"Tears of the Prophets"
JADZIA~ Tuesday 09:12
The promenade was filled with children that day. This year's Renewal Festival had just ended, and children were everywhere, eating jumja sticks, singing and laughing. To them, the war and all its turmoil was far away. Yet I could feel it as if it were a heavy weight on my shoulders.
"They look so happy..." I said aimlessly.
"They are, and they should be. Children should not be exposed to our problems."
Worf and I were on our way to Quarks' holosuite. We'd been so busy lately, that time together didn't seem to exist. Every day, we got up early, worked all day, and were exhausted by bedtime. Today though, he and I had some free time, and we'd decided to engage in something we hadn't done in a very long time together. Good old Klingon combat.
Once we got to the holosuite, and Worf activated the program, I tried to focus on what I was doing. Yet no matter how I tried, I couldn't. My mind was elsewhere
We began fighting, and within five minutes, Worf brought me to defeat.
"You are not concentrating..." he said calmly as he looked down at me lying on the ground.
"I'm sorry," I extended my hand to him and he pulled me up, "I've just got a lot on my mind."
My husband had become so thoughtful and concerned lately; I was really proud of him, "Do you want to tell me what it is?"
I sighed, "I don't know how to say it exactly..."
"Is it something bad?"
"No! No, not at all. I guess, I've been feeling so frustrated and confined lately. We just got married, and I feel like I can't really enjoy it because of this damned war."
"We knew that would be a consequence of getting married during war time. Part of me wanted to wait until it was over, but you were so eager, and I was as well."
"That's just it, Worf," I said, pacing the holosuite, "I hate having to wait. I hate putting my life on hold just because the Dominion decided to barge in."
"I think I know what this is about," Worf said slowly. He took a seat on a ledge in the cave- like background, "We talked about this a few weeks ago..."
"Yesterday, at the Renewal Festival, I filled out a scroll. It was very simple, not like your long list of wants, regrets and thank-you's."
"What did it say?"
I stood directly in front of him, "It said, 'This year, I am going to have a child'," I paused, "I want a baby, Worf."
He slowly closed his eyes, then opened them again, "I know you do; I do as well. But-"
I put my hand up, "Don't say it. Just don't say it."
Worf said it anyway, "You and I are always away on the Defiant, our lives are always at risk. I want this as well, Jadzia, but we have to be sensible about it."
I sat down next to Worf, "Just imagine, if there was no war, no Dominion threat, would you be opposed to having a child now?"
"No, not at all," he said without hesitating.
"I am not saying your point is invalid. Just the opposite, I don't want to bring a baby into this lifestyle either. But I want to be able to enjoy my life with you, to the fullest. And I'm afraid we might not be able to do that here. At least not with the way things are now."
"The front lines is no place to bear a child," he said sternly.
I sighed. Maybe he was right, maybe I was rushing things. We hadn't been married long, maybe it would be best to wait.
"I know, I know," I said.
The look on his face was no longer doubtful, but determined, "If you really want to do this, then I do as well, you know that, don't you? If you really want this it work, then I will make sure it does."
"It isn't as if I haven't given this any thought. Because I have. If it came to that point, if things around here got too unsafe, I would be more than willing to resign from active duty, and maybe get a post on some far- away colony where the war was not a priority."
"I refuse to let you go without me. I will not be apart from you, or our child," Worf said firmly.
"Then you'd have to do the same and come with us. But that is only if it got to that point, if it became too dangerous for a child to stay here on the station. Right now, things aren't that bad."
"You know, there are times when I long for a simpler life. Such as when my family lived on Gault, the farm world. Life was unpretentious, the only thing you worried about was staying happy."
"Somehow I have a hard time picturing you as a farmer..."
That made him laugh, "There is much you do not know about me..."
I laughed with him, "I can just see it; half a dozen Trill/Klingon children playing amongst grain fields, and tromping through dirt behind their father. And I, at home, pregnant yet again, preparing a meal for my small tribe."
"It is an interesting image. And if life here is no longer conducive to what we want, then we will look into it."
"So does this mean you really want to do this? You want to have a baby?"
"I thought I said that already."
I flung my arms around his neck and nearly choked him, "Oh, Worf! I'm so happy, you have no idea! My stomach just filled with butterflies... you make me so happy."
