A/N: Don't usually go for song fics, however, this song really strikes a chord within me, and I felt that it would be perfect for Shepard's reflections of what happened on Horizon.

Call Me – Shinedown The Sound of Madness

Mass Effect Universe belongs to Bioware, not me I just enjoy playing in their sandbox from time to time.

Call Me…

Shepard sat silently in her cabin on the Normandy SR-2. Horizon had been a total disaster, after finally finding her way to her cabin, she had turned on her music, finding some of her favorite twenty first century artists and songs, she quietly went through the list to find music to fit her current mood. After several minutes she came across a song that fit exactly what she felt, so she put the song on and turned the sound up as loud as it would go and sat staring at Kaidan's picture on her desk.

Wrap me in a bolt of lightning
Send me on my way still smiling
Maybe that's the way I should go,
Straight into the mouth of the unknown

Her mind drifted back to Horizon, the fear she had felt throughout the entire fight against the Collectors, the absolute agony when the Collector's ship took off with half the colony on board, her being so sure that Kaidan was on that ship. The relief when she heard his voice and saw him was almost a tangible thing.

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human SpecTRE. Savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a legend, Delen. And a ghost."

Caera Shepard couldn't speak, couldn't believe her eyes, Kaidan was alive, he hadn't been taken. She didn't even hear or see the Mechanic storm off, then she was in Kaidan's arms.

I left the spare key on the table
Never really thought I'd be able
To say I merely visit on the weekends
Lost my whole life and a dear friend

"I thought you were dead Shepard. We all did." Kaidan spoke quietly, bitterness coloring his tone.

"It's been a long time Kaidan, how've you been?" She asked her throat tight.

"Is that all you have to say? You show up after two years and act like nothing happened," he bit out angrily.

I've said it so many times
I would change my way
No, Never mind
God knows I've tried

Shepard buried her head in her hands, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. All she had thought about and wanted since she awoke on the Cerberus facility was to find Kaidan. Everyone had blocked every attempt at finding him and when she finally did, everything fell apart.

Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it's over I'll still love you all the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt
It's all that I can say
So I'll be on my way.

Kaidan took a step back, "I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real. I … I loved you."

Shepard felt her heart being torn into tiny little pieces at the words; she didn't even know how to begin to respond.

"Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that?"

I finally put it all together,
But nothing really lasts forever
I had to make a choice that was not mine
I had to say goodbye for the last time

Shepard shook her head sadly, "I'm sorry Kaidan. I was clinically dead. It took two years to bring me back," she tried to explain. "So much times has passed. You've moved on. I don't want to reopen old wounds."

Kaidan stared at her, "I did move on. At least, I thought I did. But now we've got reports about you and Cerberus."

I kept my whole life in a suitcase
Never really stayed in one place
Maybe that's the way it should be
You know I live my life like a gypsy

Garrus gaped at Kaidan, "Reports, you mean you already knew."

Kaidan never turned his attention from Shepard. "Alliance Intel thought that Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies. They got a tip this colony might be the next one to get hit." He responded slowly. "Anderson stonewalled me, but there were rumors that you weren't dead. That you were working for the enemy."

I've said it so many times
I would change my ways
No, never mind
God knows I've tried

Shepard took a calming breath; she knew it would do no good to get angry with Kaidan. "Our colonies are disappearing. The Alliance turned its back on them. Cerberus is the only group willing to do something about it."

Kaidan took a single step forward. "You can't really believe that! We both know what Cerberus is like. What they're capable of," he said furiously before trying to calm himself down. "I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this."

Call me a sinner, Call me a saint
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt
It's all that I can say
So, I'll be on my way

"You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."

Shepard stared, shock coloring her expression in the seconds it took her to school her expression back to that of Commander Fucking Shepard. "Kaidan you know me. You know I would only do this for the right reason."

I'll always keep you inside,
You healed my heart and my life…
And you know I try

"You saw it yourself. The Collectors are targeting human colonies and they're working with the reapers."

Kaidan shook his head, "I want to believe you, Shepard. But I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a Reaper to manipulate you," he responded sadly. "What if they're behind it? What if they're the ones working with the Collectors."

Shepard sighed, resisting the urge to bring her hand up and pinch the bridge of her nose. "You're letting how you feel about their history get in the way of facts."

"Maybe," Kaidan began. "Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight." He finished quietly. "You've changed. But I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be." He turned, pausing to glance back at Shepard. "I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not."

Shepard's heart shattered, she couldn't just let him walk away. "I could use someone like you in my crew, Kaidan. It'll be just like old times."

Kaidan stopped again, this time turning to face Shepard fully, "No, it won't," he replied almost regretfully. "I'll never work for Cerberus. Goodbye Shepard. And be careful." Kaidan turned again and walked away, leaving Commander Caera Shepard standing staring after him.

"Joker – Send the shuttle to pick us up, I've had enough of this colony." She stated firmly over the comm as Kaidan walked out of sight.

Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt
It's all I can say. So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way

Shepard listened as the last strands of the piano faded away at the end of the song. The tears she had fought for so long trailing silently down her cheeks. As the next song in the playlist loaded, she turned and opened her personal terminal. There were several messages there, but one stood out among the rest, stopping her breath in her throat as she read the subject…

About Horizon…

**The End**