"Tell me why I'm sleeping alone".
A question too often asked, but always to yourself, your worthless, hopeless self.
A question you don't have the backbone to ask out loud, at least once. You only keep these thoughts inside your head, smelling their rotten odour, feeling their poisons spreading around your very consciousness.
And yet another night, nevermind it's rather cold in Iwagakure at this time of the year.
They still have to wear their regular, say – summer, clothes. They may be shivering, but never admitting the true reasons.
Karin trembles because she wants to turn Suigetsu into a bloody pulp so much. He stifles the cramps because of the furious blood thirst that overpowers his mind every other time they're assigned to hunt down some rogues in Madara's own favour.
She tosses and turns in her sleeping bag, unable to close her eyes until sore tears come running down her face from abnormally long staring at the dull grey sky. Such a welcoming environment they chose for this night – cold rocks amongst the misty wastelands.
She wants to cry out, but none of her shrieks would end this quest of madness. She wants to get away from Sasuke's darkness but she cannot since she swore to follow him at any circumstances.
His morbid chakra leaves ulcers in her very being, and Karin is in no stance to cure them. If only she knew what to do – but she can't even calm down her own body, aching and shivering from cold and all sorts of anguish combined together in a desperate attempt to throw the consciousness away.
Karin doesn't want to be here anymore. To run away – to the sweet distant nowhere, may be to lose her very life in the process of doing so – why should she care, now when she hates her existence? It brings her only pain and despondency. And constant headache towers above the other feelings, blinding the cold, the thirst and the loneliness.
Or may be not so blinding – at nights Karin can feel her uselessness to its utmost – a frail body incapable of even warming its limbs, trembling and hating. Perhaps, she survived that much only due to her hate. Not necessarily the hate dedicated to Suigetsu – more to herself, unable to restrain the hysteria, unable to deadpan his assaults, always being zealous and preposterous – about everything she does.
The whole quest is a fail. When bloodshed turns into a routine – it's no longer fun. It's just a vicious circle which is rotating at stunning speeds, and what's more upsetting about the whole affair – he can't get himself out of this trap.
Whilst Sasuke is clearly the one who dragged them into it – and even he can't enjoy it anymore, his wild sharingan eyes oblivious to the world around him, his mind more wandering than ever, his actions reckless and devoid of any rational logic let alone any plans.
This is sick, Suigetsu muses, yet he can't do a thing. A single action that would break the spell, crash this life of his into pieces, end this circus with lunatics. He feels his body deceiving him, needing more rest, more water, more clothing – and less day runs, less screaming Karin…
Speaking of whom, it surprises him a lot she still manages to uphold her ugly façade despite her obviously weak inner state. She must be stubborn, Suigetsu reckons, since he can practically feel her falling apart (just like himself) – and yet she does her best not to give away a thing.
It could be called amusing if Suigetsu didn't have an understanding of their situation looming so dreadfully upon his other thoughts. No escape from an Uchiha madman, no other way around, no home to return to – unless he wishes to start his life in Kiri from the beginning – and what can he possibly do there, alone? There're plenty of swordsmen out there, he'd just be lost in the merciless crowd once again.
Not that he minds being lost – in fact, he'd love to be lost right now, so not to feel the cold rocks under his back, to cross all those thoughts out of his head – may be for a day, or two – may be it would be enough. A mirthless laugh, he knows it's not enough. The loop is seemingly endless and very much prone to violence, like creeping into his thoughts and tormenting his sanity at every possible moment.
She feels the same, but she would never tell. Not that Suigetsu would tell her either. He's just tired of this affair, full to the brim with anxiety and doubt over their useless existence. He slowly crawls to her side, finding her of course awake, aware of his presence and terribly shivering. Such a typical scene – well, he looks no less pathetic than she does. If this could be the advantage, he'd use it.
If only he knew why he was doing it. No, he had no particular idea. At all. Neither did Karin, when she felt Suigetsu's strong hands encircling her body, much too firmly to her liking. Wait, what sort of liking it could be – this was Suigetsu, the man she detested, the man that dissipated to water whenever she tried bringing some ratio into his being!
Yet his hands were undoubtedly around her form. She could feel their merged trembling, the shivers like little lightning bolts rushing from one body to the other.
Weird, but his presence made her feel a little, just a little further from the edge of suicide realm. That was all because of his hands – they had to be cold and sticky, and sweaty – like any other disgusting water creature – but instead they were warm, even feverishly warm, dry and firm.
Incredibly firm, and very capable of bruising her in that strange embrace they shared. Not that she minded any more bruises apart from those that already marked her upper body from numerous healing bites. It was just – strange, Suigetsu couldn't be that warm and firm. He should be liquid and elusive; he mustn't be the only stable being in this world she now felt like relying upon!
And then again, he was also trembling – whether it was an agony of desire or anguish, Karin couldn't tell. Except for the distant feeling he might share her madness. Why not, a company on the path to insanity must sure be fun. She squirmed in his grasp, trying to get rid of those fingers that unconsciously started wandering around her lower back.
