Vegeta had just finished his usual afternoon training session. He actually felt really accomplished this time – he destroyed 200 training bots under 750Gs and was heading to the kitchen to reward himself with a nice sandwich that the blonde airhead had prepared earlier that morning. The flame haired Saiyan opened the refrigerator door and found a sub sandwich that had his name written all over it. His mouth was watering as he yanked it out of the fridge and set it on the table. Leaning back in his chair, Vegeta gave a sigh of content; today was going to be a peaceful day. Trunks was on a field trip and Bulma was chaperoning. Vegeta had the next four or five hours completely to himself. He was contemplating what he should do – perhaps laugh at the unrealistic gore of a slasher film? Find some books in the Capsule Corp library, maybe? Or maybe he should call up King Kai so he could set up a telepathic link to hell so he could torment Nappa and Raditz again! The last time he did it was so fun, and…
…then he sensed his wife and son's Ki approaching the door. What the fuck? Shouldn't they be on the field trip? Vegeta nearly choked on his sandwich as he heard the door slamming. His acute Saiyan hearing could already pick up the blue haired harpy barking at Trunks over something…
Bulma slapped her son on the head for what seemed like the 10th time. "Just what has gotten into you, young man?"
Trunks was rubbing his head as he looked up at his mom. "Well it's not like it's my fault Jimmy pissed his pants when the gorilla jumped out!"
Bulma rolled her eyes. "If you didn't act like such a jerk to him you wouldn't have gotten into the fight!"
"Look, you're acting like I ran up to myself and tackled me! I didn't start it!" The 9 year old pouted.
Bulma wanted to toss the purple haired terror through a window. "YOU WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN INTO THE FIGHT IF YOU DIDN'T MAKE FUN OF HIM!"
"What can I say, it was funny! Geez, mom, you're always making a mountain out of a fucking mole hill!"
Oh, Bulma had enough! Who does he think he's talking to? "That's it young man! I've just about it had it with your mouth, you're grou-"
"WOMAN! What the hell are you two yapping about? I was having a nice day, you know!" Vegeta said, coming from the kitchen.
"Your son got into a fight at the field trip and got kicked out!" Bulma answered.
Vegeta gave Trunks a hard look. The little prince winced, preparing for the hellish punishment he was surely going to receive.
"Did you win?" Vegeta finally asked.
Trunks looked up with surprise. Well, this was surely unexpected! "Of course I did, dad; I'm stronger than all of them!" He said with pride.
The elder prince smirked and patted his son on the head. "Excellent work, son!"
Bulma's jaw sunk to the ground. Sometimes she felt like she had two little kids instead of one. "Are you really going to condone this? Unbelievable, Vegeta!"
"I heard what the boy said. That kid he scuffled with obviously has poor bladder control and deserves to be ridiculed for such! A boy should not show much fear, not to mention urinating your pants is utterly disgusting. I'm sure the smell he was emitting was atrocious!" Vegeta explained, "Trunks shouldn't be reprimanded because the other boy was dumb enough to throw a tantrum over getting the treatment he deserved!"
"I can't believe I'm hearing this!" Bulma complained. "Look, because of Trunks' little fight, the principal ordered Trunks to see a child psychologist. He's just as tired of his misbehavior as I am!"
"And just what the hell does a psychologist know about a Saiyan child? It seems like the thing that the principal just doesn't understand is that our son is inherently superior to the rest of those children!" Vegeta argued. Trunks gave a proud smile and folded his arms in victory.
"He's right, mom, I don't need a stupid psychologist!" Trunks added.
"Well I already set up the appointment. You will see Dr. Ness for the next 4 weeks starting tomorrow!" Bulma stated, both arms folded.
"Aw, c'mon, that isn't fair!" Trunks complained.
"And not only that," Bulma pointed her finger towards her husband, "But you'll be the one to drive him!"
Vegeta jumped back. "WHAT? Are you kidding me! Why the hell can't you do it?"
"Trunks gets his bad behavior from you, so it's only appropriate that you take him." Bulma said.
Trunks raised a hand. "Actually, mom, some of those things I said to Jimmy were things I heard you say to Auntie Chi-Chi when she complained to you about Goten's bed wetting problem."
Bulma curled her lip back and her left eye twitched while Vegeta shot Bulma an infuriating smirk. "See, woman, obviously your influence has caused him to misbehave. Therefore, I feel that you should accompany him to his appointments!"
Bulma stomped her foot down. "This is non-negotiable! He gets his disrespect for the authority and confrontational attitude from you!"
