Summary: Anya McPhearson; the girl who's hands on, likes working with people, and doing cocaine. oneshot, Owenya
Warnings: Drug use, spoilers for Paper Planes Part One & Part Two, Owen love, Owen hate, both pro and anti Owenya.
A/N (Edited 06/05/2015): WOW I WAS SUCH TRASH WHEN I WROTE THIS ORIGINALLY. But anyways, yeah I ship Owenya, fuckin why NOT. (You know Tristan schooled his ass into becoming an Ally when he came out.) I also just like writing about people who self-destruct and do drugs.
I like Anya's spiral, it is self brought and realistic. Plus it's been a long while since Degrassi covered drug use and made it believable. One minute Peter was a meth addict and the next episode it was six months later and he'd gone through rehab yet everyone else was in exactly the same place? Come on Degrassi writers.
Made some edits, prolly gonna come back to this again later. This is a fucking weird fic.
fly like paper, get high like planes
Everything went to hell when University was a non option and the lovely Dr. Chris turned out to be an asshole. She feels stupid now for thinking that twenty-six year old doctor would be interested in her as soon as he found out she was so much younger than him. Well, she supposes that with youth comes naivety; and dear God was she naïve.
Well, screw him.
Owen was never her first choice. He's mean ("Show them how amazing you are."), a homophobe ("This shirt, it's making me... totally gay!"), rude ("It kinda sucks knowing the girl you're super into is embarrassed to be seen with you."), enjoys making people angry ("What? You smell nice..."), cocky ("You just go after what you want and take it; that's how I got you."), and-
(-cute, funny, smarter than she is sometimes, and completely capable of making her feel like she can conquer the world; without cocaine-)
Sometimes she wonders if it's her who doesn't deserve him. But then she thinks about Riley, Drew, Adam, Alli, and Zane and not even Owen's irresistibly cute smile and adorable blue eyes can make up for it.
(-but the way he wraps his arms around her and whispers in her ear that she's amazing does-)
Some nights she flies; above Owen, Holly J, Fiona, her mom, Dr. Chris, University. Those nights Owen's big blues bore into her and she knows he's only seeing coke stained eyes and a bright red nose. Those nights she fights with him, her mom, Holly J; something, anything. But she doesn't care those nights, because she's ten thousand times faster than her problems. She can outrun anything.
(-until she crashes; harder than before and she can't even outrun the homework left undone on the table and Owen's blue eyes filled with disappointment are all she can think of-)
She rests her head on his shoulder, his arm slowly wraps around her and pulls her closer. He's watching football; and tonight she just wants to lie with him. She snuggles up close to him, eyes closing for the first time in a couple days. He's so focused on the game she thinks he can't see her soft, warm smile.
Right now she's Anya McPhearson. A hopeless romantic who'd rather put up with sports than watch her favorite television show because it means cuddling up to Owen; who's supposedly too distracted to see that he can make her smile without doing anything.
(-and she's not Anya McPhearson; the girl who's hands on, likes working with people, and doing cocaine-)
He squeezes her, lips brushing against her forehead and she can feel the curve of his smile.
"You know, you should smile like that more often." He whispers into her skin, and she feels like she's soaring.
She lifts her head, grinning at him. His smile is soft and actually half a smirk, no teeth shown, his eyes are crinkled with happiness and he's so damn near perfect she's convinced in that moment that Holly J is wrong about him.
"So should you."
She doesn't need to kiss him to feel butterflies right now but she does it anyways.
Her nose hurts; she rubs it while trying to hold a conversation with Holly J. Her mind is going at a hundred thousand miles per hour, she's nonstop, a hurricane, a race-car at heart.
And the absurdity makes her laugh because really; what kind of girl wants to be a race-car?
(-and she supposes that now she does but that's not something to dwell on-)
Holly J quirks an eyebrow, a concerned look plastered on her face. (-and goddamn it does Holly J ever stop being so put together? no wonder Fiona's in love with her-) "Anya, is everything okay? You're kind of, all over the place lately."
"Yeah I'm just, full of energy right now!" She thinks she may have overdone it when she threw her arms up to put more emphasis on 'full'; but she doubts it'll matter.
Holly J doesn't buy it (-of course she doesn't, she's a smart girl-), "Really? Because it looks like you're full of drugs."
Anya laughs, "Really Holly J? Isn't that a little too daytime t.v drama, even for us?"
Holly J breaks into a small smile, "Yeah. It is." She laughs, "But seriously you're okay?"
(-okay so she's not so smart-) Anya smiles, "Peachy keen. Why wouldn't I be?"
(-University, Dr. Chris, Owen, Holly J, Fiona, mom and dad, crushing, spiraling, darkness, no hope, life ruined, cocaine, can't breath anymore, ect...-)
Peachy fucking keen.
Three hours and counting since she last smiled; Owen is the culprit. He left for his Hockey Game under the pretense that there may be a break-up. Anya, despite his faults, doesn't want this.
(-but because of her faults he does want this, maybe-)
She cries because she doesn't want one of the few good things she has right now to disappear before she's had a chance to really latch on. It's startling to realize that she barely knows Owen but she's completely unready to lose him.
(-because right now losing him means she's not worthy of him; and according to the universe he's lower than magma-)
Still; she feels she doesn't know him at all.
She never would have thought (-and maybe she still doesn't think-) that it's so easy to fall from even the lowest pedestal. But right now, while she sits in this club, she thinks she'd trade just about anything to feel like she can fly.
