Pokémon World Tour
Summary: What do you get when you take a giant llama-goat, stuff her in a plane with 9 other legendaries, and go on a trip around the world? Hell.
Chapter 1: Prologue! Wretches and World Tours!
It was a beautiful day on the Pokémon Planet. The Pidgeys were chirping, the Beedrills were buzzing, and the Butterfrees & Beautiflies were off pollinating flowers to have their splendor show in the glistening morning sun. Fire and water were at peace. Sky and ground were calm. And Time and Space were one together. Everything was going right in the universe.
And it was driving everyone insane from boredom.
Off in the Hall of Origin, which no human could ever reach, there was absolutely nothing to do. Palkia and Groudon were off discussing in the media room, watching a Longhorns game and bragged about how their football skills were top-notch and that they could 'easily' beat the Longhorns in a match (yeah, sure). Latias was moping in the corner of the main throne room since it was the 10-year-anniversary of Latios' death after he gave his life to save Alto Mare and his sister. Rayquaza, while not the best Legendary at sympathizing, tried to console her by hugging one of his arms around her neck.
Kyogre and Shaymin were playing go-fish; Kyogre struggling to keep the cards in her giant fins.
"Have any 6's?" Shaymin asked in a bored voice. She was so bored to such a level that she wanted to shoot someone just to get some excitement going.
"Go fish." replied Kyogre, equally bored.
The last strand holding Shaymin from falling off the edge of insanity due to boredom finally snapped.
"Go fish? GO FISH? YOU'RE A DAMNED SEA WHALE, GO FISH YOURSELF, YOU MOTHER-"
And now we cut to Darkrai, who was off teasing Victini about his height by dangling an ice-cream bar just out of his reach. The poor guy was only a little over a foot tall, so he couldn't quite grab onto it. Eventually, Victini got fed up and threw a Flamethrower in the nightmare Pokémon's face. Darkrai was hovering and waving around like mad, trying to desperately find water. As the flames began to melt the ice cream within the two soft walls of the sandwich; he unintentionally threw the Blue Bell bar into Shaymin, who had just finished her profane rant.
She was NOT a happy camper. More like the kind of camper who goes out expecting sunny days to have a fun time, and ends up getting rain, snow, and hail for 2 weeks straight.
"WHO THREW THAT?" she shouted at a volume level that scared the crap out of everyone; even Giratina, who isn't scared very often due to the little, tiny, itty-bitty fact that he lived in THE POKEMON VERSION OF HELL. Though, the demons of the Distortion World were nothing compared to Shaymin's fury.
The room became so silent that you could hear a pin drop. Everyone slowly backed away from the, and I quote 'Gratitude Pokémon', so they didn't end up hung on her wall. All Legendaries in the Hall of Origin knew one thing: Never get Shaymin mad. Everyone thought the dinosaurs went extinct because of a meteor, but in reality, a dinosaur had accidently clipped off part of her very well-kept 'bush hair', and Shaymin had released her fury on the poor things.
After that, Arceus court-ordered her to see a psychologist, but no one had seen the poor sap since…
"WELL? WHICH ONE OF YOU SONS OF ARCANINE THREW IT?"
No one spoke up, but everyone noticed Darkrai quietly tip-toeing away, trying not to make a sound and get out of the Hall of Origin alive.
As Shaymin noticed Darkrai trying to sneak away, her left eye began to twitch uncontrollably and an evil sadistic grin was on her face. You know; the kind someone gets when they've been completely corrupted by evil and are ready to murder you? Yeah, that grin.
Did I mention her back hedges burst into flames?
Everyone took this chance to either run for dear life, scream bloody murder, or wet themselves embarrassingly. Some did all three.
Darkrai was panicked. He had just dug his own grave. Shaymin had changed into Sky Forme, and was charging up one of her devastating Seed Flares. Shaymin charged towards Darkrai at the speed of a certain blue hedgehog…
Darkrai knew the end was nigh. He took a piece of paper and quickly began to scribble on it.
"This is my last will and testament. As I die today, my beneficiaries are: Giratina, Entei, and Rayquaza. Giratina shall receive my old torture devices, PS3, and flat-screen TV. Entei receives Newmoon Island for him and whomever he wishes to share it with."
He briefly glanced up and saw Shaymin was only a few seconds away. He immediately went back to his paper.
"Rayquaza will acquire my air horn to stop the fighting of Groudon and Kyogre as needed. Azelf, I never got a chance to tell you but I lo-"
"What's going on here?" came a loud, commanding voice.
Shaymin stopped straight in her tracks, mere inches away from Darkrai.
As this short distance Darkrai could directly into Shaymin's eyes and soul. It was a very terrifying place to be and Darkrai decided to come back to the real world after that horrific ordeal.
"Darkrai?" Arceus asked.
"Yes?" he whimpered, trying to recover from the horror that was Shaymin's soul.
"Is everything going OK?" the goddess asked, concerned for her creation.
"Other than the fact that Shaymin was ready to spread my blood and guts across the Hall of Origin, then hang my head up on her wall as a trophy, things are great." Darkrai explained sarcastically.
"Glad to see you're good." she smiled.
Arceus didn't quite have the concept of sarcasm down yet…
"So, what's everyone up to?" she inquired.
"I'll tell you what's going on." Dialga muttered monotonously as she sat down, staring at the wall. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The universe is at peace, there aren't any Pokémon wars, no natural disasters to fix, no nothing. There's nothing to do except to stare at the wall for the next millennium."
"What about the Wii? I got you guys one for that holiday… what did the humans call it again?"
