a/n: I debated between the title Disgusting and Sickening, but eventually I was like, I'mma just go with my first thought. heh.
He disgusts himself. Before it had been so easy to make his thoughts feel good. Those people deserved it, deserved to feel pain, and the crush of their throats beneath his mind and the splash of their blood in his hands...it was exhilirating. But he can't do the same to Charles. Charles, who means so much more to him than pleasure.
Sometimes, as he watches the man he so loves, he can't control the drift of his thoughts.
That slender throat bruised beneath his hands, the moan of pain he is sure to make, the look of horror in his eyes, delicious, delicious. His body covered in bite marks, blood leaking down his chin...
"Is everything alright, Erik?" he calls him, and Erik's grip on the counter weakens and he is happy Charles has promised never to read his sick thoughts without permission.
"Nothing." he tells him shaking his head. Charles leans in to give him a soft kiss on the lips.
"Then stop looking so troubled." he tells him with a smile. "You had me worried for a moment there, dear."
If you really had any idea, Charles.
The thoughts are stronger when they are arguing.
Listening to him prattle on about things he couldn't possibly understand, he feels the urge to cause him harm, and it's so strong he has to walk away.
And still, there are other times, when Charles flinches under the lash of his tongue, pain evident in his face and the heat Erik feels in his loins is almost insatiable. Charles doesn't stop him when he gets like this, probably believes he can understand it.
He doesn't touch him when gets like this, knowing his lack of control at this will carry. So he swallows as much self control as he can and restrains himself.
But it is so much harder when he is fucking him.
My excellent boy! Now, let's try again. This time, his teeth!
There is a fine line between giving Charles pleasure and inducing pain in him, and Erik has seen himself slip just the tiniest bit when he pounds into the writhing body beneath him, sees Charles' eyes clench in the barest hint of pain, and Erik has to bring himself back, close his eyes, imagine how much Charles means to him. He normally is able to contain himself. Because the fact that this is Charles should be enough to convince anyone that he is only worthy of the utmost tenderness.
He will watch him for hours, when they are alone. Always, he is watching.
He is disgusting.
The thoughts plague him endlessly, relentlessly, and he tries to hold them back, convince himself that he would never, could never...
But one day that simply isn't enough.
They had been arguing again, and abruptly Erik found himself pushing Charles against the matress, his lips parted in a soft 'o' of surprise. Erik himself, had been unaware of when he had crossed the line between verbal and physical disagreement, but all the same he felt his fingers tighten around Charles' neck before he can stop himself. The man underneath him lets loose a small gasp, and suddenly, the hunger is too large for him to restrain.
He bites into his neck and Charles lets loose a faint yelp.
Erik pauses, and the things he finds himself projecting-wantpleaseneedneedneedNEED-are incessant, desperate, pleading, begging. He has felt this for far too long, he must have it and he will, the control is slipping and he needs Charles to understand this, needs him to know that he would never do this of his own free will.
Charles' eyes meet his, and for a moment, he is certain that for once, he has broken his rule, and is able to see what his thoughts have tortured him with. He gives the barest hint of a nod.
That is all that is needed.
Erik tears into him, heedless and unleashed now, the monster in his belly unchained, and he pushes a little harder, a little faster, before he remembers that this is what Charles wants, what he has allowed. He drags a hand down the man's chest drawing blood, and the telepath gives a sharp gasp of pain. The sound is so sweet, so delicious, that he is already becoming eager to hear more, his hands on his bruising him, and he drives forth a thrust so hard, Charles cannot help the scream that tears its way out of his throat.
And the sound...is so completely and utterly...
He cannot control himself any longer. He needs to hear Charles scream, to hear him struggle beneath him.
His movements are violent, merciless, every touch grabbing, snatching, greedy, possessing, every scream torn from Charles' throat, delicious a treat, so enticing and so beautiful.
The wrench pulls against the other man's teeth and he is beginning to realize that he is turning out to like this quite a bit.
Charles is incapable of holding back now, and he is a squirming mess of whimpers and weak cries, almost sobs, but he lets it happen, understanding.
Only when it is over does Erik see. Charles has calmed down, his cries muffled down to faint whimpers and Erik is overcome with such horror, he feels the urge to vomit.
"I am so sorry, Charles. I am so sorry." his voice is barely above a whisper, tone breathless. He tries to reach a hand out to the man beneath him, who is covered in bruises and lacerations.
Did I really do such a thing? To my own, Charles? I am so very..very..
But even after what he has done, Charles somehow still has the ability to reassure him, to raise a soft hand against his face, telling him he understands, that he knows, that he forgives him.
"I wanted...I needed...I'm so sorry, Charles. I needed it."
Charles gives him a soft smile, blood trickling down his chin, the area around his eye purpling. The sheets are stained with blood.
"Yes, my Erik. I understand.." He gives him a soft kiss. "I forgive you, my love. There's no need to say anything."
Charles deserves better than him. Than to be forced to let someone like him, do this to him.
But the way Charles turns to look at him, eyes brimming with love and acceptance, he can tell that the telepath doesn't agree. Never agreed, even when hearing the things that went on his head.
"I love you, Erik." he told him, and he really meant it.
That night, Charles curls into a ball next to him, breath rising and falling gently, his face nuzzled against his chest, almost as if he's seeking protection.
Erik traces every mark on his lover's back with painstaking tenderness, as if seeking an apology.
But already he is finding that his thoughts are drifting to other ways he can utilize Charles acquiesence. He knows it will be much, much, harder to control next time. Now that he has had-a taste.
Beautiful, Erik. My brilliant little monster!
He closes his eyes, sleep begging to overtake him.
He is so disgusting.
a/n: I apologize for the extemely long wait! My computer is dealing with some huge problems and I can't get on the Internets on it, so I have to use my sister's who isn;t too keen on letting me use it all the time. I hope I did everything to your request, and I'm sorry of it seemed rushed. I really hope you like it though. Tell me if you want me to extend it or add more details, and I'll try to do a reboot of it.