Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer
So, this is a little plot bunny that just wouldn't leave me alone.
Thanks to my amazing beta's opheliabreathes and Rose and my pre-reader MrsK81, for fixing my many errors. I'd be lost without them.
Warning: This fic will contain very dark themes. I will be sure to put up extra warnings for certain chapters.
Fuck! How did my life come to this? How did I end up here, between these cement walls and black bars? I asked myself as I sat on my lumpy mattress, trying to avoid my pillow.
It was now soiled thanks to the prison guard that just chose to piss all over it. He had to throw his weight and power around somehow. He was proving the point that he was in charge and I better not act out of line. Yeah, he was a real asshole. I guess I sort of deserved it for acting out in defiance.
I hated being here. I shouldn't be here, but I am and I needed to accept that. I needed to get control over my anger and attitude and acknowledge that I have a problem.
Well, it might be too late for that. I should've determined that a long time ago.
It was my crazy personality that landed me here anyway. No, I wasn't going to allow myself to go down that path. Thinking about why I'm here will just set me off on another wild tangent again. There's no telling what the prison guard will piss on or worse next time.
I sighed and rolled over again, but didn't get a chance to sulk, before the asshat was back.
"Swan, you have a visitor." Dick guard announced.
Who on earth would come and visit me?
I had no siblings and my mother Renee has never really been in my life. If I were to put it nicely she is a bit of a flake. To put it honestly though, she is a bitch whore of a mother that left me when I was a little girl. I want so badly not to blame her, but I can't help but feel like she is the reason I'm here in the first place. She left me with him.
If she had been there for me growing up, maybe I wouldn't be here now, sleeping in piss and listening to cat calls and whimpering all night from my fellow inmates. I was determined not to cry while here. I wouldn't give Piss Guard the satisfaction.
Oh, believe me; I had plenty to cry about. I could fill a river full of tears with the pent up disappointment and sadness I felt inside, but I just couldn't release them. Not here anyway, maybe when I get out of this hell hole I will. Well, if I ever get out of here. I had only been here for five years, but it felt like fifty. Time moves slowly behind bars.
I reached for my cigs before leaving my cell. I hoped they would let me out for a smoke after this little meeting. I had no clue who would come to see me. I had no one on the outside that loved me. I'd made sure to alienate myself throughout the years. I was hated by many thanks to my stellar personality and I liked it that way.
I continued along my path behind the new guard, head down the whole way, hands clasped together in the cold steel metal cuffs. It was times like this that the harsh cold reality came back and I truly felt like the criminal I was.
Again, I blame her for this. For landing me here, for leaving me and not loving me enough to save me from my hell. Where was she when I was on trial and being sentenced? Not by my side that's for damn sure. You would think after all of this time, I'd be over it. I wouldn't care that she abandoned me, but I do and I always will.
I walked into the visitation room with my head still down. I didn't want Piss Guard to see anything in my eyes that might give my true disgust for him away. The guard sat me down roughly in the bright orange chair that matched my jumpsuit, making sure my chains were locked to the table so I couldn't attack anyone. Yes, because I'd been so violent since I had been here. Well, maybe I had just a little, but I'm an angry person and don't like being told what to do.
Once seated, albeit uncomfortably, I refused to look up to see who my visitor was. I knew it was no one I cared about, because I truly cared for no one aside from Rose and Jasper.
The loud throat clearing eventually made me look up into startling green eyes, that looked as sad and troubled as I'm sure mine did.
"Dammit." I murmured.
"Excuse me? What was that Ms. Swan?"
"Oh uh…Nothing. Who the hell are you anyway?" My bitchy façade firmly in place.
He might be a pretty face, but that didn't mean shit to me. I'd seen plenty of pretty men before and they all had one thing in common. They all left me for some reason or another. I'd be damned if I would let that happen again.
"So, you gonna tell me who you are or are you gonna play a game? I like games sugar." I couldn't help taunting him a little and mockingly fluttering my eyes at him like a damn butterfly.
"Hmm… Let's see. My new lawyer? I'm right aren't I. Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner folks. Well sweetie, might as well save your time. I'm in here for life," I told him the truth. I reclined back in my seat too as I noticed I had gotten uncomfortably close to his face.
