In my darkest hour, Klaine kissed, and reminded me that there was still good in the world. This is my love letter.
I do not own Glee. But if I did, this would be Blaine's story.
I'd like to thank Darren Criss for giving me the courage to put this story out there.
This story takes place the summer between Season 2 and Season 3
Kurt and Blaine sat at their favorite table at the Lima Bean, Blaine with his medium drip and Kurt with a grande nonfat mocha. They laughed loudly as they remembered the conversation at last night's dinner. Sunday supper at the Hummel house was always fun. Blaine avoided them at his own house like the plague.
Burt had been playfully chiding his son for missing work at the shop in favor of writing his musical of the summer. Kurt retorted that his work on Pip, Pip, Hooray was complete, but he had no intention of bringing his new Michael Kors collection into the greasy garage.
"I just still can't believe that Finn thought Michael Kors was the inventor of Coors Beer!" Kurt laughed.
"I have to admit, that I almost lost it when your Dad took it as an opportunity for a lecture on alcohol use," Blaine laughed. "It was all I could do to keep a straight face."
"Dad is nothing if not the master of the teachable moment," Kurt said, rolling his eyes. "I'm sure he appreciates your yes sirs and no sirs."
"Your Dad deserves all the respect I give him, Kurt," Blaine told his boyfriend. "Besides, he'd shoot me if I rolled my eyes at him like you and Finn do."
"Well, I just thank goodness for Carole, to bring the conversation back to some semblance of sanity," Kurt said, and they both laughed.
Blaine had been spending a lot of time at Kurt's house this summer, and he was getting along great with the Hummels. Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays he had evening shows at Six Flags. Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Sundays, he had dinner with Kurt after his daytime shows. Sometimes Rachel joined them as well, and those nights were a blast. Though, Blaine was sure that Burt went to bed exhausted from so closely supervising both couples.
"Do you think that your Dad will ever let us be alone together?" Blaine asked.
"Of course," Kurt said, wryly. "When we're 30."
Blaine understood of course. Burt was protective of his son, and Rachel, he thought with a chuckle. He was glad Burt kept an eye out for Rachel. Blaine had a soft place in his heart for her ever since her party. He knew that he had broken Rachel's heart a little bit, and he wanted her to be happy. He also knew that given the chance Finn might go too far too soon, now that he finally had Rachel back. And Blaine understood that too. He looked tenderly at his stunningly beautiful boyfriend across the table, a slight blush beginning to fill his cheeks. Kurt glanced back at him, and tilted his head as if to read Blaine's mind. They both smiled shyly, embarrassed at their thoughts, and looked away.
They grew quiet, drinking their coffees. Blaine wondered if he would ever get used to the love that the Hummel family so freely displayed toward one another. He greatly admired the respect that Kurt's dad showed not only his son, but him as well. At the beginning of summer, it had been difficult for Blaine to be at ease with them, but he slowly allowed himself to be welcomed and embraced by his boyfriend's family. Sometimes he soaked it in until it filled him with the quiet confidence he had so far found only at Dalton. Sometimes it hurt so much, it overwhelmed him and he had trouble breathing.
"So, when do you think I can come over to your house for dinner?" Kurt asked with his big smile and wide eyes, bouncing in his seat. It broke Blaine out of his revelry. "I still haven't had the pleasure of meeting your parents," he gently reminded his boyfriend.
Blaine's eyes immediately closed as he clutched his coffee cup tightly. Kurt wondered and worried about what was going on behind those beautiful eyelashes. He had asked before, and there was always some excuse. "Not today." "Maybe some other time." "Let's watch the game with Finn and your Dad." "Didn't you promise Carole you would help her cook dinner tonight?" To be honest, Kurt was getting frustrated and rather sick of the excuses. He knew that Mondays was the one night that Blaine always spent with his parents. Next week, Blaine returned to Dalton. This was his last chance.
Blaine stared at the table and held his head in his hands, unable to look at Kurt. His mind was spinning. His hands started sweating and his face began to burn. He couldn't breathe. He wanted to tell Kurt. He had tried so many times this summer to explain, so desperate for Kurt to know the truth that he thought he might explode. The words were on the tip of his tongue. He thought, maybe this time I can do it. But when he opened his mouth, the words he wanted did not come out. Instead, he felt himself shake his head, and he heard himself quietly say, "I don't think it's a good idea, Kurt."
Kurt slammed the table in front of him and stood up, startling Blaine into looking back at him. Kurt was angry…and hurt.
"You don't want your parents to meet me, do you?" Kurt shrieked, voice high. "You're ashamed of me, aren't you? I'm not prim and proper enough for the Anderson clan? Too…well-dressed…perhaps?"
Blaine knew what he meant and he quickly reached for Kurt's hands. "No Kurt, that's not it at all. Please, calm down. Sit down," he begged, looking around him at the other customers, who were beginning to take notice of the dramatics. The last thing Blaine wanted was for Kurt to make a scene.