"You do remember what Dr. Bashir told us, don't you? Before we got married..."
Yes, of course I remembered. How could I forget? It wouldn't be easy for a Trill and a Klingon to have a child; it may be impossible, "I'm not going to let medical statistics get in the way of what we want. Just look at us, Worf. Just you and I being together is against all odds. Nothing is going to ever stop us from having what we want. I believe that very much."
"Good. You keep believing that and we will always have what we want. But there still is much to discuss."
"With you there always is."
He and I talked for over an hour, completely losing track of time. There was so much to consider though. Finally, Worf and I left the holosuite and descended the staircase that led down to Quark's.
"Oh, finally! I've been waiting twenty minutes for you two to get out of that holosuite."
Julian and Quark were standing at the edge of the bar. I took a seat and Worf stood over me, "I'm sorry Julian, we lost track of time."
"Doing what? You were supposed to be up there exercising, but I don't see any sweat? Where are all the bruises, the broken bones, the blood-"
Worf answered him, "We were talking."
"For an hour and 45 minutes?" Quark asked.
Worf and I exchanged glances, and he replied, "It is a private matter."
I couldn't contain it any longer. I'd been trying to hold back my giddy smile and be cool about all this, but I couldn't. It burst across my lips, "We're thinking about having a baby!"
"It was a private matter."
Quark and Bashir definitely looked surprised- more like dumbfounded. Julian slowly sat down, with his mouth open in awe. Before either one could say anything, Worf's comm. badge signaled, "Kira to Worf. Report to ops immediately."
I looked up at my husband, the man who made me happy beyond belief. Aggressively, I grabbed his shirt, pulled his face down to mine and kissed him hard. He left the bar wordlessly.
A contented sigh escaped my lips, "Well, you two are awfully quiet."
Julian spoke up, his voice was very low, "Um, look, uh, I don't want to dampen your spirits Jadzia, but, I told you before you were married that, from a medical point of view, it wouldn't be easy for a Trill and a Klingon to have a child."
"And I'm worried the kid will end up looking like his father," Quark commented.
I stood, "Well I hope she does," with that, I left the bar.
I couldn't believe those two. I was looking for words of encouragement here, not messages of gloom. They both have been my friends for a long time, yet they can't even say, "That's great, Jadzia!"
That little incident didn't get me down, though. Nothing at all could sway my mood. I was heading home, and as I walked through the promenade, I said hello to just about everyone I saw. My smile was larger than life itself.
WORF ~ Tuesday 11:34
There was music playing in my quarters when I got back from ops, about two hours later that same day. It wasn't one of my selections, but a program Jadzia put together last month. She called it her "Happy Music," she played it when she needed cheering up and a break from the war. I could hear her voice coming from our bedroom humming to it.
I followed her voice and stood in the doorway, watching her. She had a measuring wand in her hand, and she was moving about the room, "May I ask what you're doing?"
She jumped, "Oh! You startled me, I didn't know you were home. How were things in ops?"
"It was nothing, Kira just needed some help putting together the duty roster. Captain Sisko, Admiral Letant and General Martok were meeting in his office."
"I don't know, neither did Major Kira. You still have not answered my question."
"Well, I was just... it's nothing really."
"Nothing? You are measuring our bedroom for nothing?"
"I wanted to see if there was enough room for a crib. I think one would go nicely right here, beside the window. That way our baby can look up at the stars."
That made me smile, "Jadzia, you are not even pregnant yet."
"Oh, I know, but, I haven't been able to think about anything else. I think we should go see Julian and find out what we're up against."
"I am not busy right now," I replied, "Are you?"
"No, no, not at all? You want to go now?"
"I see no reason to wait," I said.
"Okay, let's go."
Dr. Bashir was in the rear of the infirmary when Jadzia and I got there. He was seated at his research desk, gazing into the display monitor.
"We aren't intruding, are we?" Jadzia asked meekly.
"No, not at all. In fact, I had a feeling I'd be seeing you two soon. Not this soon, but that's okay too. I'm doing some research right now on interspecies pregnancies."
We both pulled up chairs and took a seat, "What have you found?" I asked.
