Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight SM does
Thanks to my Beta's NeeNee246 and toocute24
'I love you, Bella. I will never hurt you. You are my life. You are in my soul. You have to believe me.'
Every single word was a lie. He never loved me. He never wanted me. I let him seep into the core of my heart and for what? Nothing. He left me with nothing.
How does anyone move on without any answers? How can you ever stop loving that person when every day all you ask yourself is 'why'?
He was the air I breathed and why I got out of bed day after day; the reason I was sure my world kept turning.
But four weeks before my eighteenth birthday my first and only love disappeared from my life without a single trace.
I had no choice but to move on into the emptiness that now filled my world. He was gone and was never coming back.
What was love, anyway? It was easier to only look out for number one. I knew I would never let myself down.
"I can't believe it Bells," my dad sobbed as he clung to me. "I'm so proud of you baby."
"I'll call you when I land, dad." I smiled hugging him back.
I had to give him some credit. Giving up on love over three years ago helped me sail through college. I finished at the top of my class and was rewarded with a work placement at 'Cetra Black Limited' as a trainee personal assistant in Washington DC. This was a huge opportunity for me. I was sure the contacts I would make in this job could set me up for life.
Bella Swan would never have to rely on the support of a man. I would always be my own woman – forever.
"Be happy Bella," my dad called before I left for the departure lounge.
"I will," I beamed holding my head high as I walked towards my new life.
Three years. Had it really been that long? In some ways it seemed longer, in others shorter. I could still feel the caress of his fingers against my cheek, remember the taste of his lips against mine. He was locked deep inside my heart but never forgotten. There was a fine line between love and hate, although I was swaying more towards hatred these days. The love I once felt, became more tainted as each year passed.
I wasn't the same girl anymore. I had grown up a lot, and even built an invisible steel shell around myself. No one was ever getting inside. I was no longer the weak, foolish Bella Swan I had once been.
"Do you need a hand with your luggage, Miss?" the taxi driver asked once I had touched down in Washington.
"No," I replied firmly, pulling my bags into the trunk. "I am stronger than I look." The taxi driver nodded at me before getting into the driver's seat.
I had a few days until my job started. I stood in my apartment looking out the window, watching the city hustle below me. Charlie had come with me to Washington last month to make sure my apartment was suitable for a single woman living alone. He was happy with the security and even offered to pay my first three months rent. I managed to argue him down to only pay a month.
He was happy I'd arrived safely when I called him and as I hung up my heart stung a little. This was the first time my dad had lived alone and I worried about him. Since mom's death over ten years ago, I knew he had secretly dreaded this day.
I began the task of unpacking and was half way through when my doorbell rang.
"Hi," a friendly guy said when I opened my door. "I'm Eric, your neighbour. I just thought I would welcome you to the block."
"I'm Bella," I smiled shaking his hand.
"Nice to meet you, Bella." I could tell Eric was itching for an invite into my apartment and maybe more. He would have a long wait for either, though. As far as men were concerned, I was as good as a nun.
"I am kind of busy unpacking . . . but thanks for stopping by." I smiled briefly before moving to close my door.
"I can help if you want. I have a few free hours."
"No thanks Eric," I sniggered. "I don't make a habit of letting strangers go through my personal belongings."
"Oh, no, I didn't mean."
"Goodbye Eric," I giggled, closing the door in his face. Men, really!
It didn't take me too long to unpack. The apartment was already furnished so it was just my personal belongings that needed to be put away.
It was a beautiful sunny day in Washington. I knew I needed to shop for some food, so I grabbed my sunglasses and headed outside to take in my new neighbourhood.
The shops weren't too far away and I was glad the subway was only a five minute walk; it would be easy enough getting to and from work.
I only bought a few things at the store to tide me over. I was a little tired from all the traveling and would do more shopping tomorrow.
I couldn't resist walking into the second hand book shop on my way back. I was a sucker for books. I always had been.
I grazed over the titles, finding a few to add to my never ending collection, and while I was paying at the register. I accidentally knocked a few books on the floor. As soon as my hand touched Romeo and Juliet, the flashback hit my like a bolt of lightening. Why couldn't I erase him from my mind?
"Have you seen the new kids, Bella?" Jessica asked, skipping into the cafeteria at lunch time.
"No," I replied uninterested as I continued to read my book.
"You really need to look," Jessica laughed, pulling the book from under my nose.
"Jess," I moaned, finally looking up to try to grab it back from her.
