A/N- This is a one-shot I thought of the other day when I was watching Miracle Day on Starz. Thanks to my awesome new Beta who broke her arm but still had the time to edit this for me. You're the best!
I do not own anything, everything belongs to Starz and the BBC and Russel T. Davies.
The deed was done. The promise he made for himself was filled. He had slept with another.
As the bartender lay beside him sleeping, Jack lay there wide awake. It had been years since Ianto had died, considering that everywhere he went had different times. But to Gwen, Jack, and the others it was only a few months. Thoughts raced through his head, again for the hundredth time since he landed back on this earth. Everywhere he turned he thought he saw Ianto. The pain had never really gone away while he was gone, but only just subsided. It hit him most when he was like this; alone, in the dark of night, with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company. He blamed himself for Ianto's death, and never truly let it go. Coming back here, he thought it would be a way to get his mind off of him. Jack was sadly mistaken. Him coming back only brought more pain, more sorrow for his shoulders to bear. He couldn't take his thoughts anymore, so he picked up his cell and called Gwen.
"Hello?" Gwen asked, tiredness and concentration in her voice.
"Gwen? It's me." Jack whispered so the man next to him wouldn't wake up.
"Jack? Where did you bloody go?" Gwen nearly screamed into the phone.
"Shh, please Gwen. I'm sorry I left." He apologized to the screaming Welshwoman over the phone.
"Jack, this is the second time this week! We really need you."
"I know, and I'm sorry." Jack almost breathed out. It was getting harder and harder to listen to her talk.
"Jack. I know it's hard but…" She was cut off sharply by Jack.
"Don't you dare say that you know! You have no fucking idea how hard it is!" The snarl set Gwen back, and almost made the sleeping bartender wake up.
"Okay, Jack, I'm sorry." She apologized quickly, not wanting to upset him anymore. "Just, know that you are not alone."
"Gwen, you don't know what goes through my mind! I can't get over him. Hearing you talk is painful enough. I just know that if I was more open, and showed him that I loved him more, and that I wasn't so stupid to bring him with me…maybe he would be here with me right now." Gwen heard the tears in his voice become more evident.
"Just…please Jack, try and put it aside for a bit. We need to finish this. Do it for Ianto." She begged. She knew how unstable Jack had been for the past few weeks and it was scaring her.
"For Ianto." Jack whispered softly under his breath.
"Now please, try and get some sleep Jack. The world might not be able to die, but you need to take care of yourself, you're the odd one out remember." Gwen spoke with a hint of happiness in her voice, trying to cheer Jack up.
"Night Gwen." And with that he hung up the phone. He placed the small flip phone on the nightstand, and lay back down. He stared at the ceiling. His and Gwen's conversation ran through his head, along with Ianto's final words.
Tears fell from his eyes, and he remembered the scared look on his lover's face as he was dying. He shut his eyes tight, trying not to remember the last words that came out of his mouth.
"Jack, I love you. Don't forget me."
How could he forget him? Ianto was his everything. The pain of losing him would scar his heart forever. How many times had he stayed up at night, wishing that he too, could follow death into the dark and not come back from it? He longed to be wherever the "after life" would be. He wanted to be with Ianto again. To hold him and tell him that he still hadn't forgotten him. He sat up quick, an idea forming.
"I'm mortal! I can die." He quickly got out of bed, dressed, and ran to see Gwen. When he got there he saw that she was passed out in a chair near the laptop, and Rex and Esther were asleep on the two small cots in the corner.
He quickly grabbed his things and wrote a note for Gwen and the team:
I am writing this because I am no longer with you. Since I am not here, I am leaving the head spot to Gwen. Listen to her; she knows what she is doing. Other than that, I think I have the solution to what is going on…but I don't think that I have all of the pieces. Just listen to her.
Jack placed the note on the laptop, and got a separate one to write to Gwen personally.
I finally found a way I can get past all of the pain. I know what I have to do now. Please, don't be sad for me, I know what I'm doing. I need to be with him, Gwen; I don't go a day without thinking about him. I'm mortal now, I can die. I've lived enough life times for one person. I could never have this chance to be with him again. I need this. I believe in you, Gwen. You're strong and confident, and can get through this, but I am not needed here anymore. I'm taking whatever chance I have to be with him again. I love you, Gwen. Take care.
He folded the letter and placed it near the sleeping Gwen. He walked out, and closed the door behind him.
He walked down to the water. They were no longer in Whales, so he could not stand in the place of the old Hub. What he would do to see the old place again. It was his home that he had destroyed. He pushed the thoughts out of his head, and looked out at the water. The weather was hot, like any typical day in California, but suddenly a slight breeze started, and Jack thought it wrapped itself around him. He closed his eyes, letting the wind take him and surround him. He thought he heard a slight whisper. He ignored it and let it go, until it came again.