"Like I said, I'm still going over it. I haven't come across a single case of a Trill and Klingon mating. That doesn't mean it's never happened before, but, it just isn't recorded in Federation databases. I still haven't searched Trill or Klingon medical databases, though. I should have much more luck with those."
Dr. Bashir was known for hedging around facts instead of just coming out and saying things. He knew Dax and I were anxious about this, why did he not just tell us what we needed to know?
"What are our chances, Julian?" Jadzia asked.
"I don't want to give you premature figures..."
"Can you give us an idea? "
He sighed, "Trill and Klingon DNA is very different. It's really the Klingon half that will be the problem. Klingon systems are quite complex, they have redundancies, and lots more DNA sequences than most other Humanoids. Naturally, to prevent birth defects, a woman's system will reject a sperm cell that is not compatible with her egg. However, there is a treatment that will counteract that and make your sperms cells compatible with your eggs."
Jadzia gripped my hand and stroked it. I could tell she was nervous, but hopeful, "And this will work? This will make it possible for Worf and I to conceive?"
"It will... help. Without it, you would have only a 0.05% chance of compatibility. With it, you should have about a 45% chance. Those odds aren't great, but a lot better."
I squeezed her hand in return, "Do you still want to do this?" I asked gently.
"Yes, yes I do," she replied. Then she turned to Bashir, "When can we begin?"
"I need to do further research, and I have to synthesize the enzymes that will be injected into you both. That will take a few hours. And once I give you the enzymes, it will take 24 hours for them to become effective. If you come back tomorrow morning, I should have everything ready for you."
"And after we are... injected, how long will the treatment last?" I asked him
"About 30 days. If she isn't pregnant within that time, you'll need a fresh dose."
Dax and I looked at each other. She didn't look nervous at all, she was happy. That look I could not resist, seeing her beautiful smile was all the assurance I needed. Lately, she had been so stressed and tense.
"We will be here, tomorrow at 09:00."
"That'll work, Commander."
I stood to leave, but Jadzia paused, "Thank you Julian."
"It's my job."
She and I left together, "Do you want to have lunch at the replimat?" Jadzia asked me.
I nodded, "That will be fine."
Before we could sit down to our meal, my comm. badge went off, "Worf here."
"I need you to report to the ward room as soon as possible, a Romulan delegation has just arrived on the station," Captain Sisko said.
"I will be there, sir. Worf out."
Jadzia sighed, "We just can't get a break, can we?"
"Perhaps this will not take long..."
She grunted, "A Romulan delegation? Trust me, you'll be awhile. I guess I can go finish some work in the lab"
"I apologize," I told her.
"Don't. I'll see you this evening."
"Come," I drew her into my arms and passionately kissed her right there on the promenade, something I did not normally like to do. But at that moment, I didn't care who saw or what they might say. In fact, I wanted everyone to know. This woman was my wife, she would be the mother of my child, and I loved her.
My quarters were dark when I got home that night. It was late, and I Jadzia had probably gone to bed. I was so tired, I could not make it that far. The meeting with the Klingons and the Romulans had ended hours ago, but afterward, General Martok wanted me to assist him in putting together the final wing of the Klingon fleet. I fell onto the couch and let out a low groan. My heavy eyelids closed, and sleep began to wash over me...
The lights came on, and Jadzia was coming towards me. She was wearing her bed clothes, and her hair hung loosely over her shoulders.
"I did not mean to wake you..."
She sat down next to me, "Don't worry about me... I thought you would never get out of that meeting. What was going on?"
Honestly, I didn't feel like explaining it all to her right then, but, she looked so concerned, "The war has escalated. All three fleets are going to lead an invasion into Cardassian space."
Dax frowned, "An invasion? You mean we're waging was in their territory?"
"That has not been determined. But I assume it will be at least a week or so."
She leaned back on the couch, and I pulled her close to me. Jadzia said nothing, and her expression was blank. Her long slender arms held me tightly, "I guess we can cancel our appointment tomorrow morning."
"No," I objected, "I do not think we should. We should go along with the treatment, and with trying to have a baby, just as we said we would. You were right, this war is not going to force us to put our life on hold any longer. And if you should become pregnant while we are away in battle, I will have you sent back here."
She kissed my cheek, "That sounds good to me."