"Get away from me!"
What was he even thinking? Nothing at all – holding Karin was one of his rare on the spur decisions, and he thoroughly enjoyed her attempts to push him away. At least, her body was warm and very soft. Like, extremely soft. Almost pleading for his actions – or so Suigetsu imagined.
Karin tried to turn away from him, which only resulted in her back now pressed to his chest. Well, at least she doesn't have to stare at his smirking face anymore. Suigetsu appreciated her turn as well, though it denied him the pleasure of seeing her flushed face.
But instead of rushing his fingers absent-mindedly up and down her back, he was presented with her gorgeously naked abdomen – stupid girl wore that revealing jacket of hers despite the awful weather all the time – no wonder her belly was cold and covered with goose-bumps.
Suigetsu felt his mind was slowly eluding him when he traced her naked skin as gently as he could, circling imaginary whirls around her belly button, feeling her skin heating and burning his fingertips. It was strange and he couldn't tell nor why neither what the hell he was doing.
Karin couldn't admit she liked basking in his surprisingly delicate touch. She couldn't see his face and she was warm. Wasn't it all she has ever dreamt of? But no, the deceiving body – it now wanted more. She still trembled from cold, when putting her small palm upon Suigetsu's large ones, trying to make them move faster, bolder, whatever.
"Why are we doing this?"
"I don' know."
"Then shut up and proceed."
She didn't notice when almost tender touching turned to outrageous roaming around her nether parts. Karin could only feel she was now trembling in unison with Suigetsu and not necessarily because of cold. She could feel her hands pressing into his fingers, trying to guide them, to control them – and wonderfully failing at the idea.
His hands had a mind of their own. Whilst Suigetsu breathed raggedly into her ear, pressing his whole body closer if possible into her back, sighing, half-moaning in the emotions she couldn't discern, his hands went on the rampage.
Searching for answers her body could not give him, clutching her fragile frame closer to his aching being, stifling the pleading moans – if only he could find the absolution in her presence. Even if it was only a try…
Tracing the belt of her shorts, carefully taking it off, unzipping her jacket, breathing harder and faster, scratching her belly – getting her own scratches upon his fingers in return – Suigetsu couldn't figure out where they were heading. The searing heat was surrounding him, that was good on a cold night, but what was it he squeezing right now?
Karin gasped as his hands went up her stomach, massaging her ribcage, suddenly cupping her breasts under the jacket. She squirmed out of his grasp, whispering angrily: "Don't you dare".
"And if I dare, what would you do?"
He closed her mouth with one palm, feeling her muffled breath and wet lips, another hand again tracing circles around her sensitive flesh. Closer, agonizingly slowly – ending in a rough pinch on her nipple. Karin wanted to cry out which resulted in again meeting his hot palm.
His palm slowly left her mouth, another still travelling its way from one mound to the other. The trembling was now almost unbearable, and Karin needed to stop it, anyhow. His hands, his daring hands were freely moving around her upper body, squeezing, massaging, pinching, violating her flesh – what was it, a delirious dream?
She hated him, now, for facing her back, for deafening her with his harsh breath, for laughing smugly in her left ear – so Karin tried to turn around and face that monster. Only to feel a very unexpected bite on her neck.
Suigetsu was frantic with a mixture of feelings he didn't even want to put in coherent words. He just needed to touch her, to devour her very being, bite till she bled all around him, pinch till the bruises started shining in the dark of the night, suck on her skin till it equals in colour with her hair and eyes – it was a maelstrom, a fever, and an utmost delight.
She wiggled under his form, as he pressed her to the ground mercilessly, forgetting how to breathe at his wet, hot assaults on her neck. Karin realized she was moaning – a terrible idea of Sasuke waking up flashed across her mind to vanish completely as she felt Suigetsu's fingers on their way down her abdomen.
Killer – he would smother her, or burn her flesh first. What was it, anyways – his frenzied movements, like he was both trying to tear her apart and hold her together, hugging harder, surrounding her everything in anguished, hasty touches, ripping her flesh and then stroking the injured place as if in a gesture of apology.
He moaned in her clavicles, she was leaving deep bleeding scratches on his back – she could see thin streams of blood colouring his shirt – neither of them thought it proper to get rid of the clothing – and so Suigetsu continued his evil ministrations under her jacket, as she used her nails to destroy his shirt.
"May be you could kill me, so we'd end all this mess?"
"Hah, that privilege belongs to Sasuke. I can do everything else with you, though."
It was beyond understanding, sucking down her neck feeling her through the pores of her skin, maiming that skin, changing its colour – it was as if he was drowning and she was his air, he just needed to breathe more to get alive from this quest.
Karin felt like she was going to explode from the inside – his hands playing its lecherous game around her inner thighs, carefully avoiding the core, preserving the best for dessert – she threw her hands around his neck in one last attempt to push him away – but was pressed further into the ground, with something very hot and unfamiliar inside her most private area.
