Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter. That magical world of wonder and excitement all belongs to the amazing and wonderful J.K Rowling. She is a gift and goddess to the literary world. Also I do not own Twilight.

Warnings: AU. Bad Language, I will run from canon and probably occasionally look back to make sure it's not behind me waiting to bite my ass. Kiddy vamp!Harry, Awesome Volturi. Not so awesome Edward and Bella, but not outright bashing. HP world will play little in this, might pop up like a jack in the box and scare you though.

And That's All She Pronged

Demetri smirked at Bella's words and the following outburst. It really was entertaining pushing the girl to her limit. Sometimes he wondered if he went too far, but then he brushed that worry off and reminded himself that he could never go too far. Alienating her relationship with her father, her school, and with the wolves were merely steps towards preparing her for vampire life. You can't have such connections when you change, simply because you won't remember them and you would probably eat them if they approached you. Which would lead to some questions, some theories, and then the Volturi would need to swiftly deal with the curious gossip mongers that would start sniffing around wondering why a whole group of people died of 'animal' attacks, hunters, and those PETA people.

And he could tell you that animal activist's blood was hard to get out of Victorian silk.

"What's going on?" Billy roared as he wheeled out onto the front porch. His face was set in a hard look, and his eyes darted from the pack to Jacob and back again. Demetri admired the man for his ability to travel so fast in that metal contraption.

Demetri stepped forward and took charge of the explanation, ensuring that everything would flow as he would like. "Harry was merely wondering about the serious lack of shirts around here, and Jacob said a very nasty comment back… something about pale-skinned little people."

Jacob looked ready to defend himself or maybe that was his 'I'm-going-to-maul-you' face, but Demetri cut him off as he spotted Charlie walking out. "You noticed it too, right Charlie? How many of these boys walk around half-naked, even when there are impressionable teenaged girls around." Demetri shot a pointed look towards Bella, and watched as Charlie's mustache turned down.

Bella gasped and pointed an accusing finger at him, but before she could say anything more, Harry stepped out from behind him, carrying his shirt in his hand. "Look Demi! I fit in!" He proudly proclaimed as he pointed to his bare chest.

Demetri mentally howled at the scene. Harry was grinning, Charlie looked upset, the pack was torn between anger and being dumbfounded, and Bella's eyes were bugging at as she stared at Harry's sparkling chest. Fuck, he loved his little hover bug.

"Harry!" Demetri acted flustered as he scrambled to get Harry's shirt back on. "Don't do that! You don't know what type of people live in this country. Remember that talk about bad men that do bad things to little boys?" Demetri shot a glare towards the wolves, pretending to scold them for encouraging such behaviour in a young child.

Harry sniffled as his arms got caught in between his shirt. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to have fun with Bella's friends."

"Right…well…" Billy struggled to talk. "Jacob apologize to the kid for your comment!"

"But I didn't do anything!" Jacob protested. "They didn't say anything about shirts!"

Demetri scoffed. "First you insult a child and now you deny your actions? How low can one single being be? Next what are you going to do? Trick girls into kissing you? Run away to Canada? Maybe you should put all that effort into something useful like a clothing drive, because nobody wants to see you running around naked all the time!"

"Watch yourself! That was all uncalled for," Billy thundered as he stood up for his boy.

Demetri looked chastised, and he slightly was. It was rude to insult a person's child like that in front of them, "I apologise sir, but it's just… I get to upset when someone thinks they can be mean to Harry. He's only nine, he can't defend himself."

"Be that as it may-" Billy started.

Charlie cut in before he finished, "Billy, why not just have the boys apologise. I won't interfere with matters on your reserve, but I would like to encourage a serious discussion about appropriate conduct around children. A few angry words are nothing compared to the influence that's being spread around."

Billy grumbled for a bit but he relented. "Apologise all y'all!"

The group was silent until Billy slapped the side of his wheelchair and sent them all a stern look. Together they all mumbled insincere apologies but it was enough to satisfy the two men.

"To bad parenting wasn't as easy as fishing, eh Billy?" Charlie asked with a slight shake of his head.

Billy sighed as he turned his chair around and wheeled back inside. "Don't I know it!" Charlie followed his friend, leaving the pack, Bella, and the Volturi alone again.

"Well this had been fun!" Demetri chirped. "Okay Harry, our job is done, time to go home."

"Wait, what?" Bella asked. "Your job is done? Just like that?"

Demetri gave the girl a kind smile. "Yes it is. Harry and I were sent here to discover who leaked the vampire secret to you. If it were the Cullens then we were prepared to punish the family for breaking the laws that govern us, but since it was a werewolf we have no jurisdiction. His punishment, if there is cause for one, will be handled by his tribe. We now wash our hands of this matter, and Harry and I can return to Italy and our peaceful lives," Demetri explained.

"So to be clear… if I had told you it was Jacob from the start, the last few months never would have happened?"

