AN: Just a small oneshot centered around Miles, Sam, and dirty teenage minds.
Sam groaned as he slowly woke up, swallowing to wet his dry mouth. He kept his eyes closed as he tried to remember where he was, but all he got was a blank. He heard shuffling to his left, and his eyes snapped open to look in that direction. He was relieved when he saw Miles.
"Oh thank Primus!" Miles exclaimed, relieved to find Sam awake. "After that explosion both you and Wheeljack went down. The lab is in ruins, man. I tried to look for a way out and there isn't. Wheeljack hasn't onlined once."
Oh God, that was right. They had snuck off in the middle of the night to see Wheeljack's latest experiment. Naturally the Autobot scientist's lab was separated from the rest of NEST in case of any particularly bad explosions. The closest building to it was the med-bay, and even that was about five minutes away depending on the Autobot driving. No one knew they were here.
Sam groaned, sitting up. "The alarms…?"
Miles shook his head, "They haven't gone off. Obviously a glitch or something, but that means no one knows anything happened."
Sam stayed silent for a moment, letting the situation sink in. He checked his watch, reading the time to be about one in the morning. That meant they had about five hours before any of the human NEST members woke up. He had no idea about the Autobots, but he knew none of them planned to go by Wheeljack's lab until late afternoon. He wasn't worried that they'd be stuck in the wreckage that long, though. Once Bumblebee and Barricade realized that they were gone everyone would be awake and searching for them. It was only a matter of waiting.
"Bumblebee and Barricade are going to have a cow when they can't find us." Sam said softly.
Miles nodded, "I know. And then when they do find us they may just kick our afts for coming out here in the first place."
Sam laughed, "Nah. They'll kick Wheeljack's aft for letting us stick around. We can use the excuse of just being pathetic little organics with limited thinking skills."
Miles snickered, the two falling silent. Sam got up to check Wheeljack for any visible damage, only seeing dents. He almost wished he had accepted Ratchet's offer to be taught the basics of Cybertronian first aid. At least then he might have a small idea of what was wrong with Wheeljack. With a sigh, he sat back down next to Miles. The silence lasted for almost a half hour.
"You know, I've been wanting to have a particular conversation. Well, more of a game to see how many things we could think of." Miles said.
Sam glanced at his friend warily. "Concerning?"
"How many sexual innuendos we can think of concerning a Cybertronian's name, occupation, and possible alt mode of choice." Miles replied, sitting up straight and looking at Sam.
"W-what?" Sam sputtered a bit, staring in disbelief.
Miles grinned, "Oh come on. It'd be so easy, and it's a great way to pass the time."
Sam reluctantly agreed, scooting around so he could lean his back against Wheeljack. "Starscream first."
Miles laughed, "That's almost too easy. Stars cream? That sounds like a total porn name."
"He's a fighter jet, so for a good pick up line… 'Want to sit in my cock pit, baby?'" Sam offered, grinning. What about Bumblebee? There's not much you could do with him."
Miles waggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner, "Hey baby, can I put my stinger in you?"
Sam laughed, "Barricade! 'I heard you got all those pesky fleshling admirers. Let me barricade your entrance, I gurantee they won't get in!'"
"Don't forget his police alt form! 'Don't worry, fleshling. I won't punish you…too hard.'" Miles suggested, using the closest voice he could to Barricade's.
"Oh God! Ratchet the naughty nurse!" Sam said, giving the two mental images.
They looked at each other and broke down laughing at the mental image of Ratchet in his bipedal form in a nurse's outfit, holding a huge needle. They were startled when they heard shouting, and realized that the Autobots and the Decepticon turned Neutral must be trying to dig them out. They grinned at each other.
Miles made a kissy face at Sam, batting his eyes. "Aww, I see your hurt, young Samual. Should I kiss all your booboos better?"
Sam laughed, "Noooo! Don't do that! I'll never be able to look him in the optics again!"
Miles smirked, "We can't forget Optimus Prime. 'Would you like to see my prime assets?'"
"He's the leader so… overly dominating?" Sam asked, instantly regretting it as he had the same idea as Miles.
Miles looked like he was holding back tears, "Bondage! Tying all his interface partners up!"
Sam smirked, "And lets not forget Prowl. He's more of a hard ass then Ironhide. He'd be the bitch!"
"Pfft, begging to be punished and saying he's been a bad boy!" Miles laughed.
"And then Ironhide. Something with guns…" Sam started, looking at Miles.
"'Hey baby, check out these guns!" They blurted in unison, falling into hysterics once more.
It was about that time when enough of the wreckage was cleared that the Cybertronians could enter with their holoforms. Bumblebee and Barricade were the first to make it through, with Optimus, Ratchet, Ironhide, and Prowl following. Seeing all of them only made the two boys laugh harder, falling over and clinging to each other as tears streamed down their faces.
"Oh Primus, Ratchet! Whatever Wheeljack did made their processors glitch!" Bumblebee said, clearly panicked and worried over his charge.