A/N: I hope you like this one too. Who knows is a song by Natasha Bedingfield.
"I'm in like with you, not in love with you quite yet. My hearts beginning to slightly overrule my head. Oh no, Oh no, my self control, it won't hold up for very long. Oh no you touch my soul, I can't help falling too fast for you..."
How did she get here? She blamed Morgan, if he hadn't gone all pre-adolescent with a water gun after their case was over it would never have escalated. They wouldn't have been in his backyard running around like children with water guns and water balloons to get each other back. Then she would never have seen the side of Reid that turned their game into a tactical operation equipped with espionage and spy tactics. With his orchestration they surrounded Morgan and soaked him through. If that hadn't happened Morgan would never have retaliated with a water hose.
She would have never thought a water hose would change her world forever. Her eyes somehow fell on her skinny, nerdy, fact-spewing teammate and he surprised her. He was wearing a smile that brightened up his whole face and brought light to his normally tired eyes. It was something he'd never experienced but thoroughly enjoyed. He pulled his soaked shirt over his head and went after Garcia when she laughed at him. The tech analyst took off yelling warnings behind her as he chased her with his dripping wet shirt.
His white undershirt molded to his skin revealing not only some sculpted muscle but a line of what appeared to be dark writing. Spencer Reid had a tattoo! That completely changed the way she thought about the young genius. That moment wasn't the one that changed her world though. The moment came shortly after that. She walked away so she would stop staring. She couldn't afford to look at him like that. He was too young and she was too old, they were just getting back to being friends. Anything else would be too hard. As it was, she was a mess. She'd been on date after date and she just wasn't feeling what she wanted to feel. But in that moment, looking at him, she'd felt something.
She'd gone into the kitchen for ice or another drink using the insane heat as an excuse. Midwinter heat waves have a tendency to sizzle before they crashed. And then she made the mistake of deciding to go to the bathroom. She was on her way there when she heard voices. She hadn't even heard them come in. Morgan and Reid were laughing about something before Morgan left the room. He was in the room alone changing and Emily being the pervert she felt like watched him. She just wanted to see what was under the shirt. She'd been spending all this time around him and she'd never looked at him they way she did when he pulled off his shirt. His back was to her but that didn't stop her from staring. All it took was seeing him that way to change the way she was around him.
She tried making things as normal as possible. It wasn't like they hadn't hung out before, they hung out a lot. She told herself they were just friends because they were but she knew that wasn't all she wanted. She wanted more than she needed and what she needed was to stay far away from him but she wasn't smart enough for that. Instead she hung around like a mouth to flame not realizing that all she was going to get was burned. Her real mistake didn't come until she went to hang out with him at his apartment. He opened the door shirtless apologizing for not being dressed and needing to do laundry. Before he could run away she grabbed his hand to stop him.
She pulled him close so she could run her fingers over the words she only caught a glimpse of before. In delicate cursive writing "Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom" stood out in stark contrast to his pale skin.
"Is this new?" she asked keeping her eyes on the ink. He tried to pull away but she stopped him and met his eyes finally. He looked ashamed. "Tell me." He took a deep breath shifting his skin against her hand before sighing.
"I almost relapsed, while you were gone. Have you ever heard of the Serenity Prayer?" She nodded in reply. "Well it's used a lot at meetings. It took a while for it to sink in but when it finally did I decided that I needed to be reminded constantly. A friend of mine, one of the cops I know, told me he gets a tattoo every time he gets close to relapsing to remind him of how close he came. He told me it helped so I decided that I should try it because I wasn't doing all that well on my own. It's worked pretty well." He tried to cover himself and pull away again and before she could stop the words they flew out of her mouth.
"Stop, you're perfect." When her words met her ears she blushed and heat flared in her cheeks.
"I'm not, far from it actually." His hand closed over hers pulling it away from his skin. He was about to say something but she moved and started talking. That was too close.
She kept her distance for most of the night making sure she didn't do anything stupid. She was cleaning up after they ate washing a dish. He was drying them and putting things back in cabinets. Every time he so much as looked at her she blushed. It was bad enough that she'd started calling him Spencer. He leaned over her, barely touching and she blushed to the tips of her hair. He didn't ignore it this time. He was speaking and she just kissed him. Stood up on her toes and kissed him. It didn't escape her notice that he kissed her back.
