I know. It's been two years since i've updated this. But as i've said in other notes, i'm not giving up on any of my stories. If you're still with me, i thank you so much for your patience.

Adam plodded home from Cindy's, the heat of the late summer afternoon cut by a light breeze that lifted his long hair from his shoulders as he walked. He watched his high-tops scuff the sidewalk, his hands jammed in the pockets of his denim cutoffs so deep, he could see his fingertips in the pockets peeking out from under the frayed legs. It had been two weeks – two brutal fucking weeks – since he'd seen Jay. They'd tried hanging out once to watch wrestling at Adam's, but awkwardness hung like a curtain between them, and Jay left right after the show.

"I can't be around you like this and not touch you, Adam. It's too hard."

They'd both tried not to giggle at Jay's use of the word "hard," and failed. Adam thought Jay might stay after that, now that they were laughing together again and the curtain seemed parted, but when Jay looked up again there was a longing pain in his blue eyes. He told Adam he wanted to kiss him so bad right now, and he needed some time, then left. Adam almost called him back, wanted to tell him they could at least kiss again, but he knew it would go further than that. So he let Jay go.

Since then, Adam had spent his time doing the things he normally did, but with a Jay-shaped hole in his life. He'd hung out with John and Fatty, but Jay never joined them. They'd called a couple times on the phone, but after a few minutes the conversation lagged, and for the first time they didn't know what to say to each other. Adam felt cut off, alternately angry and sad, and so fucking frustrated he could barely see straight. Cindy wasn't helping.

He and Cindy had been making out today on her bed, in her air-conditioned room with about a zillion pictures of her and her friends grinning at them from the vanity mirror. How many pictures of her friends did she need, anyway? Was she afraid she'd forget what they looked like? But he'd ignored them because he finally had his hand up Cindy's shirt, feeling her nipple stiffen under his touches through her flimsy bra.

"Is this okay? Does that feel good?"

She'd bit her lip as if steeling herself and nodded, so Adam kissed her again and tugged the cup down to feel her skin. When she didn't push him away, he dipped his head and moved her shirt to take the peak of her breast in his mouth - Jay likes when I suck on his nipples - and gained a pitiful mewl as she arched towards him. It wasn't the throaty, satisfying groan Adam craved, but she was responding, and shit, this could be it! He supposed he could get used to the soft, jiggly flesh under his mouth, and he was sure what was between her legs couldn't be as unappetizing as what he'd seen on the porno he and Jay had watched. Thrilled by his impending victory and the touch of naked skin, he was hard as a rock in his tight shorts, which he unbuttoned.

"Touch me, please. Just want you to touch it..."

He'd given a rather unmanly whimper against her neck, practically begging. Cindy's hands so rarely ever left his shoulders, never petting and caressing his body the way he loved. When she hesitated, he'd taken her wrist and guided her hand between his legs. It wasn't the hard, rough, large hand he was used to (wanted), but right now any goddamn touch would do. At the last second she pulled away, and Adam had to stop himself from swearing at her. He could tell she was turned on, what the hell was wrong? He was a guy, she was a girl, this was how it was supposed to happen, dammit!

She'd asked him to stop, despite her flushed cheeks and the little moans from moments ago, and ignored his reassurances and apologies and pleading, same old shit. He was so confused, and this was one thing she wouldn't babble on about. Finally she'd said he better go, and he did, his hard-on killed and his balls aching.

Adam turned off Cindy's street, heading through the neighborhood towards his side of town. The walk home only took twenty minutes, but he wished he had a ride home. He wanted to be in his room and write in his journal to try and straighten his thoughts out as soon as possible. His mom refused to drive, though, so they didn't have a car, and he couldn't ask Jay to bring his dad's van around. Then, as if he'd conjured it with his thoughts, he noticed the van in a driveway across the street. Adam blinked, not quite believing it.

Who was using the Resos' van? Could it be Jay? What would he be doing here? Adam walked faster, wondering if he'd get yelled at if he crossed the street and peeked inside the windows. He passed the van to see the front yard and there Jay was, mowing the lawn. Adam wasn't even aware of the huge grin that split his face when he saw his best friend. He almost called out to him, but paused. Jay was obviously making a little cash, but why? Was he taking someone out later? Had he started dating some girl since he hadn't been with Adam? Or was he taking out another boy..?

Adam swallowed and tamped down the sudden violent wave of emotion that beat against his heart. The thought of Jay treating some other guy to burgers and ice cream... well, that was just stupid. He only did that for Adam. Right?

