Title: The 8 Warning Signs of a Dysfunctional Partner

Category: Slash; Fluff/Sap; Humor
Rating: G
Pairings: H/D
Spoilers: None

Summary: Harry realizes Draco puts the 'fun' in 'dyfunctional.'
Disclaimer: Harry and Draco and everyone mentioned do *not* belong to me. Although Star is owned by CrystalStarGuardian whom I didn't ask if I could use but I'm sure she would say yes *gulps* and Kaleb is mine. Sally Jessie Raphael isn't mine either… ew.
Feedback: Any and all comments, send 'em away. I wake up in the morning for this kind of thing
Notes: I know I haven't written anything in awhile- sorry. I'm working on this project. It'll be my new story hopefully coming out soon. (For the One You Love! Look out for it ^_~) Anyway I was watching Sally and the list caught my eye and immediately these scenes popped into my head. Except the nail polish scene… that was all Li-chan's idea. Thank you, koi!!

Onto the fic~

Our tale begins on a beautiful day in London. The sun was bright, the birds were singing, cute little kids were running up and down the streets playing with broken glass and Draco Malfoy was idly entertaining himself with his newest obsession- socks. Kindly do not ask. Harry Potter was lounging comfortably on their couch in their shared flat, surfing through 1000 and 1 channels of the muggle TV Harry had spent nearly a month begging for until he just up and bought one. He, Harry Potter, *The* Boy Who Lived, did *not* need Draco Malfoy's, Ice Prince's, Dragon's, Mr. Icy-Hot's™ and all those cutesy names fanfic authors come up with for the Slytherin Brat™, permission.

And it was on this day that Harry just happened to rest his poor abused remote-clicking digit while the Sally Jessie Raphael™ show was on. Curious emerald eyes watched as a banner drifted across the screen, stealing his attention.

"8 Warning Signs of a Dysfunctional Partner."

The clicker dropped from limp fingers onto the couch beside him, forgotten. His messy mop of hair peeked over the back of the couch at Draco, who was sitting at their kitchen table contently gazing at his $1078 sock clad feet lovingly. Draco smiled as he wriggled his toes in the oh-so-soft material.

Looking back at the TV with a small, amused smile Harry watched.

"1: Estranged to family."

Well, Harry reasoned, that bit was true. Draco *never* talked to, or about, his family.

Never mind the fact that said family, mostly one psychotic (though he would argue only slightly perturbed), dark wizard boot licking, side kicking, ass kissing, multi billionaire father we're not naming *cough*Lucius*cough*, would love to serve one Mr. Potter's ass a la carte.

Pillowing his head into the crook of his arm he watched.

"2: Major mood swings."

Harry snickered.

"What's so funny?" Draco's annoyed voice floated over to him and Harry stopped snickering.

"Nothing," he said flatly.

"You're shit for a liar, you know," Draco said matter-of-factly.

Harry mock gasped loudly. "Such *language* from a Malfoy."

"Shove it, Harry."

Our green-eyed hero purred suggestively and was about to retort "Where?" when the screen flashed and he closed his mouth.

"3: Chronic irritability."

He choked, his eyes darting around. Who was secretly watching his life? Behind him he heard shuffling and a few clinking noises.

"4: Frequent acts of insanity."

Curious, Harry looked over and..

Blinked. And blinked again.

"What are you DOING!?"

Draco looked up; the tip of a glistening brush poised over one perfectly manicured nail. "What? Wrong color?"

Harry took a slow, deep breath. "Draco."


"You're *painting* your *nails* *PINK!*"

Draco tilted his head to the side, platinum strands slanting across his face as he recapped False Innocence 09. "What crawled up your ass?"

Harry had already turned around, mumbling to himself and watching the screen intently for his next warning.

"5. Not meeting their friends and/or family."

Okay. This was weird. It was as if Sally had peeked into his relationship to entertain her viewers with his misfortune.

Never mind the fact Draco didn't *have* any friends. People were even starting to avoid him while walking down the streets. It wasn't *Draco's* fault if people didn't have the stamina to deal with him, was it?

Was it?

"6. Forgetting birthdays, holidays, and special events."

Well, Harry smiled smugly, letting out a breath of relief. That was one Draco had right. Draco pampered, or at least tried to pamper, his beloved as much as he pampered himself. Maybe the git wasn't so bad after all.

"7. Over reacting to situations."

Then again… maybe not.


Harry bolted upright, twisting around to see Draco dancing away from the table on one foot.

"What're you-"

"MY SOCK!!" Draco looked at him, clearly pained, and dramatically pointed down to his sock, a hand thrown over his eyes.

Indeed, the foot not on the ground was smeared in almost translucent liquid. A second later the sharp alcoholic smell hit him and Harry covered his nose, glaring.

"You didn't put the cap on right, did you?" Harry asked nasally through his sleeve.

Draco glared back defensively out of instinct, as if Harry was mocking him, and shook his head, his own sleeve covering his nose.

"It's your mess." Harry turned back around, breathing through the soft material. "You clean it up."

Harry heard his gray-eyed lover grunt and stomp off.

"And the biggest one of all…" Sally's voice informed him cheerfully. "8. Flirting with others in your presence."

Harry clutched his hair with one hand. Where to begin *that* list.

Ginny, Hermione, Fred, George, *Ron*, Pansy *gags*, Blaise, Star, Kaleb, Seamus..

"You can breathe normally now unless you want to pass out, in which case I have no complaints."

Dean, hell even Prof. McGonagall once or twice..

Harry looked up into upside-down gray eyes. Ones that were sparkling with mischief and something Harry had never seen before. But it completed a very interesting picture.

Why did he stay? The signs were clear.

"Can I help you?" Harry asked nonchalantly.

The signs were telling him to leave.. 

"Harry I… I just wanted you to know…"

..and never look back.

Harry waited patiently, the hand in his hair slipping back to cover one of Draco's hands, one of his warm hands. No matter how cold Draco wanted to be he was always, always warm.

"The wizard in me loves the wizard in you."

The beginnings of an overjoyed smile spread on Harry's face despite the corny lines sprouting from his partner. "Draco.. are you trying to tell me you love me?"

Draco shifted uncomfortably, eyes locked together, "…maybe."

"C'mere you git," Harry linked his arms up around Draco's neck and pulled him down for a long, slow kiss.

They pulled apart, but they didn't break. They needed an oxygen break, the food for the body, before kissing again, the food for the soul.

So why did he stay?

Harry's eyes sparkled up at him when Draco pulled back. "Love you, too."

Why not?


AN: Sappy, huh? ^_^ I like it. Tell me if you do too! *eyes the review button*