Anime: Axis Powers Hetalia
Rating: T I guess... I dunno, I said the word "Nazi".
Warnings: You have been warned! About nothing apparently.
Pairings: Nothing intended.
Disclaimer: Me no own the hetalia of the axis of the powers.
Notes: School is officially in session for me. Yes, this early. I hate it too. But I gotta do what I gotta do. Most likely I'll only be able to update on weekends.
The Brit watched his American friend enter the meeting room for the G8 conference. It was likely going to be another pointless meeting involving France hitting on his victim of the day, Russia threatening anyone that makes eye contact, and America talking his ass off about something really stupid. He knew the meetings were just an excuse for the world's great nations to get together and gossip rather than solve current dilemmas, but he went anyway.
"So yea! I totally prefer McDonald's over Burger King! McDonald's is the freaking best, and anyone who says otherwise is a Nazi." Declared America after five minutes of babbling since the start of the meeting.
"Now hold on," began Germany, "What does that have anything to do with global—"
"NAZI!" accused America, pointing at Germany rudely, "What'd I tell you!"
"You fool, the topic here is global warming!"
And so the conferences were held like this for the hour or so the nations would get together. England had tried to steer the meetings into the right direction, but it seemed he was the only one who wanted productivity. Everyone else either didn't seem to care or fueled the pointless activity. When the timer went off after the hour signaling the end of the meeting, everyone suddenly stopped arguing, let go of each others hair, and walked out peacefully, discussing where they should go to have lunch.
"Well I obviously recommend McDonald's." Said America, coming out of the room.
"You may as well recommend me a heart attack on a bun." Commented France, "Let's go to a café today. Oui or non?"
"Non." Replied America, emphasizing both n's, "Nothing's better than McDonald's. Except SUPER MCDONALDS! They just opened one across the street! It's great, everything's supersized!"
England hated the meetings. He hated how everyone seemed to lose hope. Was he the only one who hasn't? What's worse is that it seemed America, one of the most powerful, domineering, and influential nations in the world, would prefer to discuss fast food than the world's current issues. He hated how America would saunter into the room like he owned the place at 6am, with his trademark McDonald's coffee cup in his hand, take a seat on the comfiest chair at the end of the table, and comment on everything and anything out loud as the nations arrived.
"Yo Japan, did you cut across six lanes with no turn signal on your way over here? Haha, I bet you did!"
"Germany! You're looking very Nazi today."
"Russia you look ten times the serial killer in the morning! Haha—oh, you're wielding your pipe, that probably was not the smartest comment to make at 6 in the morning…"
England sighed as he took his seat and waited for everyone else to arrive. Another pointless hour to gossip. Why don't they instead brainstorm ideas to end terrorism? Minimize orphanages? Dammit, world peace?
"So today I thought we'd start off the meeting with this." Announced America, pointing to the blackboard. Everyone stared at it quizzically. It looked like a strategy plan for something important. Words and names were sloppily written and underlined at least five times and arrows were all over the place. Whatever it was, it looked like America put a lot of hard work into the plan. Was it perhaps a plan to catch the world's most wanted criminals? A battle tactic? England was listening intently to America, as were the other countries. Could it be the idle American finally decided to get serious? England was brimming with hope. He knew he raised America better, and now it was starting to show.
"What is it, America? It looks very strategic and well thought out! Tell us!" said England eagerly.
"You are correct, England. This is extremely strategic and well thought out. I spent all night yesterday coming up with this, because I knew it would benefit us all." Said America proudly.
"Hm. Looks complex. I like it already… whatever it is." Observed Germany, getting up from his seat to examine the blackboard's contents.
"Is it some new mathematical formula? Looks like it." Commented Japan.
"A new formula for pasta, maybe?" added Italy.
"Those are all great assumptions, but no." America rubbed his hands together, getting ready for the big reveal. "What I have here is…" England leaned forward in anticipation.
"My fantasy football line up!" revealed America. England literally threw himself off the chair, to which no one seemed to notice. "We are SO going to dominate this year, man. No lie."
"Hmm, I like it, but I'd think twice about Manning." Responded Germany quite seriously.
"Yea, just put Vick back on your line up. Like, who cares what he's done, he's on a roll." France suggested.
"You blind, frenchy? How am I going to just throw in Vick in there like nothing? It'd ruin my whole set up!" said America.
"Your set up is as dumb as I am clueless! If you're going anywhere, you better rethink your kickers." Intruded Italy quite surprisingly.
"I don't care what anyone says, but if Smith isn't on your roster, some shit's goin' go down." Said Russia, tapping his pipe on the table impatiently. America sighed and began erasing some names and arrows on the board.
"Better?" he asked.
"I guess. But think about it—do you really need Daniels? I mean, I'd be happy to get into the guy's pants, but his name won't be anywhere on my roster." Commented France with his arms crossed. America face-palmed and muttered 'you're right' before erasing more on his board. He added more names and arrows with a piece of chalk before declaring it finished.
"Now that's a looker!" boasted Germany.
"Good thinking, France!" complimented Italy.
"Finally, we do something useful in here!" laughed Russia.
Useful? Thought England, You people find fantasy football useful? When we're supposed to be discussing world hunger?
Some faint knocking at the door shut everyone up. America went up to the door to open it and brought in a box.
"It's here!" he announced, setting it down on the table.
"Finally! Our tools to end that hunger issue everyone's been so worried about!" said France, getting excited.
England groggily lifted his head up from the floor.
C-could it be…? Their actually… gonna do something?
"Oh yea, this is gonna end the hunger problem alright!" affirmed France.
"Yea! Our hunger!" said America, pulling out a chicken wing smothered in barbeque sauce.
"No more debating over McDonald's and Burger King." Sighed Japan happily, putting his bib on.
"Open wide, Kumajiro." Said Canada softly, feeding his bear some fries dipped in barbeque sauce. Everyone got their fill on the barbequed fast food, all except for England, who was too busy banging his head on the floor.
[[God my eyes hurt. BTW, I know NOTHING about fantasy football, but for some reason I really want to get into it. It sounds fun. So sorry if some aspects about Fantasy Football is wrong here, my knowledge has it's limits. *gasp*]]