"Come and get it, book worm," she sniggered, dancing around the table while waving the book in the air. I lunged, accidentally hitting the book from her hand. It skimmed across the floor and came to a stop a few feet in front of me.
"Great. Thanks Jess." I grumbled going after it. Jessica could be so childish sometimes. Why was I friends with her again?
I was still reeling as I reached down for my book only to notice another pair of hands grabbing it first.
"Throwing Shakespeare on the floor? What has the world come to?" I heard a male voice chuckle.
As I looked up to thank the voice, I held in a gasp. Pure green orbs seemed to be pouring into my eyes, blinding me. As I took in his face, my whole body trembled; I was staring at a god, I was sure of it.
The lean but muscular build of him captivated me. His bronze hair was in the sexiest disarray I had ever seen, and he seemed to tower over me. Not at any point did I feel intimidated, though. All I wanted, was to get closer to him.
"I'm Edward," the god smiled, handing me my book. "Edward Masen."
"Bella Swan," I managed to force out. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen.
"Lovely to meet you, Bella. Let me know if you drop any other books. I'll be happy to pick them up for you." With that, he walked over to his table.
"That was one of the new kids," Jessica whispered. "I bet you're glad I took your book now, aren't you?"
"You have no idea," I panted as Edward sat down at his table giving me a sexy wink before he turned around.
I shook the flashback off. What was the point thinking back to the past when I knew how it ended?
"Did you want that book too, dear?" the old lady asked. I didn't realise how tightly I was holding it.
"No thank you," I smiled placing it back on the pile.
"It's the greatest love story ever told. Every young girl should have a copy." The woman smiled as she picked it up to put in my bag.
"No, really. I have a copy." I protested. Well, I used to have a copy.
"I insist. Something tells me you will be a good customer of mine, the book is on me. Enjoy." The old woman grinned handing me my bag of books. I couldn't be rude to the old lady, not when she was being so kind. Plus she was right. I would probably become her best customer.
"Thank you." I smiled before taking the bag and leaving.
I was just about to enter my apartment when Eric called me again. What was it with this guy? Couldn't he take a hint?
"Let me help you, Bella." Eric rushed to my side acting like he was an action hero or something.
"No, really Eric, I can manage." I almost growled pulling the bag back. "I am not some helpless, lost little girl. I am more than capable of looking after myself."
"I was just . . ."
"I would rather you didn't, Eric. I am a very independent woman. I am not looking for anything. I am happy on my own."
"I am kind of guessing that," Eric laughed. "Look, if you ever need anything all you have to do is call, okay?"
"Sure," I smiled. "Good night."
I went to bed quite early that night. I didn't realise how drained I was, but as my dreams slipped into images of him, I tried so hard to wake up but I was trapped. That damn book. Shakespeare had a lot to answer for.
"So, dropped any books lately?" Edward asked as he stood at my desk in English.
"If you think I'm falling for that line again," I teased as he sat next to me.
"I don't need to," Edward smiled kissing my lips. My body was an inferno at his touch. "I already won with that line."
"You did indeed," I breathed against his lips.
"So," Edward inched closer leaning his arm over my chair. "Charlie is getting home late tonight, I hear."
"He might be."
"Did you want any company?"
"That depends on the company."
"How about a man that is desperately in love with you and wants to cherish every single second he has alone with you."
"He sounds pretty amazing. Do I know him?"
"You are such a tease," Edward smiled crookedly at me and even in my sleep I could feel the desire fill my body as he drew closer to me looking down at my lips. "Can I come over. I need you Bella."
"Yes," I panted as his lips crashed against mine. At this point I was trying to force myself to wake up, but my heart had other plans. It wanted to retrace every part of this amazing moment.
"MR MASEN! Please put Miss Swan down." I could hear the giggles from the class as the teacher called. "Perhaps I should send you to Sex Ed instead. I'm not sure you need any more Shakespeare. It might give you more ideas."
"Sorry, Mr. Birdie." Edward was trying to hide a snigger but I knew I was as red as a beetroot. "But I do happen to be a huge fan of Romeo."
"I'm sure you are." Mr. Birdie glared before starting the lesson.
Before I knew it Edward and I were back at my house making out passionately on my dad's couch. Why did it feel so real? I could almost taste him on my tongue.
I rolled over and was now on top of him, grinding my hips into him. I wanted friction, any friction that would help me control the burn between my legs. Edward was driving me insane with lust.
"God Bella," Edward groaned. "We need to stop before you drive me crazy."
"No stopping," I panted going for the buttons on his shirt.
"Bella," Edward chuckled moving my hand. "I'm not having our first time being on your dad's couch. I want it to be special."