" Jack…" The wind whispered. It set Jack off guard, until he recognized it.
"Ianto?" He took a chance. What else did he have?
He thought he heard a slight chuckle at the comment, and he felt a warm loving glow fill him. He closed his eyes as the pain, and the emptiness faded away.
"Come to me Jack, I'm waiting." The voice whispered again, into Jack's ear.
Jack's breath started to race, for the feelings that were starting to build up he hadn't felt in ages…or at least since Ianto had died. "Ianto. I've missed you." He said into the wind, talking to what was out there.
"I know you have. Come to me, and be with me forever. I love you." The wind spoke, as it started to pick up, and tighten around Jack.
"I love you too, so much. I should have told you that night. I was wrong; I should have done things different, made things with you different. I love…you…" Jack's vision went blurry as he fell to his knees. He gasped for air as his sight left him. Before Jack knew it, he was in a world of Dark.
Gwen woke the next morning, wiping her mouth of the slight drool that had fallen on her lips. She looked up, no Jack. She sighed as she saw the note on the computer next to her. She picked it up and read it, tears falling down her face.
"He didn't. He wouldn't." She told herself, not wanting to believe what she was reading.
"What's the matter, Gwen?" Esther asked walking in the door, with a tray of coffee.
"Uh…nothing, nothing." She tried to cover it up.
"Really now! What's this?" Rex said out of nowhere.
He picked up the letter addressed to the Torchwood team. He read it out loud, and Esther and Rex both looked at Gwen for answers.
"So, what does this mean? What did Jack mean? He couldn't have of just left us…could he?" Esther babbled to herself, trying to get answers out of anywhere, anyone.
"It means…" Gwen started, but stopped because of the tears that threatened to fall again. "Jack is dead." She finished.
"What? That can't be? Why?" Rex asked, appalled that Jack would do something like that.
"He killed himself. It's a long story why." Gwen wiped her eyes; another one had fallen.
"We have time." Esther said, kneeling down next to Gwen. Taking her hand in hers, Esther listened while Gwen told the story of a brave Captain and the man who stole his heart.
Jack followed the dark, like he had always done time and time before. It was nothing, just darkness. He stood there, expecting to be pulled back into life, but it didn't come. The feelings left him as the pain and emptiness soon returned. A small voice came from behind him. He turned to see a shadow creature, speaking to him in a different tongue. He felt a surge of pain start in his heart, then travel down through his body. He screamed out, as what felt like flames took over his body. He fell to his knees, gripping his head, trying to stop the pain.
"Stop! Please, stop!" He screamed.
As soon as the pain started, it stopped, and he could soon understand the shadow creature.
"What was that?" He asked the creature, as it moved closer to him.
"Purge…enter." He ordered.
Jack didn't understand what had happened, but before he got to ask, the darkness no longer looked dark. The dark got brighter. He looked up, just in time to see a flash of white light, and warmness surrounded him. He covered his eyes, but looked up when he heard a voice.
"Jack?" The white figure asked.
Jack tried to see through the brightness, and when his eyes started to adjust, he saw just who the figure was. "Ya…Ianto?" he spoke, too stunted to talk right anymore.
"Yes Jack, it's me." Ianto said, walking up to Jack.
Jack could only stare at him, for words had left him. Ianto was glowing. He had always thought Ianto was handsome, but now…he was beautiful. His eyes were as blue as the Caribbean seas, just breath taking. His smile seemed to actually reach from ear to ear, and his skin…brought sparks to Jack's when he touched him.
"Where….where am I?" Jack asked, caught up in Ianto's beauty.
"I don't know if you want to call it heaven…but it's the afterlife." Ianto explained.
"There are no angels, or saints…or God." Jack pointed out.
Ianto laughed, and Jack's heart stopped in his chest. "No Jack, there's none of that here. Just me."
"I…I was so lost without you." Jack confessed to Ianto.
"I know. I saw it. It was never your fault…what happened to me in Whales." Jack stopped. He knew his biggest fear, his biggest regret.
"I…I…I never got to tell you things. Show you things. I wanted so much with you, wanted to give you so much, and…I put you in danger. I sent you to your death." Jack was almost in tears.
For the first time in a long time, Ianto was there to wipe away the tears, to hold him. "It was never your fault. I'm here now."
Jack looked up into Ianto's eyes and smiled. "Forever?"
"Forever. I love you, Jack."
"I love you ,too, Ianto." And with that, Jack brought Ianto's face to his, in a loving kiss, as all of the pain, suffering, and emptiness left him, and was replaced with happiness, warmth, light, and love, because Jack knew that now…he would be with Ianto forever!