Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter. That magical world of wonder and excitement all belongs to the amazing and wonderful J.K Rowling. She is a gift and goddess to the literary world. Also I do not own Twilight.

Warnings: AU. Bad Language, I will run from canon and probably occasionally look back to make sure it's not behind me waiting to bite my ass. Kiddy vamp!Harry, Awesome Volturi. Not so awesome Edward and Bella

Bon Voy-prong

It was a long family meeting. Not the longest, but still lengthy. They had sent the entire night, the morning, and well into the afternoon discussing everything. Finally, when Carlisle announced the final verdict, every Cullen was ready to just get out of their house.

Alice had been anxious during the night. She told them that a vision was just on the edge of her mind, but it kept escaping. She couldn't tell if it meant anything good would happen. Edward, very bluntly pointed that it probably related to the Volturi and their brat of a vampire, which meant nothing good was to come. Rosalie had laughed and calmly replied that while nothing good happened to Edward, her and Emmett had been having a grand ole time with the little vampire. A fight ensued, and it only ended when Carlisle punched the dining table, splintering the poor furniture piece down the middle.

They took a break after that to clear the ruined table, and Edward took the time to call Bella and told her that they were still talking. His girlfriend had been a little short with him. She had been driving around Forks aimlessly in his car, bored out of her mind and tired. Scared that she would get into an accident since her fatigued state wouldn't help her response time any, Edward suggested she use the extra cash he kept store in his car to go and rent a motel room. Bella sighed and whined but complied in the end.

After that they reconvened. Only to be surprised…

"Personally I think you should just kill her," a voice spoke from the shadows.

As one, the Cullen clan turned and snarled at the corner. Felix smirked as he walked out and gave a little wave. "Ello, lovelies!"

"What are you doing here, Felix?" Carlisle snarled at the vampire.

"Oh you know, just dropping in to see how you're doing. It's an exquisite night out tonight. I heard that the charming ladies down at the Woman's Association were in a right tizzy tonight. I even heard a special event is happening tomorrow."

Carlisle sighed and massaged his forehead. "Felix, we are in a family meeting. Please leave."

"Go," Edward growled at the guard. "Your opinion is not wanted or needed here."

Felix gave him a smirk and walked further into the room. "I was just offering some friendly advice. It would be better to just kill her and be done with it. Is she really worth it? If you change her you would be splitting up over this human girl. But if you kill her…"

Edward growled again and was getting ready to lunge at the interloper.

"Edward, stand down!" Carlisle snapped. "Felix-"

Felix held up his hands to ward off the vampire's next statement. "I'll be frank with you all. I'm giving you this one piece of advice in good faith. Harry likes two of you, so it's the least I can do. Kill the girl and you will be better off for it."

"You lie! You just want us to kill Bella so that we don't grow bigger than the Volturi and take down your twisted empire!" Edward yelled.

Felix sneered at him. "Listen you ignorant child, we don't fear you. We tolerate your existence and allow you all to live simply because we need to focus our energy on more important things. You think you're so important? You think we live each and every down twiddling our thumbs and wondering if you will attack us? We don't.

"You think Aro sent us here because that bitch's turning is actually important? It's not. We just finished stamping out a rebellion in China, exhausting our forces, and straining our resources. It took two years for us to capture and kill every last rebel. Demetri and Harry were the team leaders, they spent months out of contact, unable to feed because if they took one human life it could aggravate the situation worse and expose our existence to the world. As the earth ages the human's technology expands. One wrong step and vampires could be revealed. The humans would shudder in fear and find ways to wipe us out. That is what we do. We keep you and every other vampire on this earth safe from the humans, are efforts ensure that you can continue feeding off animals, interacting with humans, and move when you want to.