His fingers finally made it to their destination, as he growled at her neck, creeping to pay attention to her frantically beating heart. Or rather, to what was above the heart – Karin didn't want to know anymore why she was wiggling as a wanton under his form, why she couldn't feel the cold of rocks anymore – only his searing hands all around her body, like he had a hundred of them, their breathing mingled in a wet desperate essence as he finally mustered himself enough to get away from her swollen nipples, agonizingly perked for more attention.
No, he only granted his one palm to satisfy them, the other going wild in her insides. One finger was not enough, and neither were two. Three felt better, hotter, more impatient – hell, it added pain more and more as he tried to get rid from it.
Pain of being alone yet holding the most beautiful and helpless creature in his hands, ravaging her form and yet being all completely for himself – a useless existence with no goals and no dreams – except one very prominent dream protruding from his pants.
Stupid depraved body of his, Suigetsu needed much more to feel the pain go away. He bit her lips instead of kissing (Karin's hopes successfully went down), he licked her temples, scratching sensitive breasts and not even slightly hesitating to work his nails inside her.
She tried screaming, muffled with his hungry mouth, probing her tongue, catching it in his teeth, tasting, sucking recklessly till Karin felt like fainting at the mixture of hot pain and complete thoughtlessness.
The desired thoughtlessness, no memories flooding her being – only an incredibly firm lean body all around her, that feels so good to scratch, that bleeds so wonderfully and taints their clothing, the body that is hot and wild, and is currently tearing her insides apart – she could feel his desire very evident, and knew it was her turn to maim him for making her suffer so long.
She stretched her hands to squeeze his bulge, receiving a bite of approval on her right breast – painful, demanding bite, completed with something she could possibly call a kiss on the lips, if it wasn't a display of hunger and frenzy.
His hips grounding into her form, crushing his own fingers inside her, her hands roaming his abdomen, gripping tighter, rubbing up and down, her whole body grinding against his firm chest as if trying to melt herself into him, to oblivion, to complete nothingness.
He came surprisingly fast, as she felt something hot and sticky leaking through his clothes. Its scent, his fingers shoving into her at violent velocity, his teeth grazing her carotid, driving her on the edge, screaming something between a plea and a name, or may be whining, crying out, crashing himself onto her once again, she felt a series of cramps that lead to an ultimate collapse.
No, he preferred his fingers hidden in her moisture, though several times he withdrew them and demonstratively licked. But she was warm inside, she was alive, frail and pleading, for he heard his name being called out in an intonation so heavenly it was worth repeating. Preferably, for the rest of his life. He clutched her ravished form tighter, seeing how much blood they'd drawn from each other, as well as other liquids.
Lying entangled in a pool of sticky fluids, embracing her form tighter, Suigetsu felt somewhat content. Actually, they haven't done anything serious – she was still her own self, and he was still alone, and the next day they would be on a long run again, and she didn't promise him anything, neither did he.
It was wrong, for she felt so incredibly good, and her trembling was so soothing – she mustn't be on her own. May be he could hold her an hour longer…
Karin glanced at him, unable to tell what his facial expression was since her glasses were out of her reach (and luckily, otherwise they'd probably have ended up broken), sharing his cramps was such a strange experience – after everything they've done, now lying encircled in his arms and dreaming of being like this forever – that was the insanity she prayed for.
Yes, what else could it possibly be? Karin traced his features with her slender fingers, stopping at his sore lips, bleeding from his own shark teeth, as she tenderly wiped the blood away. Or rather, smeared it across his cheeks.
"Will you leave me now?"
"If you want me to."
Karin shivered at his words. No, she didn't want him to leave. Moreover, she had a firm belief she wouldn't live past this happening.
"I do not."
"Do not what?"
"Do not understand why are you even daring to touch me, to make me see heaven, forget our pathetic journey, and above all this – why are you asking this stupid question?"
"Perhaps because I want to hear the answer?"
"What kind of answer, Suigetsu?"
"Well, why didn't you push me away, in first place."
"I don't know. I don't want to know. I don't want to think about it. I want to forget it."
"Want to forget what we've done?"
"No, idiot! I want to forget ever wanting to punch you, to kill you, to see you skinned and torn to pieces of bloody flesh…"
"What nice dreams you have about me, Karin."
"I tell you I want to forget. You can make me forget."
"I can make a hell of other things, believe me."
"Do whatever you wish. Just don't go."
That was it. Suigetsu heard what he wanted. Bringing Karin closer into his embrace he whispered in her ear: "You said this. You won't be able to get rid of me, now."
She moved closer to lick the drying blood from his face. Salty and spicy, and so much Suigetsu – the man she never thought could even possess blood.
"Same goes with you, shark boy".
Receiving a bite from said shark.
But, counting the ones she already had, it was nothing but a sign of affection. Strange as it may sound, Suigetsu knew she understood his ways.