Summary: Girl fell into Middle-earth. Is she the most beautiful? Is she the most skillful warrior? The best healer? Maybe... and maybe not. Let's see what would *really* happen if a typical modern day girl fell into Middle-earth.

Author's note: To simplify things, I decided that Common tongue in Middle-earth = English. If it was not, my dear heroine wouldn't be able to communicate with Fellowship members. A story in which she would have to learn language and adjust slowly to that new world, would be much bigger and more serious story. And this is *not* a serious story. :)
Thanks to Dawn Felagund for beta-reading. *hugs*

Disclaimer: Middle-earth belongs to Tolkien, of course.

Disclaimer #2: Middle-earth belongs to its inhabitants – a fact that Amber Aphrodite Crystal, who belongs to me (not that anyone else would want to take her, anyway), will learn in a harder way.



Manwë was leaning over a huge board. There were mountains and deserts, seas and plains, rivers and valleys. A big notebook was in his hands and he was adding some notes to it.

"What are you doing, darling?" The voice of his beloved Varda startled him from his deep concentration.

"Oh, just studying the weather conditions in the western USA. It seems that they suffer several unusually hot spring days, so I'm thinking to send them some wind to cool them. It should help them a little," he answered, feeling excited like a little boy. This was the opportunity to test the new wind device he had constructed the day before.

"Are you sure this will work properly?" There was a doubt in Varda's voice, who obviously didn't share her spouse's enthusiasm.

"I think it will," he replied eagerly. "I made final tests just this morning and everything was just fine."

"Hmmm... you think?" She raised her eyebrows skeptically. "The laboratory is never equal to the real world, my dear, and you know that. Have you already forgotten what happened during your last experiment?"

Oh, how he wished she hadn't brought that up... Of course he hadn't forgotten! How could he, when he was constantly reminded of it? And surely, the inhabitants of all of southern Europe (Croatia included) haven't forgotten how dirty everything was last year – their cars, or their clothes left outside for drying, for example – when southern winds were a little too strong and whipped up the sand from Sahara and fetched it all the way to them...

"I was more careful this time," he hurried to assure her. "Everything will be all right." Or at least, I hope so, he added in his mind. Space-time portals should be safe this time.


Amber Aphrodite Crystal was walking towards her home. It had been a great day at school. She got an E in biology test, and her parental units would surely be pissed, but who cared about that? She would be the Queen of the upcoming Prom. Daniel, the hottest and the most gorgeous guy in the school would be her date; all the girls would envy her, and all the boys would yearn for her. She smiled. Yes, life was good.

She caught her glimpse in a car window as she passed and smiled again. Yes, she loved watching herself in mirrors. And in all reflective surfaces. Her waist-length blonde hair shone in the sun. Some of the locks were very bright while other appeared dark golden, causing her hair to shimmer with different blonde hues, making her unique. Beautiful curls framed her perfect, flawless face that looked like a masterpiece by a Renaissance sculptor. And her eyes... they left everyone breathless. Dark-blue they appeared sometimes, as if a patch of summer dusk was captured in them, and sometimes they looked deep indigo like a sleepy Caribbean harbor, depending on the surroundings and light. She knew she had the most beautiful eyes in school... in town... and maybe even in the world.

She knew she was the most beautiful girl in the world. Yes, life was good. What more could she ask for? Oh, she knew. She dreamed of being an action heroine and saving the world. Saving Middle-earth, to be more precise. She dreamed of falling into Middle-earth and defeating Sauron. And of marrying Legolas, of course; she had seen the LotR movies and fallen in love with Orlando Bloom. He was soooo cute... and hawt... and he should be hers! No other, be it elf or human or Maia, was worthy of him. And she would somehow become an elf and they would live happily ever after. If only it would come true, she thought with a sigh, her gorgeous face lit up with an ethereal smile.

The wind rose suddenly and she looked around, surprised. The street was empty. The sky was grey and heavy clouds seemed ready to release their burden. Hey, what's up with this? Wasn't it sunny, like, a minute ago? But before she could figure out what was going on, a thunderclap drowned the roar of the wind. And then another, closer. She jumped in fear and wanted to run, as her house was not far away. But she could not: she was almost knocked off her feet by a strong blast of wind, and then the world around her went white in a flash of lightning. Deafening thunder filled her ears, and her world went from white to black.

Amber Aphrodite Crystal knew no more.