He gazed across the street, watching Jay push the mower across the yard in his too-small yellow gym shorts and grass-stained sneakers. The shorts were old and worn, cut high up the sides and trimmed with frayed white piping, but Jay insisted they were fine for doing odd jobs and working out. They left his skinny legs practically bare and Adam found himself wondering how the shorts managed to contain his junk. If Adam looked – and he wasn't going to look – he could see where Jay's dick bulged the shifting fabric as he walked, and it would be so easy to slip fingers up the leg of the shorts and feel the warm, soft skin of his balls and oh fuck, Adam was looking.

Adam tore his eyes away from the shorts, only to land on Jay's shirtless chest. A bead on a string hung around his neck, bouncing between his pecs as he pushed the mower and drawing Adam's stare. Jay's slender form belied his strength, but when he was bare Adam could see how defined and toned his body was. Sweat trickled down his sun-kissed skin, making it shine and matting down the light hair that had cropped up on his chest in past couple years. Adam knew from experience what it would taste like, how that slick, hot skin would feel under his fingers. The mower hit a bump in the yard and Jay fought with the machine, his pecs and stomach flexing, the muscles in his arms jumping and straining, his brow creased and his upper lip twitching into a snarl. His short blond hair stood up in sweat-stiffened spikes over his forehead, and goddamn how Adam wanted to rake his long fingers through it, tug on it while Jay kissed him rough and sloppy...

Adam's shorts felt too tight, the pressure on his cock making him ache in a way that almost felt good. He shifted, watching Jay bring the mower to a stop at the driveway and grab a sports bottle off the ground. He didn't bother with the spout, just unscrewed the cap and tipped the bottle to those reddened lips and drank, his head leaned back and throat working. Jay only drank about half before dumping the rest over his head, his face upturned and scrunched as the water poured over him and down his body. Adam wanted to groan aloud as Jay shook his head and blew water off his lips in a fine spray. The memory of how the water clung to Jay's eyelashes that time in the lake, how their bodies moved together, rose unbidden to Adam's mind. And there he was, wet and dripping, the front of his shorts damp and clinging, the outline of his cock so apparent to someone who knew it so intimately...

Jay rolled the mower into the open garage and grabbed his tee off the hood of the van, wiping the back of his neck with it. He hated the Wilsons' huge, uneven yard, but they'd paid for the whole summer. Looking up, he glimpsed Adam across the street. He almost called out to him, but paused. He knew that look on Adam's face. His blond head lowered, the heated gaze through his lashes, his soft pink lips parted. His chest rose and fell with panted breaths under an annoyingly florescent orange tank, and Jay could swear the front of those little cutoffs was straining. Jay's heart leaped and his cock twitched. Could Adam be ready? Could he have realized during their separation what he truly wanted? Was that why Adam was here? Jay wet his lips, letting them lift in a slow smirk, and nodded to the van with a quirk of his eyebrow. Adam knew what he was offering, he could see it in those widening hazel eyes. Swallowing the butterflies that wanted to leap from his stomach to his throat, Jay climbed into the driver's seat.

Please get in, please get in the van, Adam, please...

Afraid to look, he checked in the rearview anyway, seeing Adam bolt down the sidewalk in the opposite direction. Jay's hands slammed against the steering wheel.



Adam tore into his empty apartment, slamming the door behind him and leaning back against it. Golden hair hung in his face, disturbed by heaving breaths and sticking to his lips. He'd tried to outrun the urges, outrun the desire to climb in the back of that van and taste the salty musk of Jay's skin, feel those hands touching him everywhere. He'd been so close to just giving in and letting Jay do whatever he wanted, and it fucking scared him. Scared him and aroused him. Adam was fucking horny, and frustrated out of his damn mind. He didn't want to jack off, he wanted to play with himself. Like Jay would play with him...

Adam cursed as he stalked to his bedroom and yanked his shirt off, the fabric scraping over his hard nipples before he threw himself down on the bed. Every nerve felt sensitized, and he groaned and arched under his own hands as they pinched his nipples and rubbed down the light trail of hair under his navel. Jay would be touching him, kissing, pressing his body against him and undoing his shorts. Adam pushed the cutoffs down his long legs and kicked them away, his cock resting towards his left hip, swollen and hard in his briefs. He squeezed the solid width through the cotton, his other hand palming his balls as he imagined Jay nuzzling him, face between his thighs. Usually, Adam at least tried to push thoughts of his best friend away while masturbating, but today he'd thrown all self-control out the window. Today he needed raw and dirty and satisfying.

A smooth rush of tingles swept over Adam's skin as he moved his fingers lower, caressing his taint and rubbing the soft fabric against his pucker. He shouldn't even be entertaining this idea, but soon his briefs were on the floor and he was squirting a big glob of hand lotion on his fingertips. He knew Jay would touch him there, would want to put his fingers inside him. Finger-bang him, just like he heard boys in the locker room talking about doing to their girlfriends. He laid back and spread his legs wide, tilting his hips up and lifting his knees. His middle finger teased his opening, smearing lotion as he felt the puckered skin and thought of Jay probing him. Adam pressed harder, wiggling his finger inside the rim and remembering the pulses of dirty pleasure he felt when Jay massaged him there.

