Justin had had it. He felt the thorns of the roses as they ripped into his hands as rose by rose he threw them into Ethan's face. He didn't care his hand was bleeding, dripping red only to be lost in the petal of each flower. He didn't care that Ethan was using excuse after excuse after excuse to try and get him to stay. He knew his gut had been right when he saw him with that pathetic excuse for a gay man at the concert. He had seen that look when he and Brian use to go on the prowl at Babylon. It's predatory. It's all encompassing. It's not something you do after you promise someone the world.
The second he said Brian's name, Justin knew he was done. He had no right to even mention Brian Kinney's name in his presence. And to hear him say he forgave Brian for cheating on him caused Justin to almost stagger back with one too many realizations. He didn't ever have to forgive Brian. Brian never promised him anything. But Brian did more for Justin in the few years they had known each other than most could in a lifetime. He had loved him, and shown him time and time again without physically being capable to utter those three words. Who needs three fucking words? Why did they mean that much to him? He had left everything behind to follow a trail of broken promises and cheap rings that in the end meant nothing. Ethan meant nothing, and Justin felt a hollow space in his chest where Brian should still be.
Justin went to grab some of his belongings from around the apartment when Ethan went to grab him. After how long Justin fought the nightmares of someone touching him, abusing him, killing him, his entire body seemed to convulse in fear and anger. No one had the right to touch him. No one had the right to make him feel broken ever again. Justin pushed him back slightly, yanking his arm from his grasp.
"Don't touch me!" Hearing his own voice surprised him. It sounded acidic, but fearful at the same time. "But Justin, baby, please. You're my muse. I need you!" Ethan came up against him, trying to kiss him when Justin pushed him away and started walking towards the door. The entire length of his palm was sliced and bleeding and he knew he needed to get to the diner to get away from this mess.
Ethan made one more attempt to approach him, grasping his wrist firmly in his hand. Justin had had enough and pulled his wrist from his grasp once more but stumbled back slightly, hitting his head on the back of the door. Shaking his head slightly, he grabbed his bag and left the apartment without another glance. He knew he would have to go back for the rest of the stuff, but he needed out of there.
Justin started walking down the paths he walked so routinely he probably could have done it blind. It was freezing as he gripped his coat closer to him, squeezing his injured hand in on itself to keep from looking at the blood. Blood reminded him too much of the past, and in inadvertently kept his eyes averted from the open wound. He walked briskly, with purpose, but he fearfully noted the fact that his vision felt a little blurry, and that his head was painfully throbbing.
Seeing the diner in sight, he picked up his pace, but had to stop momentarily because he had begun to feel dizzy. He didn't like this, not in the slightest, and pulled together whatever strength he had to finish the walk into a place he considered partly home. Finally pushing in the door to the diner, his head swam with the sudden warmth of the place after such a cold walk.
Looking up, he saw part of his reflection in the glass encasement that held Debbie's famous lemon bars. He was pale, his hair was windblown, and he slowly opened his hand to see it was still bleeding. What he didn't see was the pair of hazel eyes that was reading the paper in the back booth, watching him intently, immediately knowing when something was wrong.
When Brian saw the slice in his hand, he fought back the awful memory of having seen his Sunshine bleed before. He knew something was wrong, but it was no longer his place to take care of Justin when Justin had made it blatantly clear that he was now with Ethan. But Brian knew the difference. Brian knew the empty distant look in Justin's eyes. Brian knew that no matter what Ethan promised that promises were bullshit. No one kept a promise. Everything in this twisted world was meant to be broken. Promises, walls, hearts. Hell, even his own cold heart that he long ago thought dead was still capable of being broken, and he was suddenly looking into the blue eyes that had done so.
Justin made to grab the counter with his good hand, but he faltered and Brian was up and to him in a flash. He was on the verge of passing out and Brian would be damned if his pride would get in the way of anything that may happen to Justin. The kid fought too hard for his life to be disregarded by Brian.
