Yeah, so a few people wanted me to do another chapter for my 'Evil In A New Way' story, but I kinda like it the way it is. But I did have an idea for the follow up, so I decided to just make it another one-shot. I don't own anything in the story... other than Darla, but she doesn't stick around long and you'll never see her again.
Warning: Slash... although not very heavy.
Evil In a New Way- A Follow up
The lights were dimmed, the candles were lit, the mood was set and the food hadn't even been that bad. Everything was going perfectly. Or, as good as a middle-aged mad scientist with a slouch and irritatingly high voice could hope for, anyway.
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz sat across from a pretty young blond he'd met over the internet, at that time only as 'BlondCutie727', but since then had discovered her actual name to be Darla, and she was surprisingly normal and pleasant.
They had spent the day talking about food, annoying neighbors and each other's past and present lives. Darla had grown up in Danville, and had always wanted to travel, so Heinz's childhood stories in Druelselstein really seemed to intrigue her.
Doofenshmirtz was just thrilled to find someone who wasn't stabbing him with anything, while actually listening to what he was saying. 'This could be it!' he thought excitedly to himself. She could be the one. The one to end that deep, unyielding loneliness he'd felt since childhood.
The mad scientist stole a glance past his date as she talked about... something having to do with flowers, or something... at the Kiss-inator he had pointed directly at her, but under a large white sheet a few yards away. Surprisingly, the woman hadn't questioned the giant sheet-covered object in the room. His grin widened, and he turned his attention back to Darla.
"Ohhh, yes, that is fascinating! I'd never even thought about using flowers in THAT manner before." he replied, hoping that had made sense, considering he hadn't really been listening to that last part. Darla smiled and giggled, which he took as a good sign. But as an awkward silence began to settle in, Doof cleared his throat and stood up from his chair.
"Soo, um... I was just thiiinking... that maaybe we could... ah, you know..." asking for a kiss used to be easier for Heinz. But after being rejected so many times, he had grown a little gun-shy, so to speak. Darla merely smiled back politely, waiting for the doctor to finish his sentence. After staring at her awkwardly for awhile, he sighed and deflated.
"You know what, why don't I just..." he quickly made his way over to the large sheet-covered mystery, Darla's gaze following his every move. She gasped as Heinz whipped the sheet off and stood there triumphantly. "There, ta-daa! What do you think, pretty nice, hah?"
Darla stared dumbfounded at the big lump of machinery for awhile. "What... what IS that thing?" she finally squeaked. It looked like a giant ray gun and it was pointed directly at her. Suddenly she wasn't so sure she liked where this 'date' was going. Ohh, she should have listened to mom when she'd warned her about the dangers of internet dating. Now she was going to end up dead before her thirty-first birthday.
Doof just beamed wider. "Oh, this? It's my latest 'inator'! That's, kind of what I do now. Build 'inators' and get revenge on... you know, it doesn't matter, it's more of a hobby, really." and with that, he made his was to the back of the machine. Darla was terrified. Every part of her was telling her to run, run, and never look back! But she was a deer caught in the headlights of a giant deadly ray gun and fear kept her glued to the spot.
There was beeping, and the scary looking machine began to come alive. Heinz raced back to his seat and sat down, so he'd be in place by the time the machine was done warming up. He gazed lovingly at... the back of Darla's head. She was still staring in terror at the machine that was about to blast her. Heinz grabbed her hand and held it, which caused his date to scream and jump, looking back at him with horror-filled eyes. Suddenly reality dawned on the doctor and he realized how this must look to poor Darla. His expression turned to one of hurt.
"No, no! I know what this must look like, but... it isn't daaangerous, or deadly no! Completely harmless, I assure you."
Darla was about to reply when the machine went off, engulfing her in a brilliant light. Suddenly the look of fear in her eyes softened into a look of passion and love. She leaned over the table, and Heinz followed suit. In mere seconds, lips collided and they joined together in a deep kiss.
Half way through this romantic display, Doofenshmirtz's eyes shot open and he pulled back, falling back into his chair. "What... what was THAT? That was terrible! Come on, even Perry kisses better than THAT!"
Darla looked absolutely heart broken. "Perry?"
Doof's mouth dropped open as he realized what he had just said. He shook his head. "Uh, no, no it's not what you think!"
"I can't believe it! You were leading me on this whole time! Maybe you should give this 'Perry' girl a call, because we're THROUGH!" and with that, Darla got up, grabbed her coat and began making her way hastily towards the door. Doof stood up and began to panic. He tried going after her but tripped over his own chair and fell on his face instead.
