Chapter I: A Three Hour Charter
Jed Clampett was surf fishing on Waikiki Beach. Jed and the whole Clampett clan were in Hawaii along with Mr. Drysdale and Miss Jane looking into investing in building something called a time share condominium building. It was of course Mr. Drysdale's idea. Jed could not reckon with the concept that somebody would actually buy a house, and it really wasn't a house—just a few rooms in the building he would own, to only live there a few months a year. On top of that, the feller in charge of the project suggested offering free boat rides and sightseeing trips for people to go to a meeting to listen to why they should buy one of these "time-shares." But Jed left most of the business dealings to Drysdale, as crazy as they might seem.
Suddenly a large man in a flowered shirt called to Jed, "Haole, you can't fish here! This is a surfing beach!"
Misunderstanding the Hawaiian, Jed replied "Howdy to you, too. And you're right all these people must be scaring the fish away. Do you know of a good fishing hole?"
The man in the flowered shirt pointed to the ocean and retorted, "Yeah, out there."
Jed pondered the man's answer and responded with, "Well then it looks like I need a fishin' boat. Usually I don't carry much walking around money—but since we are on vacation and all, Miss Jane suggested I do carry these travelin' checks…"
The demeanor of the Hawaiian changed instantly when he saw the notes. He didn't even know that American Express made Traveler's Cheques with so many zeroes on them. The Hawaiian then offered, "Why, sir, I would be happy to help you secure a craft for your fishing needs."
"Well Doggies!" Exclaimed Jed, "that is right neighborly of you, friend!"
Soon Jed was at a Marina in Pearl Harbor. He was happy, as he was soon to be goin' fishin'. Clampett secured a three hour lease on a 1964 Wheeler cabin cruiser. The 40' craft was coming into the slip, and it was a beauty. Jed went over to a nearby pay phone to call the condo with the good news.
"Commerce Bank Vacations, Jane Hathaway speaking," proclaimed the crisp voice on the other end of the phone.
Jed explained, "Miss Jane, its Jed Clampett. I'm at Pearl's Harbor and got a fishin' boat for all of us to go out in."
The words 'fishin' boat' and 'Pearl Harbor' alarmed Hathaway. It wasn't long ago that the Clampetts had to pay the U.S. Navy a pretty penny for the use of a destroyer for the day. Not to mention the enormous legal fees necessary to assure a federal court of inquiry that it was all a misunderstanding and that J.D. Clampett did not intend to impersonate a Vice Admiral...
Hathaway cautiously asked, "How large is this boat, what color is it, and more importantly… how did you come across it?"
Clampett replied, "Its forty feet long, white, and I rented it until dark. Tell everybody to hurry up, I figure we only have a little more than three hours till she has to be brought back."
Hathaway replied, "Right away Mr. Clampett, I'll have everybody at the Marina within 15 minutes, along with all of your fishing gear in the truck!"
Both Drysdale and Hathaway were relieved to see it was an actual rental cabin cruiser, not a destroyer, and that Clampett was in his 'fishin' clothes' as opposed to his 'yachting outfit' from last year (a Navy Vice Admiral's uniform somehow secured from a local movie studio's costume department.).
Elly May and Jethro were arguing over who was going to be Captain.
Jethro explained, "You can't be captain because you're a girl!"
Elly May rebuked Jethro with a punch to the arm, retorting, "Yeah, what about Tugboat Annie?"
Jed put an end to the squawking by dividing the task where the two would take turns, which seemed to keep the peace.
Granny was complaining, "Aaaah, I don't want to go on the ocean. This isn't like sailing on the Mississippi. There are way too many Yankee ships blockading this harbor!"
Jed calmed her with, "Now Granny, we're just going fishin', which we have done in this same Pacific Ocean many times from the Long Beach back home."
Once everybody settled in, Jethro cast off the boat. They were out close to an hour, and Jed and Granny were catching some nice Sea Bass and Yellow Tail. Ellie May then came running back to the aft part of the boat.
"Uncle Jed, Granny, a storm is a comin'!" The young blonde cried.
Jed rushed up to the wheelhouse with Jethro. The tiny ship was tossed relentlessly by the storm. The boat washed ashore on a tropical island with a huge hole on its side.
Granny looked at the hole in the craft and started smacking Jethro, yelling, "You fool, look what you did! This is coming out of your allowance!"
Miss Jane placated the matriarch with, "Now, Granny, don't be too hard on the boy, it was an accident."
Just then, a young man about Elly May's age in a red shirt and an upside down cap came up on the beach out of nowhere. He looked at the beached cabin cruiser like he was seeing a ghost.
"Oh, no, not again," cried the young man in red, "Skipper! Professor! Come quick, it happened again!" And with that, the sailor in tennis shoes sprinted into the jungle.