Brian took him to the booth he had been sitting at, and sat him down, barking at the night time bus boy to get a warm wash cloth, a clean towel and something caffeinated. If Justin had been bleeding for a bit that meant his blood sugar was going down, which was a possible reason as to why he almost passed out. Justin's eyes fluttered open widely as he realized who had been barking orders at Kiki and blatantly stared at Brian for a moment. He had hoped this was a dream, but knew it wasn't. Brian was at the diner; Brian had caught him when he almost fell. Brian was taking care of him.
"Would you care to explain to me what exactly the fuck happened?" Brian chastised him in only a way Brian could. His harsh tone had been mixed with too much love for Justin to miss, and he fought a set of tears that escaped his control and made a quick path down his cheeks. Brian swept one of his fingers softly against Justin's face, and noticed how he turned into the touch. Kiki brought back the warm wash cloth, a brand new towel and a glass of coke handing it to Justin and bolting for fear of the Great Brian Kinney.
Brian opened Justin's hand to see exactly how bad the bleeding was and if they needed to go to the hospital. He worked diligently for a minute, cleaning away the blood softly, using less pressure when Justin gasped out loud. "Brian…" he looked up into blue eyes, keeping his feelings in check as he looked into a face that he knew too well. He knew the fear in those eyes before Justin even said a word.
"I hit my head, I'm showing signs of blurry vision, dizziness, and it's why I almost passed out. I promise I'll explain what happened, but I yanked my arm away and stumbled back and smacked my head really hard on the door. I think I need to go to the hospital." Brian was up in a flash, his arm around Justin's waist as they made their way to the corvette parked at a meter 15 feet from the diner. Brian had the car unlocked and had Justin strapped in before Justin felt that he had blinked. Brian was in the driver's seat and starting the car, driving a path he had come to know too well. Allegheny Hospital was not a place Brian wanted to see, smell, or enter again. The sterilized atmosphere, the life and death that seemed to cling to the air had him loathing the building before setting foot inside.
Brian parked and supported Justin with his arm around his waist again as they entered the building, the clean towel wrapped around Justin's cut and Brian an apparent nervous wreck. He already knows all of Justin's information as he filled it in quickly and looked at the nurse with panic. He recognized her, hell Justin had been a semi permanent fixture here less than a year ago. Of course Brian knew her. She looked at him with kind warm green eyes and smiled lightly as she went to greet him.
"Mr. Kin-" She looked up at his face full of panic and immediately became professional. "Is this an emergency?" "Justin, he stumbled, smacked his head hard enough that he is showing signs of blurred vision, he's dizzy and he almost passed out. He had been bleeding as well so I gave him coke to bring his blood sugar up. He hasn't taken anything…" the nurse cut him off enough to make him breathe.
"Mr. Kinney I know you're worried about Mr. Taylor but I will get a doctor immediately since he is a former head trauma patient."
Justin sat astounded watching how rapidly Brian spoke with the nurses, the information, everything. It was just another sign he apparently hadn't seen that screamed how much this man loved him. Brian paced a moment before coming and sitting down next to Justin, muttering about how she best hurry up and get him a damn doctor.
Justin had to suppress a small laugh from escaping his lips as he looked at Brian. He did end up smiling however, which caught Brian's attention. "And what exactly is so funny? Christ did you take something and end up hitting your head, and what the hell happened to your fucking hand? Did he hurt you? I'm going to kill that goddamn fiddler, make sure he falls off the fucking roof."
Justin again had to smile as he took in this entirely separate side of Brian. The nervous wreck part. He never got to see this part. Not even what he had been bas-…he stopped his thoughts and just let his eyes scan his Adonis like face. Knowing Brian would probably later blame it on the head trauma, Justin leaned forward and let his fingers slide through the silky hair that was handsomely messy. He captured Brian's lips in one fowl swoop, and honestly and openly kissed Brian as if it he would never kiss him again. He gently rested his head on Brian's chest as he breathed an open sign of relief.