"I believe you're the only one in this room who is yelling at the moment." Vegeta snickered. Trunks covered his mouth to hide his laughter at the situation at hand.
At a loss for what to do and feeling defeated, Bulma had to think. She got it! Her trump card! Bulma stormed upstairs as Vegeta and Trunks looked on, both hoping that was signaling her defeat. However, she returned to the living room with a bottle of lotion and a sleeping bag. Bulma shoved the lotion to Vegeta's chest.
"You'll be needing both of these when you'll be sleeping on the couch the next month for not taking Trunks to his appointments!" Bulma asserted.
"What the hell do I need the lotion for?" Vegeta asked, holding the bottle to his face.
Bulma smirked suggestively. "Let's just say you're gonna have to do some handiwork!"
All of the color left Trunks' face. "Mom, that's really gross."
Vegeta shot her a glare that would make the greatest warriors quiver in agony. "Woman, you are bluffing." His glare turned into a wicked smirk. "Besides, it's not like you can go that long without it anyway!"
Trunks felt vomit rise to his throat. "Okay if you guys are gonna talk about this, I'm gonna leave!"
Bulma's smirk widened. "Try me."
Vegeta thought about it. Bulma was hard headed enough to be willing to torture him like that if it meant getting her way. Not to mention, a month without sex would be hell! Vegeta sighed in defeat. "Fine, woman. If you insist on me taking Trunks to this godforsaken psychologist, then so be it."
Bulma smiled triumphantly and folded her arms to her chest in victory. "I knew you would see things my way!" Vegeta rolled his eyes. Bulma turned to Trunks. "Now Trunks, go to your room! You're not getting off so easily!"
"'But mom' nothing! Go upstairs and think about what you've done!" Trunks stamped his foot and complied. He ran up to his room, groaning the whole time. "And don't let me catch you playing video games!"
Vegeta sighed. "Woman, believe me. I've said it a million times – all caging a Saiyan will do is make him that much worse when he gets out!"
"I can't have you constantly praising Trunks every time he misbehaves at school. Y'know, I always thought you would be the disciplinary one." Bulma said.
Vegeta raised an eyebrow. "Do you really think the boy even needs school? He obviously doesn't get along with those other little morons anyway!"
"Look, Vegeta, a boy at his age needs to socialize with other kids. And besides, if he didn't go to school, he'd probably be as dense as Goten, and I know you wouldn't want that, would you?" Bulma said with a sly smile. The easiest way to push Vegeta's button was finding anyway to parallel his kid to the Son family.
Bulma raised a good point. Kakarot's youngest brat was a goddamned dunce. And Bulma insisted on him being the heir to the Capsule Corp empire, so he supposed an education was appropriate…but wait! "Well why can't you just home school him like the banshee does for Kakarot's eldest son?"
"I'm not really the same type of mother Chi-Chi is, Vegeta." Bulma argued. "And besides, Trunks isn't nearly as compliant as Gohan is. Hell, even he used to fly off to Master Roshi's when he got bored; lord knows what Trunks would do!"
Seeing this argument slipping away, Vegeta decided it was best to get out while he still could. "Whatever. But if that doctor just says a bunch of bullshit that I already know, I'm taking Trunks and leaving. Got it?"
"Understood, Prince." Bulma leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you."
Vegeta turned around and return to the kitchen and took a seat at the table so he could think about what was surely going to be a looooong day tomorrow.
Vegeta woke up early the next morning to prepare for hell. Usually he'd be putting on his training shorts and sneakers for his early morning gravity room session but obviously that wasn't happening today. Sighing, Vegeta walked over to his closet and put on his leather jacket. He left the room and walked across the hall to Trunks' room, which was still closed. Vegeta roughly knocked on it.
"Boy, get out here or else our training to night will be pure hell, got it?" Vegeta ordered.
Trunks huffed and swung open the door. "Whatever dad, let's just hurry up and go so we can get this over with."
"Your sentiments are shared…" Vegeta said with a sigh.
15 minutes later, they were driving on the highway to their destination. Bulma gave him the directions to the doctor, and the GPS was informing him where to go. He turned to his son in the passenger seat. "Son, as amusing as your school antics are, you've got to calm it a little. Your mother is too damn stubborn to realize you get your attitude from her as much as you do from me. That means I have to deal with her annoying screeching."
"Yeah, I know. It's just that school pisses me off. I don't fit in, and all the kids always make fun of me. They call me a freak, and they always keep calling mom a MILF, whatever that's supposed to mean." Trunks complained.
