Yeah, didn't mean for Cindy to have such a big part, but Muse David kinda ran w/ this story & he likes to pretend to be straight, too. Shit, he's glowering at me now. Anyway, LadyDragonsblood, Who knows what Fatty does or how his mind works. He's a weird one. redsandman99, chace m.j, Thank you. takers dark lover, I don't think Adam does want to be gay.. JoMoFan-spot, Thank you, luv. When you tell me i'm keeping them spot-on, i i know i'm doing it right. I hope you keep liking it, babe. *loves on*CannibalHolocaust, I don't think Adam's ready to fuck, but thank you. :)

Title: Brink Of Innocence
Rating: M
Warnings: Language, oral, angst

They spent a good portion of the summer this way, Jay and Adam, laughing and playing with friends, stealing kisses in the woods. They learned to drive in Jay's father's old van, taking it to the gym or the movies, then returning to hide in the back and silence each other's moans with their lips. The boys took odd jobs, lawn work and house painting and such, but only just enough to pay for the little things. Next year they would start real jobs, and they were determined to take this summer to revel in their freedom. They wrestled and joked, and when night fell dark and intimate around them, closing them off from the rest of the world, their wrestling took on a different shade. Breathier, stickier, and oh, so much more satisfying. At first.

As the months grew hotter, so did Jay's blood. He wanted more than just the heavy petting and make-out sessions that Adam enjoyed so much. Jay had offered on a few occasions to give Adam a blow job, just wanting to kiss it, taste it, feel its width in his mouth, but Adam refused. He thought he'd have to compensate, and though Jay assured him he didn't, Adam was not willing to be "that gay." Jay knew better, even if Adam didn't, and in the meantime, when he was alone he would stick his finger or toothbrush down his throat, learning to suppress his gag reflex for when the day finally came.

Adam still dated Cindy, though their relationship was starting to strain. Jay felt more of that jealousy every time they went out. He knew Adam was pushing her for more than simple make-out sessions as well. What he didn't know was that Adam wasn't pushing her because Jay didn't satisfy his teenage lust. In fact, the problem was that Jay satisfied it too well.

More and more, it wasn't Cindy that Adam thought of when he was alone in his room, dick in one hand and wad of tissues ready in the other. It was Jay's big hands on his body, eliciting whimpers and moans he couldn't repress. Jay's rose petal lips feathering across his chest, closing over his nipple, making their slow, torturous way down his stomach, lower and lower...

Adam would cum with a shudder, and lie there blinking and confused. He didn't want to be gay. He didn't. He was already an outcast and a nerd, targeted by assholes who thought it would be fun to pick on a long-haired, comic-reading dork whose favorite pastime was watching a sport where men in tights grope each other. Plus he'd have to tell his mom.

His mom had been so excited when he came home and announced he had a girlfriend. She doted on Cindy, as she did all his friends, and saw her as proof that her son was loved and accepted by his peers. Then there was Cindy herself. She was sweet and pretty, and really did like him. If only she would let him explore her, drive Jay's face from his mind, his touch from his body. But she was more stubborn than Adam was with Jay when it came to that. Sometimes he wanted to shake her and scream "Please! Just let me feel you up and prove I don't want him!" But she would never understand. She'd mock him and tell her friends. Cindy may be sweet, but she was a gossip queen.

Adam would lie awake, mind whirling and confused, then let his eyes wander to the dresser. He'd remember Jay's fingertips on his asshole that day they went swimming, remember how damn good it felt as he eyed the handle of his hairbrush. Wondering if it would fit, if it would hurt or feel as good as Jay's fingers. Wondering how the gentle raised ridges of the grip would feel inside him. Wondering how Jay would feel inside him, those bright blue eyes sparkling down at him as he touched him. Then Adam would tear his eyes away, whimpering in helpless frustration as he grabbed another wad of tissues from the box on the nightstand.

o~o~o

"Adam, are you okay?"

It was early afternoon, and Adam's mom was at work. John and Fatty were out earning a little money so they could all go to the mall that evening. Jay and Adam had enough funds for the outing, so now the two lay naked and tangled on Adam's bed, skin glowing with sweat and their cum cooling between them.

"I'm fine." Adam had been putting on a happy face for Jay, for his mom and Cindy and his friends, but he'd been feeling so irritable it was all he could do not to snap at everyone around. He should have known Jay would see right through him.

"Bullshit. You're a million miles away. I know something's been bugging you lately." Jay's brow furrowed as Adam bit his lip and looked away. There was only one thing that Adam never fully opened up with to Jay, and Jay's face darkened. "It's about her, isn't it?"

"Jay-"

"Dammit, Adam!" Jay rolled away and got up, grabbing a shirt from Adam's laundry hamper to angrily wipe off his stomach and flaccid dick, then threw the soiled garment at Adam's face. "We've fucking been over this."