"Now, if you do not mind, I am very tired and would like to get some sleep."
Jadzia took my hand and led me to our bedroom.
JADZIA ~ Wednesday 10:51
Worf and I went to Julian that morning as scheduled. It didn't take long to get the treatment underway. Afterwards, Worf was immediately called to ops, more to do with invading Cardassia I assumed.
Since he was gone, I decided to do some reading at the replimat, and Kira joined me. She sat across from me, holding a cup of raktajino. "I saw you and Worf coming out of the infirmary... Is everything alright?"
Just then I realized I hadn't really told anyone about our plans, and that was so unlike me, "Everything is fine... Worf and I are trying to have a baby!"
Nerys's face lit up, "That's wonderful Dax!"
"Thank you. But, it may not be easy. We underwent some treatment this morning, but, the odds of a Klingon and a Trill procreating are still slim," I sighed, "But I'm hopeful, I have a good feeling about it. I think we deserve it."
"You do," she leaned over and placed her hand on mine, "You've been a wonderful friend to me for over six years. And I know Worf makes you happy, I know he does."
I blushed, "He does. He really does."
"Don't you worry, you'll be pregnant in no time."
That made me laugh, "I'll have you to help me through it and give me advice."
Nerys was laughing now, "I think you have more experience in all those past lives of yours than I did with Yoshi."
Our laughter died down, "I'm just so nervous about it all..."
"Why?" she asked, "It isn't like you've never done this before."
"I know. But, circumstances are a lot different than all nine of the other times. I guess that's the whole point of having a symbiont- doing things differently every time. And this will definitely be different. My other five spouses were Trill."
"I remember you telling me, right before you got married, about how bored you were with the Trill way of doing things, and how you wanted something different and exciting."
The memory made me smile, "Different and excited can be very scary... but fun."
We shared a laugh again.
My shift in ops was incredibly boring that afternoon. There was little to no station activity that called for my attention (which was unusually rare during wartime) so I was left to scanning the nearby space and giving docking clearance to ships.
Just as a was mooring a Bolian cargo freighter, Benjamin, Kira and Worf came out of his office. The three of them looked pensive, and a little too serious. My eyes met Worf's and he shook his head slowly. Something was wrong. Something was really wrong.
The three of them walked right over to my station, still wearing their pensive, serious expressions. Benjamin spoke up first, "Beginning first thing tomorrow morning, you're going to be in command of DS9."
I frowned, "What's going on?"
"I met with Letant, Martok, and the Romulan Senator, this morning. Our plans to invade Cardassia have been moved up. We'll be leaving first thing tomorrow morning. You and Dr. Bashir will be staying here on DS9, the rest of the senior staff will be aboard the Defiant."
My mind was racing. I wanted to ask a million questions. Why was I staying behind! "Yes sir," I said quietly. I looked at Worf; he was wearing and an apologetic expression. This didn't make sense; Kira usually stayed here, and I always went, I was the best pilot Benjamin had at his disposal, who else could navigate the Defiant at a time like this?
"I want you to keep the station on yellow alert until I notify you otherwise. If the tide turns during this thing, DS9 could end up defending herself again."
I was still numb to the whole situation. A full scale attack on Cardassia could take a long time. First, the fleet would have to get through all the outlying systems, then they could move on to Cardassia Prime. That could take forever. It's not that I was nervous about commanding DS9, but, I did not want to be away from my husband for that long. Again, I responded with a weak, "Yes sir."
I spent the rest of the day in ops preparing to take over DS9. Worf was between the Defiant and Martok's ship, helping with the battle preparations. He and I didn't see each other at all that day. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. Just this morning, we woke up happy, and we went to the infirmary to begin preparations for having a child. I actually felt good, which is a feeling wartime doesn't allow you to have too often. We weren't worried about the invasion of Cardassia, we both assumed we be together through the whole thing. Now, Worf would be off risking his life in one of the most dangerous battles he'll ever face, and I would be here, safe on DS9. I was used to being right there with him, he would watch my back and I'd watch his. But not this time.
Worf was home before me, which I wasn't expecting. When I got there, he had prepared dinner for us.
"How are you?" he asked when I came in.
My response didn't seem to surprise him, "Nor am I."
