Author's Notes: Written for all my dear friends on the Bellatrix Lestrange: The Dark Lord's Most Faithful forum. Oh, the things I'll do for you people…
Lucius looked to his bride, who was sitting primly on the edge of the bed. Pale, and dressed all in white, Lucius didn't think he had ever seen such an image of purity and beauty. He kissed her hard, gripping either side of her waist, and pressing his whole body against hers.
Narcissa made a soft purring noise, and her eyelids fluttered shut. Lucius pushed her down onto the bed. Lying over her, he made to undo his trousers.
He had only just fumbled them open when Narcissa went stiff and pushed him off her. Lucius sat up, and gave his wife a perplexed look. "What's wrong?"
"That," Narcissa said, pointing at his groin.
Lucius looked down, confused. Women had never found him disappointing before, what was wrong?
"Is there a problem, Cissy?"
"There won't be, as soon as you put it away," Narcissa said. She sounded equal parts disgusted and scandalized, neither of which were reactions Lucius was used to. He swallowed, trying to work out what to say.
"What's… is something wrong with it?"
Narcissa shuddered delicately. "It's disgusting! Really, Lucius, did you think I'd want to see that?"
"Well, yes, I rather did, to be honest, Cissy… I mean, it is part of the idea of marriage…"
Narcissa sniffed haughtily. "I don't believe the marriage vows said anything about me being required to see… that."
"Well, no, they don't, not technically, but-"
"If the vows didn't say it, I'm not required to see it."
Lucius rubbed his forehead. "Your parents… or Bellatrix… or whoever… someone has explained to you how babies are made, haven't they?"
"Well, I don't want babies yet, so I don't see what that has to do with anything."
"Merlin." Lucius shut his eyes and tipped his head backwards, praying for patience. "It's our wedding night, Cissy."
"I know that, Lucius, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't want to have to see… that."
"You do understand, don't you, Narcissa," Lucius said, rubbing his temples, "that you're supposed to actually… you do understand how this is supposed to work? You're not just supposed to see it, you know…"
"Well, if you think I'm going to touch it, you're quite wrong, Lucius!" Narcissa drew herself up. "I may be married, but I still have dignity!"
"Which is more than I can say," Lucius muttered.
"What was that?"
"Nothing." Lucius sighed, and did his trousers back up. "This whole conversation completely killed the mood. I suppose I'll just sleep in the other bed, then."
Narcissa frowned. "You don't want to share a bed with me? On our wedding night?"
"Bloody Hell…" if Lucius had something to beat himself around the head with, he would have started then. "All right, Cissy, we can sleep in the same bed with our clothes on, if it means so much to you."
Narcissa, apparently satisfied, pulled back the coverd, and crawled under them, still fully clothed. Lucius followed, grinding his teeth together from sheer irritation.
Maybe I can have a little talk with Rodolphus about switching wives…