Adam sighed and looked down, morosely mopping cum from his navel and the bedsheets. "I just feel wrong going behind her back. I don't want to be a jerk."

"You're not cheating on her. And I don't want to hear about her when we're like this." Jay turned back to Adam with a scowl, crossing his arms over his chest. "Or is that what you think about? Pretending I'm her? You wish these were her hands on you? Is that why you won't let me blow you? Saving your dick for her precious mouth?"

The snarl in his voice tore at Adam's chest, and he closed his eyes, scrubbing his hands over his face. If only. If only the opposite weren't true. If only he didn't taste Cindy's Dr. Pepper lip gloss and think how much better Jay's mouth tasted. Of mint and lust and that special flavor that was all Jay's. Like the smell that hit him whenever he went to Jay's room after being away. Rich and thick and kind of woodsy, just Jay-smell. It smelled like coming home. That's all he could think of when he was supposed to be getting excited by Cindy. Jay-smell, and his full lips and large hands, his smoky blue eyes. Eyes that now bored into him, demanding answers to questions that shouldn't have to be asked. Jay would know if he lied, so he shook his head miserably.

"You don't love her," Jay stated, crawling onto the bed. "You love me. You told me."

"Not like that."

"Like what? Does it matter? Isn't it more right with someone you love, no matter how you love them, than someone you make out with just because she's a girl that will go out with you?"

Adam's face burned. "Maybe I just don't want to be a faggot like you!"

Jay sat back on his heels, stunned. The hurt must have shown on his face, because Adam immediately flung his arms around his neck. "Jay-Jay, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it," he pleaded, raining kisses over his cheeks. "You're my best friend, Jason. I'll always love you, no matter who I date. Just like you'll always love me. You're not a faggot, I'm sorry."

Jay caught his wandering lips, wondering how he could not be a faggot when he had another naked boy in his lap, kissing and loving on him while his dick stirred. He wasn't going to point that out to Adam, though. Instead, he deepened the kiss, laying Adam back onto the bed and settling between his legs. "Yeah. I'll always love you, Adam."

"Even after you go to college and get married?"

Jay nodded. "Even after we become tag champs and you turn on me to go after the Intercontinental."

Adam giggled. "I'd never do that."

"I know," he replied with a gentle smile. Then Jay kissed Adam, and as he felt himself throw all the passion and emotion he felt for him into it, he realized he more than loved his best friend. Shit, this was going to end with his heart torn to shreds, but he didn't care. Even if they went on hiding like this forever, every touch, every stolen kiss, every moment of being his friend would be worth it. He let his lips travel down that long neck, grazing skin with teeth, moving down and feeling Adam's chest hitch under his mouth.

Adam's breath came faster as Jay licked lower on his belly, circling his navel. He'd never let him get this far before, and Adam knew Jay would stop if he said the word, but Adam held his tongue. Jay wanted to so much, and Adam still felt horrible about what he'd said. It wouldn't hurt to let him, would it? Just this once? And his tongue already felt so good on his thighs, moving to lap at the traces of Jay's own earlier release that had caught in Adam's pubic hair.

Jay nuzzled his face against Adam's crotch, breathing him in. Sex and sweat and concentrated Adam-smell. He loved Adam-smell. He glanced up to see his beloved watching him with wide eyes, licking his lips. Jay slid his hands over his hips, eyebrows raised and chewing on his own lips. He didn't need to ask out loud. Adam blinked and nodded slowly, reaching down to run his fingers through Jay's short hair. Jay looked back down at his target, taking a second to let his eyes feast on the stiff cock. They'd seen each other naked many times, but he'd rarely let his eyes linger there. Even during their recent activities they were always kissing, the lights dim or dark, exploring bodies with hands instead of eyes.

Jay's tongue followed the large vein on the underside of the shaft, Adam's mildly salty taste making his mouth water. He licked along the ridge of his cockhead, then traced a path to the slit and dipped his tongue inside. The tart flavor made Jay's blood pound through his veins, his own dick throbbing against the sheets. Adam was making the cutest little noises, breath harsh and whimpering as his toes curled. Jay bent his head and kissed the base, then flickered tongue and lips up Adam's length, moist, feathery touches that were driving the other blonde out of his mind. Jay took him in his hand and brought the tip to his mouth, then covered his teeth with his lips and nipped the head, loving how it made Adam twitch.

"Jay," Adam panted, running hands over Jay's shoulders, "Jason... please.."

That was more than enough for Jay. He swallowed and took Adam in, closing his mouth around the shaft and massaging under the head with his tongue. A strangled whine left Adam's throat as he watched Jay's full lips wrap around his cock, his eyes close as he began to gently bob up and down. His mouth was so hot and soft around him, tongue sliding wetly over aching skin. Then Jay took him deeper and began to suck.