"Christmas. And Wii's broken all thanks to Groudon's temper. He loses one Brawl match to me, and he goes and tosses it out the window." Dialga growled.
"Hey, don't blame me!" he tried to defend himself. "Blame it on Dialga! Girls aren't supposed to good at video games! They're not supposed to be good at anything! I mean really, girls can't do shit!"
Many of the girls heard this (Articuno, Mew, Suicune, Celebi, Ho-Oh, Cresselia, the lake trio, Dialga, the psychotic Shaymin, Reshiram, and ESPECIALLY Kyogre) and proceeded to beat the Continent Pokémon to an unrecognizable pulp. Arceus didn't attack him, but cheered the girls on from a distance.
"Filthy Pokemon beat him low! We the legendaries take control! Beat his bones, black and blue! Beat it mercilessly into you!" she chanted. (Bonus points if you get the reference.)
Lugia pulled a microphone out from under his wing and promptly began to rap... and very well. "To save your face! How low can you go? Groudon, you talk a lot of shit and yet you don't..."
Everyone, for just 5 seconds, stopped and turned towards Lugia. He looked around at everyone and shrugged his shoulders.
"You... can rap?" gawked Dialga.
"Yes, quite well, actually. I do have my own song, you know."
"But... that was... never mind." Dialga muttered. She then asked the female legendaries. "Girls, you ready to continue the beatdown on Groudon?"
"No! Please! Stop! Jesus, I'll do anything!"
"Hmm..." Dialga began to ponder. "...Nah."
And so it continued!
Palkia was somewhat disturbed to see his mother chanting violently to have the girls all team up and beat up his friend Groudon. They hit everywhere: arms, legs, head, body… lower body… the places a guy NEVER wanted to be hit... Then again, Palkia knew his mother didn't take sexism very well.
What was weirder to him was that Lugia was a kick-ass rapper...
Latias (the only female legendary NOT beating up Groudon) looked on in fear while Rayquaza took out his digital camera and began to record the event.
"Shouldn't we do something?" Latias asked Rayquaza.
"Nah. I'm going to put this up on my Facebook profile." he smirked.
10 minutes later, Arceus had her fun and decided Groudon had enough torment.
The females were still fuming, but let Arceus called them back and they stopped with the beatdown.
Groudon groaned as he tried to sit up, but many broken bones and fractures prevented that.
"Ahh! Oh! Owwwwwwwww… my aching everything…"
"You take it back?" posed Suicune.
"Yes…" Groudon whimpered.
"Boy, they certainly took a beating on you, huh?"
Groudon looked up. Hovering over him was Latias, who was too kind and caring to beat up Groudon over his sexist comment.
Latias maneuvered around Groudon carefully, examining him and making note of all the injuries on him. She was good with medical knowledge and healing. One in particular came to her mind…
"I hate to break the news, but you… have irreparable damage to your... reproductive organs."
He glanced at her confused. "What do you mean by that?"
Rayquaza decided to just break to him. "It means you can't have sex anymore, you dolt!"
"You could've been nicer... but yeah, that's what it means."
Groudon looked like he was ready to cry, something he didn't do… ever.
"No… sex? But… but… *sniff*…"
Palkia walked up to Groudon and put his arm over his shoulder. "I'm sorry, dude. Don't worry too much. Sex isn't the most important thing in - wait, I take that back."
Groudon let loose the waterworks. He was devastated. No longer could he just pull a one-night stand. No longer could he experience love. No longer…
Latias began to giggle. Groudon stopped his Krookodile tears for a moment and looked up at Latias.
"What… what's so funny?"
She smiled before simply stating… "Gotcha."
Everyone stared at Latias. No one expected her to do that. She never joked around with medical injuries and reports, so no one could see that coming. Not even Rayquaza, Latias' boyfriend, who floated to the side of Groudon, open-jawed.
"So… he'll be OK?" Giratina slowly uttered.
"Yeah. Just one Recover ought to fix him up."
She waved her hand in Groudon's direction and a green circle surrounded him. A white light shone on the circle and in a couple of seconds, Groudon was as good as new.
"But why…" he whispered.
Arceus smirked. "Think of this as a learning lesson, Groudon. With this knowledge, you may beco-"
"We still have a problem." Darkrai interrupted her. "We're still as bored as hell."
"Well then, what do you want ME to do about it?"
"CURE IT!" everyone aside from Arceus in the Hall of Origin shouted.
"Fine… hmm… well… I got it!" she snapped her fingers… oh wait; she doesn't have fingers, never mind. "How about a vacation?"
Everyone perked their ears up at this.
"Vacation?" smiled Celebi.
"But to where?" wondered Entei.
Suggestions came from everyone in the Hall of Origin.
"France!" shouted Dialga.
"Japan!" yelled Victini.
"England!" hollered Cresselia.
"Mexico!" offered Rayquaza.
"Alaska!" dreamed Articuno.
"HOLD IT!" Arceus shouted over the crowd.
They all stopped and looked at her.
"Those are all great places, but to tour around the world, only some of you guys can go."
"But… then…" pondered Lugia. "How do we decide who gets to go and who stays?"
"You tell me, Mr. Rapper."
This is where you come in. On my profile I have a poll with the Legendary Pokemon on it (before you ask, I left out Keldeo, Meloetta, and Genesect out intentionally) and you can vote as to which Pokemon go with Arceus. Top 9 votes go with her on a trip around the world. The poll will end on September 1st, so go ahead and vote before it's too late!
EDIT: Voting is now OVER!
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