"When do you leave tomorrow?" I asked.
I sighed, "That early?"
"We cannot wait. If the Dominion's weapon platforms are operational before we get there, the whole attack will be in vain."
"I know all the logistics, Worf," I said as I sat down at the table, "You know, this is what I was talking about yesterday. The war putting you and I on hold."
"I do not like it anymore than you do," he said calmly, "But, at this point, we haven't much choice."
"I know. It's just, all day, I've been thinking about how good you and I felt this morning, and now..."
"I am not sure why Captain Sisko wants you to stay behind, but, a part of me is relieved that he does."
I stopped in mid- bite and looked directly at him, "What? How can you say that? You and I are going to be apart for god knows how long, and-"
"But you will be safe. This mission is going to be very dangerous. It will be long and grueling. I will miss you, Jadzia, do not doubt that. But, with you here on the station, I will not have to worry about your safety. I know when I do return, you will be hear waiting."
"If you return," I said dryly.
"Do not speak like that," Worf scolded, "I fully intend to return to my wife. You cannot have this baby without me."
My eyelids closed, "You're right, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," I stood from the table and began to pace the room, "I just feel so, so frustrated. I hate this! You are my husband, and I love you. Yet now I fear that one day the Defiant is going to dock and Benjamin is going to tell me about how gloriously you died battle. How am I supposed to live with that? How and I supposed to live without you?"
"That is not going to happen..."
"You can't promise me that!" I exclaimed, "You can't Worf. I wish you could, but you can't. You're going to be gone for so long, and at least if I were there with you, I would know what was going on. As it is now, I'll have to lie in bed every night wondering if my husband is dead or alive. Wondering if he's all alone, bleeding to death on some far off planet."
Worf stood as well. As he approached me, I could see that his eyes were heavy and sympathetic. He opened his strong arms and enveloped me in them, "If there was a way to make this right, I would do it, you know that. I love you, Jadzia Dax, with my whole being. You have meant more to me than you could ever imagine, and I do not want to cause you any pain. Knowing how my death will affect you will be my reason, and my motivation, to stay alive. I will do whatever it takes to come back home to you. That I swear to you."
Somehow, those words, his powerful embrace and his entrancingly deep voice made me feel better, "I believe you," I whispered.
"Good. Now, I have a big day ahead of me, and I would like to finish my dinner before I go to bed."
I laughed a little, "That's fine with me."
WORF ~ Thursday 03:30
I could feel a pair of hands roughly shaking my body.
"Come on, Worf, I never have to go through this with you... I know it's early, but, you've got to get up."
"What time is it?" I asked her.
"Wake me up in half an hour."
"No," Jadzia whined, "Get up now. I want to have breakfast with you before you leave."
I groaned. Sentimentality could be so inconvenient.
I slowly sat up. She and I stayed awake in bed talking until midnight. And now, three and a half hours later, I was up. Even the greatest warriors need rest.
Jadzia didn't seem tired at all, which was very uncharacteristic for her. I usually had to drag her out of bed each morning, but today she moved around as if it we always got up this early. I opted for a sonic shower; water would be too much of a shock to my system this early in the morning. When I came out, Jadzia had a fresh uniform laid across the bed for me. There was even a score from my favorite Klingon opera playing softly in the background.
After I got dressed, Dax instructed me to sit on the edge of the bed. She climbed behind me and began combing my hair for me. This was not something she did often, only when she was nervous about something. And right now, I knew she was afraid. I could feel her hands tremble as she pulled the comb through my hair.
"Everything will be fine, Jadzia," I said slowly.
She seemed to totally disregard what I'd just said, "You know, I have always loved your hair."
"It's the most attractive thing about you. I know Starfleet regulations say that if your hair touches your shoulders, you have to pull it back. But I wish you'd let it hang loose more often."
"I did not know you felt that way... perhaps I will, on my off hours."
"I'd love that," Her hands bound my hair back, "There, all done. We can go eat now, if you'd like."