"Thank you, for bringing me here. And you were right all along. Promises are bullshit. He would have eventually tried to promise the whole world if he could have gotten that far. But his latest fuck came to the door, the one he had gone away with when I went to surprise him at his concert in Harrisburg. Tried to tell me he had discussed music with him. Graduate school. It's laughable now, I was such a schmuck for believing all of it. I yearned for words. Three bullshit stupid words. I didn't want to see your actions as the words you didn't say. But you came home to me every night didn't you? Never kissed another man, and let me tell you, he couldn't even come close to how you match me in sex. You were my partner," Brian sucked in a small breathe at the word, but couldn't deny the boy what he said. Justin had been his partner in every way they could have possibly been partners aside from the paperwork.
"And I gave it up for the candy coated notion of a starving artist boyfriend who told me he loved me, but that I wouldn't even let top me because I couldn't allow myself for anyone but you to take me in such a way." Brian was astounded, Justin, the biggest pillow princess he had ever met, never let Ethan take him.
"I won't tell you I'm sorry because I know that you believe sorry is bullshit. But I miss you. I miss how well you know my body. The fact that you're the only one who understands why I wake gasping for breath when I have a nightmare. Or how to rub my hand when it starts to shake too bad for me to hold a paintbrush. How I could feel your eyes on me in Babylon, no matter where I was, because a part of me wanted you to see every trick I found, or how many men wanted me. I miss how you kiss me, and how much you loathed and detested anything related to being a couple. But it was still your arms I fell asleep in at night, and your face I woke up to in the morning. I've gone 3 months barely sleeping because I had walked away from the best thing I had ever had, and I wanted you to scream at me that I'd live to regret it. But you didn't. You just watched, like you always have."
Brian looked up when he finished speaking, having felt everything in a much different fashion than what the blonde did. But still he couldn't say a word. He just pursed his lips tighter, his eyes a menagerie of words left unspoken.
It was then that Justin's former doctor came hurrying into the waiting room, perfect timing for the doc if Brian could say. He wanted to explain so much to the blonde, but couldn't. Brian Kinney didn't show emotion. He couldn't just blurt the words out he had wanted to say so badly right in the middle of an ER on a lonely blustery Tuesday night. He needed the darkness of the loft, the time to give explanation. The time to do what was right.
Justin's neurologist hurried him into a room as he started checking Justin's pupils and asking him to tell him what happened. Once he had finished the same explanation he had given Brian, his neurologist said he'd feel safest if they did a CAT scan to make sure it was nothing more than the concussion it appeared to be. Concussions made someone show signs of dizziness, possible memory loss, blurred vision, all the signs Justin had shown. But because of past trauma, the doctor wanted to make absolutely certain it was nothing more.
Turning to smile reassuringly at Brian, the doctor shook his hand. "Mr. Kinney, nice to see you again. Given the circumstances maybe not, but still, a pleasure." Brian gave a half smile at the words and shook his hand as well. "Dr. Matthews, likewise."
Justin gave a curious look to Brian, but his attention was diverted when Dr. Matthews told him to put the gown on from the bed and he would have a CT ready in no time. His exit from the room was rapid, knowing Brian to be impatient and always over anxious when it came to anything regarding the young blonde.
"Brian, how do you know Dr. Matthews?" he knew the question was going to be directed at him before the door had even clicked shut. "Oh God, you haven't fucked him have you?" Brian's head snapped up quicker than Justin had ever seen him do before and suddenly regretted asking the question.
"No I haven't fucked him." His words were direct, not cruel, but sour. Brian demanded more respect than people's immediate thought to be that he had screwed everyone in the Pittsburgh area. "I knew Dr. Matthews from when you were in here after you were bas-…" worse than Justin, Brian couldn't get the word out of his mouth for fear of where his head would go. He saw blood, he saw Justin, he saw death. The thought alone made his stomach turn and he closed his eyes, willing it away.
Justin reached over and gently brought his hand to brush against the back of Brian's cheek. "I'm still here. " Brian's hand caught Justin's. Holding his warm hand rushed him back to the present and he opened his hazel eyes to meet a pair of blazing blue. "I'm sorry, I just didn't know you two knew one another."
