This fanfic is dedicated to my beloved aunt. (xlauralullabyx). And to everyone who maybe feeling the same way.

Warnings: sexual content in beginning. Gets gory and sad.

Disclaimer: I only own the plot and tittle. Nothing else.


"Mm, Sasori, yeah~" Deidara moaned as him and his lover start a heavy make-out session.

"Of all fucking times!" Hidan cried out. "Shut it, dumbass." Sasori said, as he cupped the blonde's face, pulling him closer.

Hidan rolled his eyes. Yeah him an his boyfriend made out. But never at 6:30 in the morning.

"Nhnn, Sasori, if you don't stop, I'll get hard, yeah." The blonde whimpered. "But, you're so delicious~" Sasori smirked, dragging his words out. Deidara shivered and pressed closely to his lover.

Sasori smirked and leaned down to whisper into the blonde's ear, "You dirty little bitch. Such a good slave I have. Are you hard, babe?" He nibbled on Deidara's ear. "Ahhhh! Yes, Danna."

Sasori moaned in the back of his throat and ground their hips together, "I bet you're thinking about me filling that tight little ass with my large hard cock. Aren't you?" Deidara nodded. His Danna knew him to well.

When they first started having sex, both found out that dirty talk turned each other on. It was perfect. And to make it even better, Sasori was such a sadist and the blonde being the masochist. It was like heaven set them up.

"Such a slut. You love Danna's cock don't you? Tell me, babe. Tell Danna how much you love it." Sasori bit his ear a little harder than last time.

Deidara moaned, "Ohh, yes Danna! I love your cock! It's always so big and hard." Sasori thrust his hips against the blonde. By now Hidan had went to the other bus stop.

"Get on your knees and prove it, whore. Show Danna you really love it. Blow me hard and fast. Fucking shove it down your throat. Please me, babe." Sasori growled. He was so turned on, the bus could wait.

"Mm, oh I will Danna!" Deidara moaned as he slid down to the hem of Sasori's pants undoing them. And then began to undo his boxer when, "And...CUT!"

The two young actors sighed tiredly and got off stage. The redhead went over to the blonde. He placed his hand in the other's and kissed his slightly swollen ear, "I really hate this movie." He whispered.

Deidara sighed and turned to his lover. "I know what you mean." Sasori kissed him on the lips, "The movie would be fine, if I didn't have to call you such horrid names and do those things to you."

Deidara blushed, "You mean it, un?" Sasori nodded and kissed his lips again. "Of course. I love you." The blonde smiled, "Un..." He couldn't say it.

Why couldn't he? It was just three small words. A 'I' and 'you' with 'love' in the middle. He just smiled and let Sasori tell him. Though the blonde's heart ached every time Sasori said it. Which was a lot.

Sasori smiled, "I'll go get us some water." He said, before walking off. He bit his bottom lip hard. It hurt. It fucking really hurt. No matter how many times he said it. No matter how he said it. The blonde wouldn't say the same back. 'I love you too' How hard was it? Sasori took a deep breath and got the water before returning.

"Here you are, Dei." The redhead pecked his lips. Deidara smiled, "Thanks, Sasori." The redhead nodded.

"Alright boys, we'll continue next Tuesday. You are relieved." The director said as he shooed them and started yelling at the others with a megaphone. "Clean this place up! I don't want dry cum everywhere!"

Sasori turned to his lover, "So how you getting home?" The blonde looked back at Sasori, "Taxi." He stated. The redhead nodded. "You still taking the subway, un?"

"Yeah." Sasori replied. "You should invite me over sometime! I never got to see your house before, un." Deidara pouted.

Sasori chuckled, "You wouldn't like my house." He said, kissing Deidara's cheek. It was true. His 'house' was a ran down apartment. Even though he made money, he was saving it for something more important.

Deidara stuck his tongue out in a childish way, "Whatever, un." He laughed and sighed as his taxi arrived. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

Sasori nodded and kissed his lover, "Alright. Be safe. I love you." His heart clenched as Deidara just smiled and nodded.

The redhead sighed and clenched his fists as he walked to the subways. He rode quietly. That was the only good thing about the subways. They were usually unused and quiet. His ride ended shortly and he got off and headed home.

Once he got in he set his stuff on his couch and went into his room. The redhead sighed loudly, plopping on the bed. "Why doesn't he say it?" He asked out loud. "Does he not love me?"

"Am I just a joke to him?" Anger began to build. He tried to calm himself. He really did. But Sasori was just so angry he couldn't help it. He let out a loud scream and thrashed about on his bed. The redhead clenched his fist so tight, his nails began to dig into his palm making him bleed. "Am I not good enough for you, Deidara? Did I not treat you right?" He screamed.

Sasori got off his bed and walked into the bathroom. He opened his cabinet mirror and pulled out some things: box cutter, lighter, and painkillers. "When I say I love you guys, I know you feel the same. You release the pain and anger." Sasori cooed.

The redhead locked the bathroom door and sat in the bathtub. He took the pills and swallowed about five. Eating them up like candy. He relaxed against the back of the tub, letting his mind swim.

Once the redhead felt numb enough, well as numb as he could tell, he grabbed the box cutter and placed it near his wrist, "This is a poem I made for you." He started out. "It tells how my love for you is true. Even though I know you knew," He let the blade slice his wrist, watching the blood drip down. "when I'm with you, I don't know what to do. Everything I'm feeling, it's all here." Another cut. He took a deep breath. "I'll say it to you without any fear. Even if I stumble when you come near," Sasori cut again, getting ever so closer to the vein. "I know to myself, I love you so dear." He cut oce more.

It felt so wonderful. His face was flushed. He always recited poems when he did this. It made the redhead feel better to let it out. Sasori even had a whole book dedicated to his little poems.

He looked at his blood covered arm. "You'll never know. And you won't have to either." Sasori whispered. After a few more cuts he grabbed some more painkillers and downed them.

The redhead grabbed the lighter and mumbled to himself, "Only way to hide the scars is to burn them away." He muttered, starting the lighter and holding it to his arms going over his cuts. Even with the painkillers he could still feel the intense flame burning the flesh together. It felt good actually.

As Sasori was healing his cuts, he nearly had an heart attack when his phone rang. "Shit..." He would have to finish later. For now he would wrap them.

The redhead unlocked the bathroom door and picked up his phone, "Hello?" He said, going back to the bathroom to wrap his arms. "Hey, un!" A cheery voice said on the other side.

Sasori felt his heart race and closed his eyes, "Deidara. You called. Why?" He asked, now wrapping his arms. "Because I can. Anyways, do you want to go out tomorrow after school, un?"

Sasori smiled lightly, "Sure. Where to?" He heard a soft hum. "Somewhere that has mozzarella sticks, un!" The blonde laughed. Sasori chuckled, "Ah. So how about Denny's then?" "Un!"

Sasori smiled and finished wrappings his arms, "I guess I'll meet you there?" "If you want."

The redhead nodded to himself, "Okey, I'll be there by 10:50." "Sweet, un! I'll meet you there."

"Talk to you later." Deidara said. "Mhmm. I love you..." The phone hung up. Sasori bit his bottom lip. He wouldn't cry. The redhead promised himself a long time ago he wouldn't fucking cr- too late. The tears were rolling down. 'I just want to hear him say it...Even if it isn't true'

The next day around 10:50, Deidara was sitting alone at Denny's. 'Where could he be?' He thought looking at the clock. 11:30. Sasori was never late. "I'll call him..." He mumbled.

He listened to the phone ring before someone finally picked up. "H-Hello?" The voice said, grogily. "Sasori, un?" Deidara frowned.

"Deidara..." The line went quiet.