"We are here simply because Demetri and Harry needed a vacation to unwind and relax so that the next time a vampire thinks they can overthrow us, or create a newborn army; we will be in perfect condition to fight them. Could you do what we do? No, and we know it, which is why we don't fear you. You are all nothing but cowards, running away from your true nature and feeding on animals. You had problems with one vampire, Victoria. There are seven of you and you couldn't handle her. You couldn't stop her stalking your precious human, you couldn't stop her from creating a newborn army- you couldn't do it. You needed us to solve your problem. If you couldn't handle one whiney bitch, how could you ever handle taking over Volterra? If you killed us that is what you would have to do because if you didn't, than by killing us you would have killed every other vampire out there because there would be no one to govern them. You think we're monsters, but you know nothing. So don't sit there calling me a liar, thinking I actually care whether you turn your pathetic human pet."

The Cullen's sat there stunned, utterly shocked from the guards words.

"But if you really didn't care, then why does Aro want Alice and Edward so badly?" Esme asked, being the first to find the strength.

"Simple. Having someone who can see the future would aid us in discovering rebellions before they start. It would cut our workload down significantly. Having a mind reader with us during missions would make it easy to pluck the whereabouts of rogue vampires out of the captives head, instead of bringing them back to Aro for him to read them. They would make our work easier, but they aren't necessary. We have managed this long without such gifts and will manage in the future," Felix explained.

"If you don't care about us, then why do you hate us?" Edward asked. His bravery was remarkably resilient.

"Because your loose lips cause problems. All of you go around telling other vampires that the Volturi are evil, that we know nothing but blood-lust and how to exert our false sense of superiority. Did you think that those you told would just keep such words to themselves? No. They go around and spread it, igniting fury in other vampires that crave violence. It takes but one vampire to hear your self-righteous speech and decide that they don't want to live under such oppression. So they plot, and the scheme and they gather other weak-minded fools to them and start a rebellion. They believe they will be the revolution, ridding the word of the malicious Volturi, and instead instilling fair government. Or there are the ones that hear your words, saying things like we fear you or your size. Then get power hungry and they band together, thinking that if they gather a dozen vampires they can take us in and then the world of vampires will bend under their thumb. We hate you because you speak without thinking and we have to stamp out the fires you create."

The room was silent.

"Not so talkative now are we?" Felix jeered. "Well, glad we had this talk, but I have places to be." The Volturi member reached down and picked up a duffle bag at his feet. Without a goodbye, he was gone, leaving the Cullen's in a mass of turmoil.

The silence was only broken when after a minute, Emmett came out of his stupor and frowned. "Wait, was that my bag he had?"

That set the family off, and suddenly they had more things to discuss besides Bella. They needed to think about who they talked to about the Volturi, whether they needed to reconsider their opinion of the organization. Carlisle had sat down and took a long time to think over his time with them and had to look past his distaste of human blood, before seeing a light. Mournfully, he had told his family about the times that the Volturi had indeed done good, and then suddenly all his memories were being looked at objectively.

Edward got frustrated with his family for concentrating on Carlisle's memories and snapped. He told them they could look back and reflect anytime but currently Bella was holed in in some rat infested motel and they needed to all agree that they would turn her so she could rightfully join the family.

Rosalie protested, Emmett agreed with her, and Jasper had shaken his head and told everyone that he wasn't sure that was the best course of action. Alice had bounced in excitement and supported Edward, while Esme had frowned and looked sadly at all her children.

Some more arguing followed, and at one point Jasper had retrieved a marker and used the blank dining room wall as a white board to write down all the pro's and con's of having Bella in the family. Insultingly, the pro column had less points than the Con column, and Edward firmly blamed that on Rosalie. The blonde had gotten into a groove and listed fault after fault, until Emmett had finally shut his wife up with a poorly timed joke. Edward was less than impressed.

Now finally, after all that time and a near 24 hours since he sent Bella away, Edward was free to see his wonderful and beautiful mate. Carlisle decided that family vacation was in order, and Bella would join them to see if she could persuade the family into accepting her completely so they could change her smoothly. If she couldn't… they would decide that later.

Taking out his phone, Edward dialed a well memorized number.

"Bella," he whispered as soon as the call connected.

"Edward! Are you finally done? Can I return to your house?" Bella asked.