Jadzia and I left our quarters together, she held my hand tightly as we walked to the Defiant's airlock. I smiled inwardly. I remembered making the walk between Jadzia's quarters and mine on the Defiant late at night, before she and I were married. Those times were good, but nothing could compare to the way things had been between us since we married. It was as if we co- existed, when she needed me, I was there, when I needed her, she was there. We completed one another's thoughts; finding Jadzia was like finding the missing piece in my life. She made living worthwhile; I hated falling asleep at night, because I knew hours would pass, and I wouldn't be able to look into her eyes. Our disagreements usually did not last long, and making up was definitely worth it.
This whole situation; her being here and me on the Defiant, made her uneasy. I kept telling myself that with each passing day, it would get better for her. But what about me? I would miss her so much, and there was no one in the universe I trusted at my side during battle the way I trusted Jadzia. Not only was she a formidable warrior, I also knew she defended me with more than just feelings of duty or responsibility, but with love.
"General Martok to Commander Worf,"
As we were walking across the promenade, my comm. badge sounded, "Yes General?"
"I need you on the Rotarran, it should not take long."
"Acknowledged, Worf out."
Jadzia looked up at me, "I'll meet you at the Defiant's airlock?"
I nodded, "Yes."
"Don't leave without saying goodbye to me," she warned.
"I would not dream of it."
JADZIA ~ Thursday 04:51
Worf headed for the Rotarran, and I kept on towards the Defiant. I caught up with Benjamin, Jake and the Chief as I arrived.
"If you ask me, it's an ungodly hour to go to war," Miles said to Jake, "And you can quote me on that."
Miles turned to me, "Oh, Jadzia, will you look in on Keiko and the kids while I'm gone?"
"You can count on it."
The three of them stepped up into the airlock, "Oh, and, try to keep Julian out of trouble."
"Now that's pushing it," I replied.
"It's your station, Old Man," Ben said to me.
"I'll take good care of her."
Kira walked up next, ready to embark on their mission. She was smiling.
"Give my regards to the Jem' Hadar," I said to her.
"Oh, I'll do that... I said a prayer at the shrine last night for the two of you."
On my left, I could see Worf approaching, "About having a baby?" I asked, feeling honored that she would think to do that for us.
"The Prophets can be helpful in such matters."
"I hope they're listening," I answered sincerely. Today at 09:00 would mark 24 hours. That mean in four hours, I would know either way, if Worf and I would, or would not, be able to conceive.
I stood close to him, and draped my arms over his wide shoulders, "Did you hear that?" I asked, "We've got the Prophets on our side."
"According to Dr. Bashir, we need all the help we can get."
"Just remember when you get back, we have a lot of work to do."
Worf smiled, "I do not consider that work."
Just then that sinking feeling returned to the pit of my stomach. He was leaving. I could feel my eyes filling with moisture, but I refused to cry right now. Worf needed to know that I would be okay, not that I was a complete wreck.
"I wish I was going with you..."
"You are," he said. Then he placed his hand over his heart, "In here."
That made me smile, "I love it when you get romantic."
I didn't know what else to say to him. I didn't want to say goodbye, that was the last thing I wanted to say, and I definitely didn't want to hear him saying it to me.
Worf swept me into his arms and kissed me hard and passionately. I wanted to stand there, with him holding me and kissing me forever, never letting go. But I had to let go. I placed my fingers over his lips, keeping him from saying goodbye; I could see it in his eyes. Those eyes were always so emotional. Not a word was said as he turned from me, and disappeared into the airlock.
Now I know why I didn't go into command. After the Defiant disembarked, a million problem seemed to arise that required my attention. I'd meant to stop by the infirmary this morning to find out the results of our treatment, but I got so sidetracked that I didn't catch up to Julian until almost ten hours after Worf left. I saw him across the promenade, and I ran over to him.
I was so anxious I could barely walk straight, "So?"
"Did you analyze the samples we left you? It's been twenty four hours..."
He laughed, "A little anxious, aren't we?"
"I told Worf I'd contact him as soon as I found out... so did you?"
Julian seemed to enjoy stringing me along, that had to be a good sign, "According to the DNA scans I did this morning, the ovarian re-sequencing enzymes I gave you... appear to be working."
"You mean Worf and I can have a baby?"
"It certainly looks that way. I must say, I didn't expect such positive results so early, it's quite amazing actually."
Without giving it a second thought, I flung my arms around Julian's neck, "Oh thank you Julian!"