"No, wait, you've got it all wrong! Perry isn't a girl, Perry is a platypus! That's all, Perry the Platypus see, it is all just a big misunderstan-" he trailed off after seeing the look of disgust of the woman's face.
"A platypus...? UHG! You are such a FREAK! I can't believe I KISSED you!" and she was gone.
"No, wait, I- oh forget it." Doofenshmirtz got to his feet and began cleaning off the table.
Not long after his date stormed out, the mad scientist had another guest. He heard a light 'thud' from behind him and turned around to see Agent P. standing in the doorway. "Oh, hello Perry the Platypus." he said half-heartedly. "I'm not doing anything eeevil today, just... you know, daaating again and..." he put the dishes down and slumped back into his chair. "Didn't go so well."
The agent scanned the room and his gaze fell upon the inator in the room. He pointed at it accusingly. Doof looked at it and shrugged. "Oh, that? You know that one, it's my kiss-inator, yeah, I... here..." he got to his feet and once again made his way over to his machine, this time shoving it hard until it tipped over and crashed to the floor, shaking the whole building, the old parts that had made up the inator giving way easily and falling apart. "There. Evil plan thwarted, curse you, Perry the Platypus."
The agent watched as his nemesis trudged back to his seat and slumped back into it once again, sighing in a rather depressing manner. Perry scanned the room one more time, not seeing anything else that could be considered a threat, and turned to leave. Mission completed?
"Wait, Perry the Platypus, don't leave just yet. Please? Stay awhile? I could use someone to talk to..."
The platypus stopped but didn't turn around for awhile. He knew it was a bad idea to stay. It wasn't in his job description and it would most likely just lead to him being trapped in some way or another when he SHOULD be getting back home. … But still. The doctor did look and sound pretty pathetic. Perry sighed and turned around, mentally cursing his sympathetic heart.
Perry hopped up in the chair across from Doof, which Darla had previously been sitting. He stared awkwardly at his nemesis, as the man absentmindedly played with a fork. The platypus cleared his throat, and Doof looked at him sadly.
"Perry the Platypus? You remember when we had that incident with the Kiss-inator, riiight?"
The agent's eyes grew wide before turning into a half-lidded glare. No. He was not going to talk about that. Anything but that. He slid out of his chair and turned to leave again. "No, please! Perry the Platypus, hear me out!"
Perry didn't turn around, but he didn't start towards the door, either. He heard the scientist sigh loudly behind him. "Perry the Platypus... was it... the kiss, I mean... really that bad? I mean, did you like it even a little tiny bit? Even a little?"
Now the agent did make haste toward the door, and this time Doof didn't try and stop him. It had been all the answer he had needed.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz stared sadly at the empty doorway that his nemesis had just exited. The deep unyielding loneliness returned and settled heavy in his heart. Now would have been an appropriate time for tears, but the doctor was just past tears at this point. He made his way to his balcony that overlooked the entire city. It was where he did his best thinking, and boy did he need to do a lot of that now.
While the scientist was doing some serious thinking, a certain agent was doing his best not to think, as he boarded his hovercar and prepared to head back home. He was unable to miss seeing his nemesis on the balcony as he zoomed by, however. It had been impossible to miss the deep sorrow that reflected in the poor man's eyes. If it was true that eyes are windows to the soul, it was obvious at that moment that Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz had one hurting soul.
Agent P.'s mind told him to keep going, but his heart overpowered these orders, and before he knew it, the hover car was headed back towards the Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. building.
The agent's hover car pulled up to the side of the balcony, but far enough away to avoid any last-minute traps the doctor may have had up his sleeves. Doofenshmirtz eyed the platypus agent suspiciously.
As soon as Perry was sure his nemesis saw him, he didn't allow himself to think about what he was about to do. He quickly kissed the palm of his small hand, and then held it flat, blowing it towards the man on the balcony, before tipping his hat and taking off.
Heinz stood up there for the next two hours, with his mouth hung open. He was brought to when a fly decided to investigate the gaping entrance. Doof spat out the fly and coughed a few time before grinning widely. "Oh yeah! I still got it, baby!" and he proceeded to do a short, awkward victory dance. He stopped abruptly. "Ah haaaah yeah. Preeetty pathetic, Heinz. I mean, he's a platypus. Bah. Oh well. It's something."
Meanwhile, a tiny hover car was zipping over town, perhaps a little too fast. The agent inside was still flushed as he tried to make sense of what he'd just done, and trying to forget it at the same time. One thing was for certain, whether Perry was willing to admit it to himself or not; the word 'nemesis' had taken on a whole new meaning.