all that was going on around him. Life didn't seem so one tracked anymore. He wasn't solely focused on just his father's happiness anymore. Holding the phone conversations, hanging out with people not just for their families influence was a nice change. Doing things he normally wouldn't have was a nice and richer experience. He was getting a better lesson on life and what it had to offer this way. But, where did it go now? It started out wonderfully but now it seemed to vanish, like it was just some made up fantasy.

Maybe it was, maybe what he believed to be reality was really nothing more than dreams. If so then he would have never dreamt at all. To be haunted by what he once had was something he wasn't enjoying. The yearning for those days to come back, the memories that pained his heart and brought tears to his eyes needed to go away. Things had to change, if that meant saying good-bye to everything then so be it. He had enough, he was done, his heart couldn't handle being broken anymore.

Taking one last look at his phone to see it holding no messages or missed calls he turned it off and went to his computer. He needed something to subdue the anger he felt rising. No not anger, sadness, sadness that he was the one outside the circle. He felt it at times at school but it became visible after, when he was left alone. Especially on days like today. He got to hear his "best friend" talk about all he planned to do today, all the things they used to do together. Now he did them with someone else. It wasn't like he was "with" this new person; they weren't a couple they were just friends, as they were. Since they were friends though it seemed he was no longer needed. He needed to get away from here, somewhere far where he could start new and forget about what he lost. He needed to think about college, maybe someplace in the city. He would be far enough where he could start fresh yet close enough where he could come home for the holidays. That would be perfect actually, now he just had to find a school best suited for his desires.

The more he planned his new life the less the pain was. He was actually excited for this. His heart raced as he was e-mailed back from one school saying he was accepted already. They had no entrance exams to worry about you just had to apply early enough which it seemed he did. Grabbing his credit card he filled out the form for the school deposit and looked around for housing options the school offered while he tried to fax over the forms they e-mailed him. This was really happening, in September he would be moving to the city. He would get a fresh start, meet new people, make new friends, it will be great. He would even dorm with someone, not that he had too but he heard stories that people could become very close to those they lived with and that's what he wanted. He could see it now, seeing the sites with his roommates, going for food, joking about school, god how the thought made him giddy with excitement. Though he would never let it show, he would smile, a smile was acceptable.

Even with months to go before he had to move he made a list of all the things he would need. It would probably be shorter once he learned who his roommates were and what they were bringing but he would need the basics, bedding, towels, etcetera. Hearing a maid outside his door telling him about dinner he stopped for now. He could pick it up after, now he had to tell his father about his plans. He could tell his father was unsure of this idea, he didn't see how it would benefit him in the long run of trying to surpass his brothers.
"It may not but this will help the family. By me living how the mass population does I can see what they truly desire and we can use that information to our advantage." It may not be the real reason he wanted to do this but whatever got him there.

As graduation approached he watched as his desire to move grew too. He couldn't take living at home anymore, he couldn't take hearing his "best friend" talk about what he was doing and where he was going but never inviting him along. He was pushed aside for the others, did that idiot really not see how much that hurt. To hear stories of what they did or went to go see and never once seeing if he wanted to join. Actually something hurt more than that, when they did finally get together someone else would tag along so they didn't get to really hang out and left him feeling like a third wheel. Did he do something wrong? Had he said something that hurt the other? He must of done something to deserve this, he would apologize if he did. He may be an Ootori but he was still human, and if he messed up he would try to fix it. Rolling over on his bed he half listened to his stereo while he stared at his calendar. A little over sixty days until he went away for school and right now he couldn't wait.

*Hey, you free today?* Kyouya stared at the text message his phone currently displayed. Technically he was but he wasn't sure he wanted t say yes and have no excuse should it be another "hang out."
*Sort of why what's up?* He really hated texting but when it came to this he preferred it. Ignoring the other person go on and on about how he had things so tough was much easier this way. He couldn't feel sorry for them, when you do stupid things you shouldn't freak out when stupid things happened it, was basic common sense.
*Come over for a little bit.*
*I'll see what I can do.*
*Alright, I'll be here all day.*
*Okay, I'll let you know when I'm on my way.*
*Sounds good.*

Was he really going to do this? He should, it might be the last time they get together before he went to school. He won't stay long, an hour tops. That sounds good; yea he'll just do that.
*I'll head over in a half hour or so.*
*Okay, can't wait! *

"I can't believe your leaving. I'll miss you." Tamaki sat on the couch while Kyouya sat on the recliner, he didn't want to get too comforter he still planned to not stay long.
*You'll miss me? We barely talk now let alone see each other and you'll miss me? Yea, you'll miss me listening to you whine!*
"I'll miss you too. But I'll be back home for Christmas."
"I know and I keep telling myself that. Plus you'll only be what, an hour or so away so it won't be that bad. We'll have to get together when you come home in December."
"Of course."
They talked for a little bit longer before Kyouya got up to go. He figured this would be the last time they really did this. He said they would have to get together at Christmas but the chances of that actually happening were slim. As he got into his waiting car he couldn't help but think of their memories together as friends and how they would probably stay memories, no new ones would be created after today.
"Good-bye Tamaki."

Sitting at his new desk he looked around at his dorm room. He really did it; he made it to the city for school, for a new friends and new memories. He only met one of his roommates briefly while he moved in they started moving in but they arrived with family so they basically dropped off his stuff and went site seeing. His other roommate he hadn't met yet but learned right away that they were a total slob. There were clothes everywhere on their side of the room and the bathroom was littered with razors and bathing things. They seemed to have added a shower rack though it held nothing but used disposable razors even with the garbage can not even five feet. The shower curtain was completely moldy; he didn't want to touch it unless he had gloves on. To add to this room delights he looked in the fridge and saw nothing but rotten fruit and way past the expiration date milk. It was a good thing his father didn't come to help him move in or else he would have been taken back home no questions asked. Looking up on top of the microwave which is on top of the fridge which just happened to be next to his desk he saw a ton of food and something that made him really look around, fish food. This guy owned a fish? What about the no pet rule the building had in place? Whatever, it was just a fish; trying not to find it anymore he went back to his laptop. He just got to where he left off when he saw his phone light up. It was Tamaki; did he want to see what it said? Knowing he was going to be sorry he opened it up.
* I miss you, I wish you were still back home.*
In reality he wanted to scream and text back, * yea whatever, what nobody wants to hear you bitch about stupid shit like you always do?* But he didn't feel like starting shit so he hit reply and typed. * I'll be back in December and I'm only in the city.*
A few minutes later his phone went off again.
*I know but it still feels weird that I won't see you around until then.* How was it weird, they never saw each other for six months normally? God he was so happy to be gone, now he could move on from him. He could see the truth of their friendship for what it was. Tamaki used him all this time. He knew now that back then he was there for whenever it worked for him and now he was gone and he had to face facts. They were never really friends; he was just a peg to hold the place of someone else when that other person wasn't there. He was glad he was alone as he rested his head on his desk and tried to ignore the pain in his chest. No, he wasn't going to let him get to him anymore. Slipping his phone and wallet in his keys he left his room to go explore and learn the city. In two days he had orientation, he had to figure out how to get there from here.


So there you guys have it, chapter one. This is based off of real life experiences and I can pretty much guarantee this won't be updated as quickly. This might change once I get some of my other projects up but I'm saying this for now. Please review and let me know what you think.