Brian dipped his head in acknowledgement of the apology and watched as Justin removed the layers he had been in to put on the gown. Brian caught sight of the milky creamy white skin and had to suppress the urge inside of him to just lay him back and reclaim him right here. He sounded like a petulant child when it came to Justin, but despite everything there had never been a doubt in Brian's mind that Justin was his. He didn't believe in the Hallmark lies of someone being his soul mate. He didn't believe in bullshit holidays like Valentine's Day and Sweetest Day. But if ever there was a way to explain what Justin was to him, he wished for the words. His body called for Justin, begged for it in a way that an addict would fiend for his next hit. Justin was his. Just as he was Justin's.
Brian listened acutely to make sure no one was coming. He leaned forward slightly, running his burning hot hand down the length of Justin's frozen back. The kid felt icy to the touch, like he hadn't been in real warmth for…months. God he had never wanted to be Superman more than in this moment now. He felt Justin inhale sharply, his body arching into Brian's touch. Now wasn't the time or place, but to just know that he was going to have him back made Brian's entire chest seem to fill. He felt like his heart had expanded, had reopened to this stupid, reckless complicated thing they called love.
The rest of the hospital visit went by faster than either of them thought it would. The CT & the results had gotten back to them in less than an hour, and just showed that he did in fact have a concussion, and that he would need to take it easy for a few days. He was given a prescription for extra strength IBU's to help with the headaches, codeine free of course. They put liquid stitches on his hand to close the cut as the nurse politely asked how it happened.
"I was tearing apart a bouquet of red roses that still had thorns on them." He gave no further explanation, and Brian could've laughed from the confused expression on the older woman's face. Dr. Matthews entered the room one final time for the evening to tell Justin that he would like to see him again in a week when the swelling from the concussion went down just in case. Justin politely nodded his head, knowing this whole process was always delicate, and bullshit.
"And Mr. Kinney, as always I expect you to make sure he is doing ok. We wouldn't want Allegheny's most famous night hawk to let down on his word." Brian's jaw tightened as Dr. Matthews shook both their hands and exited the door. They had both already been ready to go, having waited for the final word from Dr. Matthews.
They left the hospital side by side, Justin knowing this wasn't the time or place to ask any more questions. His head had begun to slowly throb, he was angry, hungry, overtired, and just wanted nothing more than to have Brian hold him, as lesbian as that sounded.
They got into the corvette as Brian drove the car back to the Diner. Justin looked confused as Brian leaned over and kissed him lightly once before walking in the Diner. He saw through the blinds that Brian picked up a to-go bag, and the book bag that Justin had stuffed full of shit that he had apparently left here earlier. He got back in the car in less than 2 minutes, and put the items he had acquired in the back seat.
He drove methodically home, pulling into his spot as they took the lift to the loft. Justin felt so much coursing through him. His body felt like he could sing. He was coming home. Brian dropped his bag by the kitchen counter when they first walked in the door, and set the food on the table. Before either one of them could say anything, Brian took three strides over to where Justin was standing and kissed him. Really kissed him. Brian's hands tangled themselves into blonde hair that seemed to have grown so much. He had him all but molded to the shape of his body, content to just have him in his arms. And when he pulled away, he knew how much his eyes had given away when Justin looked at him. He hoped Justin understood.
Justin was breathless when Brian finally pulled away, and his head fit perfectly in the crook of Brian's neck as Justin gently pulled Brian to him, his arms wrapping themselves around his sculpted body, and never wanting to let him go.
"Thank you for taking me. Thank you for being here." Brian dipped his head lightly again, and gently tugged his hand towards where he left the food on the table. "C'mon, I could hear your stomach grumbling in the hospital. You need to eat something."
They ate mostly in silence, Justin focused on how hungry he actually was, and Brian trying to figure out if this actually was a dream. Brian watched as Justin devoured the food in front of him, both with concern and happiness. Concern for the fact that Justin hadn't apparently eaten an entire hot meal in months, and happiness due to the fact that Justin was sitting there with him.
Justin looked up to see Brian watching him instead of eating his own food. Feeling slightly disconcerted for that fact, he allowed his hair to fall over his eyes as he looked up.
"What?" he asked quietly.