"Let me fuck you, Adam... god I want to fuck you..."

Adam grunted softly as he pushed a finger in where nothing should ever go, imagining Jay's voice and feeling a filthy thrill. His eyes were shut tight, his nose wrinkled up. He wasn't aware of his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth as he shifted his angle, trying to dig deeper. His inner walls felt hot and soft around his finger, and his cock jerked when he wiggled the digit against his tender insides. In and out he moved, feeling a slow, almost pleasant burn, but it wasn't enough. His back started to tire from being folded up, and he wished Jay was there so he could lie back and try to enjoy it. With a sigh, he pulled out and flopped back to the mattress. His fingertip still teased his entrance and he shifted, his insides feeling kinda empty and a bit stretched as he gazed at the dresser. No one would ever know. It would be his kinky little secret.

Adam got up and grabbed the hairbrush off the dresser, checking the smooth plastic of the handle for sharp edges. There weren't any, just the wide round swells of the grip. The handle wasn't as big as Jay's dick, but it was bigger than his finger and the finger had kinda burned, so he slathered the handle with lotion before kneeling on the bed. Jay would put it in from behind, that was how anal was done. Not that Adam was ever actually going to do it, but he could think about it. There was no harm in thinking. He wondered if Jay was thinking about the same thing right now...

Pushing that thought away, he bent over with an elbow on the mattress and reached behind him to press the tip of the handle against his entrance. He hissed and his face scrunched as he pushed it in. Fuck, that hurt! He pressed his face against the sheets, his slim hips squirming in the air and the hairbrush sticking halfway out from between his round cheeks. A deep breath, and okay, it wasn't so bad. He wiggled the brush around, trying to relax his inner muscles and slide it in further. Pretend it's Jay, touching him with those long fingers, telling him how hot he was. Adam shifted on the bed, his other hand moving to curl around his neglected cock that hung between his thighs. It had begun to wilt, but the thought of Jay's voice groaning in pleasure and a few quick tugs perked it right back up. Adam stroked himself for a minute, feeling that pleasant ache in his groin, his hole tightening and relaxing around the unforgiving plastic until the burn warmed to a throbbing heat. He eased the brush out some, feeling the ridges drag against his insides and coaxing a naughty thrill as he squeezed the head of his dick. The angle was awkward, but he didn't want to stop...

With a grunt of frustration, Adam grabbed his pillow and tucked it under his body. He spread his knees and imagined those big hands pushing his hips down until they rested on the pillow, his cock nestled on the soft blue case. He tossed his head and gasped as he pushed the handle back in, stabbing deep and feeling the wavy thickness of his hair sweep across his arched back. He took the handle's base between his fingers, moving it in and out of his stretched, reddened entrance, white globs of lotion gathering to drip between his round, spread cheeks. His hips rocked, pushing himself further onto the hairbrush and thrusting his cock into the pillow. His head sank to the mattress, lashes fluttering shut and long fingers twisting in the sheets as he found his rhythm, fucking himself. He could almost feel Jay's grunting breath against his neck. Adam shifted the brush's angle a bit, wanting Jay's cock to hit every nerve inside him. His hips bucked when he felt a rush of pleasure, his dick throbbing under him and precum slicking the fabric.

"Yes, Jason... like that, again..." he groaned as the plastic swells of the grip thudded against the sweet spot he'd found. Adam thrust harder into the pillow, ass and thighs flexing, his balls tightening. The dimple in his left cheek flashed as his mouth twitched, baring his teeth in little snarls before parting in a wanton moan. So close, so fucking close, just a few more thrusts and the thought of Jay's hard body pressed against his back, pounding into him and making that face as he came...

Adam buried his face in the mattress and hunched over, his body tensing and his breath sucking in through his teeth. Every muscle thrummed, his belly clenching as his climax built from deep inside. He held it off, just one more sweet second of Jay's cock rubbing against that spot, of shivering need swelling through him, of the wet friction against his own aching dick. Of imagining Jay's low growl of release next to his ear... Adam let it all go and his world shattered to pleasure-spiked pieces, his cock pulsing and sticky warmth spreading under his belly as a shuddering moan left his throat. His hand behind him kept moving, the brush fucking him through his orgasm as his body writhed and trembled, his knees on the bed shifting back and forth to crumple his sheets. When it began to hurt again, his inner walls raw and flushed, he eased the handle out and collapsed, spent and gasping for breath. The stretched, empty feeling had intensified inside him, along with a different sinking feeling. His asshole felt like fire and he knew he'd be walking funny later, but he'd never cum so damn hard in his life. Adam's eyes closed.