"It's all part of being a doctor," he said humbly.
If I kept smiling as brightly as I was right now, my jaws would be sore, "Oh no, it's more than that," I held his hands, "You're a good friend, you always have been."
"And always will be."
This was more excitement than I could take. I wished Worf was here right now, I could almost feel his arms around me, hugging me with joy, "I, I better get back to work," Just then, something occurred to me, "But first I'm going to stop by the Bajoran Shrine."
"Kira said a prayer for me and Worf last night. She told the Prophets how much we wanted a baby."
"Ah, I'd say they've been listening. That is, if you believe in the Prophets."
"Oh, I do today!"
Still wearing my extremely exuberant smile, I headed for the Temple. I waved to Julian, and he waved back. He looked happy for me. It may have been nothing more than a facade, but I really didn't care.
Nervously, I entered the Bajoran shrine. It was empty, except for one Vedek. He didn't say anything to me as I entered, a simple head nod and a smile served as his greeting. My hands were clammy, I wasn't sure what to do, but I knew I had to do something.
"Excuse me, I, um, I want, I mean, I was wondering if I could offer a prayer to the Prophets... Can you help me with that?"
The Vedek smiled, "Of course," his voice was calm and melodious, "The temple is open to anyone with a pure heart. Come this way," He led me to the room in the back. There was an orb there, as well as two candles, "Light the candles, and open your heart before the orb. They are always listening."
The Vedek left, and I approached the candles. I carefully lit them both and blew out the long, thin lightening wand. Then I turned to my right and faced the orb. It glowed with a beautiful and calming blue light.
After letting out an uneasy breath, I began, "I'm not sure if I'm doing this correctly... I don't come here a lot. And to be perfectly honest I feel more comfortable thinking of you as wormhole aliens. But, um... Kira believes you're much more than that. I don't know. But if you are Prophets, and you're listening, I just want to say..."
There was a cold chill in the room. My head turned, and I noticed that a wind had blown all the candles out. What's going on? Where was a breeze coming from?
A transporter activated. Through the red swirling energy beams, I could see a figure emerge.
"Dukat!" instinctively, I reached for my pharos, but I was too late. Before I could brandish the weapon, Dukat raised his hand, and a stream of pure energy charged from his palm. It hit my mid section with a painful force. I could barely breath, all I felt was a searing pain. His eyes were blood red, just as red as the deathly stream that bombarded my body. I wanted to cry out, but the pain was overwhelming. I didn't even have the strength for tears. I didn't notice right away that the force was so strong that I'd been lifted right off the ground. So much was going through my mind, I had no idea what was going on or why. With a violent thud, I hit the ground, and everything went black...
WORF ~ Thursday, 14:47
"Major, we're receiving a priority one transmission coming from Deep Space 9," the Chief said, "It's from Julian."
Major Kira frowned, "Julian? What does it say?"
"We need to get back to the station as soon as possible, something's happened to," O'Brien's voice trailed off and then got very low, "To Jadzia. It may be..."
I stood from my seat on the other side of the bridge. Just as soon as I heard her name, my heart clenched, "It may be what!" I demanded.
O'Brien's eyes were wide and filled with pain. He looked at Major Kira and then back to me, "He says, it may be fatal."
I stumbled backwards, and had to grab a chair to keep my balance. My head was swimming, there had to be some mistake, I could not have heard what I think I just did. There was no way; this could not be happening...
"What!" Kira exclaimed, "Does he say what happened?"
"No, he doesn't, that, that's it sir."
Still I was silent. Over and over in my head I repeated it, "This is not happening, this cannot be happening." She was supposed to be safe on the station. I am the one in danger, not her. Not my wife, not my love, not my par'machkai, not my Jadzia...
Kira put her hand on my shoulder, "Mr. Worf..."
Normally, in a situation like this, I would have snapped at her. Yet now, my whole body was numb. I could not even speak.
"I'm sure Julian is doing everything he can," she said to me, "He won't let her die."
"Shall I plot a course for the station, sir?" Nog asked quietly.
"Yes, yes, of course, maximum warp. Inform General Martok that there's been an emergency and that we will contact him when we get to DS9."