All Brian could do was shake his head lightly, trying not to show him what was running through his mind. All Brian could see was his wrapped hand, and slightly dazed expression. How many times had he made the promise to himself to keep Justin safe? Apparently he had failed yet again.
Justin set the burger down slowly. He walked over to Brian, leaning against the table gently to look him in the face.
"Look at me," Brian hesitantly met his eye and Justin confidently met his gaze.
"I'm ok. I'm safe, you took care of me, again, when you didn't have to."
"Of course I had to!" Brian replied quickly, the fire returning to his mouth and thoughts.
"No you didn't. You're my ex lover, my ex partner if we could even call it that. You're the only person I think I have ever trusted entirely in my life. But it wasn't something you had to do. However, I am grateful nonetheless. You've always been there for me. Quietly, differently. We will never have a normal, conventional relationship will we? It's always going to be this dysfunctional fucked up mess."
Brian looked up silently, and shrugged his shoulders. He couldn't fathom trying to explain how much he wanted a normal regular relationship with the man in front of him. But he knew that wasn't how this would work.
Justin knew just as well as Brian that they could never pull off normalcy well. No other man, no other trick, not even Ethan could come close as to how Justin craved Brian. Brian was his fire, his muse, somebody who pushed him in every way possible. Who could make him furious in a moments time. No matter how much he wanted to hate him at times, Justin loved that man to the depth of his soul. This scared, angry, closed off, kind hearted, amazing man. He held Justin's heart like a ticking time bomb, praying it wouldn't explode.
Brian wished he was in Justin's head the moment. He wanted to know exactly what he was thinking, and what he was contemplating from the dazed but determined expression on his face. Brian too was lost in his head. When Justin had left, Brian could undoubtedly do nothing but painfully wish he saw the real truth about the fiddler, or that despite the lack of words, his emotions spoke through his actions. But he couldn't force Justin to see what he already had. That in the end, promises were bullshit. Actions were what counted. Brian wished he could apologize for how he handled himself, but from the beginning he was himself. He couldn't, or rather wouldn't, apologize for that.
Justin brought himself closer to Brian, close enough to feel the pulse pound through him in a steady rhythm. He slid into his lap effortlessly, and rested his forehead against Brian's. It was like nothing had changed in the course of the time they had spent apart. Brian's body still conformed to Justin's body. Cradling it in a manner that was both loving and protective.
Justin maintained eye contact with him while he laced his fingers behind Brian's neck. It was almost a silent "welcome home". Brian looked terrified in a manner that very few people, one of whom was Justin, could identify. Just as much as Brian held Justin's heart like a ticking bomb, Justin had done the same with Brian's. Except, in that case, Justin had dropped the bomb, not staying around to see if it exploded.
Brian closed his eyes briefly, fighting the emotion he felt gripping his insides. He didn't allow himself to do this. He didn't want to play this game, he didn't like the level of vulnerability that allowed Justin to see him as anything but the best. The attempt to be the best homosexual the world had ever seen. But at the end of the day, he was nothing but a man, and just like everyone else, he had his demons.
The torrent of abuse Brian remembered from his earliest days were that love was pain, discipline was pain, everything in life was pain. The most he could do was evolve into the man he was. It was his best defense and his greatest weakness. The wall of silence, sarcasm, anger and the strictest no love policy around. Hell, Brian knew he was a monster. Why would he ever allow someone to witness the darkness he saw tinting every moment of his days?
But that was another reason why Brian both needed and hated Justin. He had been blinded by the light of him. The brightness that very rarely was dimmed. Brian couldn't function well or normally without him. Justin leveled him out, made even him appear human. People search lifetimes for someone to know them completely. It hadn't taken Justin three years to study, memorize, and destroy the guidelines to the Kinney Manual.
"Justin," he looked up at the sound of his name and looked at Brian silently. This night was turning out to be quite a mind fuck and with a mild concussion he felt like his head was jumbled to the brink. Brian saw how drained and how exhausted he was.
"You need sleep. The doctor ok-ed you on sleeping, you may just have a headache tomorrow."
Justin smiled slightly at him, hearing the concern drip from his mouth.
