TEEN WOLF: Songfic
This is the Teen Wolf section of my songfic collection.
Song: The Way I Loved You
Artist: Selena Gomez
Info: Derek and Scott are dating full time now and Stiles is finding it hard to cope.
Told in Stiles' POV.
It's been a week since Derek and Scott kissed in front of me. A week since everything in my world, everything I cherished crumbled before my eyes. A week and I still can't feel my heart.
It happened. There's no going back. No preventing it. It happened. In front of me, like a low cold blow to my heart.
It was the night he scored the winning shot, the night after we put Derek in jail, and I was happy. Things were looking up for us. But Scott wasn't into it. He'd been in a bummed mood all day and didn't join us back in the locker room.
I wanted to celebrate this victory with him. Tell him it was going to be like this for the rest of our lives, cheer him up. Then I got the call. Derek was released. My heart stopped and all I could think about was finding Scott.
I ran, heart in my throat, choking me. I called for him like a mad man, scouring the halls, scoping the locker room. Thoughts raced in my head. How would he react to the news? Would we have to go in hiding? But I didn't have to search far; a few metres away, sharing a private kiss and holding the bane of my existence so close it was hard to tell whether or not they were separate beings, was Scott with Derek.
For the first time in my whole entire life, I didn't know what to do, to feel. It was all over so quickly. Everything I had tried to build was falling apart in front of me and all I could do was watch.
For the past few days I've been coaching myself, spending more effort than I've ever had to, on surviving and now I think I'm just about spent. Inside I'm a worn out, rusted up shell of my former self, trying to function with the absence of a heart. Held together by a fleeting sense of willpower and old bubblegum.
Here now, in the locker room, alone I can now fall apart in peace. For without Scott I have no hope for a better future. My life is meaningless but his is never going to be. He's as smart and wonderful as they come and I know he's going to make Derek very happy.
I've been avoiding him because I can't keep pushing my luck that I'll be able to keep seeing him and hold myself together.
I have to give him up. He was more than I've ever wanted and more than I deserved and now I have to give him up to the person he belongs with the person who deserves him more than me.
I can do this. It will be okay. Having to lie to myself to make it hurt less feels so surreal when deep down I know that things will never be the same; even with someone else, even if I healed enough to sought after someone else, I know deep down that they can never replace Scott and I could never love them like I did him.
He was and still is my first love. God, why does it have to be this way? Why did my life have to be so great one second and then be so shitty in another? It feels like a punishment for every thing wrong I've ever done. The ultimate penance. Didn't he see how much I loved him? Did he even care? Or was I too late, had Derek gotten to him before me? Why did I take so long to confess? If he knew how much I loved him could things turn out better? Wishful thinking. I guess I'll never know. I'm probably always going to be the doting lover who supports his loves when they choose to love another. My life would always be filled with unrequited life. I guess I'll never know until tomorrow. It's all I have left, since everything else seems to have abandoned me. I only have tomorrow and all I can do is wait. But no matter what I'll never love the same way again.