I had been convicted and sent to the Mountain View Unit Prison for Women in the great State of Texas. The place they put the hard criminals. Not those little jails for petty crimes like theft and drugs, no this was the place they put murders, rapists, and hardcore drug dealers or crime lords.
It seemed women often took the fall for their men in those cases, which led them right here to my new humble abode. They convicted me to life, but a chance of parole in twenty years if I could prove I had changed. I would never apologize for the crime I committed. Not even for my freedom.
I came to from my thoughts when I heard that annoying throat clearing sound.
"No, Ms. Swan. I'm Mr. Edward Cullen, your new psychiatrist. I've been reviewing your case and I think we can get you a retrial and change your plea to insanity. You got to admit that living in a psychiatric ward would be better than being locked up behind bars."
This guy was pissing me off quickly and I wanted to rage and throw chairs, but I took a deep breath before responding.
"Listen dip shit… I don't need any favors from anyone. I know what I did and I know why I'm here. There isn't anything you or anyone else can do about it. Don't think you're the first quack to walk in here and act like my savior." I paused for a moment taking another deep breath to calm myself before the guard came over here and punished me for my aggressive behavior.
"Look, I've come to terms with my punishment and am trying to make amends for my sins. This is what I get and though I don't feel like I deserve to be here for what I did, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I'm here and it's final. Now if you don't mind why don't you take your shiny shoes and your perfectly sculpted hair and get out of here. I need a smoke."
I snapped my fingers to get the guards attention to let him know I was ready to go back to my cell. I was done here.
I didn't know who this guy was coming in here and making promises that he would never be able to keep, but I don't need any handouts from anyone. I never have and I never will. I've managed to do alright now for twenty three years.
Mr. Shiny Shoes held up his hand to stop the guard from coming over.
"Ms. Swan, I'd really appreciate it if you'd listen to me for a minute. I really think I could help you." He leaned forward, looking into my eyes and trying to force me to believe him.
"They were wrong. There were errors all over that trial. I've read the manuscripts and the court ordered therapist's notes, you shouldn't be here Ms. Swan. Now, I can't do this on my own. I can't go in there and demand a retrial without your approval. Don't you want to know what's really wrong with you?
He stared straight into my eyes as if he could see the years of abuse plain as day, as if he knew what I did and how I ended up here. He was trying too hard to convince me that he could really help me.
"I know what he did to you and that your life hasn't been easy. I know that you've had to go through this on your own, but dammit Ms. Swan, for once in your life don't push someone away that truly wants to help you."
He pushed back in his chair and blew out a frustrated breath. I just glared at him. He'd pissed me the fuck off and I was ready to blow a gasket.
I leaned across the table making sure he heard my words, making sure he knew what his words of hope and encouragement meant to me.
"Why do you care so much anyway Mr. Shiny Shoes? What does it matter to you if I waste away here in this prison? Huh?"
I didn't wait for his answer just kept right on yelling in his face.
"If you can answer that, then maybe I'll talk to you." I was getting defensive, which was my usual tactic for evading situations and getting too close to people.
I don't trust anyone, ever save Rose and Jasper. I don't know why he thought he would be any different. Everyone's the same. They suck you in and bleed you dry one way or another.
"Because…" He paused and I looked up to see his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Because someone I knew wasn't as lucky as you. They didn't stand up for themselves the way that you did. I couldn't protect them or help them and they chose the easy way out."
Oh hell no, I wasn't letting him out this easy. He was going to tell me who he thought this chicken shit was. He knew nothing about me and he was acting like he could save me, save the world even. What? Because someone he knew had something bad happen to them? I don't give a shit, it doesn't affect me.
"Who? Who Mr. Cullen? Who was this alleged coward as you seemed to think them?" I was right in his face now heart beating wildly.
I didn't care about his sob story. I knew what he was trying to do. He probably didn't know anyone. Probably just trying to use a made up story to get me to cave. Well I wasn't buying his fake tears. I'm a lot of things but naïve isn't one of them.
He was matching me tit for tat now and got right back up into my face. I'm surprised the guards weren't intervening, but they were probably enjoying this too much.
"You want to know who the coward was Ms. Swan? The person that I ignored for years when she cried out for help, but I was too selfish and preoccupied to worry over her? I'll tell you. It was my sister!"
A/N: Thank so much for reading. This is going to be a dark and twisty ride and I hope you'll stick with me.