Word Prompt: Options
Warnings: Wincest, hurt/comfort, angst, cutting, mature themes, set after S4
"You had two options. Me. Or her."
Tears began to pool in Sam's eyes at the hurt only he could hear in his brother's dead tone.
"You chose her."
Dean turned away from the hand, the heart reaching out to him.
"Dean, please!" Sam shouted, tears cascading down his cheeks.
The anguish in his voice is what made Dean halt in his tracks, but he did not turn around; he could not face his brother hurting.
"It was your decision, Sam. You made it."
"Please, De," he broke down, throat closing in on itself, "Please, you can't leave."
Misery burned in Dean's eyes, his heart, but not a flicker of anything made its way into his voice, "Watch me."
Falling to his knees, the younger Winchester let out a cry of agony, body shivering without demon blood coursing steadily through it.
"Please," he begged, over and over, the sound piercing through the wall that Dean had wanted to build around himself.
"It's not the demon blood, you know. Or wanting to be stronger," Dean revealed, "Not completely."
Startled and more than confused, Sam gazed up at Dean, staring into the back of his head, hoping for more.
"You chose her. You chose her, Sam!" Dean raged, at last turning back around to stare at his brother, pitiful and helpless on the floor, "Over your own brother! Your lover!" And the dam cracked at last, a single tear making its way through the breach.
Hazel eyes widened in Sam's head as the cogs in his brained started and turned, fresh tears making their way down his cheeks.
"Y-you thought I chose her?" the heartbreak at the lack of trust obvious. "Never," he choked.
"Never, huh, Sam?" Steel laced with Dean's words.
"Never," he pleaded, voice ragged.
"Then what about the sex, Sam? What about coming back to her again, and again? Don't you dare tell me that was just for the blood, to get stronger," he taunted.
"It was, Dean! Please! Ruby and I-we're nothing!"
"You still chose her, Sam!"
"I chose demon blood, Dean! I-I can barely stand without it! Even now," he sobbed, "I-I feel weak. I'm shaking and it hurts, Dean. Everything hurts. My head; it's awful..." he trailed off, not looking for sympathy points.
"You kept going back to her," he stated simply.
"Y-yes, Dean. I did," he heaved out a sob, gasping for breath through the shaking and tears, "But I would take it back; take back the lies and the sex and I would never have that first drop of blood.
You were right, Dean," the elder looking into his brother's eyes as hazel fell towards the floor, "It was right to treat it like-like an addiction. To lock me up. To bleed it out me."
Dead stared at his brother long and hard before commenting, "Then listen to me."
Hazel eyes lifted slowly, scared, to gaze into emerald. Finding whatever it was they were looking for, a hesitant nod, "Okay."
Moments passed, chests heaving, calming. Finally, Dean knelt to Sam's level, using a hand to hold his brother's cheek, to wipe away the fallen tears. Sam struggled not to lean to deeply into the touch, craving the warmth and familiar that he had missed so dearly.
"You will never see Ruby again," he spoke directly to his brother's eyes; watching for truth to be embedded with his answer.
"Okay," Sam nodded once more.
"You will not drink demon blood."
A shaking gasp broke the momentary silence that had taken hold, "O-okay," he murmured as another tear fell, a comforting thumb halting it in its tracks.
"You are mine, and mine alone."
The barest of smiles found its way to Sam's face, as he let out a choked bark of laughter, "Yours. Always."
A tentative smile reached Dean's mouth; a smile that Sam had not seen in what felt like years. But even the slightest of upturn was hope for Sam.
With promises hanging thick in the air, Dean stood himself up, grasping tightly at his brother's shaking shoulders to help him, knowing that the tears and addiction were too much for him to handle.
Once Sam was up, his brother let go, about to turn when a small, almost silent whimper sounded. Sam hid his head, staring at the ground, trying to hide it, to make himself as small as possible, as obedient and unobtrusive as possible.
"We good?" Dean asked, knowing that Sam needed to hear it.
Started at the question, the younger looked up, hesitated, "Y-yeah. Y-yes."
With that, arms found their way around Sam's shaking shoulders, drawing him into a tight hug, welcoming him home. Sam returned the embrace, trying not to let further tears fall. But when he moved to pull away, Dean grasped his right arm, keeping Sam at his side, holding him tight to him, supporting him, as they began their journey back to the house.
Before long, Dean looked to his side and truly noticed the arm slung around him; Sam's bare arm. Bare save for what appeared to be hundreds of various scars; some bright red, fresh. Others faded pink. And everywhere in between.
"Sam?" Dean questioned, received a quiet, timid sound of attention in response.
"Sam," the elder repeated, halting his and his brother's steps.
Sam gazed questioningly at Dean, his shivering and shaking worse now with growing panic.
"This is what you meant by 'Bleed it out?" he asked staring at the angry red marks.
Hair shielding Sam's face as he dropped his gaze to the ground, ashamed.
"Y-yes," he answered.
Gaze still locked with the gravel, Sam answered honestly, "Since Ruby and I," he trailed off.
"Sam," Dean ordered.
"Since we started...having sex."
Baffled, the questioning continued, cheeks reddening behind Sam's shielding brown hair with each word, "Why?"
Silence stretched on before Dean repeated the question, "Why?" his tone leaving no room for argument.
Voice wavering, "You won't believe me."
"Try me," the bewilderment overwhelming the hunter.
Sam swallowed thickly before he rasped, "Guilt."
Dean's questioning look grew more intense as he listened intently to his brother.
"I didn't want it, Dean," a shallow breath, "She made it a deal, blood for sex. I-I guess she thought that...that if we...you know...that I would forget about you," another tear fell silently down wet cheeks.
Dean's breath ran ragged at Sam's words, anger boiling beneath his skin at Ruby; the desire to kill bleeding out through clenched fists and grit teeth.
"Did you?" he grounded out.
"No!" Sam practically shouted, as if the mere possibility burned his entire being, "I-I pretended to. Tried so hard to keep from screaming out your name. I-I couldn't do anything without losing the demon blood. So, I cut...punishment...A way of destroying the monster I was becoming; the one I knew you hated...She didn't ask...She didn't care. Just told me not to cut too deep. I thought it was her caring, even just a little and that drew me closer to her; made me crave the strength and blood that she offered even more. It turned out that she just couldn't have me to dead to free Lucifer.
But, I didn't want her, Dean! You have to believe me," he sobbed, "Only you."
A heavy air hung between the brothers, Sam's voice breaking it once more, "Do you believe me?" he asked, obviously scared to hear the answer.
"No more cuts," Dean responded, ignoring the question.
"N-no," Sam hesitated, the arm not slung around his brother hovering over his pocket, where a blade lay in wait.
The night was quiet once more as Dean tightened his arm around his brother's middle as they resumed their trek into the house where Sam would willingly enter and remain in the panic room to sweat out the rest of the demon blood; Dean at his side, holding him, keeping him sane the entire time.