Title: Panic
Author:
an-alternate-world
Rating:
T
Characters/Pairings:
Kurt/Blaine
Word count:
1,694
Summary:
When Kurt departs Dalton to return to McKinley, Blaine's anxiety over the future of their relationship overwhelms him.
Warnings/Spoilers:
Born This Way when Kurt returns, some language. Bit angsty.
Disclaimer:
I am in no way associated with Glee, FOX, Ryan Murphy or anything else related to the Glee universe.


He was fucking wrecked and everything hurt and it hurt to breathe and it was like his heart no longer existed beneath his ribcage even though he could feel it pounding, it was just this empty hollow pain and he thought back to Twilight and it wasn't like he was going to end up in some pity party coma for four months and he knew where Kurt was but fuck him if his heart didn't ache and he thought he was going to be sick.

He tried running a hand through his hair but the hard gel stopped him and he whimpered as the pain intensified as he thought of Kurt washing the gel from his hair sometimes when he got so tired and how that was never going to happen again, at least not while he was at Dalton and Kurt was at McKinley. Without even realizing, he had punched the wall and the pain that lanced down his arm from the grazed knuckles brought him back to his senses slightly as he slumped to the floor against the wall, curling up into a tiny ball.

He heard the knock on his door but he didn't bother to respond to it because he hopes whoever it was would just take the fucking hint and -

"Blaine?" Wes spoke softly, dropping to a crouch in front of the small Blaine-ball, the curly-haired boy rocking back and forth unseeingly as he wheezed for air. "Hey, come on man. You're better than this now." He reached out a hand and the second he touched his friend, Blaine shrieked and retreated further into himself.

Wes looked at David anxiously, not knowing what on earth to do. Blaine hadn't been this far gone since he first moved to Dalton and was like a skittish rabbit every time someone looked at him or bumped him.

"Should I call Kurt?" David asked, cell poised.

"I don't think Blaine would want Kurt knowing about this," Wes said, biting his lip. Without thinking, he started humming notes, not consciously aware of any song in particular. David quietly joined in, kneeling in front of his panic-wracked friend who was gulping in air.

Blaine could hear the music but he couldn't see who it was. His eyes were open but everything was dark and he could feel the shudders ripping down his body but the anxiety was so overwhelming and he was choking on the inability to get air into his lungs.

Wes watched fearfully as Blaine turned slightly blue. "Um, shit? I think you need to call Kurt."

David stepped away, already dialling, as Wes pulled Blaine into his arms, ignoring the feeble protests and holding him as tightly as he could.

"Hey Kurt, yeah, it's David, um, we have a bit of a situation..." David paused, looking at Blaine who was shivering in Wes' arms. "Blaine can't...he can't really speak right now but can you just talk to him?"

David handed his cell to Wes who put it on speakerphone and held it near Blaine's ear.

"Blaine, baby?" Kurt said, his voice crackly over the connection. "You know who this is. It hasn't even been a half hour. What's wrong?"

But Blaine was utterly incoherent so Wes spoke up for him. "Panic attack."

He heard Kurt's breath catch. "How bad?"

"Bad," Wes responded, trying to rub his hand soothingly across Blaine's back.

"Shit," Kurt swore. "Look, I'm tuning around now. I won't be there for twenty minutes. Keep him safe and warm and in his closet there's a hoodie of mine. It's navy."

David rummaged in the closet and found a hoodie that would never have been bought by Blaine. "Found it!"

"Good, thanks David. Tuck it around him. Under his nose but not suffocating him. Make sure he can smell it, okay?"

It took some maneuvering on Wes' part but Blaine had the hoodie tucked around him and his breath jolted as he sucked in the scent of Kurt.

"Is it working?" Kurt asked.

"Some. He's a but less blue now," Wes joked weakly.

"He was blue?" Kurt yelled.

"Uh..." Wed glanced at David who made a 'you got yourself into this' gesture. "A little?"

"Okay, fine. I'm ten minutes away. He should start getting a bit better now. I need to get off before I get pulled over for speeding and talking, alright?"

"We'll manage," David said, totally unconvinced.

The call disconnected and Wes kept his hand on the back of Blaine's neck and adjusting the hoodie continuously to make sure Blaine was breathing it in properly. His hyperventilating was certainly easing at least.

By the time Kurt flew around the corner of the door, Blaine was starting to come round. Kurt bundled him into a tight hold and pulled him from Wes' arms, gently rocking and cooing nonsense. Wes sat awkwardly, watching as Kurt clearly knew what he was doing. His eyes met David's and he knew they'd call Kurt straight away next time. After finding the hoodie.

"That's it baby," Kurt murmured, running his hand along Blaine's cheek and noticing the inflammation to the knuckles of his left hand. He'd ask later. "Come on Blaine. Breathe. You can do it. I'm here. Yours. Forever, remember?"

