Here's my take on what an episode of season five, had it existed, would have been like. Be forewarned: It is *not* season five as the fans would have wanted it; it is season five as I am projecting it would have been based on how seasons three and four went - on their increasing reliance on plot reuse and ever-more-unbelievable plot lines.

I highly doubt anyone would want to see this version of a season five episode fleshed out into a full-fledge script, so I have instead written a plot synopsis. After this, maybe the ARGH won't seem so bad.

I don't own L&C, no matter how much I wish it to be otherwise; I'm just borrowing the L&C universe for a little not-for-profit fun. Any similarities to various episodes of L&C are strictly intentional. No beta readers were harmed in the creation of this episode.


On Plot Reuse, or Maybe Four Seasons Were Enough

By Lynn S. M.

Rated K


Asabi has found yet another of Lex's former science wizards and has convinced him to create a soul-less clone of Lex. (Is 'a soul-less clone of Lex' a redundancy?) Asabi then summons Lex's soul from the dead by touching the clone's body with a mystic yellow-and-purple-striped glowing stone, hereinafter labeled 'the YAPS stone.' Lex's soul enters and animates the clone's body.

Lex, upon reviving, notices the stone and demands that it undergo a physical and chemical analysis. The results prove Lex's suspicions that the YAPS stone is a heretofore-unknown variety of Kryptonite.

Lex commands one of his once-and-future minions to climb out onto the ledge of a tall building and to pretend to be a suicide leaper. Sure enough, Superman swoops in to save the day, and Lex exposes him to the YAPS stone. At first, nothing seems to happen, but Clark rapidly loses his memory in subsequent scenes. By the next commercial break, he has full amnesia.

Lois, panicked at the turn of events, calls Martha and Jonathan. They take the next flight to Metropolis, where Lois picks them up at the airport, an amnesiac Clark in tow. As she drives in her usual aggressive manner, she has a car accident. No one is seriously injured physically, except that the bumps they all receive on their heads cause Lois, Martha, and Jonathan to develop amnesia, and Clark to regain his memory.

As it happens, the other vehicle in the accident contained Perry, Jimmy, and Ralph. By some twist of fate they, too, survived the accident with no injuries other than total memory loss.

And then… Um, what was I saying? Come to think of it, who am I and what am I doing here?