Emily backed away after realizing what she'd done and turned to high tail it out of the kitchen. He caught her arm, pulled her to his body, and kissed her dizzy. When she'd finally managed to get the message to untangle her limbs from his she tried to get as far away as possible. Unfortunately he was a man on a mission now.
"Stop walking away from me!" Spencer cried following Emily as she did her best to get away from him. She couldn't do this right now; she couldn't feel this right now. She needed to focus on something else, anything else, besides what it felt like to… no, she wasn't going through this with him. He needed to be as far away from her as he could get and that wasn't going to happen if he kept following her.
"I can't do this!" she cried back heading for his apartment door. This wasn't supposed to happen; they were just friends and coworkers, nothing more. So why was this so hard? Why was she in his apartment again when she knew she shouldn't be? They were both going to lose their jobs or worse. Being distracted in the field could cost them their lives and she already worried about him way too much. Falling in love with him was just stupid. A very gentle hand grabbed her wrist and turned her around. At the same time he backed her up until she was against the wall staring into those big brown eyes that were sure to be the end of her.
"You kissed me and now you're telling me you don't feel anything? It doesn't take a profiler to know that isn't true." It was far from true but there was nothing she could do about that. But she was there more and more over the last few months. It started out almost three years ago as movie nights, someone to hang with him while he recovered from anthrax. Then he got shot and it freaked her out almost as much as what happened to Hotch. Then Hailey died and less than a year later so did she. Their friendship was delicate and needed mending so they spent more time together. He was right, she kissed him. Marathon poker wasn't really all that sexy but she turned it into something else kissing him until her mind caught up with her body.
"We can't, this team is fragile and this will tear it apart. I just can't." she cried shoving him away and moving toward the door again. He put his body in front of hit folding his long arms across his chest. The last case, the one where the victim turned into the attacker and tried to kill the man that hurt her, brought back too many bad memories and she wasn't handling it well. She should have never showed up at his door but she couldn't think of anywhere else she would rather be. Garcia had offered and so had Morgan but she lied and said she wanted to be alone. A half an hour later she showed up at his door with food in hand.
"Can't or won't, why don't you just admit what the real problem is here? You're terrified. I'm not proposing marriage right now. I just want you to stop running." As he spoke she was once again trying to get through the door. And he stopped her, dear God, did he stop her. She quickly found herself pulled into a kiss that turned her knees and every other bone in her body to jello. When he pulled away she was winded and loopy holding onto his shoulder to keep herself from crumbling to the floor. He shouldn't be able to melt her with one kiss, right? That just wasn't normal.
"Where the hell did you learn to kiss that way?" he smiled and leaned down to capture her lips again, she happily melted against him allowing his tongue to stroke and taste her own.
"I know you think of me as a boy but I've been a man for a while now. Just stay, I won't hurt you." Every part of her wanted to run screaming. How many times had someone told her they wouldn't hurt her before doing just that?
"If I thought of you as a boy we would not be in this position." A rosy blush filled his cheeks and she noticed the way his pupils dilated before he covered the slip. "What were you just thinking?"
"One day I'll show you how much I'm not a boy but tonight all I want is for you to stay." She tried to fight off the shiver that descended up her spine but failed miserably.
"Now, you're teasing me. If I stay we'll both be in trouble." It didn't help that throughout this entire conversation she hadn't moved from her place wrapped up in his deceptively strong arms.
"It's not like that…mostly. I just need to know I won't wake up and you'll go back pretending you feel nothing."
"Even if I wanted to, there is no going back after a kiss like that. So, I'm guessing we should talk." She said moving to pull herself away. He smelled good and he was warm and hard all over. Before she knew it he was kissing her again. Her purse hit the floor with her keys and her coat.
"Okay, so we should probably talk from a safe distance." She untangled her limbs from his touching him a little longer than was really necessary to move away.
"I think you're right, Doctor." He opened his mouth to say something and she silenced him with her own. "Mention your IQ and I will bite you."
"Who knows if I am ready or not, only time will tell. Who knows if we are ready to make this something. Who knows?"