"Oh god... oh fuck oh fuck..." Adam's hips arched, trying to get more of that sweet suction and hitting the back of Jay's throat. Jay tried to relax and swallow around him, but this was bigger than anything else he'd tried to swallow and he gagged.

When Jay's throat spasmed around his cockhead, Adam thought that would be the end of him, but then that mouth left him and he whimpered as the open air hit his wet shaft. Jay curled his fingers around it and stroked as he caught his breath. He gasped and went right back down, still using his hand as his lips stretched around Adam's width. He slurped loudly as he sucked him in, saliva dribbling from the corners of his mouth and down the sides of Adam's cock. Okay, that was a little embarrassing. He hoped the nasty-sounding noise and the slobbering all over Adam's crotch didn't gross him out.

"More, Jay... harder, suck it... ah..."

Guess not. Jay smiled a little around the dick in his mouth and went to it, now shamelessly gulping and humming as his own hips rocked, the fabric of the sheets rubbing against his dick. He thrust harder, needing the friction on his sore, leaking length. He could tell Adam was close from the way his hand rubbed up and down his own torso, how he sucked in his breath through his teeth, his cock stiffening even more on Jay's tongue. Jay was half-mad with lust and power over Adam, twisting his fist around Adam's shaft, humping the mattress, his sinuses filled with the taste of Adam's precum. Adam writhed and pleaded underneath him, and Jay wanted to be inside him so bad, feel those hips bucking against his own, the sweet blonde driving himself further onto Jay's cock.

Jay barely realized what he was doing when the hand that wasn't stroking Adam's length reached between those long legs, digging fingers between cheeks to once again touch that hot pucker. Adam hissed, then let out a whimpering moan.

"No, not... Jay..."

Jay didn't hear the pathetic protest, too busy spilling his load onto the bedsheets. He groaned and panted around his mouthful, fingertip pushing into that grasping ring of muscle.

"Jay! Please! Stop, not there... can't... fuck..."

He heard Adam that time, eyes widening as he realized he'd once again crossed the line. He dragged his lips off Adam and jerked his finger out of that inviting hole, opening his mouth to mumble an apology. Before he could, his cheek was splashed with hot fluid. Adam fisted the sheets, arching and crying out, and Jay quickly moved to lap and suck at the spurting cockhead, coating his lips and swallowing everything he could. He squeezed and pulled at the shaft, greedily milking every bit he could get.

Adam looked down as the final spasms coursed through him and into Jay's devouring mouth. It was better than he'd fantasized, Jay's perfect mouth covered in his spunk, wide tongue licking him eagerly. Why? Why did it have to be Jay? Adam shuddered as Jay bent to lay a few gentle kisses on the underside of his softening cock. Why did Jay have to do that with his finger? Why did he have to mess it all up? Now Adam couldn't deny that Jay wanted everything, and Adam couldn't resist him forever. He wanted to cry as Jay turned eyes up to him, big and blue and pleading. And he had a big glob of cum sliding down his cheek. He looked so absurd that Adam had to giggle, sniffling at the same time.

"You have... all over your face..." Adam gestured to his cheek. Jay frowned and sent out his tongue to swipe at it, but it was out of reach. Adam gave a watery laugh and sat up to take his boyish face, bringing him close and wiping him off with the discarded shirt.

"I'm sorry, Adam. I got carried away. It won't happen again."

Adam sighed and nodded. "Yes, it will. I can't do this, Jay. I just can't."

When Jay thought his heart would be torn to shreds, he hadn't expected it to happen so damn fast. He pushed a strand of long, golden hair back from Adam's face, twirling it around his finger. "Would it be so bad, being a faggot like me? As long as we can be together..."

Adam closed his eyes. Part of him screamed that yes, it would be so bad, but another part, a part the size of which he didn't want to admit, told him it would be wonderful. The two sides of him raged in battle, so Adam took the easy way out. He hid behind Cindy. "Jay... I really do like her. I don't want to hurt her, and I want to see if we can make it work," he said, his eyes on his fingers that twisted in his lap. Then he did look up, pinning Jay with a tortured gaze. "I want to at least try to be normal. What we're doing, it's not normal, is it?"

Jay had no answer for him. He'd never been much of an expert on normal. He did the only thing he could think of to do. "Okay, Adam. I'll give you all the space you need. Just..." Jay hesitated, then leaned forward and pressed his lips to Adam's, savoring them for what he hoped wasn't the last time. He pulled away and said he needed a shower, leaving Adam sitting on the bed. He'd come back to Jay. He had to, even if Adam didn't know it yet. Adam just needed some time to come to it in his own way, and when he did, Jay would be waiting. He could wait.