He seemed completely oblivious to David and Wes exchanging raised eyebrows and 'aww' faces above his head.

With a sudden cough, Blaine's eyes focused. "Kurt?" he whispered.

"Hey there," Kurt smiled, kissing Blaine's forehead.

"What are you...?"

"David called. Apparently you were blue," Kurt said softly.

Blaine's eyes swung wildly, landing on Wes who was sitting opposite Kurt and David who was standing behind Kurt. "S-sorry."

"It's cool man. Just try not to freak us out like that again," Wes teased.

Blaine gently stretched out his legs and noticed that his hand was throbbing and when he looked closer, the knuckles were bruising.

"What did you do?" Kurt asked, picking it up and kissing each knuckle lovingly.

"I don't remember," Blaine replied lamely.

"Think you punched a wall," David piped up. "Wes and I heard a thud sound and when we got here, you were kinda already blown."

Blaine grimaced and Kurt kissed his cheek. "Now do you see why I insisted you keep the hoodie?"

"What's so special about it?" Wes asked, holding it up.

"Smells like Kurt," Blaine whispered, blushing slightly. "Soothing."

David made gagging noises and Kurt smacked his shin, before pulling Blaine closer and kissing him soundly.

Wes and David looked away. It didn't matter how many times they saw this. It was always awkward to see your friends making out.

The kiss didn't last long and soon Kurt was tugging Blaine up to the comfort of his bed. Mostly Kurt wanted the headboard to lean against. He ran his fingers through Blaine's hair slowly, breaking the bonds of hairgel.

"How did you know what to do?" Wes asked. It'd been bugging him a while.

"We didn't even realise he still had attacks," David said, feeling like a shit friend.

"I don't. Much," Blaine spoke up, letting his eyes close as he relaxes into Kurt's lap.

"After...we kissed. The first time. Blaine took off and I followed him back to his room and he was...like this I guess. I just did what my instincts screamed at me to do," Kurt shrugged.

"Dude, you kissed him and had a panic attack?" David chuckled. "Was he really that bad?"

Blaine flipped him off while Kurt and Wes laughed. "Alright, that's enough. Out," Blaine ordered. Wes and David touched his shoulder gently and left.

Kurt hopped up after them, locking the door and sending a quick text to his father about some surprise party and he'd be home in the morning. When his father replied, he laid down on his side to face Blaine.

"So what happened?" he said.

"I dunno. You were driving away and my stomach turned and I guess I made it back here but I don't really remember much until I started smelling...the hoodie, and then I just...knew it was you holding me and I felt okay," Blaine spoke quietly, nervously. He hadn't had panic attacks like this in years and it freaked him out. He never knew when the next one might hit or how bad it was and now Kurt was going to be two hours away in freaking Lima and -

"Hey!" Kurt shook him. "Stop that. What's going on in that mind of yours?"

"I'm scared," he admitted.

Kurt pulled Blaine closer and the curly-haired boy snuffled against Kurt's neck.

"Now you listen to me, Anderson. I'm not that far away. You can call or text me any time and I know Wes and David will look after you," he pressed a kiss to Blaine's loosened hair. "And I know this all stems from some sort of fear that I'm leaving Dalton and therefore leaving you but nothing could be further from the truth."

Blaine sniffled and Kurt realised his neck was damp as he stroked his hand along Blaine's spine.

"I think I knew I'd be with you eventually as soon as you turned on the staircase. I just never thought you'd be interested back. I was terrified of rejection and misreading signs and instead I tried not to care but only loved you more and -"

"What?" Blaine blinked at him owlishly, tears clinging to his long lashes.

Kurt thought back on what he'd said. "Shit. I didn't...Blaine...you don't..."

But Blaine silenced him with a firm kiss to his lips, then pulled back. "I love you too."

"Really?" Kurt bit his lip.

Blaine reached a free hand up to cup Kurt's cheek and rub behind Kurt's ear. "Fuck yes," he breathed, which left Kurt shuddering.

So maybe Kurt had lied to his father about a farewell party but it was still a tame night of gentle kisses and soft touches and breathy sighs as Blaine gained confidence and trust in the relationship and Kurt's feelings. That he meant what he said. That he wasn't leaving.

And when Kurt cuddled him so close in his sleep and made happy sleepy noises, Blaine finally relaxed enough to feel secure in Kurt's feelings and drift off to sleep.


A/N: This was written on my phone a while back. Some of it's based on true experience. I still have panic attacks from time to time and after my first real kiss I had a total meltdown and ended up passing out unconscious from hyperventilating. How romantic. Angsty Blainers makes my heart hurt though. I just want to snuggle him. It's good he has Kurt!

This is probably only a one-shot drabble but...you never know. Maybe I'll expand on it at some later date. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! :)