"I'm ok. It's just…I realized a lot tonight. Got shoved through the ringer when I thought I had finally found settlement. Definition. It was one big fucking joke. And then you…It always comes back to you. Every single time. I couldn't let my own "partner" fuck me in the ass because it wasn't you. In the end, its always been you. And I was too ignorant, and too stubborn to see it. It wasn't conventional, but it was us…it was us."
Brian closed his eyes momentarily again before hazel met blue. A soft sigh escaped his lips before Brian began to speak.
"I've got two things I need to say."
The words slipped from Brian's mouth in almost a business type manner. Justin looked confused for a second but nodded his head for Brian to continue.
"One, you are never to play violin music in my presence again." Justin almost had to stifle a giggle, but fully understood why that was his first expectation.
"Two, we both know what it is that we expect from each other. We both know there are no locks on the doors and that this unconventional, screwed up relationship we have is because we want it to be our own unconventional screwed up relationship."
Justin really smiled for the first time that entire evening as he pulled his body flush against Brian's as he replied with two words that gripped Brian's heart.
Brian leaned forward, his head nuzzling gently into the crook of Justin's neck. His senses were flooded with every aspect of him. He could smell him, hear his steady breathing, feel him so close to him, see every single inch of him, and loved to taste him once again.
Justin finally realized how exhausted his body was when his limbs slowly started feeling heavier. Despite his exhaustion, he knew he would not sleep. He grew use to insomnia when he first got bashed. His body would shut down, defending itself from not sleeping, but his mind didn't seem to ever stop. It was only after he lived with Brian, and Brian would fuck him to the point of him collapsing that he would sleep an entire night through.
But on nights like tonight, when he knew even fucking wouldn't solve the problem, he pulled Brian to the couch and away from the island in the kitchen. It was unspoken and fluid when Brian laid down, and pulled Justin on top of him. Justin's head fit perfectly in the crook of Brian's neck and he turned on the television in silence. Brian allowed Justin to look for something that would hopefully lull him to sleep.
Justin barely managed to stifle a second giggle when the guide had landed on "Gay as Blazes". The look of contempt on Brian's face was enough to allow a small laugh to escape him before he quickly changed the channel.
Justin silently placed the remote down after he turned on "Cool Hand Luke". He knew it was one of Brian's favorites. There was the mysterious unconventional hero much like how Brian and Rage were.
Brian pulled Justin that much closer to him as they watched the movie. The steady rhythm of Brian's breathing and heartbeat assuaged every ounce of the blonde. Brian's breathing soon evened out. Justin loved to watch him sleep. It was one of the few times that the façade slipped. The mask melted away and he looked innocent. Peaceful.
Justin slowly went to climb off Brian an hour or so after he fell asleep. However, it only made Brian hold onto him that much harder. Brian began to toss a bit in his sleep, his face reflecting the torment he obviously felt in the dream he was having. Justin gently cupped Brian's face to try and calm him down. He murmured quietly to the older man, but he also knew some nightmares would always play out before you could escape them.
Brian started to tense more, before finally sitting up with a shout, "Justin!"
Hauntingly, Justin always hated that the only memory he so far recovered from the bashing was that of Brian yelling his name to try and warn him. He ached to remember that dance. He knew that had been an extreme turning point for their relationship and he couldn't even remember Brian's tux, or the kiss that had provoked the threat to his life.
Justin gently swept the sweat matted hair back from Brian's forehead. "I'm right here…"
The hazel eyed man looked flustered, and embarrassed, but Justin made no comment. He leaned forward and kissed him instead, before lacing his fingers through Brian's and gently tugging him towards the elevated bedroom area. They shed their clothes slowly, and slid into the floating cloud that was Brian's bed.
Their bodies again became a tangled mess of limbs intertwined. Sleep wasn't much of a hassle after that. They were both too drained to do anything but slip into unconsciousness.
The next morning dawned bright and obnoxious in the loft and Brian had a nagging feeling like he was awaking from a very good dream. He hadn't slept that well in a very long time and he felt like his tilted world had been righted. Looking next to him however, there wasn't a blonde head that was waking up next to him. The bathroom was empty. The kitchen was lifeless. He knew that yesterday hadn't been a dream. So where the hell was Justin?