My fingers tightly gripped the back of the empty chair next to O'Brien. My breathing was heavy and ragged, it felt as if I'd been hit in the chest with ten pain sticks. Kira stood behind me; I could tell she wanted to comfort me, but had no idea how.
Finally, I stood, "I should tell Captain Sisko."
I could see the pain in Kira's eyes as well, "I'll come with you."
Jake had taken Captain Sisko to his quarters. The Major and I made the walk in silence. My hands were clenched into tightly bound fists, so tight that I thought they might bleed. Once we got to his cabin, I did not bother to ask for entrance, I simply stepped through the door.
Sisko stood, "Mr. Worf, Major, is something wrong?"
"We just got a transmission from Julian," Kira said. She helplessly ran her hand through her short hair, and sighed. Her voice sounded as if she might cry, "Something's happened to Dax, he, he thinks she may not live."
"What?" Captain Sisko's eyes helplessly darted from mine, to the Major's and back, "Did he say-"
"He did not give an explanation," I managed to say.
"Set a course for the station, then!"
"We already have, maximum warp. We should be there shortly."
The Captain sat back down and said what I was feeling, "This can't be happening. Not Jadzia..." he looked up at me, "Mr. Worf-"
I did not want to hear him say how sorry he was, "Permission to return to my quarters until we dock."
"Yes, yes of course."
The only way I can describe what I was feeling was numbness. I did not feel grief, because to me, there was no way this could be happening. Jadzia and I had so much ahead of us, we had our whole lives to live together. I was certain that when we docked, I would go into the infirmary, and she would be there smiling at me. Bashir would have once again worked a medical miracle and saved her life from whatever almost took it. Yes, yes, that is what would happen. She would not die, she could not die.
Yet it was hard to maintain that optimistic outlook. At warp nine, it only took us 45 minutes to reach DS9. Yet is was the longest of my entire life. All I thought about was how afraid she was earlier today, and how she did not want us to be separated. This morning, her lips trembled under mine as I kissed her good bye. Could that have been the last time I would feel her touch? Will I never again see my wife's amazing smile?
Captain Sisko informed me that we were docking, and in the next five minutes or so, my life would never be the same. I ran from my quarters to the docking ring, right past Sisko in the airlock and through the promenade to the infirmary.
I felt cold when I entered. There were nurses dressed in surgical garb, and one directed me to a room in the back. I could hear a voice, Dr. Bashir's, "They will be here as soon as they can, please, Jadzia, do not over exert yourself."
Then I saw her. Bashir was standing over a bed. My wife's bed. When he saw me, he managed to smile, "Here he is now."
Julian stepped away, and I rushed to her side. At this point, I did not care what happened or why. I could look at her face and tell that the end was near. Her gorgeous eyes did not sparkle, her skin was gray and clammy, "Worf..." she said. Her voice was nothing but a cracked whisper.
I gently took her hand in mine, "I am here."
"I knew you would come..."
"Of course. And you will be fine," I said, as I touched her face. Her skin was cold.
"No, no I won't."
I smiled at her. I did not want to smile, but I did not want my wife to see me grieving in her last moments. So I forced all my anger, hurt, frustration and pain away, and I smiled, "Do not talk like that."
"Worf, I love you."
"I love you too, Jadzia."
A tear fell down her face. I could not bear to see her cry. I rested my head on her chest and listened to her heart beat softly. It was faint, and with each beat, I feared it may be the last. Just then, Captain Sisko entered, "I'm sorry," she said to me.
There was so much I wanted to say before it was too late. Yet I could think of nothing, "Save your strength..."
Dax did just the opposite. Using everything in her, she reached up and touched my face. I continued to smile at her, never once revealing my pain.
She spoke, "Our baby... would have been so beautiful."
I wanted to respond, to tell her I felt the same way. But her eyes closed...
No... no, not now, not yet!
Her head gently, lifelessly sagged to the side.
No, no! You cannot leave me! We have so much yet to do...
I buried my face in her bosom
Please, Jadzia, please do not leave me. I love you, I love you!
With all that was in me, I held my head high and let out a roar of grief that was heard throughout across the station. It was loud, strong and painful. It announced that a great warrior was making the journey across the river of blood, and that my wife. My love, my life, was gone from me. Forever.
(September 28, 1998)