(-and just how cliché is she anyways?-)
Bianca simply ignores what's going on, passing up cocaine once again because she'd rather have her vodka. Anya thinks it's funny; because for such an apparently bad girl she hasn't really done much of anything. She outed Adam, treated him like shit; but that was pretty much the worst of her bad behavior. Anya makes a mental note to ask the curly haired beauty about how she got her reputation.
For now however, she's going to touch the sky, dance and grind until she can't stand anymore.
(-maybe she won't tell Owen about this part when he gets back-)
(-no, she definitely won't tell Owen-)
Owen, she decides, is not the most sensitive of people.
He glares at her, judges her for cocaine, and where the hell does he thinks he's coming from? Like he's perfect? Like he has the right to judge anybody? Somewhere between him screaming about her cocaine addiction and her apparently not being the same girl he started chasing after in the first place she calls him out.
"Like you're any better Owen? How about Riley, huh? And Zane, and Adam, and Alli? Like you're the pinnacle of-of-of, good behavior!"
Owen sighs, shaking his head and standing up straight. "Anya, there is a huge fucking difference between doing a shitload of coke and having anger issues."
Anya scoffs, "Yeah because trying to pay Alli off for oral and being a total bigoted douche has everything to do with 'anger issues'," for a second all she feels is triumph, but he can't completely hold a brave face so when his hurt shines through she feels guilty and thinks that maybe the air-quotes were overdoing it. She straightens her posture too, eyebrows crinkling together while she bites back tears.
This time, her voice cracks when she speaks, "You've at least made just as many mistakes as me; a lot of them worse than mine. You can't judge me."
Owen scoffs this time, "You know nothing about me Anya. You don't know how I grew up, you don't know my family, you don't actually know anything about me! Sure you can fuck me, but it's not like you try to get to know me. You don't have the right to judge me either."
"You threw Adam into a glass door!"
"He freaked B out! She drank so much when she found out that we had to take her to the hospital to have her stomach pumped! Fitz didn't give a shit that Adam was a girl and I wasn't going through the best of times then; I- we were just helping B out!" Anya flinches, but Owen keeps going. "As for Riley? I never did anything to him. And like he wasn't the world's biggest fucking homophobe before he came out," Owen laughed, "Fuck he used to make the worst jokes when people like you weren't listening! All to fit in. I did it because I'm a fucking asshole; but at least I can admit it."
Anya crosses her arms over her chest, "So throwing Zane into a dumpster, that was what? A practical joke?"
Owen shrugs, crossing his arms over his chest as well, "So doing coke off a toilet seat in a nightclub bathroom, that was what? A biology experiment?"
Anya shakes her head, a smile on her face, "You're unbelievable Owen, truly."
Owen raises his eyebrows, "Wow, is that you talking or Amy Winehouse?"
And now she can't handle it anymore. Fuck Owen, he's just as bad, no worse, than she is. "At least my mistakes don't hurt anybody but me!" She screams, tears breaking free and streaming down her face. She storms out of his living room, the door slamming behind her. When she struts down the street she knows she's going out tonight.
She will be the unbreakable girl. She will eat hearts out of the palm of her hand and toss kisses like candy on Halloween night to any boy or girl who deserves one. She will make them fall to her feet and she will laugh at how much they want to be her. She will pass liquor kisses, crooking her fingers and beckoning them to stay in her world for just one night.
(-and you know what, lucky them; being able to leave in the morning must be so sweet.-)
She's dancing with Chloe and Bianca, a small girl's only circle because right now she's too golden to find a boy. There's nothing that can stop her now, nothing she can't outrun; she's
eat-your-heart-out confident for the first time ever.
(-all she has to trade in was her independence and everything else-)
She wakes up in a heap on Chloe's couch. She knows it's Chloe's because the leopard print is so her it's comical. The apartment is nice she supposes, a little cluttered but otherwise clean, spacious, decorated wildly but not overdone. The floor is hardwood, a grey rug under the mahogany and glass coffee table.
Anya wonders briefly if Chloe is a trust fund child like Fiona. She doesn't have much time to ponder though as her head is threatening to split open, her vision is just a bit blurred, and she feels like her stomach is about to empty its contents. She scrambles down the hallway, haphazardly throwing open doors while she searches for a bathroom.
She finally finds it, two doors down on the right, and practically lunges for the toilet. She vomits, her stomach clenching in pain and her throat aching. She realizes that it's mostly alcohol and stomach acid and winces while she wipes her mouth clean. She stares into the contents of the toilet and wonders what she did the night before anyways.
She thinks her mind is eating her. No really. Before she had been a little shy, nervous, no confidence at all, but otherwise good.
Then she was the dream girl. Pretty, wanted by every generic boy and maybe a few girls, popular, sweet, friendly; perfect.
Then she was the manipulative girl trying to trick her ex into a relationship, the confused girl dealing with her mother's cancer. That ordeal proved to be nonessential, as she was soon back to being the dream girl.
But now what was she? The girl who can't sleep at night, the girl who feels like life is crushing in on her so fast that at times she's suffocating, the girl who's tired of being told what to do.
(-the coke head, the bitch Owen's going to dump?-)
She doesn't know who she is anymore. But she knows who she wants to be; the confident girl, the funny girl, the pretty girl, the sweet, cute girl Owen chased after.
She wonders if she still has what it takes.
A/N: I wonder where they'll take Anya. I hope Owen goes with her. And I hope we get his story. Bianca's story too.