"But you said you needed me." I pouted. "I thought you meant . . ." I trailed off.
"I do need you, but not just your body, Bella. Do you have any idea what you have done to me? I am so hopelessly in love with you. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would find my match, but I have." I smiled as Edward rolled on top of me. "You are all I could ever dream of in a woman. When we take the next step, I want you to realise you are it for me. There will never be anyone else. It will always be you, Bella."
"How can you know that?"
"I love you, Bella. I will never hurt you. You are my life. You are in my soul. You have to believe me."
"I do, Edward." I smiled as his lips crashed against mine. When his hands crept up my shirt and under my bra, I moaned.
"Of course waiting doesn't mean I can't make you feel good." Edward's voice was husky as he massaged my breast with this hand. "You are so beautiful, Bella." I could feel his other hand rubbing over my jeans, right where I so wanted him to touch. My hips arched up to his hand in desperation. "Do you want me to make you feel good, Bella?"
"Fuck, yes!" I was sure I shouted it in my sleep too. Edward chuckled slowly moving his hand to undo my jeans. "Too slow Edward," I groaned trying to move me jeans down quicker.
"Patience, Bella. You have to build up to these things. I can't rush anything with you. I need to savour every second." I was grinding against his hips still, which didn't help when I felt his desire too. Why did we have to wait again?
As I felt the cool air hit my legs I breathed in relief; it wouldn't be much longer now. Edward ran his hand slowly up my leg. I pouted a little as he removed his hand from my bra but my faith in him was restored as both his hands made light work of my shirt.
"Fuck me Bella," Edward looked down at me in my underwear. I was so glad I had gone for black lace tonight. The dark lust in his eyes did nothing for my control. I wanted him and I couldn't wait a second longer.
"Take me now, please." I begged reaching for the belt to his jeans.
"Bella, I can't . . ." Edward was struggling. I could see it in his eyes. He wanted me now too.
"I don't care about some romantic night, Edward. This feels right, you and me. That's all I care about. Make me yours. Please?" Edward crashed his lips urgently against mine. His hands were everywhere and I mean everywhere. I made quick work of his shirt in between kisses.
"Maybe we should go upstairs at least?" Edward was smirking while he watched me work on the belt to his jeans. I pouted a little. "Come on," Edward chuckled throwing me over his shoulder as he carried me upstairs. "That's better," Edward almost purred as he lay me on my bed. "Are you sure about this Bella?" I looked up at him and then sat up reaching for his belt. I undid his jeans in a matter of seconds.
"Does that answer your question?" I teased, leaning back on the bed watching his eyes roam over my body.
"I love you Bella," Edward whispered stepping out of his jeans before joining me on the bed.
All I could do was moan in response as his lips began to move up my body. I could feel myself moving in my sleep, squirming as I remembered how it felt to have his bare skin rubbing against mine. I groaned out his name as I felt my underwear slip from my body. Edward was everywhere at once. I found it hard to believe it was his first time too. He worked me like a pro. Or was that just my memory making the moment better? No, Edward had been that good.
I was an overheated mess by the time the foreplay had finished. I could feel the yearning inside my body just like that night. I wanted Edward to claim me and now!
"Please Edward," I panted arching up to him while his tongue swirled around my nipple. I couldn't take the torture any longer. "Take me. I'm ready . . . just take me."
"I don't deserve you Bella," Edward whispered as he moved on top of me. "You will always be too good for me but I'll never stop wanting you. Ever. Never forget that." Even now those words confused me. Had that really been his good bye? Did he know that by tomorrow all traces of him would have vanished? That he and his entire family would be just a beautiful memory of a time when my life made sense.
"You, Edward Masen, are all I will ever want, so please," I smiled kissing his lips, "make love to me. Make me yours." Edward smiled reaching for the condom. I watched in awe as he stood in all his naked perfection. Everything about him was perfect. I licked my lips, not even worried about the pain. I knew Edward would take care of me.
Edward lined himself up, lifting my legs up towards him.
"You ready, love?" Edward asked with a smirk. I didn't need to answer, he knew I was ready. With one swift motion, Edward entered me.
I woke up with a startle. My legs were still tingling and my breathing was so erratic it was embarrassing. Fucking sex dreams. It was the only time I ever let my guard down. Now I was a little pissed with the nice old lady in the book store. This was all her fault. If she hadn't given me that damn book he wouldn't have even entered my mind.
At least in a few days I would start my new job. I knew that would keep my mind well and truly clear of Edward Masen.