A/N: As stated in the summary this is a response to KCS' 221b challenge. Each chapter is 221 words with the last word beginning with the letter 'b,' all taking place within the BBC Sherlock universe.

UPDATE – If any of you have read this series prior to 1/26/14 you'll notice a whole lot of changes. Mainly I've fixed some mistakes in the writing and, more importantly, deleted the "Funeral Games" arc as well as the majority of the old stories (specifically, all but two). Why? Because they were absolutely dreadful and I don't know why I let them stay up as long as I did. I have lots of new ideas for 221b fics, especially after the third season, so hopefully this will now be a much better collection! If, for some very odd reason you're still interested in reading the old stuff, just send me a PM.

Onwards! And as always, thanks for reading!

Christmas Eve. Pie in hand John sidled up to the eldest Holmes, currently engaged in fixing a dry martini.

"Well," he said, "I see now where they got it from." The elder man's eyebrows rose. "Those two," John clarified. He pointed to Sherlock, deliberately throwing hot dishes on top of Mycroft's computer. John had to raise his voice above the yelling. "Those idiots can tell you exactly what you had for breakfast based on the state of your shoes. Your wife—" Mrs. Holmes was jumping between her boys, sauce covered spoon in hand. "She's the math marvel, right? I read a bit of her book. It's pretty impressive. But you, sir, are the true genius in this family."

"Am I! Now how do you figure that, John?" Mr. Holmes laughed, right as there was a loud whack! that echoed across the kitchen tile. Sherlock let out a howl, exaggeratedly holding the hand that now sported a red welt. Mycroft smirked until he too got a wallop on the arm. The resulting, "Mummy!" would have devastated the nation's image, had the public heard it.

"A simple deduction." John said, shouting and grinning now. He snatched another glass and dangled it imploringly before his host. "We've got three more days in this house together and you're the only one opening the booze."