His emotions on an all time high, he went straight to his stash box and pulled out one of the joints he already had ready in there for him. He lit it quickly before he even reached for a cigarette and pulled a deep draw from the best shit money could buy. He had done just about every drug that was on the market. He had popped almost every pill, had done more coke than a Colombian drug lord probably could manufacture. He refused to mar his arms with needle pricks so if he couldn't snort it or ingest it, it didn't go into his body. Aside from pot. Pot was his fall back relaxer. He'd roll a few joints, get blitzed off his ass, and forget the nightmares that found their way into his everyday life. He got the best marijuana that Pittsburgh could find. Eighty dollars a quarter was worth not feeling much.
Wandering into the kitchen to contemplate a deep glass of Jack at 8 am wasn't exactly how he wanted to start his day. He knew he wouldn't be able to go into work this blitzed off his ass, and also knew he didn't have any clients that day. He called Cynthia without hesitation, saying he needed the day for personal reasons. It wasn't until he hung up the phone, and took another hit from the joint when he saw it laying on the counter. It was a gorgeous sketch, down to the very last detail of him sleeping. He had a half little smile on his face that took him back. He looked happy, peaceful. He looked like himself again. He hadn't been able to find his face in the mirror for the last few months, as much as he didn't want to admit it. But the picture made him look like his old self again.
Flipping the sketch over, he found a small note:
Since you have little to no food in this house, and most importantly HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE COFFEE? I ran to get coffee for us. Ill be back soon. You looked too peaceful to wake up.
Brian gave a huge sigh of relief, glad that no one was around to see his small freak out. It seemed like not a moment had passed when he could hear the lift rumble and headed towards the door. Opening the huge metal door, Justin was just closing the lift with a bag and a tray of two coffees in hand. He turned around with a huge smile on his face and walked up to Brian before leaning up to kiss him. Walking to the island, he set down the bag and coffee before wrapping his arms around Brian to really kiss him instead.
Pulling away from one another, Justin saw the joint in Brian's hand, and took it from him to take a drag off of it. Looking up at Brian as he did so, Justin smiled lightly.
"I haven't gotten to smoke since we last did. God I miss how much it use to relax me when my hand would start to act up."
Brian looked down at him with an eyebrow raised but it didn't take much for Justin to see the reason for the wake and bake. He wrapped one arm around Brian as he took another long hit off the joint and stood tall to kiss him again. Letting the smoke seep between his lips into Brian's, Justin released the smoke back to his lover slowly. Brian gratefully took the hit, and exhaled slowly, letting all the tension from his back go as he did. Justin was real, he was here, and he wasn't leaving again.
Justin almost had slipped through Brian's arms when Brian caught him lightly, pulling him gently back to front so that he could wrap his arms around him lightly. He didn't want to even think about letting him go today. He knew how lesbionic that sounded, even to him, but right then he didn't want to fathom an inch away from him.
Kissing him was a privilege he had taken for granted when they use to be together. He didn't want to think of kisses being numbered, or never kissing him again. He thought that was going to happen once, when Justin had been bashed. That he would never feel Justin's soft lips connect with his again, his tongue sweeping against his bottom lip to beg entrance into Brian's mouth. The way his hands would settle on Brian's hips as Brian would run his fingers through the golden locks he so adored. Brian knew Justin had spoiled him for any other man that might possibly come into his life. No one would ever know Brian's body like Justin did. No one would ever enter his head the way Justin had. No one would ever kiss him the way Justin always did.
Justin pulled away from him a fraction of an inch so he could bring the joint back to his lips to take another deep drag from it. He exhaled slowly, letting the smoke leave his mouth, and the debauched way he looked as he did it made a coil of heat form in Brian's stomach. Justin brought his coffee to his lips as he eyed Brian with a half smile cocked on his lips.
Before another word could be said, Brian had Justin by the hand dragging him to the bedroom, knowing that a lot of lost time was about to be made up for. And it would begin with a kiss.