Vegeta chuckled at that last comment. "I understand son. I find this whole deal ridiculous." He looked down and smirked at his son. "What do you say we do something to ensure this doctor never wants to see our faces again?"
Trunks gave an equally evil smirk. "Oh, I like your way of thinking…"
Before they could say anything else, a big jeep cut them off. Vegeta's Saiyan rage flared up and he frantically honked his horn. "STUPID SON OF A BITCH!"
Trunks peeked his head out the window. "HEY, GET OUT OF THE WAY OR I'LL BLAST YOU INTO THE NEXT DIMENSION!"
Vegeta laughed. "That's my boy!"
A few minutes and several traffic violations later, they arrived at the office. "You remember your mission, boy?" Vegeta asked.
Vegeta slammed his foot into the door and marched into the doctor's office with his son following him, startling the other people waiting in the lobby. Vegeta walked over to the front desk. "WOMAN! I am here to see Dr. Ness or whatever the hell his name is."
The girl sitting at the desk jumped up in surprise. Geez, what crawled up this guy's ass and died? "Oh, uh, you must be Mr. Vegeta right?"
"Correct. Now hurry the hell up and bring him here." Vegeta demanded.
"Sir, you're going to have to wait a little. He's speaking with another patient right now. Just have a seat-"
"I don't need a damn seat, lady!" Trunks jumped in. "Now bring the stupid ass doctor out!"
The other people in the lobby looked up at the two guys at the desk in shock. Who the hell did these guys think they were, acting like they owned the place? And what kind of father let their kids use that kind of language?
"Am I needed?" An aged looking man asked, coming from the back. He was wearing a pair of thick glasses and a nifty suit.
"Oh, Dr. Ness, your next patient is waiting for you." The lady at the desk said.
"Ah, Vegeta right?" Dr. Ness looked down. "And you must be Trunks."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Trunks dismissed.
"Hello, I'm Doctor Limp Phillip Ness." The Doctor said, offering a hand.
"Soooo, what you're saying is that if I abbreviated your middle name, you'd be Limp P. Ness!" Trunks joked. Even Vegeta chuckled a little bit. He wasn't one for vulgar humor, but years of being with Bulma and her always-in-the-gutter mouth warmed him up to it. The other adults were downright shocked and covered their children's mouths. Dr. Ness laughed awkwardly.
"Uh, let's just come to my office." He said, turning around and leading the way. Vegeta and Trunks stepped into his office and took a seat. Vegeta looked around. The office was filled with plaques displaying Dr. Ness' awards and diplomas. He was obviously a qualified psychologist, but that still didn't mean he knew jack shit about being a Saiyan.
"So, Mr. Penis, what will we be talking about today?" Trunks asked, flashing a smirk that would make his father proud.
"Uh, I would prefer if you just called me Dr. Ness." The psychologist said, sitting down at his desk. "So, Vegeta your kid is apparently quite the troublemaker at school."
"What of it?" Vegeta asked, his eyebrow raised.
Dr. Ness took out a stack of papers, shuffling through them. "Well, according to this record, your son has a rather large history of disciplinary problems at his school. Now, if it was just one isolated issue, it wouldn't be that big of a deal, but such an extensive history is indicative of a deep-seeded problem."
"And what, Dr. Penis," Vegeta said through a snort. Oh, this was going to be fun! "Are you implying?"
"Well, perhaps Trunks here is trying to release his frustration brought on by certain problems." Dr. Ness explained. "Is there any trouble at home, Mr. Briefs?"
"Other than Kakarot's screaming harlot of a woman constantly bringing her hyperactive son around, none that I know of." Vegeta replied.
Trunks spoke up. "Mom and Dad argue a lot, but every time they do they look at each other really weird at the end and then they go upstairs to wrestle," Vegeta held back a laugh, "But I think that's really funny, so I don't really have a problem with that. Well, grandma gets annoying sometime with how she's always offering cookies, but they're really yummy! She makes the cookies just right, but I hate it when she doesn't put enough sugar, and-"
"Okay, okay. This conversation, as well as some of the records I've looked at, show strong evidence that your son has ADD." Dr. Ness said.
"What the hell's ADD?" Vegeta asked.
"Attention Deficit Disorder. Y'see-"
Dr. Ness was cut off by the demi-Saiyan. "Ooh, a fly!" Trunks jumped out of his seat and raised his arm, and soon his hand was glowing with Ki. He fired a blast right at the fly on the wall that made a decent sized hole in it.
