Gators – Chapter Nine
Mr. Giggles battled his way out of the stuffing cage and fell flat on his face. He was beginning to wonder whether bringing David Copperfield to life was such a good idea. David seemed to be causing him an awful lot of extraordinary bad luck. He got up and brushed all the cotton stuffing off his trousers and his evil bomb constructing Build-a-Bear coat.
He glanced into his ten buckets of uranium making sure it hadn't been stolen by the wild ostrich running around on the loose. He noticed that all the uranium had foamed up in the buckets and he suddenly realised how starving he was. The foam looked like wiped cream that was just to die for. Mr. Giggles had to slap himself in the face and remind himself that his tasty looking uranium was lethal! He decided he could grab a quick bit to eat at the bakery before he his evil plan.
He continued reading his trusty instruction manual and skimmed off all the foamy uranium substances and put it all together in another separate bowl he had found. As Mr. Giggles was taking his morning calcium tablets, he realised that he had forgotten to buy the most important ingredient for separating the fluoride from the uranium. The calcium tablets!
"Oh right," he marvelled out loud. "I already have calcium tablets. Silly me."
He poured his remaining calcium tablets into the uranium and a wild MAGIKARP appeared!
The wild MAGIKARP used Splash!
But nothing happened!
The Magikarp flopped around weakly on the floor and made its way towards the store's bathroom, probably to send itself down a drain. Mr Giggles merely shrugged and continued his work.
"Now's for the fun part." Assembling the bomb! He fished out the salad bowls from his environmental bags and began separating the ten pounds of uranium into the bowls. He wrestled one hunk of uranium into the inside of the first bowl and smashed it in with his half broken hammer. Then he attacked the second bowl with the uranium.
He huffed and he puffed and he needed a glass of water. But there was no time for that. He had to get the bomb finished by lunch time. David's lunch break.
The old vacuum cleaner was out and ready to be inserted with uranium filled salad bowls. He hollowed the body of the vacuum cleaner out and placed the two hemispherical bowls inside, no less than seven inches apart. He plastered masking tape all over, under and around the bowls to stick them firmly into position. If the bowls were to at any time collide with each other, there would be no more Build-a-Bear ... or Mr. Giggles. But no one would really be too upset if he got blown up anyway.
Now all that was left to do was place the blasting caps outside of the bowls, attach the detonation device to it using the batteries, plug in the wires and install the switch, and finally, he somehow had to get the bomb inside the Build-a-Bear without blowing himself to smithereens.
Mr Giggles worked tirelessly on the bear until morning broke, taking care to leave his dangerous instructions packed in with the bomb so that any evidence would be destroyed. He had just finished stitching up the now slightly lumpy furry toy when a bubbly young staff member unlocked the door and came marching into the store.
"Hullo!" the boy greeted him. "I take it you're one of the cleaners!"
"Oh, er, absolutely, I most definitely, completely am, indeed, a cleaner."
"Smashing job you've done," he laughed, and began preparing the store for another rush of eager children.
Mr Giggles was instantly annoyed by the young man's zest for life and hurried to gather his materials into his shopping bags. He was on his way out when he remembered the deal with Bob. He grabbed the required bear clothing from the racks and walked up to the counter.
"Oh no, Mr Cleaner, I couldn't ask you to pay for the clothes after all your hard work!"
Mr Giggles coughed. "Ah, er, yes, all my excruciating, back-breaking, dedicated, solid work, yes. Indeed."
"Too right, sir! Have a lovely day!"
Mr Giggles rushed out of the store into the street. It was a lovely day. The air was crisp and clear, the few clouds were a fluffy white and the sun was shining peacefully in the sky. Perfect, Mr Giggles thought to himself, and smiled. It's the perfect day for some perfect revenge.
He strolled down the street in high spirits on his way to the soon-to-be blown up bakery. Mr. Giggles was so content in his thoughts that he decided he'd take a detour through the local park. (Can it be autumn? or did we already say it was something else? I don't think we did?)
As Mr. Giggles hiked over the red autumn leaves littering the ground with his teddy cuddled to his chest, a young girl with pink checkered ribbons in her hair stood in front of him.
"Hello, sir," she said in a sweet voice. "I was wondering if that was my teddy bear. You, see I lost my dear teddy yesterday and I've been looking all over for him. Can I have a look at yours to see if it's mine, please?"
Nah I'm kidding. Or maybe I'm not. Hang on.
"Duck off," he grumbled.
"Pardon?" the girl replied, confused.
Mr Giggles huffed impatiently. "This isn't your teddy bear, it's mine."
"Let me see!" she shrieked, and lunged for the bear.
"NOOO!" he wailed and cuddled it close.
Mr Giggles thought desperately. "Uhh... because... it has cooties!"
"Ew! Because you're a boy! I don't wanna touch your stupid bear anyway!"
The girl ran off and Mr Giggles smiled. He always knew that having cooties would work to his advantage one day. Now the little girl would not get blown up. Mr Giggles may be insane and awful but he didn't kill little girls. They had girl cooties. Ew.
Mr. Giggles was now in even more high spirits than before. He felt like he could accomplish anything and everything, not even a little girl could get in his way. He was now under the impression that he ruled the world. Mr. Giggles was freaking Jesus!
He marched triumphantly towards the bakery. He was so close, that he could smell the victory. Unless, that smell... yes. It was far too foul to be the smell of victory. It was the smell of Bob.
Mr Giggles found himself thrown against the wall.
"DID YOU BRING ME MY CLOTHES, SILLY LITTLE MAN?"
"Yes, Bob, yes! They're here!"
He hastily pressed the clothes into Bob's hand whose eyes softened instantly at the sight. "Now Cuddles has a new outfit!" he squealed, and ran off.
Mr Giggles sighed and strolled away again, this time without interrupting. Panting, he stood outside the bakery, waiting for the perfect moment to begin rolling out the sinister plan.
He started to take his first steps towards the doorway. His entrance had to be perfect. But as he was about to open the door, the putrid smelling Bob came to a skidding halt right between Mr. Giggles and the future bomb site.
"Get out of my way, Bob," demanded Mr. Giggles.
"You mustn't," Bob frantically exclaimed.
"But Bob! I want to blow up the bakery," he whined like a four year old child.
"It's gator DNA!" he huffed and puffed.
"It wasn't uranium that I sold you. It's gator DNA!"
Mr. Giggles raised his eye brow at the babbling buffoon and asked, "So?"
Bob bent down and rested his hands on his knees, panting like a madman to get his breath back. He ran like the wind during a cyclone to get to Mr. Giggles in time.
"Is it explosive?" Mr. Giggles asked.
"Y-yes, but that's not the p-"
Mr. Giggles pushed Bob aside and stormed into the bakery like you wouldn't believe. He found his son cuddling up with his lover and he advanced towards them, tapped Gary on the shoulder a few times and said, "Here, son. Take this bear as a token of my love."
Gary gave his father the weirdest death stare that was only be known to aliens of some planet in the Yulditic Galaxy or something.
"That was a very kind gesture, sir," said David with a tear in his eye. "Now, we have some exciting news. Gary and I have only known one another for a short period of time, but we have decided to get married, and I wanted to ask for your blessing."
Mr. Giggles, still embracing the teddy, gritted his teeth and tried to smile. And suddenly he began shaking so hard, that the teddy exploded.
Unfortunately, Mr. Giggles did not survive the tragic event. However, Gary and David had been injected with gator DNA during the explosion and they got transformed into gators, got married in Vegas, had gator babies, and they lived happily ever after.
By aurorstorm and zeillusionofthenight.