Title: Background Check
Author: Astiza
Summary: Facebook profiles for the Lord of the Rings Characters (inspired by redlily188's Merlin fic)
Warnings: parody and crack!fic
Rating: K+ (may go up)

Please read and Review! Reviews are like food ... or lembas. If you have any requests you'd like, tell me please.


Current Residence: Unknown

Occupation: President of the Fiery Eyeballs of Doom Elitist Club

Favorite Quotation: "I see you."

People who Inspire Sauron: Dark Lord Morgoth

Activities: Forging Rings of ultimate and malignant power, Tricking people, Wearing absurdly heavy-looking suits of armor, collecting jewelry, looking for things… like contacts perhaps?

Favourite Books: 100 Ways to Dominate the Minds and Wills of Your Creatures, Famous Pastimes: Hobbit Watching, Controlling Beings: Nazgûl Edition, Betraying Your Friends, Combat Skills, Constructing An Empire of Doom, How to Enslave Every Living Thing that Crosses Your Path, How To Have A Really Booming Voice, Eye Makeup Tips (Especially for Cat-like Red Irises), Religious Leaders Guide: Worshipping the Wrong Person

Interests: burning things, volcanoes, jewelry, killing innocent things, taking over people's minds, building insanely tall structures, employing incompetitent people

About: I hate hobbits. I hate everything. And I'm a pyromaniac.

Interested In: Women

Relationship Status: It's Complicated with Shelob

Family: N/A

Witch King

Current Residence: Unknown, formerly Angmar and Minas Morgul

Occupation: Currently a model for X-Ray/Radiation Medicine Journal

Favorite Quotation: "I will break you."

"Do not come between the Nazgûl and his prey."

People who Inspire the Witch King: Sauron

Activities: Lording over the other 8 wraiths, Screeching, Stabbing frightened hobbits, Going for joy-rides on Fell Beasts, Beating up women, Be rude to Old Men, Searching for the One Ring, leading armies, Pretending to speak like Sauron

Favourite Books: Famous Pastimes: Hobbit Watching, Betraying Your Friends, Power: The Natural Way to Corruption, Combat Skills, Vacuums and Black Holes, Enchanted Morgul Blades, Histories of Middle Earth, How To Make Ear Plugs On the Go, Combat Skills II: Maces, How To Train Your Fell Beast, 500 Ways to Attack A City, Interesting Methods of Slaughter, Black Cloak Catalogue, All About Osteoporosis

Interests: terrifying people, rupturing ear drums, destroying cities, setting things on fire like my sword, fell beasts, Rings of power, Your Doom

About: *SHRIEKS* Hey. I'm kinda old now, but that's alright. I got stabbed by a hobbit and a woman and thus, my life ended in an implosion. FML

Interested In: Women

Relationship Status: Possibly Widowed

Family: N/A

Next up: Gandalf and Saruman

Don't forget to review :D