Demetri watched as the human girl swayed back and forth, looking ready to faint at the mere prospect that her life would have been infinitely more better had she confessed earlier. "I believe so. I can't say that nothing bad or embarrassing would have happened to you, but anything we had a direct connection with could have been avoided."

Bella spluttered for something to say, but nothing was coming out. Demetri decided to save the poor girl the pain of thinking and ended the entire affair. "It's been fun, but we're off now." He didn't bother saying goodbye, there was no need to have proper manners towards other creatures anymore. Instead he scooped up Harry and ran off and away from the wolves and the human girl.

He felt freer now that he accomplished the original mission.


Bella gaped. They were gone. Demetri and harry were finally gone! No more Volturi messing with her life, no more restrictions! She could reunite with Edward and not worry about her father showing up because Demetri and harry tipped him off. She could proudly walk the halls at school holding her boyfriend hand and not get pitying looks from her peers because they believed her to be too emotionally weak that she couldn't leave her supposedly abusive boyfriend. They never said Edward hit her, they more implied he was mentally and spatially abusive. But now those looks and rumours would be gone.

She didn't know what she should do first.

Should she call Edward and tell him the good news? But then again it would be better to deliver such news in person so that she may see the overjoyed expression on his gorgeous and god-like face. The only thing standing in her way at the moment was her need for a lift. She could walk to the edge of the reserve, and hope that Edward would meet her there, one of Alice's visions telling him she needed to speak to him, but that would take at least 20 minutes of walking. She didn't mind walking, but it was urgent she tell Edward to news immediately. Every second away from her precious Edward was like torture.

Looking at the werewolves that were fighting around her, Bella was tempted to call Edward and tell him to meet her here on the reserve. He could be here in the blink of an eye, but she didn't have a phone. Taking initiative, Bella started stepping to the side slowly, quietly inching herself closer to Paul. She could see a phone sticking out of his pocket, and while she knew it was bad to steal, in her present predicament she felt justified in taking it.

Reaching out carefully, Bella plucked the device from the large werewolf's pocket and scuttled back away from the group. They all seemed to be really verbally tearing Jacob apart, but Bella didn't worry. Jacob was a strong kid, he could take it. She was sure that once the lectures were over, all she would need to do is explain herself to him and he would understand why she told on him like that. He was her friend, so he had to understand her love for Edward and how she needed those pesky Volturi members out of her life so that she could return to the perfect life she previously shared with her one true un-dead sparkling love. Jacob was a good guy like that, he was her best-friend and she didn't know if she could every truly express how much that meant to her. Jacob Black really was the most important friend to her, and she would definitely tell him that one day –just not today because today was all about Edward.

Dialing the number she knew by heart, Bella waited anxiously for the other line to connect. One ring, Bella felt her heart pick up pace. Two rings, her breathing quickened as she envisioned how she would deliver the news. Three rings and click-

"Bella?" Edward answered.

"Edward! I need to tell you something simply amazing. Can you come to La Push and meet me at Jacob's house? You don't need to worry about the pack, they're fighting right now and won't notice you if you sprint in and grab me."

"What about Charlie?" asked Edward, his tone sounding unsure.

"Don't worry about that, get here quickly!" Bella encouraged him.

The line went dead, and Bella closed the phone. Looking around and seeing the pack still surrounding Jacob, Bella put the phone on the ground and kicked it under Charlie's car. It would look like Paul dropped it earlier, and he wouldn't know she stole it.

The rustling of leaves was the only warning she got before she was being scooped up in Edwards arms and whisked away from the reserve to a more secluded and intimate place. She felt the wind rushing past her face and with each none too gentle caress her worries and stress over the Volturi were left behind.

"What is it you needed to tell me?" Edward asked once he set her down in their clearing.

Bella wrapped her arms around his perfectly chiselled chest and spoke, "Demetri and Harry have finally left."

"What? Like actually left? For good?" Edward looked completely stunned.

"Yes. I told them Jacob was the one to tell me about Vampires, so they said their job was done and left for home. Can you believe it Edward, we're free. We can be together again."

Edward smiled down at her, and Bella thought it was the most amazing thing she had ever seen in her 17 years of life. Nothing could compare to a smiling Edward. No god or great deity could compete against him, because surely they knew they would lose to the perfectness that is Edward Cullen.

"We need to tell my family!" Edward declared.

Bella nodded eagerly. After being thrown around Edward's body and settling on his back like a spider monkey, they were off to impart their news on the rest of the Cullens.

If only they knew what awaited them.

A.N: I have a confession. I get a small amount of joy writing from Bella's POV. I chuckle the entire time and think "Oh that's a knee slapper right there!"

Oh and Happy Holiday and have a Good New Year, all that jazz.

Bad Joke Of The Day

Q: What is the best way to talk to Count Dracula?

A: Long distance.