Kurt looked around and with pursed lips, slowly sat himself back down in the chair. Blaine held Kurt's hands tightly so that he couldn't let go.
Blaine took his time to try and find words that would at least somewhat explain. "Kurt," Blaine said when his boyfriend had calmed down a bit, "I would love nothing more than for you to have dinner with me at my house, like we can do at yours. But…" he broke off, looking down at the table again, "not everyone's family is like yours Kurt. Not everyone's Dad," he paused again, studying his coffee cup, "is like yours."
Kurt knew how lucky he was to have Burt Hummel for a father. Despite his fears of coming out, his father had fulfilled every hope that a boy could have for acceptance and support. He knew that most kids didn't have that. He knew that Blaine didn't have that. But it was all the more reason why Kurt felt a need to meet Blaine's father and mother. After all, if he could win over Karofsky…
"Look at me Blaine," Kurt ordered. Blaine slowly lifted his eyes, and Kurt could see a glimmer of tears in them. It reminded Kurt of the day he'd returned to McKinley, when Blaine had sung to him in front of all the kids at school. If Blaine could have such strength and courage then, not to mention Prom, he didn't understand why he couldn't have the same courage in his own home.
"This is important to me, Blaine," Kurt said firmly. "It doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to be dinner, but I do want to meet them." He reached across the table and gently brushed away a single tear that had fallen on Blaine's warm cheek. He pulled him closer and leaned across as if to kiss him, but at the last minute they both pulled away. Blaine stared up at him, eyes glistening with love, as if it was a fleeting moment in time. Perhaps, Blaine thought, it was.
"See you later," Kurt whispered, and Blaine watched Kurt throw out his empty coffee cup, and walk out the door.
Blaine gripped his cup so hard that he crushed it. "Crap," he said, jumping up and grabbing napkins to clean up the spill. His hands were shaking, his head was spinning and he found that his legs gave way beneath him. Frozen with a mixture of fear and sadness, Blaine sat back down and tried to regroup. At a loss for what to do, he texted the only person in the world who knew and understood. Only his best friend, fellow Warbler Nick, wise beyond his years, had ever seen the truth in Blaine's eyes and had the courage to confront him. Only Nick had ever been able to offer him just the right words to get him to open up.
Blaine: I tried to tell him. But I couldn't. I just froze.
Nick: Then you're not ready. When you are ready to tell, the words will come.
Blaine: What do I do now?
Nick: Hold On, Blaine, Hold On.
What you've got to do is finish what you have begun.
I don't know just how, but it's not over 'til you've won.
Nick's words had gotten him as far as his car, but Blaine could not get himself to drive home yet. He sat in the front seat, eyes closed, IPod on, headphones blasting. Blaine's IPod had always been filled with a mix of Top 40 hits, Disney, and his favorite Broadway shows like Rent, Wicked, and Cabaret. But Kurt had gotten a hold of it shortly after transferring to Dalton, and loaded it up with every Broadway musical imaginable. Then he found his lifeline.
When you see the storm is coming,
See the lightning part the skies,
It's too late to run-
There's terror in your eyes!
What you do then is remember
This old thing you heard me say:
"It's the storm, not you,
That's bound to blow away."
The weekend after they had lost at Regionals, Blaine returned from a visit home. Nick realized that something was wrong when no one else did, not even Kurt. Nick asked him to stay for a few minutes after rehearsal. And he ever so gently and lovingly confronted Blaine. Blaine couldn't find the words then either. Nick asked him if there was a song that would help. So he sang, trembling at first. Until Nick joined in.
Hold on to someone standing by.
Don't even ask how long or why!
Child, hold on to what you know is true,
Hold on 'til you get through.
Child, oh child!
Alone in his car, Blaine let his mind be filled with images of Kurt. Kurt always thought that Blaine was the strong one, he knew that. And he wanted to be Kurt's protector, his knight in shining armor. At Dalton he could do that. Of course, at Dalton, Kurt didn't need that. But Kurt didn't know Blaine's secrets. Kurt didn't know that sometimes Blaine held on so strong, so that he wouldn't slip away into the darkness.
When you feel your heart is poundin',
Fear a devil's at your door.
There's no place to hide-
You're frozen to the floor!
What you do then is you force yourself
To wake up, and you say:
"It's this dream, not me,
that's bound to go away."
Hold on, the night will soon be by.
Until there's nothing left to try.
Child, hold on, There's angels on their way!
Hold on and hear them say,
"Child, oh child!"
Kurt had been his very own angel. Blaine cried as he sang, shedding tears he never let anyone see. Tears that he so wanted to share with Kurt, but was too scared and ashamed to.
And it doesn't even matter
If the danger and the doom
Come from up above or down below,
Or just come flying at you from across the room!
When you see a man who's raging,
And he's jealous and he fears
That you've walked through walls
He's hid behind for years.
What you do then is you tell yourself to wait it out and say
Blaine started the car and headed home.
It's this day, not me,
That's bound to go away.
Child, oh hold on.
It's this day, not you,
That's bound to go away!