"Yes, but before that I feel like I should treat you. You have been left alone for so long because we couldn't stop talking, I want to see you and have you all to myself for a while before I bring you back here."

Bella giggled over the line and the sweet melodious sound brought a smile to his face.

"I'll be there soon," he promised. Hanging up, Edward made sure to change his shirt and put on some cologne that Bella liked. Leaping out his window, He left to retrieve his one true love.

But it wasn't to be.

As Edward dashed through the town, a few stray thoughts caught his opinion. They were about Bella, and they were mixed with sympathy, and scandal.

Hiding, Edward leaned against a building and listened as a group of women walked by.

"It's completely true. I went by the motel this morning and sure enough there was his car. Right next to it was that native boy's little fixer upper."

"An affair! I can hardly believe it. I wonder how the Cullen family will react. They really seemed to like the Swan girl but after this…"

"Condoms she said! He was standing there in the drug store and he told her he was buying condoms for Bella's boyfriend. Sending a child to do that is downright disrespectful!"

"Teenagers these days don't know how to keep it in their pants. If they can't get it from one bed they are ready to jump to the next."

Edward was shocked. How could this be… Bella was cheating on him with Jacob? No, that couldn't be right. There had to be a logical explanation for why Bella and Jacob were staying at the same motel, at the same time. There had to be a reason why these women thought Bella's boyfriend –which was him, thank you very much- was buying condoms. There had to be a logical explanation and the only one Edward could come up with was that Harry and Demetri were behind the whole thing. That had to be it.

Determined to find answers, and momentarily forgetting about Bella and all the drama from the day before, Edward switched direction and went straight to the Swan residence.

He was lucky that his targets were out on the front lawn, loading boxes into the back of Demetri's car.

"What did you do?" Edward demanded.

The pair looked bemused, but Edward didn't buy their act for a moment.

"How dare you go around and spread lies that Bella is cheating on me with Jacob!" He snarled. He advanced towards them, his steps heavy with aggression.

"Bella's cheating on you? That's a surprise," Demetri responded.

Edward focused and dove into the vampire's thoughts and stumbled back in shock when he learned that Demetri was honestly surprised by his declaration.

"You…you…" He struggled. "You mean you didn't spread the rumour that Bella was cheating on me?"

Demetri laughed and with a smug grin answered. "No. I did not spread a rumour saying that Bella was cheating on you."

"But… but… the people in town…" This wasn't right. They had to have spread the rumours. It was the only thing that made sense. Bella would never cheat on him. Those women were misled. They really didn't see Jacob and Bella together at the motel, they couldn't have. They really didn't hear about Bella's boyfriend buying condoms because if that were true, then someone else was calling themself Bella's boyfriend and that wasn't possible. Bella loved him. Bella was completely, 100% dedicated to him and him only.

Edward stomped his foot like a petulant child –of course he didn't see it like that- and refused to believe such an outrageous lie. "You had to have done this!" he whined. "It doesn't make sense otherwise."

Harry, little non-floating Harry, walked forward slowly and used both his small hands to hold one of Edward's. "We really didn't do this, but if you want to know, then maybe you should go talk to Jacob. You can read his mind and will be able to learn the truth from his thoughts."

Edward stared at the pint-sized guy for a moment before pulling his hand away. The petite vampire was right. He could just snatch the truth from Jacob's mind in a moment and have this whole thing settled. Bella would never cheat on him, and he would learn why Jacob's car was at that motel. There was a logical reason, and he would learn it.

Running away, Edward didn't bother to look back and see the twin looks of glee on the Volturi member's faces.


Harry watched as Edward left, and turned to his partner. "We better hurry up and get this thing set up, he will not be happy when he finds us next."

Demetri nodded and loaded the last box into the car. "True… but I wonder… how did the rumour twist into Bella cheating on Edward?"

Taking a moment both thought on it, but couldn't come up with a reason.

"Well let's go, we shouldn't leave Felix waiting."

Together they got into the car and drive off to their next scheme.

Bad Joke of The Day

How do vampires begin letters?

Tomb it may concern.