"God dammit, Fatass! Does Butters really have to hang out at our bus stop every morning?"
Cartman rolled his eyes at Kyle's usual Jew-Speak.
"Yeah, Cartman – I don't bring Wendy everywhere I go."
"Well that's because Wendy is a stupid dumb slutty girl and Butters is not."
Cartman squeezed his boyfriend's hand a little tighter while Butters beamed...deciding that it was nice that Eric said he WASN'T a stupid dumb slutty girl.
"Don't call my girlfriend a dumb slut, Cartman!"
Cartman continued to ignore them, and cupped Butter's cute little cheek in his fat little hand.
"Ah'm sorry my friends are so immature, Butters...they're just jealous because Ah'm getting' regular bjs and they're not."
Eric smirked, as the three boys within ear-shot reacted right on cue.
There was a hint of jealousy in Kenny's muffled voice...Kenny hadn't gotten a bj since Tammy broke up with him before moving up to middle school. Cartman made a mental note to rub it in his face more later.
"E-Eric...!" Butters coughed, more than just a little embarrassed.
"What? It's true – You give great head and they're jealous. It's kinda sad really..."
The blonde pre-teen looked up from his shoes, taken aback by yet another compliment in one morning.
"I do? Aw shucks Eric...th-that's only 'cause you let me practice a whole lot."
And that's when Stan puked into the snow bank and Kenny crossed his arms in a jealous huff. Kyle decided to speak for the group.
"Ew, you guys! Could you not be so...so gay in front of us? I mean, we don't care but-"
Cartman was about to start today's anti-Semitic rant but was cut off by his boyfriend.
"Kyle...I'm sorry, but could you not be such a Jew?"
Kyle was completely shocked and red in the face...while Cartman's fat face stretched into a genuine smile.
"...God dammit Butters, I love you." He said softly, before giving him a kiss on the cheek just as the bus rolled in. Butters went on first and Cartman made sure of it, using his beefy arm to push his friends as they tried to cut in front of him. Kyle raged silently when he was finally allowed to board the bus and took his usual seat next to Stan.
10 minutes of driving down suburban streets, and Stan noticed how quiet Kyle was being.
"...Dude, are you still watching them?" Stan nudged his best friend, while glancing over at the fatass and his boyfriend talking about what he assumed was gay shit...he still couldn't believe Cartman got his first blowjob before he did...
"I just...I just don't get it, dude. How long have they been doing this?"
"Since the start of 6th grade so like...a little over 4 months or something?"
"Don't you think that's a really long time for Cartman to try to mess with us?"
Stan scoffed at this.
"I don't think he's just dating Butters to mess with us. I think he's really gay."
"...Stan, don't tell me you're buying into it."
"I'm sorry Kyle, I just don't think he'd be this nice to Butters all the time for this long just to fuck with us."
"Dude...he gave Ben Affleck a hand job once just to fuck with us."
"I think that just proves he's really gay."
"Good point" Kyle sighed, still staring at Cartman and Butters, who were now cuddling while Cartman threw little wads of paper at the back of Tweak's head just to watch him freak out.
"I guess it's kinda cool to know he can be NICE to someone...even if it is only Butters."
But truth be told, Eric Cartman wasn't feelin' all that nice while tossing gum wrappers into Tweak's hair, if you can believe it. Tweak was a butthole. Always hangin' out with that other butthole Craig. Stupid Craig...always callin' him and Butters names-
Cartman's attention snapped back to the 11 year old blonde boy who was practically in his lap.
"You seem awful sore about somethin...is everythin' ok?"
Cartman relaxed just a tad, before wrapping one arm around Butters shoulders.
"Ah'm just pissed off because Craig called you a faggot yesterday."
Cartman nodded, still glaring at the back of Craig's seat.
"I-I don't understand why you're so upset...you call me a fag all the time."
"Well one, that's because you are and two, Ah'm yer boyfriend-"
"So that makes you kinda faggy too-HEY!"
Cartman punched him in the arm...before kissing it
Anyone else would have been frustrated with how little sense Eric Cartman could make sometimes...but not Butters Stotch. Butters knew there was a sensitive, special little guy under all that fat and hate.
So Butters just ignored it for now and moved on.
"W-well you still didn't hafta punch him in the nose like that. Now he's just g-gonna pick on me even more."
Eric dropped his arm from Butters' shoulders while sighing.
Almost everybody picked on Butters. Craig and his merry band of butt-lickers, the Goth Kids, some of the fourthies and fifthies..and even a couple of the crippled kids. The cripples for fucks sake! CRIPPLES!
But that's what happens when you're a faggy little pussy like Butters...who thinks everybody has some good in them even if they're a Jew. And lets people push him around all the time and never pushes back. He just gives them that big ol' smile of his and hopes for the best.
Cartman both loved and hated this about Butters. The blonde was the only person besides his mother who was kind and patient with him...And he'd be lying if he said he never bullied or manipulated Butters because he made it so easy.
(But Cartman was very good at lying so no – he never did any of that)
But on the other hand, half of the fucking school still took advantage of his Butters sweetness. HIS BUTTERS! And Butters just fucking let them! And that pissed him off most of all.
"Butters, you have got to start standing up for yourself."
Cartman rolled his eyes as Butters started rubbing his knuckles together nervously like he always does.
"I-I know, Eric...But it's not easy. I don't wanna cause any trouble."
"But causin' trouble is so much fuuuuuuuuun!" Eric whined playfully, before moving his lips dangerously close to Butters ears "And sexah..."
Butters tried to push him away, getting kinda hot and flustered.
"Easy for you to say...your mom never grounds you for anything..."
Eric let him go, giving him his much needed space and huffing in mild annoyance.
"...your got grounded AGAIN? What for?"
"W-well because we were playin' Lord of the Rings last night I got home late an-"
Cartman clamped his hand over Butters mouth quickly...as if anybody on the bus knew what "playing Lord of the Rings" meant in Butter-speak.
"Okay, okay just keep it down...look, I'll just help you sneak out of the house, like always, so it doesn't even matter."
"Aw, thanks Eric-"
"What matters is if you're gonna be mah faggy boyfriend then everyone is going to stop shitting all over you!"
"B-but how are we gonna make that happen?"
Eric Cartman smiled...that same smile that he always got when he had a scheme in mind. It made Butters just a tad nervous.
Just then the bus stopped, and a cluster-fuck of students formed in the narrow walkway. Cartman forced his bloated carcass upright and dragged Butters up with him by the wrist.
"Don't worry, my dear Butter-Bear...you just let me handle it..."