"Oh c'mon son, have you been slacking off on your training? The hole should be much bigger than that!" Vegeta yelled.
"Yeah, dad, you're right!" Trunks raised his palm back up and now it was glowing with an even bigger ball of Ki. He sent the blast to the wall and formed a hole that was up to par,
"Excellent work, son!" Vegeta encouraged.
Dr. Ness was at a loss of words. How was a child capable of something like that? Hell, how was anyone capable of that? And why was his dad encouraging him to do even worse damage? One of the workers burst through the door. "WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THAT?"
"I KILLED A FLY!" Trunks shouted, jumping up and down.
The girl just stood there, mouth gaping open, staring at the hole in the wall. What the hell was going on? It was best not to think of it. She slammed the door and left Dr. Ness to deal with this crap.
"Okay, clearly, you're playing a role in your son's behavior." Dr. Ness said, getting more frustrated.
Vegeta shot him a sinister glare. "Are you saying I'm a bad father, Dr. Penis?"
Dr. Ness shook his head. "No, I'm just-"
Vegeta grabbed him by the collar and roughly lifted him from his seat. "Listen, moron. My kid has trouble at school because the rest of this simple-minded kids don't recognize his superiority and deal with it the only way they can – insulting him! Don't blame me for not raising my son to be a coward who lies down and takes it without retaliation!"
"Damn right!" Trunks added.
Dr. Ness had it. "Get your filthy hands off of me! Your family obviously has more problems than just your son misbehaving! YOU NEED A FAMILY DOCTOR!" Before he even realized what he was saying, Dr. Ness added. "And your wife, geez! She may be very easy on the eyes, but she came in here with such a bitchy attitude, it was maddening! Your whole damn family just needs work!"
Vegeta's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What was that? Nobody is allowed to say that about my wife besides me. You just sealed your fate." Vegeta turned to Trunks and gave a smirk the likes of which hadn't found its way to his face since his days working under Frieza. "Son?"
Trunks responded in kind and nodded affirmatively. "This is gonna be fun!"
One hour, a permanent ban from the psychologist, and a potential lawsuit later, the two Saiyans found themselves sitting on the couch while an angry Bulma was unleashing the verbal assault from hell. One hand was on her hip while the other was wielding the Almighty Frying Pan of Doom.
"YOU ASSAULTED THE PSYCHOLOGIST? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, VEGETA?"
"Hey, don't get mad at me! That doctor had no clue what he was talking about. He was the one who decided to mouth off at me!" Vegeta argued back. "He got what he deserved."
"I don't care! Do you know what this will do to my reputation! I'm sure to get sued now" Bulma yelled, dangerously swinging her hand around. "You're such a fucking child sometimes, Vegeta-!"
"Woman, watch your mouth around Trunks! It's a bad influence!" Vegeta said with a maddening smirk while Trunks was howling with laughter.
"You have five seconds to shut the hell up before you have to answer to this, " Bulma said, holding the pan closer to Vegeta's face.
Oh, how Vegeta hated that damn frying pan. He had to figure out a way to keep Bulma from hanging around Kakarot's woman. "Look, he said some less than favorable things about you that I didn't tolerate, so I responded how I felt I should."
Bulma's face perked up. "Really? You did that for me?"
"Yes, woman." Vegeta said, rolling his eyes. She was so simple sometimes.
"He said we needed family counseling and he said you're bitchy. So he paid the price." Vegeta flatly said.
Bulma smiled. "Oh, well screw him! Besides, an assault charge would fit you pretty well!"
"Yay! We're all happy again!" Trunks said, hopping off the couch. "Well anyway, I'm gonna-"
"Hold it!" Bulma shouted. "You're still grounded, boy! I already unplugged all of your video games!"
Trunks pouted and turned around. Vegeta sighed. "Well, I might as well stay here since I'll be sleeping on here for a while." Vegeta grabbed the sleeping bag and lotion bottle.
However, Bulma grabbed his wrist. "Oh, don't worry. What you did was actually pretty honorable. I'll let it slide just this once."
Vegeta was relieved. He put the sleeping bag down and was about to put down the lotion until Bulma grabbed his hand. "Keep the lotion." Bulma suggestively smirked at him. "We can both use that for tonight."
Vegeta gave her a wicked smirk. "Oh, I like the sound of that!"
Trunks grimaced. "You guys are so goddamn nasty sometimes!" He yelled before running upstairs, Vegeta and Bulma laughing at him the whole time. Ah, the joys of family.