For the sixy-one themes competition, at the harry potter fanfiction challenge forum
theme; motherhood
character; petunia dursley
warmth, ribbon, fallen star, need, fragment, letters, echo

gone to the grave

Petunia Dursley never was good at much. She failed horribly at school, knitting and her had never gotten along and she couldn't cook to save her life; most nights they had to order in, for fear of burning the house down. She never had any real talents – not like Lily did.

Maybe that's where things started going wrong for her – Lily. Not that she was blaming her failures on her dead sister, because that was far from the case. But Petunia was always super competitive, even with her own flesh and blood. It was like she had something to prove to everyone, and, in a way, she did have something to prove.

She needed to prove to herself that she was good enough. She needed to be just as good as Lily was. But, of course, she wasn't the one who faced down a Dark Lord for her young child. She didn't throw herself in front of that crib and give her life for her son.

That was Lily.

Motherhood was never easy. When you've got a child, you have to drop everything for that child. That child needs you. When you become a mother, you become a mother for life. Of course, Petunia failed at that too.

She underfed and practically abused Harry, her nephew, and let her own son turn into a chubby little brat- all of which happened right under her nose. She could have stepped up and been a real mother – she could have taken those twinkies away from Dudley. She could have made him stop teasing his cousin.

She didn't.

Because motherhood was just not one of her talents. She didn't have talents.

When she was seventeen and Lily was fifteen, she wrote her a letter. Several, actually. In all of which she begged for forgiveness. She went on about her life, love, and everything in between. She told Lily of Muggle school and her friends. She told Lily about how in love she was with Vernon Dursley, and how she loved him, no matter how chubby he was.

By the time she got up the courage to send them to her, nearly five years later, Lily had died, leaving behind a son of only one year and a sister who had wanted to apologize since she was seventeen, but never worked up the courage to actually do it.

Maybe it was karma. She was such a bitch to Lily for so long, before she started out right avoiding her. She didn't know what to say to her – she couldn't bring herself to tease her anymore, and she could never bring herself to ask for forgiveness. She didn't deserve forgiveness.

But, by the time she had put her letters in the mail, her sister had died, and she received the letters in the mail three days later, marked 'return to sender.'

She needed her sister, the way you need air. But, her sister was gone. And that left a hole in her heart- it darkened her world, and no one even realized she even cared.

Maybe, just maybe, she failed at being a mother on purpose. Because, the truth is, a part of her went to the grave with Lily on the day she died. And she hadn't been the same since. Motherhood was hard, and she just wasn't ready for it.

She was like a fallen star – once upon a time, she was at her highest, shining away brightly in the sky, on top of the world. And then, things got dark and her whole world was shaken up, and she fell. And it was gorgeous and beautiful, and absolutely lovely as she fell, but she hit the ground hard.

Lily would have been a good mum. It should have been her to die, while Lily was left to raise both children.

Petunia always had the sinking feeling in her gut that if it was that way, those two boys would have been better off. They would have turned out better. Dudley would have turned out better.

But that was never the case, and even so, these thoughts and feelings would echo around Petunia's mind, lurking deep in the depths of her brain, reminding her constantly how much she failed at motherhood.

Lily would have done so much better.

dedicated to; mittens (inherhappyhermitland) and louise (LostInLaLaLand7) for being wonderful and having mindlinks with me. ;) love you both. and a special thanks to lou for Betaing & suggesting the title. :)